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JUST IN FUN Hli Second A man Ulcphoncd hlf doctor: "Come over quick, doe. My wife kai •ppendicitis." "Nonsenge," inorled the doctor, "I removed your wife's appendix three years ago. How can anyone have a lecond appendi.'c." "Listen, cried the husband, "Did you ever hear of anyone having a accond wife?" Sharp Hint Mr. Spriggins (gently) : "My dear, a man was shot at by a burg- lar, and his life was saved by a button on his coat wliich the hul- kt struck." Mrs. Spriggins: "Well, what of h?" "Nothing, only the button must have been on." Animal Crackers "Oh, oh, it's been enlargec for human occupancyl" Competition "I hope to get on, sir, I'm taking a correspondence course to Icirn how to make more money, sir." "Uni! Well, it's just too bad for you, Jones. I'm also taking one to learn how to roihice expenses." One Exception "You can pet anything at a mail- order house," remarked the lady next door. "Evcr\ tiling, alas, but a ni;.lc," sighed the spinster. Better Than Nothing Mr. Xiwricli: "Iivcry time I fire this gun it kicks hard enough to knock me over." Camckccptr: "Well, sir, it must be a satisfaction to know you've brought something down." Two New Theories in Conflict? "Here's an odd order," said the mail order clerk. "What is it?'' Inquired the as- sistant to the auditor. "A wiiman writes in for a book on cliild psychology," replicl tlic mail order clerk, '"and a hair brush with a good stout handle.'' Vacant Seat The minister had preached for an hour and a quarter on the prophets â€" all the greater propliets and then the minor ones in turn. "Now we come to Ilabakkuk." he said. "Where shall we put hini^?" "He can have my seat," said a wearied listener. "I'm awa' hanic." CANADIAN ROOSTERS TO SOUTH AFRICA Slood lines of Bouth Africa's Whlt« Ixghoms are to be Improved Vtth the Introduction of r Canadian â- train. One tiozen pedigreed cock- erels left recently vin Canadian Na- Uonal Express lor Saint John, en route to the largest hatchery In southern Rhodesia. It will take Ave weeks for the birds to reach their destlnnlion. To ensure prime condi- tion, the shipper packed four dlf- fcrri;t feeds with the birds. Cod liver oil h port of their diet. The Eoulh A'rlran importer, Miss L. '".nl'ord cf Qfcque, ships thicks by ' 'r tliroushoi'.t the Union, Know Your Hockey Stars By ED FITKIN Rangy James Angus, (Gus) Mortson, ISS-pound rushing de- fense rookie of the Toronto Maple Leafs, isn't ex- actly a self- made hockey star but he cer- tainly didn't let timidity deter liim. Unlike a great many otiicrs in the past few years, Mortson Gus Mortson did not come Defense under the scru- tiny of Toronto's scouts until he reached St. Michael's College. And he arrived at St. Mike's through his own efforts. * * * Mortson. an eager youngster, ^gured he had a hockey future and realized tliat he would have to place himself in an advantageous spot if he wished to make that dream come true. lie tried crash- ing the Oshawa Generals but di^ln't click; so he turned to the priest who managed the Kirkland Lake juvenile team witli which he was playing and shortly thereafter he was enrolled at St. Mike's. ^ * * Aggressive Gus required only 20 minutes or less to convince Maple Leaf scouts that here was a hockey bud beginning to bloom. By the end of tlie first period of his first game at the Gardens, ^^orfson•s name was on file at K.II.L. head- quarters as a potential Leaf. It was, as it turned out, a good thing for the Toronto management that such speed was utilized because two other clubs had scouts on hand at that particular game and bei'ore the final bell, each club had put in a bid to negotiate witli I^Iortson. Toronto's margin, in one case, was two minutes. * * * Tl]is happened in the 1913-44 season. That winter Gus starred with St. Mike's throughout the league schedule and tlien, alter tlie Irish had been eliminated from tlie O.H.â- ^. Junior "A'' playofts, he was picked up by Oshawa Generals as a military replacement. Gus helped tlic Generals win the Mem- orial Cup that year but the next season, back with St. Mike's and improving with age, Mortson was a big gun in the Memorial Cup tritimpli of the Fighting Irisli. « * )t< Thus, starting witli the Kirkland Lake juvcnlcs, who won the .\0H.\ and .'Ml-Ontario Juvenile in 1942- 43, Mortson played on three suc- cessive championship teams liel'ore starting in on his pro career. Signed by the Maple Leafs in 1!)4,"), he was optioned to Tulsa Oilers and played a leading role in help- ing the youthful Oklahomans fiKht tlieir way into the L'nited States Pro Hockey League finals. Gus, alternating between dcl''ense and left wing .racked up 21) jjoals and'" 29 assists for ,'i8 points in league coniiietltioii and bagged one goal and eight assists in tlic playofls. * * » 'Ihoiigh burn at Xcvv Li^keard, Ontario, Jan. 21, li)25, Gus has lived most of his life in Kirkland Lake. Gus is a prospector in the off-season, and spent the past sum- mer working in and arouiul a place railed Groumlliop, in Xorthern Ontario. * * ♦ Cunn Sniv the nicknamed liini "The N'ugget" and thinks he can become one of tlie brigh.test of pro hockey stars. lie's a defenscman with speed, has a good shot and re- vels in rugged going, lie was one of tliose invited to take part in the special hockey school conducted by the Leafs in September and after a week's trial as a defenscnian, he was assigned to rittshurgh. * ♦ ♦ Mortson couldn't conceal his dis- appointment, asked Smythe if he could try left wing instead of de- fense as he had had more experi- ence up frotit. Smythe told him to go to Pittsburgh and keep <jn play- ing defense and he'd be back for a trial later on. Little more than two weeks later Mortson returned to the Leafs and did so well that he was retained to start the season. And if the will-to-win counts for anything, Gus will he around for quite a spell. DIGGING IN TO BATTLE CRISIS British 'Jets' in Lead On the record, the British are pretty far ahead of the United States in development and produc- tion of gas turbine engines, both jet and propeller types. Glenn L. Martin, who has been building and flying planes since 1809, told a Senate committee thAt the British are "at least 18 months ahead of us." He tad that eventually luch power plants will be the only type in use, and that the British may be flying the Atlantic with them s year or two ahead o( United Slates air lines. In workman's garb, Capt. Geoffrey Bing, foreground Labor mem- ber of British Parliament, shovels coal to help out in England's coal crisis. Reporting for work at 7 a.m., Capt. Bing Joined a party of over 400 office workers idled by the fuel shortage who put in an eight-hour day helping unload coal from trucks. VOICE OF THE PRESS For Bed-Smokers A new fireproof mattress is on the market, especially designed for people who smoke in bed. It is claimed by the makers that the smoker can burn himself to a crisp without the slightest trace of in- jury to the mattress. One never knows what wonders science will achieve next. â€" Ottawa Citizen. Mother Nature No Slouch The fact that food left by Ad- miral Ricliard E. Byrd in his Little America camp in .^ntartica . six years ago has been found still edible under 2(1 feet of ice proves that Mother Xature is no slouch herself at deeji-freeziiifr. â€" Buffalo Courier-Express. Share for the Victor Surely something Is wrong somewhere; Britain is spending twice as much annually to put Germany back on her feet as tlie British spent in their whole budget ill 1902. ".-Xud meanwhilt Britain is in shaky financial roiulitioii as a result of two wars to crush Gcr- nidn ambition. To the victors, ap- parently, belong the toils. â-  â€" I'etcrborou.qh Examiner. Same Old Admonition A delegate to the Security Coun- cil at Lake .Success, X.Y., said be- fore a single gun is scrapped there should be an assurance of world peace. Merely another way of say- ing keep your powder dry. â€" Port .^rthur N'cws-Clirouiclc. "Those Were The Days" "In the good old days" we had shirts with tails, two pairs of pants per suit, no income tax, nice neigh- bors, road shows, parasols, the Western Fair, private enterprise, churchgoers, home-grown vege- tables, a house to ourselves, time, and faith, hope and charity. â€" London Free Press. Corrected Teacher: "Correct this sentence: 'Girls is naturally better looking than boys'." ,, Pupil; "Girls is artificially better looking than boys." â€" Commerce Magazine. Wakeful Passengers Tomorrow's deluxe train, we are told, will have a movie theatre, a ballroom, a loud speaker system and radios everywliere. Passengers who wish to sleep will hop a freight. â€" Edmonton Journal. Pinching Times It cost citizens of l^laekwater. Mo., one dollar ?pir.-e to vote in their last election. These are cer- tainly pinching times when a citi- zen has to buy his own vote, â€" Guclnh Mercury. Think It Over Some people, says a contempo- rary, are lonely because they build walls instead of brid.ges. â€" St. Thomas Tinies-Jouinal. How You Can Get Quick Relief From Sore, Painful Piles Must people Gcpin tn thiuk the only v&y tn get reliff from toeir bofp, pairifii! pilra ii hy lucnl trrat- nent. Local treatment may live tomporary relief fn>m <be itchiog hut you oan cuily lefl wby auch treat- ment will not correct tlio caiiBO of your piles. No laatiug freeitom from K'le rnuicry can be Imd uu- n ttie cause of the trmi* ble is corrected. Piles are due to ioteraal causes tit the brat way to get but- ioi relief la to treat tliem internally with a mctliciiie like Hem-Hoid, llcm-Itdid ia a formula that bus been used for over 40 years by thousamla of pile sufferers. It is a â- mall, higtily concent ratinl tablet, ftuy and pleasant to uac. This cleverly com- Sounded tablet formula ircrtfl its metlirail aotimi to relief of the coogeatinu that is the real cause of grour piles. Hem-Uo\d pro- motes free, easy and com- Iwtablfl bowel movements, quickly relieves itctiing britation and aoreneas and sUmuIatn better blood sireutation ia the lower boweL With good btood f««Ml by a Prohnhnal Mo^l circulation in the lower bowet the painful plJetumors Boon liiah \rrl(n\iiiK the aeiisitlve rectal membranes clean and heulthy. We invite you to try liem-ltoid and let it prove itficlf. Yun can make your test, in the privacy nf yourownhome. NOCOST >l you ore not convinced tliat tliis is an anmtinely raty and Burpri.siugly effec- tive met hod oft natiugyour Mre,[,ain/ulpile?!. Cift a paekagc of Ilem- Roid today from any druK store and \>fie It as directed for JLST KIVK DAYS. AttliBendofthat time if >ou are n«t abso- lutely Eure Hem-Hoid is the uirest, cleanest and most effective pile treat- ment you ever tried, r** turn the unused portion of the luckage to your drug- gist and he will promptly refund your money. NOTE: This generous ofTtr Is backed by a rsll- able ftrm doing business In Canada for a flood many yean. Hem-Rold must help your pila condition quickly, Mslly and pleasantly or this iltiifile, Miy tMl costs you nothing. Try It today. Why Sea Divers Wear Breastplates Xbe first practical means of ex- plorrttS the ocean's floor was, curi- ously enough, devised by an as- tronomer, writes W. P. Keaskey in the Christian Science Monitor. In 1714 Halley (the man whose name was given to Ilalley's comet) de- signed a diving bell. A little more than a century la- ter, Augustus Sicbe invented a div- ing suit by means of wliicli soli- tary divers could descend unat- tended to the sand or mud of the river or ocean's bottom. One type of diving suit consists ebseutially of a suit made of rubber molded between two layers of strong can- vas. The suit includes a breastplate of metal to guard the diver against the pressure of water. Were it not for this protection, the water pres- sure would prevent him from ex- panding his lungs and drawing in air for Xrcat'iing. Helmet With Portholes The diver's head is protected by a metal helmet which has three round windows or portholes. The air hose is attached to the back of the helmet. Througli this hose »ir for the diver to breathe is pumped down from the ship or dock from which he descended. Since the air hose is subjected to very considerable water pressure, it must be reinforced with wire to prevent the pressure from collaps- ing the hose and cutting off the diver's supply of air. A spcciai valve in the helmet lets out the air that the diver^ expels in breathing. 16 Pound Boots The air pump plays a very im- portant part in underwater oper- ations, for it has been estimated that divers at extreme depths re- quire as much as seven times as much air per minute as they would It the water's surface. To make sure that he will be as lieavy as the water he displaces, the diver wears boots with thick lead soles weighing about 16 pounds each and carries perhaps a hundred pounds or more of lead on his back and chest. Otherwise, the air in his suit might make him so buoyant that he would bob up to the surface like a cork. Palomar Observatory The 20U-inch mirror which is to be moimtcd on Palomar Vfounlain in California is still being ^ound or "shaped" in the laboratories- of the California Institute of Tech- nology, Pasadena, Calir. As mat- ters stand, the telescops should be completed late this summer or ear- ly in the autumn, and scientific work shg;ild begin by January 1, 104a. It has (:ik--ii : i'.etccn year* to bring the project to this stage. SAFES rrotrt't vuiir noOKS nnd C.4^n from KIIU; nnd THIEVKS. We hnve o liljie nnd type of Safe, or Cnbln*!, for any purpose. Vl«lt urn, or »rl(« for prices, etc., to Depf. W. J.6CJ.TAYLDK LIMITED TORONTO SAFE WORKS 14." Fronf St. F.., Toronto CitnlilUhed liMS HANfON.. DO THIS! To relieve discomforts, one of the best things you can do Is put a good spoonful of home- testeti Vlcks VapoRub in a bowl of boiling water. Then feel welcome reli-ef come as you breathe in the steaming medicated vapors that penetrate to the cold-congested upper breathing passages! See '.'.ow this soothes irritation, quietj cough- ing, and helps clear the head- bringing grand comfort. FOR ADDED REUEF. . . rub throat, chest and b«ck with VapoRub at bedtime. Vicka VapoRub works for hours-2 waysatonce-to bring relief from distress.. «.^,^-, Remember,lt'B Vlcks WiCKS VapoRub you want. » VapoRus, ROLL YOUR OWN BETTER CIGARETTES w/r// CIGARETTE TOBACCO ^kHlUHS ate fesfA^e/ RECIPE Add 1 eoTelope Royal Fast Kising Dry Yeast and 1 tsp^ sugar to 1 c; lukewarm water. Stir and let stand 10 minutes. Scald 1 c. milk, add 5 tbs. sugar; add 2 tsp. salt and cool to lukewarm. Add to yeast mixture. Add 3 c. sifced flour and beat until perfectly smooth. Add 4 tbs. melted shortening and 3 c. more sifted flour, or enough to make easily handled dough. Knead well. Place in greased bowl. Cover and let rise in warm place until doubled in bulk, about Ij^ hours. Punch douf;h down in bowl and let rise again in warm place until nearly doubled in bulk, about 40 min. When light, roll out into reaangular^ sheet H" thick. Brusn with melted butter or shortening; cut into strips VA" wide. Pile 7 _ strips together; cut into piece 1" wide. Place inch- side up in greased mufiia pans. Cover; let rise in warm filace, free from draft, until ight. alx>ut 1 hour. Bake in 400"?. oven for 20 ininutesj POPâ€" Same Old Story By J. MILLAR WATT V/Etl. I BOUGHT HCR. As HOM6 ' Ije AND C-AN't KECP HER IN THAT CITHER.' /- - r \ 4 t V A 0- -n r 1. 4 i