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r T * 1 X â- *, > JOST IN FUN Break the Other One A Sunday-school teacher wai trying to impress on her pupils the Deed for missionarie:. in the East, and told the story of a pour native who broke his arm and was taken to hospital, where he learned for the first time about Christianity. "Very soon," she concluded, "he was well and returned to his home. Now, how could he learn more about religion?" There was silence for a moment, then one bright child volunteered, "Please, miss, he could break the other arm." Cheaper you heard "Have you heard about t<ig- den?" "No." "He swallowed a gold collar •ttid and had to be operated on. It coat him £50." "Goshl It would have been cheaper to buy a new collar stud." Not The Same One Mother: I told you just now to â- top that noise I John: I know, but this isn't the â- amc noise. I was playing the drum then, but I'm blowing my whistle low) Hit First Teacher: "There's only one truthful 50:1 in this class." Smith (in an undertone), "That's me." Teacher: "Did jou speak. Smith?" Smith; "No, sir." Wrong Number The manager of the local tele- phone exchange was aroused from his slumber by the ringing of the telephone. "Are you the manager of Jhe telephone exchange?" asked a voice. "Yes," answered the manager, "What can I do for you?" "Tell me how it feels to get out of bed at two o'clock in the morn- ing to answer a wrong number." No Use "My, what beautiful hands you've gotl Tell me, after you've cut your nails, do you file them?" asked a chorus girl. "Oh, no," replied her typist friend, "1 throw them away." No Hurry A wealthy merchant decided that he would commission an artist to paint his new country mansion with himself, as the owner, standing in the doorway. Accordingly he approached an artist who agreed to the proposal. la due course the picture was com- pleted, but the artist, for some rea- son of his own, had neglected to paint in the figure of his client. "It's all right," said the merchant, "but where do I come in?" The artist tried to pass off the error as a joke. "Oh," he said, "you've just gone mside to write my cheque." "Oh, have I," retorted the other. "Then perhaps I'll be coming out soon and if I do I'll pay you; in the meantime we'll wait." No Bibbler Proudly Mrs. Hobson showed some of her acquaintances over her new home. "Is your husband a biblio- maniac?" asked one visitor when shown into the library, where every book was a leatherbound edition de luxe. The hostess stared coldly at her qu -stioner. "He doesn't bibble. Not that he won't take a drop now and then with his meals if the rest do. But that's as far as he goes." Hard To Stop During the spelling lesson the teacher asked one youngster to spell "banana." "Ba " began the lad slowly. Then he went on, more briskly "N-a-n-a-n-a-n-a " "Don't you know how to spell it, Jimmy?" asked the teacher. "Yes, miss," was the reply, "but I don't know when to stop." Cornered "Darling, if I were to die would you marry again?" she asked. "That's hardly a fair question, â- ly dear." "Why not?" "If I were to say yes you would M>t like it, and to say never again wouldn't sound nice." How Coui: He? "I tried counting sheep, but it was no good â€" I simply couldn't get to sleep," said the clothing manu- facturer to his partner. "I told you," the latter replied, "it was useless unless you counted up to a thousand." "I counted ten thousand," said the manufacturer. "I sheared them, combed the wool, had it spun into cloth, and made into suits, took them to market, and lost £21. I didn't get a wink of sleep." LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher "Nothin doin' . . . you don't catch me eating fish all summer! ! " AnKi\<r to PrcvIOBa mscl* Educator 1 HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured famed edu- cator, 9 Standard of value 10 Painful 11 Over (contr.) 13 Dined 14 Paradise 15 Golf device 16 High card 1'7 Barium (symbol) 18 Accomplish 20 Morning moisture 22 Musical note 23 Toward 24 Weight (ab.) 26 Behold! 27 Literary composition 29 Eradicate 31 Within 32 Oleum (ab.) 33 Recreation areas 36 Grasp 39 Erbium (symbol) 40 Be quiet! 41 Aluminum (symbol) 42 Us 43 Part of circle 45 Out of (prefix) 47 Street (ab.) 48 Pro 49 Suffix 51 Operatic solo 54 Weight ot India 55 Tiny 56 Writing implements 57 Bright color 98 He is father of the system VERTICAL 1 Despise' 2 Native metal 3 On the ocean 4 Kind of fish 5 Before 6 Fix TR RE EB£ ]5 kl R Was U H INWtMCC PATROL SQUADRON 33 AWlATtON) CIAIDIC in M £4 gC l& Tt re l- l_ E Dl l^ E |i E R sl 19 Be indebted 21 Misery 23 Military vehicles 25 Fishing lure 28 Title of respect 7 Negative word 30 Winglikepart 8 Require 33 Vegetable 9 Sets pace 34 Pointed shaft 12 Staggers 35 Her 16 Exist 36 Feline 17 Lad 37 Saber 38 By 44 Musical sign 46 Garment 47 Window frame 48 Touch 50 Ever (contr.) 52 Things (Latin) 53 incorporated ' (ab.) 54 Standing room only (ab.) lb Zi Zl 13 1^' 33 31 H3 3H IW 55 Z 26 Ml MM 58 MO 30 3 H- 10 1 35 ES M m. I& 51 i'" 52: 55 HT IJ ZH 25 l'\ m 3b tl ?^ § 30 3a 5t 57 Z ab JSi u 37 HZ 38 ^l VOir.E OF THE PRESS Ignorant Impudence "George of Britain,' an Associ- ated Press correspondent assures this continent from Copenhagen, is "not likely to suffer from occu- pational employment." In case you may wonder who is thus curtly referred to, it is King George him- self. The saying, "Ignorance is truly the mother of impudence," applies here. â€" Ottawa Citizen Belly Funny Pipple A Chinese visitor to the United Slates has found Americans very peculiar people. He remarked: "An American takes a glass, -puts sugar in it to make it sweet, then puts in lemon juice to make it sour, then alcohol to give it warmth, then ice to make it cold. He says. 'Here's to you.' and drinks it himself." â€" St. Thomas Times-Journal Fortunate Prisoners Prison inmates should be given the latest news of the day, says a warden. So they'll be satisfied to stay where they are? â€" Saskatoon Star- Phoenix The Future Why worry about the future; are you sure you'll be there? â€" Fort Erie Times-Review Only A Conjecture Statistics show that ministers live the longest lives, doctors the shortest. One conjecture for this is that ministers thrive on volun- tary contributions, while most doc- tors have to chase after their accounts. â€" Toronto Saturday Night Not Faith Geologist' are at a loss to deter- mine what is causing a Colorado mountain to move. In these days and times, it couldn't be faith. â€" Kitchener Record Smaller "Big" Ships A new Mauretania is being built on the Clyde. It wll be 750 feet long and 35,000 tons, or less than half the Queen Elizabeth and Queen Mary. Moreover, it is said she will be "as big as any ship likely to be constructed soon:" fs the super giant liner to give way to a smaller but more economical rival? â€" Port Arthur News-Chronicle Seek Longevity Health expert declares short skirts add five years to a girl's life. At that rate, some of our cutiei must be trying to live forever. â€" Windsor Star Sweet and cool In any Pipe CANADA'S STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO Slim Chancel Everybody appeared to be hav- ing a good time last weekend when the country, for a change, was without a major strike. There is reason to suspect that our people would come to like industrial peace if they were ever given a chance to get used to it. â€" New Yorker Helping Hand A farmer near Woodstock was held up with his spring seeding when hit son went to hospital. However, fifteen of his neighbours took a little time off from their own work to go to his aid and fin- ish the seeding job. In four hours they planted 20 acres. â€" Guelph Mercury World Does Move Jet planes are now carrying Uncle Sam's mail at 500 miles an hour and it is now said to be a race between a telegram and a plane, with the winner meeting a radio message at the finish. The world does move. â€" St. Catharines Standard. Handbag Exploring "Women don't go in for explor- ing," asserts a feature writer, who has never watched a woman fish through 63 articles in a handbag looking for a dime. â€" Kitchener Record. 'Sorry, Precious â€" but I just couldn't let them have the honey-golden, delicious Grape-Nuts Flakes!" 'Farewell, then, Hubert â€" and be "Woe is me â€" to think I'll never get home to a tempting bowlful of those malty-rlch, nut-sweet Post's Grape- Nuts Flakes!" "Forgive me, Dearl But I'd never be able to carry on myself, without Grape-Nuts Flakes' carbohydrates for energy; proteins for muscle; phos- phorus for teetii and bones; iron for the blood and other food essentials I" sure to make the children some Grape-Nuts Flakes csokies from tlie recipe on the package!" "I will. My Sweet! And I'll make them as skilfully as Grape-Nuts Flakes are blended, baked and toasted from wheat and malted barley. What's moreâ€" they'll be as easy to digest." THE SPORTING THING "You mean I have to be rude like that every time I want to eat?" THE SPORTING THING "George is reconverting! POPâ€" Carry On By J. MILLAR WATT COULD vou see m»e ACROSS TVe STRE&r, MIST~ER ♦7 MUTT AND JEFF â€" Well it's Only a Matter of a Few Stray Naughts Anyway M'LOVE.THlS BUSINESS OF HAVING A JOINT CMECKINS ACCOUNT jyToox â- ISO.K.BUT-/rwHAT? By BUD FISHER f I BOUGHT A KEW DRESS 1 i foR ^50. AND I-BOUGHT ^\yoU A SUlRTT FOR, 7 A 50't ^ I REG'LAR FELLERSâ€" Anti-inflationist By GENE BYRNES