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JUST IN FUN Good Morning I An American travelling in Italy Od behalf of his Government itop- pctl at a Email inn for the night and Instmcted the native courier who accompanied him to enter his name In accordance with the local police regulations. Later in the evening he asked the lervant if he had complied with his orders, "Yei," was the reply. "How did you write my rime;" uked the American. "Well, Signor, I can't pronounce It," was the reply, "but I copied it from your portmanteau." ' The American could not remem- ber having affixed his name to his luggage, but, being very tired, de- cided not to press the matter. The next mining he saw the light, when upon coming downstairs he was greeted by the desk clerk with "Good morning, Signor Warranted Solid Leather." A Bit Confused The learned counsel glared at the witness. "Are you positive, sir," he de- manded, "that the prisoner is the man who stole your car?" "Well," answered the witness. "I was until you cross-examined me. Now I'm not sure whether I ever had a car at all." HOLD EVERYTHING "Thanks for the lift home, Zeke!" Old Fashioned When it comes to salaries, too many of us believe that the ma- jority of our schoolteachers are still holding fortli in the little red schoolhouse. â€" Cliristian Sciciiic Monitor. Now He Knows A fond mother received tlic fol- k>win letter from her son: â€" "Dear Mum â€" I joined the Xavy because I liked the way the ships were kept so clean and tidy. But I never knew until this week who keeps thefii so clean and tidy. â€" Love Jininiy." Turning Over the Helm Said Mr. Ildbson: "A baby's troublesome, that's true; but re- member tlic hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." Replied his wife: "Well, then, suppose you as'^unic world domin- ion for the evening while I go to the cinema." Works Both Ways The little moppet upon going to bed always insisted that lier bed- room door remain open. "Is it be- cause you want to let the light inf" asked lier mother. "No," came the amazing response, "it's to let out the d.irk." Important Role Sammy: "Mother, we're playing we're elephants in the park. Please come." Mother: "What can I do?" Sammy: "Vou can be the lady that feeds candy and peanuts to the elepliants." Discussion on Cheese A reader reasonably asks; "Why i« it that .Sui'is cheese has all the holes when linibiirger needs the Tentilalion so badly?" Appropriate? "You've been tearing about at fifty miles an hour, miss, and I'll hare to report you. What's your name?" "Prudence." Canny Laddie A Scotsnuin entered a bank and asked if he ciMild borrow a dollar lor a year; the bank official thought the request unusual but agreed provided he could furnish some security. The Scotsman said all he had was a $I,(JUU savings bond. So the transaction was made. At the •nd of the year our friend the Scotsman returned and paid back the dollar also sewn cents interest on the loan, receiving his savings bond in exchange. After the busi- ness was completed the bank offi- cial, pent up with r'uriosity, asked why the man insisted on such a strange transaction. "Sir," said the Scotsman, "1 have visited all the banks in your fily and each one asked five dollars a year rent for a safety deposit box in which to keep my savings linnd â€"this w.ny I had it tak'-n i :i' .• >\ for a mere seven cents." DID YOU EVER SEE A HORSE DO THIS? Down in New Zealand horses do funny things. The^e lazy beasts sit on their haunches most of the day at a ranch near Te Awamutu. To Build World's Largest Pipeline In Saudi Arabia American oil companies have holdings in Canada, Wnczuela, Ar- gentina, Colombia, Peru, Hungary, Rumania, Netherlands East Indies, Iraq and Saudi Arabia. The last is one of the most important, says the New York Times. Saudi Arabia contains 5,250,000 nomadic people, BIO, 000 square miles (twice as large as Te.xas\ mostly of desert and oases â€" and under them vast reservoirs of oil which some estimate as equalling. the United States reserve of 20 million barrels. In lOS.T the Texas Company and Standard Oil of California bought from King Ibn Saud a concession to exploit the country's oil re- sources. Their jointly owned Ara- bian-American Oil Companj' has recently picked up sucli monientUTn that since 1043 production has mul- tiplied ten times, to 73,000,000 bar- rels a year. At Dhahr.in on the Persian Gulf Coast, every drilling ' in the past year has brought in a gusher. The chief brake on even larger output has been limited ship- ping to take the oil out of Arabia to world markets. Last week plans were set for construction in Saudi Arabia of the world's largest pipeline. 300,000 Barrels Daily The new line will be 30 inches in diameter, about 1.200 miles long, with at least 300.000 barrels daily capacity. (Big Inch, from Texas to the United Stales East Coast, is 1,25-4 miles but only 2-t inches in diameter, with 250,000 barrels ca- pacity.) It will run from Dhahran northwestward through Trans- Jordan to a Syrian port on the Mediterranean, On westward ship- ments it will save 3,500 miles. When the pipeline is comi>Icted about 1050, Saudi Aral)ia will have yearly production of at least 110,- 000,000 barrels of oil. It will then rank fifth in world oil production, behind the United States (.1,711,- 000,000), Venezuela (323,000,000), Russia (149,000,000) and Iran (120,- 000,000). For every barrel taken out of Saudi Arabia, Ibn Saudi will, by terms of the concession, be paid' 23 cents. Special Uniforms Canadian I3oy Scouts may soon be wearing a new style winter- uni- form instca<l of the traditional shorts and shirt but tradional garb is not being discarded completely. said Maj.-tieii. I). C. Pry, chief commissioner for the Canadian Boy Scout Association. The traditional shorts and sliirt, worn by scouts of 31 nations, would only give way in the winter nioi-.tlis to something more siiitalile for the climate, he said. MOUTHFUL Sandra Lee Evans of Columbus, 3., is 11 months old â€" and she's rutting teeth numbers 17 and 18. VIost babies have 8 or 8 teeth at 17 months, about 20 at 30 months. Why Alberta Gets Spring in Winter The Chinook is a peculiar "ani- mile" whose habitat is Southwest- ern Alberta. It appears in Winter when it is very welcome. It comes, too, in Summer, when it is one of those very unwelcome hot winds which wither crops in 48 hours if they haven't a lot of moisture at their roots, relates the Lethbridge Herald. It's in Winter, of course, that we brag about our Chinook wind. It may be 40 below in the morning and 40 above by mid-afternoon. Xot long ago the mercury here went from 34 below zero to 40 above with 30 hours while the rest of the Prairie West was left shiver- ing. It's little wonder we boast. Last week we had a Chinook. Before it got under way in all its glory and vigor South Alberta's foothill range country was largely covered with snow, and ranchers were worrying whether they would have enough feed to carry their cattle through till Spring. The Chinook wiped the snow out within four days, and the cattle left the valleys and took to the hills, where the range grass, cured last fall, was waiting for them just as, before the white man, it waited for tlie buffalo. The result is that the rauchei-s have been given a breather, and they will be hopeful now of grazing for the rest of the Winter so that their disappearing hay supplies will be saved for use during possible Spring blizzards. ♦ * * Men of tiic meteorological ser- vices and scientific experts do not always agree about the Chinook. Where does it come from and how does it get to prairie level after apparently coming across t h e mountains at 10,000 to 15,000 feet? We learned in our high school physics classes that air when heat- ed rises and cold air flows in to take its place. But the Chinook ap|>ears to operate in reverse. Here is warm air coming down ff-oni above to displace the heavier frigid air. What has happened to our physics in that case? Chinook, the Encyclopaedia Bri- tannica tells us, "is a name given to a wind which blows from west or north over the Rocky Jfount- ains, where it descends as a dry wind, warm in Winter and cool in Sunnncr. It is due to a cyclone passing northward, and continues for a few hours to several days. It moderates the climate of the eastern Rockies, the snow melting quickly on account of its warmth and vanishing on account of its dryness, so that it is said to 'lick up' the snow from the slopes." In the same authority we learn that Chinook is the name of a tribe of Indians who held the area along the mouth of the Columbia river in Oregon, and as the Chin- ook comes from that general direc- tion we suppose that's where the wind got its name. .-Vt any rate the general impression is that the Chin- ook gets its warmth from the Japan current in the Pacific, which also gives the Pacific coast its mild tem- lieratiirc. • * ♦ But we arc still stymied when we try to figure out how the Chinook, blowing . to Lethbridge over the Rockies at a height of 10,000 to 15,000 feet â€" Mount Cleveland in Glacier National Park, directly southwest of Lethbridge, is 11,000 feet â€" still conies to earth on a 40- below day as a warm wind. It isn't in the physics books. Russell H B.ennett. of the Sho- deree Ranch on the Waterton river frings of Waterton National Park, an engineer by profession and a rancher by choice, tells us in his book, "The Compleat Rancher," that the Cinook pets its warmth by the mass of air being forced in from the southwest and being compress- ed between cold air masses around it and, pushed by the weight of the weather mass which started it over the mountains, becoming warm by friction, so that it comes down from the mountain pca"-5 in a heated state. His explanation looks as logical as that of the Encyclopaedia Bri- tannica, at least. .\\ any rate w-e have often seen the Chinook reach Cardston or Pincher Creek, there to run u pagainst an immovable mass of frigid air. and hang along that front for hours on end, 40 de- grees above on the western side. 40 below on the eastern side, and neither side apparently ;.ble to win out in the battle. .Xnd airmen have told us, too, of going up from Leth- bridge airport during a sub-zero day on the ground and finding the Chinook 40 above at 2,000 feetâ€" which may or may not be what the physics teachers taught us. At any rate, we're in tiie Chinook belt which brings us Spring on oc- casion in the middle of Winter. Perhaps we shouldn't worry so mucli about the pliNsics of it â€" let the weather man do the worrying. Smokeless Logs from Powdered Coal A process for making a new type of smokeless fuel from West- ern soft coal is now being tested in Salt Lake City. The New York Times reports. If it' fulfils expec- tations, the smoke nuisance can be eliminated. K. L. Storrs is the in- ventor of the process. He passes finely divided coal continuously through a vibrating heated horizon- tal retort. .-Vt a temperature of about 500 degrees centigrade the coal becomes semi-plastic, so that it can be compressed and extruded in the form of long, hard "logs" about two inches in diameter. Only three minutes arc required to con- vert the powdered coal into smoke- less logs ready to use in stoves, furnaces or open fireplaces. The chemical by-products arc recovered during the healing process. By a relatively simple modification of this process a coke can be obtain- ed that would be especially useful in practically all metallurgical In- dustries. 'Gossip' Defined Definition of gossip: ".\ form of winter sport which cm be played by any number of persons from two upwards. It can be greatly en- joyed by those participating in it without regard or thought for the suffering of perliaps innocent vic- tims." The definition was given by Sir James Andrews, Lord Chief Justice of Northern Ireland, in court recently. YOUNG CRIPPLED BOY IS CAMPAIGN SYM^LI Meet "Timmy," 9-year old Oshawa lad who has been selected to be the living symbol fot the Ontario Society for Crippled Children campaign which is being held throughout the province March 19 to April 5. "Timmy," shown here playing with his inseparable com- panion, Lassie, is one of scores of similarly handicapped youngsters aided by the Society through its medical aid, nursing service, ortho- paedic appliances and summer camps. To raise funds to continue this work, now in its twenty-fifth year, forty million brightly col- ored Easter Seals are being distributed across Ontario. VOICE OF THE PRESS Egyptians Surprised Heavily-taxed Egyptians have been dismayed to learn that when on the departure of the British they have to undertake tlicir own de- fence it will add the equivalent of a quarter of a billion dollars to their national expenditure. â€"Ottawa Citizen Enterprise Revival Collective farmers in the Soviet Union henceforth are to get "pay- ment by results," instead of "a standard payment equal for all." Sounds rather like a revival of private enterprise! â€" Ottawa Journal Rat Hunt This was a Government reply to a question from the opposition in the British Hpuse of Commons the other day: "The total numlicr of people em- ployed in the rat-catching depart- ment of the Ministry of Food is 20S and the cost is $540,000: 104 of these people arc engaged in admini- strative and clerical work and 104 are catching rats." â€" Hamilton Spectator. Understatement Among all the shining examples of understatement, Britons nowa- days would probably give top place to the word "austerity." â€" \'ancouvcr Province. Worst Yet to Come British airborne troops are being detailed to put down rioting in the Punjab. What would the people of India have done had the British troops withdrawn months ago? What will they do when the British troops eventually shake the dust of India from their feet a couple of years hence? â€" Brantford Expositor. Their Own Fault Bears in the Moose Jaw game preserve haven't slept at all this winter, and officials don't know- why. Maybe they ate before they went to bed. It often has that effect, you know. â€"Ottawa Citizen. A Quaker's Warning A (Quaker investigated a strange noise in tlie night and found a burglar ransacking a room. He took his fowling piece and called down from the stair landing. "I would do thee no harm for all the world, friend, but thee staudest where 1 am about to shoot." â€"This Month. Democratic Procedure An opposition party member in the Phillippines is under arrest for tossing a hand grenade at Presi- dent Manuel Roxas, because he didn't like his policies. Over here the oppositionists throw a motion of non-confidence, followed by a couple of amendments. â€"Windsor Star. them with MINARD'S LINIMENT ^fc f ji â-º Rub on freely, and note W3^ quick relirr. Greaaelesa. -ARCE ECONOMICAL Fest-JryinB. No strong S'ic 65c o'lor- 18-44 CHECK ACID mmsmn ' HEARTBURN' ^ NAUSEA The quick, easy PHILLIPS' Tablet 6IRLS! IVOMEN! TRY THIS IF YOU'RE NERVOUS On 'CERTAIN DAV«» v«„<.f»Ki„ <- j . On 'CERTAIN DAYS' off Jhe Month 1 Do female functional monthly disturbances make you feel ner- vous, fidgety, cranky, so tired and dragged out"â€" at such times'? Then do try Lydia E. Pinkham's c4>^€.0ifu(A»Hi Vegetable Compound to relieve 8uchsymptom8.Thisfine medicine IS fcry effecth'e for this purpose! For over 70 years thousands of eirls and women have reported benefit. Just see if vou, too, don't report excellent results! Worth tn,'ing. VEOETABLI COMPOUND POPâ€" "Voice From the Cellar BY J. MILLAR WATT THERE ARE RUMORS OF NEW DEPOSITS OF COAL BEIHS M n POUND ' ^^ -f r I T V * 41