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«--» i .. - f « it JUST 111 FUN :i/ Then He Speaki Visitor (to Junior). "My what a good boy you are, sitting there •o quietly I" Junior: "I always sit quietly until lomeone puts money in my bank and then I say "Tliaiik you.'' The Same Will Smathcrt has two sons. One is in politics, and the other isn't much good either. - f •*- Why Worry -« Teacher "Johnny, what is one- "^ fifth of three-siJtteenths?" * y Johnny: "I don't know, e»ictly, â- * miss, but it's too small to worry f «- about. >â-  •* Mostly Selling ' An artist confesses be put ten year's work into a picture he has just sold. Mine of them are said k> have been devoted to selling it. A CoatrU>ation Chemistry Professor: "Wh^i is the outstanding contribution chem- istry has made to the world?" Student: Blondes. Some Organization Returned from Russia to attend hospital, a German officer found two doors, one marked "Troops" acd the other marked "Officers." He entered the door marked "Office 6," and found two more doors, one marked "Serious cases" and the other marked"Slightly in- jured." He went to the "slightly in- jured" door, and found two more doors â€" one marked "Party Mem- bers" and the other marked "Non- Party Members." He pushed open the door marked "Non-Party Members" .... and found himself in the street A couple of dayb later a friend asked him if the hospital had cured him. "Not exactly," he replied, "but the organization was marvelous I" ' Don't Know There is one thing I not knew, know, 'Bout that I've no illusions â€" I do not know how far he jumps When he jumps to conclusions. Very True A production expert declares that sedentary work lessens a man's resistance. The more he sits the less he can stand. Modem Language ' The expkrer, bo.ving low, ap- proached the savage chief. "I come to you," he beg<in ceremoni- ously, "from beyoHu tire sunset â€" from the Great White King . . . ' "Tell me," interrupted che chief, "why don't you guys du something about the rotten radir programs you send over here." Service With a Smile A boy entering a drug store in America placed a five-cent piece on the counter as he saw the assistant coming towards him. "Please, could you give me a dose of castor oil so tliat it won't taste?" he asked. "Certainly," smiled the assistant. "Would you like an ice-cream soda whilst you're waiting?" "Yes, please," answered the lad, and drank the soda with relish. "Did you want anything else?" asked the chemist. "No thanks â€" just the castor oil," replied the boy. "But you have just drunk it," smiled the chemi.st. "Gosh! That wasn't for me, it was for my dad!" e.Nclaimed the boy. A Winner Billy li. d fallen into the bad habit of betting. in tlie hope ot erring tlic boy, his father and uncle decided to make him lose by takiiig on any bets lie proposed, which they knew they would win. The following morning Billy met his uncle. "1 bet you sixpence you've got corns," said the boy. Uncle accepted the challenge. "But what proof can you give?" said Billy. "Easy," said the otha-. "I'll take off ni. shoes and socks and show that you're wrong." Presently uncle's bare feet were exposed, and Billy gave him the sixpence. During the morning uncle met the boy's father. "Our scheme's going fine," ho said, and went on to explain how he had won sixpence from the boy "And to prove that I was right," added the uncle, "I took off my shoes and socks and sliowed him my feet." "What!" ejaculated the boy's father. "Only last night that bov \tX me half a crown he'd see your lart feet OUT OUR WAY By J. R. William* U. S. Army Leader | ABNwrr to PrevloDS Pusxie HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured militarist. Ma j. -Gen. George B. 10 He com- mander of th« air forces in China, India and Burma 12 Surgical saw 13 Number 14 Peer Gynt's mother 15 Magic 18 God of love 18 Scheme 19 Amount (ab.) 20 Mythical king of Britain 21 Coverlet 22 Parcel post (ab.) 23 Clothes 24 Indian province 25 Depend 26 Mine 27 Poker stake 28 Cleave 29 Laughter sound 30 Pochard 31 Caterpillar hair 32Tasto solo (ab.) 33 Clamorous 34 Fruit 36 Heart 37 Abyss 38 Great Lake 39 Soft drinks 40 Blow a horn 41 Moths 42 Learn 43 Daybreak (comb, iorra) 45 Cases (ab.) 46 Paymasters on boats VERTICAL 1 Leather 14 Put into line thong 17 Short-napped 2 Highest suit in cards 3 Lease 4 Mimic 5 Symbol for tantalum 6 'Vigor 7 Short jacket 8 Aflirmative 9 Half -em 10 Sequester 11 Colonize fabric 18 Nephrite 20 Daring 21 Quod est (ab.) 23 Renters 24 Per 25 Tapes again 26 Mother 28 Altar screen 29 High school (ab.) 30 Painful 31 Containing soda 32 Symbol for tellurium 33 Lag 35 Grazing homestead (ab.) 36 Blood money 38 Divisions of geological time 40 Pinnacle 42 Cubic (ab.) 44 Bone 1 Z. 3 H 5 b 7 6 «) 1 To" w IZ. ii 13 Si 14 15 1^ lb 17 m IB 11 20 " z\ 22 23 '.â- Vi'-'i 24 Z5 w, lb < ai â€" 26 m as ^'4 30 31 M 32. 33 3H 35 3fa 1 » spfe ^ 37 36 3S M 40 HI 41 H3 44 45 4t la 1 bi m m VOICE OF THE PRESS Nature Is Healer After man has shattered him- self and the countryside around hinv with all his terrible weapons of destruction, nature quietly moves in to heal over the scars. In Nor- mandy, growing crops cover the shell holes and l>onib craters. Sand is gradually drifting over the wrecks of landing barges. â€"Woodstock Sentinel-Review. Nothing To It An economics expert claims that only half a dozen men in the world understand money. Not so bad at that; it's si.x more than understand women. â€" Ottawa Citizen. It May Come To That "The world's population," says a statistic, "could be packed in a box measuring a half-mile each way." Let us first, however, try the less drastic solutions of this housing shortage. â€" Winnipeg Tribune Dry-Clean Bathing Suit Lady called a local department store and ordered a couple of bath- ing suits for her daughter to wear at camp this summer. When they arrived, she was understandably disturbed to find that they had tags attached to them reading; "Dry clean. Do not wash." â€" The New Yorker Magazine. A Dare A health expert says tliat short skirts add five years to a girl's life. Come on, girls, why not make a bid for immortality ? Peterborough Examiner. Progress In 1891 there was one copy ot a newspaper for every 12 persons in Canada and by 1945 daily news- papers had expanded their circula- tions making one copy available for every four persons. â€" Niagara Falls Review That Won't Stop Him It's no comfort to a returned veteran to know the wolf won't be at the door this winter simply be- cause he has no door. â€" Christian Science Monitor. No Argument Scales are the only things tliat lend real weight to most fish stories. â€" Guelph Mercury. High Cost of Lollipops Children io the New York City area are personally experiencing inflationary bites into their spend- ing allowances â€" lollipopps have gone up 233 percent, in price. For- merly selling at one cent each, the price last week was three for 10 cents. â€" Toronto Star. Slightly Mixed Speaking ol mixed metaphors, there's the one which describes a road hog as a dog in the manger. â€"Toronto Star. Sure Riddance You can get rid of twitch grass " hy digging it up by the roots, burn- ing it, locking the ashes in a steel safe, and sinking the safe ni 40 feet of water. â€" Kitclicncr Record. UFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher "Certainly eating spinach would make me big and strong . . . and the first thing I'd know Pop would have me pushing the lawn mower ! ! " He Just Ran Away We wiimliT if all this \i\\\< .tbout "broken marriages' isn'i over- done. A century ago, « iien di- vorce was seldom invoked, a man L simply ran away from liis wife when he couldn't stand her any longer, and as communications were poor, he didn't have to run very far. \\ omen, too, fre(|ucntly vanished by the lighi oi the moon. We really don't believe that people are any worse at marriage now than they were then. Bui they are more business like about their methods of separation. â€" Peterborough E:<aiiiiner. IT MEANS A LOT when the meal Includes Max^vell House. This marvellous coffee is extra delicious because it contains choice Latin-American coffees . . . the finest the world pro- duces. MACHINERY NEW AND USED Of Every Description Phone EL. 1271 H. W. PETRIE CO. LTD 147 Front Si \\ . â€" Turooto ••WB IIUY A SRI.L' m THE SPORTING THING 'Hey, Joe, you forgot your- oh, oh!" MUTT AND JEFF â€" â- where there's no sense there's no feeling By BUD FISHER Poor little FLY ^ OH THE WALL- I AIN'T You GOT \ No CLOTHES AT ALL?j /ain't Vou got S NO UNDERSrtIRT? AINT YOU SOT NO Petty skirt? UTTLE FLY UPON THE WALL - I AIN'T Vou 601 NO riOM6 AT ALL? ( AlK'T Vou GOT NO MAMA? AIN'T VOU aOT NO PAPA? WANNA 60 TO HEAVEN? \f / ( ^SURE you DO/J LITTLE FLY ON JEFF's BEArA.j KoWD YoO (SET "CROUCH, ^^- TKE SCREEN?^^, MORE SENSE r%h TO SIT WHESEil •I£FFPi)TS;IIS/ HAT?/-^ 't^^-Z^^ ^^e^St POPâ€" Double Money By J. MILLAR WATT HE ALWAYS COUNTS HIS CWANGE IN PRONT OF A MIRI^OR j (Kolewed ^r rim Bell Bjiiikmtyc.') WHY / DOESN'T HE TRUST HIMSELF 9