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JUST IN FUN Going Out Conceited Young Man : "Have you an opening for an inielligent man with a university education?" Business Man: "Yes. And don't slam it as you go out!" Sole Heir "Who's the long and laijky dame?" asked the stranger. "That tall and stately lady," said the local citizen rebulcingly "is the sole beneficiary of a $100,000 life insurance policy." Honert After the weekend guest had de- parted, the hostess was tidying up. "There," she exclaimed in dis- gust. "1 knew that friend of yours wasn't to be trusted. I've just counted the towels and one of them is missing," "Was it a good one?" asked hubby anxiously. "The best we had! It was the one with 'Grand Palace Hotel' woven in it." Absolutely The employer, on leaving his of- fice, was instructing his new secre- tary what to say if anyone called while he was out. "I may be back this afternoon," he told her. "And then again, I may not." The girl nodded brightly. "Yes, sir," she said. "Is that defi- nite?" A Smart 'Un A school inspector, having end- ed his investigation into the class's knowledge, smiled at them genially and said: "Now, it's only fair that I should give you a turn, children. Can any- one ask me a question that I may answer it?" Presently he heard a voice. "Please zir, 1 knew a man who has two eggs for breakfast every morning. He doesn't keep hens, »ir, he doesn't steal eggs, or buy eggs, rir, and nobody gives them to him. Can you tell me where he gets them from?" The inspector thought and fin- ally had to answer: "No, I'm afraid I cannot. Well, where does he get them from?" "Please, zir," said the boy, "he keeps ducks." HI NABOR & Why a boy that rides a bicycia \n city traffic don't git killed at least thrca times a day, I don't know. Chlcifo Sun eTn<Uct*9 Double Duty MacTavish purchased a pair of boots which were guaranteed for a year. After eleven months he returned them and complained that they were not standing up to the guar- antee. "Are you sure they fit you all right?" asked the manager. "They fit me a' richt," was the »«ply. "but my brother on night ahift says tliey're a. bit too tight for him." Suspicion's Finger The express pulled up with such •oddenness that the passengers were hurled in a heap on the floor. Quickly the guard came along to reassure them. "Somebody pulled the communication cord and the brakes acted too quickly. The last coach has left the rails. There will be a delay of three hours." "Three hours!" cried a young man. "I'm to be married this afternoon." "Are you the fellow who pulled the cord?" asked the guard, suspicious- Then Sparks Flew One of those very small cars had run out of petrol on a country road, and knowing it was a long tramp to the nearest garage, the Motorist stood by the roadside and aignalled for help. A targe and Magnificent car pulled up, and out » atci ped the very superior driver. "Could you spare me a drop of petrol?" said the stranded one. The other eyed the tiny vehicle ami asked tcidly: "Are you sure it's petrol you want, and not a new flint?" leeker Right Wing Know Your Hockey Stars By ED FITKIM One dynamic youngster who should be a great favorite with Toronto fans is Howie Meeker, 22- year-old rookie right - winger. They don't make 'em any more spirited than H o w i e the Howitzer" and his bid for an N.H.L. con- tract was one of the most en- livening aspects of the Toronto team's training sessions at St. Cath- arines. The diminutive, chunky starboard wii.gcr, an amateur last winter, was the only graduate of the hockey school conducted by the Leafs before the regular training campaign got underway. » » ♦ His story is a heart-warming one. Two years ago he lay in /a military hospital in the north of England, his legs gashed and pock-marked with shrapnel wounds, wondering if he'd ever play hockey again. The young Canadian had been severely wounded when a live grenade ex- ploded at his feet during training manoeuvres. The explosion hurled hira eight feet in the air and ticket- ed him for a four-month sojourn in the hospital. * * * Howio stiii niaintained his hopes of someday becoming a pro hockey star, despite the injury. After leav- ing the hospital, he took a physical training course, found out that his legs were going to be all right, then took two more P.T. courses and qualified as a sergeant instructor. Soon after that he went back into the European combat zone. It was his second invasion as Howie had previously spent three months on the Continent in the fall of 1944, helping to repair bombed railway rolling stock. He had enlisted in Stratford, Ontario, with the No. 1 Canadian Railway W'orkshop Com- pany in April, 1943, and went over- seas seven weeks later. He served in France, Holland, Belgium and Germany. * * ♦ Meeker, who starred with Strat- ford junior teams before enlisting, returned to Canada on the last day of 1945 and, on getting his dis- charge, he signed with Stratford seniors, and was one of their most consistent scorers. In the playoffs, after leading the Stratford scoring drive. Meeker was halted by a broken arm. * * * Howie signed with the Leafs last spring and celebrated M)y getting married a week later. His hockey ambition always has been to play for the Leafs and now that he's up with them, he won't go down if he can possibly help it. t * * Born at Kitchener, Nov. 4, 1924, Howie got his hockey . start in public and high school competition, then starred with Kitchener's Junior "B" team in 1940-41. He migrated to Stratford the next sea- son with Strafford's Junior "A" team before enlisting. * * * His parents live in New Ham- burg, which is close to Stratford, and Howie has four young brothers â€" Ken, Chuck, Tommy and Dick â€" rooting for him to make good in the N.H.L. Irish Take Over There are far more people of Irish blood in the United States than in Ireland, D. V. Brogan, pro- fessor of political science at Cam- bridge, told the Royal Dublin So- ciety. Between 1820 and 1920, nearly 5,- 500,000 Irish people settled in the United States, becoming the "basic proletariat of the country. The only parallel in history was the migra- tion from Portugal to Brazil. Even so, said Professor Brogan, the proportion of Irish stock was higher in Newfoundland, Australia and Scotland. GEODIG A CODE IN DA HET She's getting a cold in the head â€" ^they hope. Mrs. Lesly Adamson and. her husband, David, were among S4 volunteers who agreed to risk taking colds to aid research at Harvard Hospital, Salisbury, England. Above, she receives nasal drops containing cold virus. Below, after being exposed to virus, the A^amsons greet a visitor who is protected by plastic hood. Human.:guinea pigs' reward for sacrifice was two weeks of "easy living" in prefabricated hut. VOICE OF THE PRE^S Secret? Eating onions is one secret lo good health, says a doctor. What docs he moan, secret? â€" Tinimins Press Must Stay Neutral Some countries which remained neutral during the war have been refitseil membership in the United Nations. Tims, they will have to remain neutral during the peace. â€" Punch Dont Be Hasty Appear hesitant and reluctant when granting something that is asked of yon, lest the beneficiary will feel he should have asked for more and will be disappointed. â€" Kitchener Record Plenty Around United States Senate, Washing- ton reports, is in need of 13 experts on railroads, weather forecasting, television and woodchucks. Shucks, there arc that many around any village cracker barrel. â€" Windsor Star Edison Missed Being A Canadian Because of Father's Rebel Spirit Thomas Alva Edison, world-fa- mous inventor whose lOOth birth- day annive;-.sary will be observed internationally on Feb. 11, 1947, missed being a Canadian only be- cause his father chose to side with the forces of William Lyon Mackenzie in the ill-fated Papineau Rebellion and was forced to flee to the United States for safety. The inventor's father Samuel Edison, Jr., fled the village of Vienna in Bayhani township, Ont., in 1838 after Mackenzie's attempt to seize the government failed. A year later he settled at Milan, Ohio, where Thomas Alva was born in 1847. Two of Tom's brothers, Marion and William Pitt Edison, and a sister, Harriett Ann, were born in Vienna. Tom spent some of his summer holidays with rela- tives in Vienna. Worked ir Samia, Stratford Pioneers migrating westward from Nova Scotia founded Vienna village in 1811, and among them were Tom Edison's great grand- father, grandfather and father, the latter a youth t the time. The great grandfather, John Edison, had been one of the original settlers at Digby, Nova Scotia, to where he and his family had migrated from New Jersey at the close of the Revolutionary War. During the war, he was a Tory and loyal to the Crown, and as such had been ordered hanged for giving aid to the British troops. His sentence, however, was commuted to banish- ment from the United States. Tom's ancestral ties with Can- ada were to be augmented later when, as a youth, he worked in Canada as a telegraph operator at Sarnia and at Stratford Junction. First Black Eye ^ome of Edison's most interest- ing childhood experiences occurred when he worked as a newsboy and candy butcher on the Grand Trunk Railroad train running between Detroit and Port Huron. His fam- ily moved to Port Huron when he was seven and continued to re- side there until Tom was grown. It was an ordinary boy brim- ming with normal deviltry, not as the soon-to-be inventor of such miraculous things as the electric light, the phonograph and the mo- tion picture, that young Tom re- ceived his first black eye in Sarnia in 1860. The then Prince of Wales, traveling as Lord Renfrew, was to stop off at Sarnia during a tour of Canada, and Edison was among a group of Port Huron lads who crossed the river to see the visit- ing royalty. In a dispute over the Prince, later Edward VII, the Canadians whippfd the Yankees and Tom received a blackened orb %s a memento of the occasion. Pays To Listen When you talk you say only something you know: when you listen, 30U learn what someone else knows. â€" Brandon Sun And Past ^The will of a New York woman left $10,000 to her chauffeil|i Rel- atives will pro'uably claim he drove her to it. â€"Chatham News Clean-Up "A new broom sweeps clean." But nevertheless it's doubtful that Abbott can clean us any cleaner than Ilslcy cleaned us. â€"Ottawa Citizen New Drive Set Now that somebody has said that bacon is going to be in even shorter supply, store-haunting harpies can be expected to put on a drive to hog what remains. â€" Woodstock Scntinel-Revie\>' The Better Way To drive slowly in winter, says a wise contemporary, is better than to be driven that way. â€" St. Thomas Times-Journal Truth Is Weapon Asrainst Communism "If we are to preserve the .Ameri- can way of life, the menace of Communism must be met and its forward march halted," says J. Ed- gar Hoover in the current issue of the American Magazine . . . And that goes for Canada and the Can- adian way of life, also. You may not know it, but Com- munistic influences are at work in this country, the same as In the United States. It is subtle, well- prepared propaganda. We've been getting some by mail, with certain paragraphs marked in red pencil. The best way to combat Com- munism is to expose It. "A Communist, steeped in stealth, trickery arid deceit, cannot long survive the truth, says the head of the F.B.I. ''The healing rays of spotlight of public opinion focused on Communism will have the same curative effect that X-rays have upon cancerous growth, if applied in time." Want To Bet? A small town is one where you can't find any place to do anything yoi' shouldn't. Kiwanis Magazine "I Remember When . . ." Neighbors are people who come over when you are sick â€" and tell you how sicW'they used to be. â€"Chatham News TRUSS EXPERTS FOR 80 YEARS Our Trnsd making experience ex- tends ovfr 80 yenrs. Place yourself In our handH and enjoy the com- fort and .security assured by the mo>;t modern skilled methods of mechanical assistance. WFAR A TRUSS MADE AND FITTED FOIl VOIT UY AUTHORS &COXUB. IOC CHURCH ST. -TORONTO 1^9 Phomk ELwn 7622 ,Smtrt.^irHa<tht m IKM tin Regular aixe: 50 books per box. Billboard size: 2S books. Select cover Red. Blue, Gnen. Y«Ilow, Oionge^lack. Pink Vhite or aiaorts<l.n~i 4 7.W.J. sKiirniu fM^«i names or iiiitioli. Print- *Ving moY b« Gold, Silver, Red, Blue, Green. Black or White. $1 JO per box. Potlpajd . OU».T0DAT.iBS^2^ Individualiied monogiommsd stationery S2.00 per box. e Choice of colon â€" blue, pink, whits oi Ian. e HigliMl Suality hexagon pencils with Totu name 1.00 dozen (Type ityle #7 only on Sencils). • Personalized playing caids l.UO per declc. â-  A8K0(IATK1> ENTKIU>niSI!S Dept. W. | I Ooi 18<;, LONQ BEACH. CALIF. | I PIcafip Kpnd me boifa of oiatchM. § I Attsrhrfl lit Cn.h or Monr7 Order. UtOO pei m I ptr noi rrrpilil.) \ (Print K«ni« or TnUtala Deslrrd on Xtatchn) â-  _rolOT Matrhn Color Prim \ a trw No. D ntguUr or D Billboard Size NAME Artdrest^ ^ City state D niKCK IF WT MAT SOBSTITCTB • MATCH COVER COI,l)ll. OIUIERS gHIPI'lSI) â-  WiTUJN 21 BOITKS. IK SUIISTITUTIONS â-  PEIIUITTED I Canadian Orders Shipped Express Collect." SPECIALISTS IN UNLISTED SECURITIES T. L SAVAGE a COMPANY 9 Richmond St. E. Capt. T. L. Savage â€" Sole Owner ADelaide 6185 Toronto (1) Ont. Write for our weekly "MARKET LETTER" containing up-to-date mining information of value. Also complete details on WAKITA QUEBEC Gold Mines Limited Now Diamond Drilling in The NORANDA â-  QUEMONT - MncDONJIlD AREA NORTH W|STERN QUEBEC A Catch In It Applicant: "And if I talce the j*b am I to cet a rise in lalary every year?" Employer: "Ye», if your work is aatisfartory." Applicant: "Ah, [ thought there T.as < catch in it ^olnewherc." In««Bi|*nt The teacher had written S3. 7 on the MarkhoarH. and, to show the (ffrrl of nuiltiptyinK hy ten, had ruht>rd nut the tieriinal point. "Niiw. Allrrd," ulie said, "where ia tile tirrimal point?" "On the (luster." replied Alfred. REG'LAR FELLERSâ€" HoU It, Sheriff ! By GENE BYRNES f 4 -4 a A' -A r 4 .4 4 «, 4 \ ' % 4