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THURSDAY, APRIL 26, 2007 THE NEW TANNER 7 GRAPEVINE with Mike OLeary The Way I See It We need a laugh about now I dont watch a lot of programs on CBC, except for hockey and other sports of course, but one of the programs I do enjoy is Air Farce. Of all the characters, I look for- ward to the inquisitive philosopher to give me a good giggle. Think we should all be ready for a few laughs. I present the following philosoph- ical gems for your enjoyment. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor Atheism is a non-prophet or- ganization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self- help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. What if there were no hypo- thetical questions? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple per- sonalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situa- tion? Is there another word for syn- onym? Where do hermits go to get away from it all? What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid some- one will clean them? If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? What was the best thing before sliced bread? One nice thing about ego- tists: They dont talk about other people. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? How is it possible to have a civil war? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? If you ate both pasta and anti- pasto, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of as- steroids? Why is it called tourist season if we cant shoot at them? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? Definition of a fanatic: some- one who cant be persuaded to alter their point of view and wont change the subject Definition of a two humped camel? A horse designed by a committee. Hope you enjoyed. See you next week. AIDS awareness The North Halton group of Grandmother to Grandmother a Stephen Lewis Foundation AIDS/ HIV campaign meets May 1 at 7 p.m. at Trinity United Church. The Grandmother to Grand- mother campaign raises awareness and funds for the AIDS/HIV pan- demic in Africa that has killed so many mothers, that grandmothers are raising their grandchildren. For details, call Elly at 519- 853-3896. Environmental award Congrats to 15 Robert Little School students who received a Halton Youth Award for Environ- mental Excellence on Friday at the Bell Chairmans Breakfast on the Environment. Work submitted by the Grades four and five students William Bedard, Devon Frobert, Susanna Huotari, Sammy McCarthy, Devin Rose, Jaci Ruttan, Jesse Wilkinson, Rebecca Bath, Spencer Beaumont, Ellis Gold, Mitchell Lauzon, Ma- cayla MacInnis, Ryan Newman, Lauren Saelzer and Jessie Smith following a creek cleanup in September was amalgamated into a submission for the award, de- signed to encourage and support youth environmental efforts. Each of the students received a loot box from Halton containing environmental gadgets and prod- ucts and Robert Little School will receive $500. Breakfast time Knowing the importance of a good breakfast to student achieve- ment, McKenzie-Smith Bennett School opens its Breakfast Pro- gram on May 15. Backed by a grant from the Food for Thought organization, the MSB Breakfast Program will serve up a quick and nutritious breakfast two days a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) before class. Goal setting What is your motivation and how can you make it work for what you want? You can explore those issues at a seminar titled The Road Less Travelled with Wendy Hue of Partners in Progress on May 8 at the Georgetown library. Hue is a professional certified coach and certified sales profes- sional who will donate the $5 ticket price to the library for busi- ness resources. Space is limited. Call the library at 905-873-2681 for details. Disappointed deferrals Nineteen people who had hoped to give blood at last Thursdays clinic at the Acton Legion were disappointed when, for various reasons, they were deferred from being a donor. Many of the people who had been deferred - the most in recent memory had the flu or a cold within the past month and some had been on holiday. Canadian Blood Services of- ficials and local volunteers are grateful for the 57 units of blood that were donated. Defib fundraiser Proceeds from a May 26 perfor- mance of the Lulus Roadhouse Band at the Ballinafad Community Centre will help buy a defibrillator for the community facility. Defibrillators, which can save lives of heart attack victims, have been installed in many public buildings and facilities for civil- ian use. They cost approximately $4,000. The band is the same one that backed many famous performers who played at Lulus in Kitch- ener. Tickets are available at the Cen- tre, or the General Store. Thunder Silver Congrats to Kaylee Kearns, 14, a member of the Guelph Thun- der Bantam BB hockey team that won a Silver medal at the Ontario Womens Hockey As- sociation championships earlier this month. Kearns, a Grade nine student at Acton High School, had a strong rookie season playing defence for the Thunder that was edged 2-1 in the final. Kearns learned her skills playing Acton House League and Select hockey with the boys. Birthday wishes Actons Joyce Carpenter had double the fun on Sunday when family and neighbours surprised her with a birthday party at her home the same day Carpenter celebrated her mother, Mrs. Tilley Brines 101st birthday at a Guelph nursing home. Murder mystery Theres still time to purchase tickets for Actons Old Town Hall Dinner Theatres presentation of Shady Acres Shenanigans, a mur- der mystery at the old Acton Town hall on Saturday, May 5. Tickets can be bought until Saturday night at Acton Home Hardware, Halton Hills Furniture & Appliances as well as Dollar Stretcher Daze. The event includes a buffet dinner, cash bar as well as the performance. Think Bowl winners Congrats to the intermediate Think Bowl team from McKen- zie-Smith Bennett School that brainstormed their way to a third place finish at the Halton-wide Think Bowl competition earlier this month in Burlington. Each four person team is pre- sented with an issue and must come up with a feasible solution backing up their work with a booklet and skit showing their problem solving, dramatic and thinking skills. The MSB team included Dal- las Shewfelt, Megan Paul, Colin Brennan, Matt Watson and Alex Sheriffs. DUTIFUL DONATOR: Actons Mike Murray, a regular donor, was kept company by his daughter Sam and Canadian Blood Service volunteer Julia Roehrig (centre) as he gave blood at the clinic last Thursday at the Legion. Frances Niblock photo THINK BOWL ACES: Members of the McKenzie-Smith Bennett School Intermediate Think Bowl team earned a third place finish (of 24 teams) at a Halton-wide Think Bowl competition earlier this month. The problem solving aces include, from left: Dallas Shewfelt, Megan Paul, Alex Shirreffs, Colin Brennan and Matthew Watson. Submitted photo