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i ♦ K > 4 T â- Â» y • • â- Â» A â- â™¦ 4i 4 » k * '4 -I « < T »â-  4 4 f 4 4 ; T JOST IN FUN Easy The vicar wa;^ taking one of the yoiing men of his parish to task. "William," he said gravely, "I hear that you have been raising faJse hopes in several maiden hearts. Rumor says that you're en- gaged to one girl in this village, another in Little Mudard, and a third in Ditchley. How can voii do such a thing?" With an uneasy grin, William replied: "Well, sir, I've got a bicycle." Triple Order In preparation for a coming event tlitle Joan had been told that Daddy was ordering a small brother. Triplets arrived, and when Joan heard that she said to her mother: "Why didn't you order a baby yourself? You know how Daddy stutters?" Not Responsible The wife of a recently-married Aberdonian had successfully under- gone an operation for appendicitis. A day or two after the operation her husband was having a whisky with the doctor, who in a moment of forgetfulness mentioned that the operation should have taken place two or three years earlier. The father-in-law received the bill. Embarrasing Little Boy: "I met Mr. Jones in the street going to scl.ool and he said he w .nted to see papa about Eomethinti, and he called papa a Talking encyclopeuia." Mama: "Indeed! And what did my little pet say to Mr. Jones?" Little Boy: "I called hi.n an old centipede and threw a snowball at him." The Attraction Shopwalke . "That customer was hanging round for a long time. What did he want to see?" Pretty assistant (coyly): "Me, sir." Superstitious The young man wrapped his arms round the pretty girl. "My darling," he breathed, "you're all the world to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. 1 love " At that moment, the doorbell rang. The girl jumped up. "It's my fiance," she gasped. "You must leave at once. Oh. hurry!" The young man looked around nervously. "But how am 1 going to leave?" he asked an.xiously. "1 can't go out by the door. Your fiance would see me." The girl thought quickly. "Jump out of the winJow," she advised. "But we're on the thirteenth floor." The girl stamped her foot. '"So what?" she rasped. "At this stage are you going to tell me you're superstitious." Needs Encouragement "You sold, me a car two weeks ago." "Yes, sir." "Tell me again all you said about it then. I'm getting dtsconraged." Misunderstood The customer was choosing a book at the library. "Have you had "Seven Years With the Wrong Woman?" asked (he assistant. "No, twelve!" snapped the cus- tomer. "But what's that to do with you?" Doubting Tommy The sailor home on leave was telling his fiancee's family some rather tall tales of his adventures. All listened enthralled, e.xcept the youngest son. who was obvi- ously unimpressed. "You see, Toiuniy," said the •ailor, after one extra - startling Btory."I always believe in fiiiliting the enemy with his own weapons." "Oh, yeah!" sneered the lad "And how long does it take you to sting a wasp?" She Would At a local first-aid class, the question of fainting came up. The instructor explained to the class that the cause of fainting was primarily a fault of circulation and Ihat it could be prevented by KCtting the head lower than the heart. "For . inslanct," he -aid. "if you feel faint, and don't want to call attention to it. just lean down and lie your shoe lace over again. A woman in front asked; "What sort of knot is used?" v(>h;k of the i»rkss THE HARD WAY it cant be Very yood for pcopk- to t,'ct the idea â€" as they tasily might â€" that one infallible way to have industrial iieaie is to have a world war on St tJie same time. â€" Vancouver Province. THE LITTLE FELLOW The logging strike in British Co- lumbia has operators and loggers "up a tree." And, as usual, the little guy way out on the dead branch is John Public. â€" St. Catherines Standard. DIFFERENT WORK And if some men expended as much energy in trying to earn a dollar as they do in trying 'to bor- row one, they would never have need to borrow. â€" Brandon Sun. THOUGHT FOR TOMORROW The world, says a contemporary, seems to be at the stage of deciding whethei it will go all out for good or go out for good and all. â€" St. Thomas Times-Journal MODERN TRAGEDY Add iiuKlcni tragedies; the predie anient of the cat'.enian who ship- ped all his steers to Chicago, then made the rounds of the restaurant.-^ but couldn't find one steak! - ( lirislian .Science Monitor. COMMON SENSE ON ROADS Good motor cars and good roads have added much to the sum total of human liappincss. Used properly, they form one of the greatest bene- fits of the age. Abused they be- come a source of serious danger, ll is onl; common sense to do our utmost to secure safety on the highways. â€" Guelph Mercury. TOO MANY BOSSES Everybody wants to boss some- body and there is always somebody who wants to boss everybody. â€" Brandon Sun EIGHT PLUS EIGHT Most farmers are on cighl-liour shifts â€" eight hours before dinner, and eight hours after. â€" Parmer's .'\dvocate MISLEADING Next time a „irl boasts to you of her bird-like appetit be sure to tell her that a bird eats the equiv- alent of its own weight every day. â€" Peterborough Examiner. THAT'S A TRAGEDY More accidents occur in the kit- chen than in any other room in the house. Included, perhaps, are in- stances of cakes falling in the oven. â€" Stratford Beacon-Herald. BUT NOT MOUTHS The mind is like a parachute; it works best when it's open. â€" Stratford Beacon-Herald. U. S. State Head HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured gov- ernor, H. 11 War god 12 It proceed.s (music) 13 Tidy 14 Leaping amphibian 15 Blood vessel 17 Snare 18 Girl's name 20 City on Mont- real island 22 African antelope 23 Female rufi 25 Build 27 More unusual 28 Solicitudes 29 Symbol for samarium 30 Thoron (sym.1 31 Muse of poetry 34 Be in accord 38 Native of Rome 39 Driving lines 40 Short sleep 41 Gateways 46 Make an edging 47 Merganser 49 Low sand hill 50 Third power (math.) 51 Great Lake 53 Near 54 Fuel 55 Judicable VERTICAL 1 Cautioned 2 Pressed 3 Limb 4 Lone Scout (ab.) -â- i Affirm 6 Female ' servant 7 Within 8 Permit 9 Greater in ' size 10 Posture 14 Card game 15Votre Emi- nence (ab.) 16 Chaos 18 Places Anainrr In PrrvlouK ruir.lr HIirafSara^HHOWiHiaiD!! JU. ,&TA tir E I^J I& r Id ULINE LORD 5£TE A ^c mm. N weTa 3 IN TO tlET O NL nor of 21 Drinks ot the gods 24 Roman god- dess 26 Stove 31 Sea eagles 32 Wandered 33 Unit of electricity 35 Ceremony 37 Royal Italian family name 42 Alleged force 43 480 sheets 44 Against 45 Compass point 48 Intellect 50 Male swan 52 Ells English (ab.) 54 Symbol for 20 He is govev â-  36 Render en pable calcium 1 t 3 f- 5 fa T S" 9 10 II 1^ \X i 15 It p 5 lb B IT â- B 19 zo 21 X.X. 23 2H ^^SB^. » Va W tb ^ 1 29 ri7 SO 1 51 3t 33 Ml 51 S5 5b 37 36 3-i HO ht Ht HS Mf HS- ^> tb 17 He i !«- :'.^--' !0 SI !?. ss 51 56 II HUSH Please don't tell that Detroit union, but we painted one of our kitchen chairs last night. N'inilsor Star. NOTE TO MOTORISTS The motorist who picks up strangers is not only liable to be rohhed, but he is helping someone to break the law. He may be help- ing a criminal escape pursuit. The best advice that can be offered is. do not pick up hitcii-hikers. It is hard to pass a seemingly lionest seeker of a ride, hut this is a case where it is better to be safe thai- sorry. â€" Saint John Telegraph-Journal CATCH 'EM YOUNG Tlure's nothing like siiafiling the young delinquent before it's too late. Note in a Valparaiso, Ind.. paper: "At the age of 90 he joined the church, and thereafter led an exemplary life." â€" Ottawa Citizen. INDIA PROBLEM At tlic same time the failure of the Indian leaders to agree will scarcely surprise the unprejudiced observer. Indian nationalism has dcniandeil .iiulepeiideiice for many years now: at no lime have Indian leaders been able to conceive of a formula that will achieve that in- dependence and at the same time guarantee minority rights. â€" .Moiitre.il Gazette. i AMiLitS Al'PKECIATE the ^raiid, satisfying flavor of Maxwell House Coffee. They love the fragrant gootliiess of the choice Latin-American coffees that distinguish this su- premely fine and delicious blend. D'J'EVER O'O'eVER START To CRlPE ABOUT HOW MUCM IT'S COSTING YOUTO PUT YOUfc SON THIQOUCH COLUECe ANO OAUCHTER THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. AND YOU DO A SONG AND OAN CE ABOUT HAVING QONE ALL RIGHT IN THE BUSlhieSS WORLD, EVEN THOUGH YOU OlO LEAVE StfHOOC AT POUR-TEEN ( Nice CCINC ,KtOS, I Knew You'O come through â€" Cm paouo OF YOU/ BOT THE NeXT YEAR, WHEN YOUR SON GeTs HIS DBcaee and the daughter PASSES WITH TOP honors IN HER CLA^&, You PEEL, PRouo AS Punch /^ NOTHING LIKE GIVING >â-  CHILDREN A COOO EDUCATION {"NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT COSTS., ^ V that's WHAT I SAY • .. D'O'eVER DECIDE RIGHT THEPE AND THEN "THAT HELPING Tto PAY POR. ANOTAKINC AN INTEREST l;l THE PROPER EDUCATION OP OUR VbUTH,l6 AR6AL PRIVILEGE/ DAWES PUBtlSHtD IN THE NATIONAL INTEREST BY BIACK HORSE 6-6W BREWERY STUFF AND THINGS ^TpK^M^'r^ii |5jp "I don't recognize the face â€" but the whistle is familiar!" STUFF AND THINGS "Well, whadda ya know! Ev- erything just as 1 left it twen- ty-years ago-" POP-Hot News By J. MILLAR WATT -THIS PAPER ROASTS evERVBODV SCANDAU no! WEATMER REPORT" Oh Boy! Throw Me a Few Thousand Shovels By BUD FISHER I