The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

FALL JAMS PENCIL NEARLY INTO HEART Fifteen-year-old George Alien, above, ct Newark, N.J., U In ftrioua condition following • h*$ik accident In which he fell and drove « mechanical pencil low Inches Into hit chest, neai kla heart. X-ray photo at right ahows poiition of pencil. ... JUST IN FUN ... The Come Back "I witli," he said in exasperation, "that lome brainless idiot had pro- Cied to you btfore we were irried." "He did," replied the wife calm- "and worse luck, I married Winged Riches "Riches,"' said tiie teaclier, as he wut reading to his class, "t£fke unto tJiemsdves wings and fly away. 3Vhat kind of riches does the writer aitan?" Blank looks met his gaze. "Surely someone can answer a question like that. Vou, Brown, what kind of riches did the writer â- lean?" Brown hesitated for a moment, Mid then plunged. "Ostriches, tir." Gravity "What comes down faster than wood?- -Stone- "Faster than ttone?" -Iron." "Faster than iron?'' '"Stocks." Why? He was a Uriifless lawyer, trying Ikis best to look busy and prosper- •us, but it was a fatiguing process, mnd at last he gave it up and went out to the club, leaving a notice on ♦he door: "Back ill an Imur.'' When he returned he was pained to find someone Iiad added a foot- M>te: "Whalevtr for?" Better Still Blake: Don't you think it a good Mea to rate all cars according to Iheir horsepower? Drake: Not as good as rating all drivers according to their horse sense. Quite Agreeable "It is not Rood for a man to keep too much to himself," states a psychologist. The iiicomc-ta.x au- thcrilifs are .said to share this view. Unforgettable Friend: "You will soon forget ker and be happy again." Jilted Suitor: ''Oh, no, I shan'tl I've bought too much for her on fht in'tainicnt system!" Voice of Experience "Dorothy," said the junior high teacher, "just how would you de- scribe a needle?" "Well," replied the teen-ager, "It is a bright, shining sewing tool used around the world. It has a butt, shank, slot, latch, rivet, eye, throat and hook." "Mercy, where did you learn all that:" gasped the teacher. "I worked in a needle factory last summer," said the bobby- soxer. Self-Appreciation The girl was out with an Amer- ican soldier. "So you really think I'm the most adorable girl you ever knew?" she cooed. "I'h-huh." "Do you think I'm the most at- tractive girl you have ever seen?"* "Uh-huh." "You do say the most marvellous things, darling! Do please go on." The Plea "Baby I'.-i years requires house, flat or rooms unfurnished for him- self and parents, both e.x-service. At present seeing them week ends only. Only those who were babies once themselves need write." Only Two Charley was found by his fore- man to be smoking near a dyna- mite dump. "VVliatcvcr are you doing:" cried the foreman. "Don't you know that the last time a man smoked here he blew up twelve people.'" "Yes, but that can't happen here," answered the smoker. "Why?" asked the foreman. "Because there's only you atid me," said Charley. Take Your Time One evctiing in the "local" the village "strong man" got into a hot argument with a friend and wound up by calling him a liar. Tlie other man naturally resent- ed the reniarl*. "Look here,'' lie said, drawing himself up to liis full five feet, "I'U give you ju.st five minutes to take that back." "Ho!" said the big man. "And suppose I don't!" "Then," said the other, after a slight pause, "I'll extend the time limit." FUNNY BUSINESS By Hershberger "The polilicai candidnles cut tlieir ipeeches shorter with that k Jud of a inlo'Oi^Qe l" Know Your Hockey Stars By ED. FITKIN Jim Thomson Defense Yonng Jim Thomson, who was act born when Dit Clapper made his debut in the N.H.L., is con- sidered one of the brightest young defense prospects in profession- al hockey. The Leaf manage- m c n t thought so highly of him that, with- out benefit of minor league experience, they retained him as one of the six de- fence men who started last season with the Toronto Maple Leafs. • • • Despite Thomson's lack of ex- perience, Happy Day paired him with Babe Pratt early last season •nd voung Jim, while no sensation, kandled himself fairly well. It was > tough assignment for the young- ster and after his first game ht stid: "I never thought there could be such a difference between major «nd pro hockey. When I was play- ing amateur I knew exactly what I was doing at all times but up here in the majors the opposition is stronger and ' faster and they Icnow more what they are doing than I do." • • • That, of course, might be the re- action of any 18-ycar-oId kid crash- ing into a postwar N.H.L. with most of the prewar stars back In action. Thomson played in a few games for the Leafs, but was later sent to Pittsburgh for seasoning. There, after a poor start, he fin- ished the campaign as outstanding Star. This season, and he's not 20 un- til Feb. 23, 1947, Jim is giving in- dications that he is picking up the •xperence he needs to mould him into a star. He may need more seasoning in the minorsâ€" but he's one young man to watch. • • « Happy Day considers Thomson on a par with, if not better than. Red Horner when the rock-'em sock-'em redhead first broke into professional hockey. Horner was a fast breaker, though not a flashy skater, could pass as well as any centre in the league, packed a ter- rific body check but had a very poor shot. In comparison, young Thomson does not break as quickly â- s Red did, nor has he faculty of bodying a man as hard as Horner. The present day rules and style of play make bodychecking equally difficult but Jim is a much stronger skater than Horner and has that extra burst of speed which great stars seem to possess. He has a hard and accurate right-hand shot and can pass accurately. He plays for keeps but cliecks fairly hard and seldom is penalized because his moves are made right out in the open. • • • Young Jim was born at Winni- peg on Feb. 23, 1927; he is iin inch shy of the six foot mark and weighs 176 lbs. He started his hockey career with Winnipeg Excelsiors in the Manitoba Bantam league In 1941-42 and played for the same team when they moved up to mid- get hockey the next year. Scout Squib Walkei- selected him as a fu- ture Leaf playet^^Jim came to To- ronto and played the 1943-44 season with Marlboro Juniors. When Marl- boros were eliminated, St. Michael's College added Thomson to their team as a wartime replacement, and later when Trail's inexperienced team was riddled by injuries in the Memorial Cup Finals, Thomson was permitted to play for them. Young Jim was a standout star with the St. Michael's team when they won the Memorial Cup in 1944-45. He played through the Eastern finals and the Dominion championship series with a broken nose but this did not slow him down in any respect and it was his fighting display under such a han- dicap that proved to the Leaf management they had an outstand- ing young star in the fold. KITNAPER Auctioned for the Dover Battle of Britain Hospital, a 1920 touring car brought £200 (.fSOO). 65 Miles to the Gallon! The Larmar is the newest thing in English automobiles. It's a one-seater, gets 65 miles to the gallon, cruises at 35 mph. Engine is 2',i> hp, length T-SVi, width 2-6. Chassis is in foregi'ound. Luxuries Provided In Modern Airliner The latest aircraiH put into ser- vice by the British Overseas .^^r- ways affords an excellent example of luxury in modern air travel. In addition to the main cabin with its deep seats (convertible into bunks'), there arc pronienaiTe lounges pro- viding ample room for movement, a cocktail bar, a ladies powder room, decorated in white and pink and a men's dressing room in white and grey. The color scheme is of blue and fawn grey and the walls are lined throughout with plastic Icatlicr cloth. Ceiling light-;. operated by "bright," "dim" and "off" switches are reinforced by individual lamps mounted on the back of each seat. The seats all facing forward have hinged flaps which let down to form a table or a book rest. The window cur- tains are of cream "Tiylon embroid- ered with designs in blue, gold and grey, .^s a finishing touch the lin- ing cloth has been specially tested for its capacity to keep out strong moonlight which might otherwise Veep passengers awake. Jews "Accepted" In Great Britain For generations lews in Britain have possessed the rights and pri- vilege of citizenship in larger mea- sure than in any other country in the world, siys the London Times. The offices and honors of the State arc open to them as freely as to any others; they arc excluded from no profession or industry; if they are wronged tliey can appeal with confidence to the even hand- ed justice of the co.irts of law. Not only that, hut Jews who have suf- fered from persecution and tvrannv in other lands havo. over a long period, found security in Britain. It is unlikely that more than a small minority of them have anv sympathy with the evil deeds com milted by members oi (heir race in Palestine. Luxury The first of twenty streamlined bedroom-l)uffel-lounge cars of a new design has been built at the Point St. Charles Shops of the Canadian Kational Railways. S.-.* -"i^j :.^-.^ -v;,*^_«^.v-..-«)l:'>.^. .a. ii*» Harriet, a chimpanzee at Ft. Worth, Tex., lOO, likes cats and when young Felix romped past her cage, Harriet grabbed him. Cro- chety old chimp constantly mothers the cat, fixing a bed of straw for him and crooning tenderly over him. Only a banana will tempt her to -!at him go. Filling the Lamps In Farmer's Home How clear and shining are the chimneys cf lanmps ranged on a kitchen mantel shelf can be taken as a glistening gauge of farm housekeeping. On farms to which electricity has not yet brought its bright beneficence there is always • day set aside for the simple but rather fussy ceremony of "filling the lamps". The filling process co- vers more than appears in the verb. It means also a trimming of wicks, with sometimes one or more to be replaced, and it includes a washing of chimneys in hot suds and a pol- ishing of them inside and out, usually with old newspapers. Then the lamps â€" which themselves have been rubbed or perhaps washed â€" go back on the shelf, to be carried that night to rooms frorih which they have been collected. Despite the spread of rural elec- trification, there are still plenty of farms where oil lamps serve long hours on Winter nights and morn- ings, and in Summer make lures for moth and mosquito. -Statisti- cians report that during 1946 there were more than five thou- sand more farms "connected up". But even with this good-sized in- crease in wires and bulbs there re- main^ many thousands of farms Yk'here "tilling the lamps" is a chore to be accomplished each week. And this filling, of course, counts a couple of barn lanterns. The kerosene lamp, particularly in its larger sizes, is now rank- ing as an antique in a fast-moving age when ''antiques" grow to com- mercial maturity with astounding rapidity. But in many country lionies tonight a warm, yellow glow from such lamps shines out, througli polished chimneys, across near-by snowbanks and a well shovelled path to the barn. Man's best recorded speed is just over 25 m.i>.Ii. â€" reached after 40 yards in a T'O yards race. Big Payroll * The Canadian National Railway* witl an average payroll of 100,000, is the largest employer of Ifbor in Canada. With annual pur- chases as high as 100 million dol- lars, it is the biggest individual buyer of materials In the Domin- ion. 1 X %m1 •orMone/Saokl FcrqnlckrtUtffromltchlnscauud byeexcnuu kthlete't foot, icablea, tnmplin and atherltchlas coaditioni. UM Dur& coolini, medicated, liould D. D. D. MlAiMrnONL Greaaeleu ud •talslna. Sootbti. comfort> and qulcVIy cunt lotciiM itching. Dom't mflcr. Ackyour aniuU ^day for 0. D. D. MRSCRiniON. pWWWiiiiiiiii;/////; EASYTOTAK; ,„p,o.srio. . Uw relie^^ ^^ NAUSEA '"'^ HEARTBURN -NA, ^^^'^''^'/hiik Of it!!? Smurt,^9SsHMtht TM aiM Sin Rctrulai aix«: 50 book* per box. BUlbooid siz«: 2S books. Select cover color - Red. Blue. Green, Yellow, Orange, Black. Pink ^^ hito or aasoiled. t A^fTn Pick your type, indicate THV* names or inilioli. Print- t'ing may b« Gold, Silver, Red, Blue, Green, Black or White. Jl.OO per box. Foelpaid. oun TODAY, mmimia^ <r.w.«, sinnmu Individualized monogrammad stotioneiy S2.00 per box. • Choice ot colors â€" blue, pisk, white or tan. • Highest quality hexagon pencils with yoxir name SI. 00 doien (Type style #7 only on rencils). e Peisonolized piayina cards l.UO per deck. â- â- â€¢â€¢â- â- â- â- â- â- â- â- â- â- â- â- najaeiHaB ASSOCIATED KNTKIirillSES Pepl. W. Box 1847, IA).\Q liJiACU. CALIF. Ple«M Mnd mf bom cf mstrhn. Altirfttd Is Cisii or Uon(T Otder. Ut.OO tti PM Boi PrtPBl.l.) (Print Name or InllLnla neslretl on MtttctiM) _rcIor Matchee Color Prlnf D Tjpe No. D Rdulsr ot â-¡ Bllltoird Blu N"A ME A Mmt __„_ Clly_ -Sl»ie_ O CIII:CK IF WK MAT SliHSTITllTB MATi II covEii cor.ou. oniiEiis khipped WnilUN ii UOl'llS. If SL'BSTlIfTlOKS PKit.MirrED Canadian Orders Shipped E.xpress Collect." Get Relief From Piles This Amazingly Easy Way rhinkofit! ^11 INTERNAL treatment that gives quick ri'lief (rem ihe itching irritaiion and burning, painful soreness of piles. Piles are caused by internal coiMlittons. No lasting freedom from pile misery cnti be had until V')u relieve the cause. -â- Niid the cause is internal! So the btsl »ay to treat your sore. Sinful piles is with an internal treatment e llemroid. Hcniroid is a fomiiila th.it has been used lor over 40 years by thousands of pile sufferers. It is a small, hiijhly concent rated lublel which directs its medical action to the relief of the congest-on that is the real cause of all piles. Heinroid wakes up your laxy liver and gall bUu'iter. piomotes free', easy and comfortaDle bowel niovements. relieves itchtnR and burn- ing and stimulates better circulation of blood ia the kiwcr bowel Heimoid strikes right at the cause of your pile trouble quickly and elTeclively. We invite you to try Hemroid and let it prove itself. Vou can make your test in the privacy o\ your own home, without cost if you are not cjuickly convinced that heve at last is an amazingly easy and surprisingly effective method of treating your sore, painful piles. Get a package of llemroid today at any drug stoic. I'Se it for three or four days. If you are not delighted with it gu get your money back. NOTE: The sponsor ot (Ms notice Is an eld reliable Arm doing buslnf^as in Csnada for over 20 years. Hemroid must help your sore, iiainf ut piles- must do It quitkhr, sasily and pletxnlly or your own lest ef thlsremaikstoly succeufid tormule costs yen nstMiii. Try M today. T \ 4 -A Ik