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HALTONH1LL8CHJTLOOK Saturday My7 Entertainment Outlook Is the world ready for designer coffins Much as we might hale admit ilare art few things in this world more impressive than a inspired mar kiting campaign The whole philosophy of marketing is quite brilliant in its sim come up an item hat is no practical value to anybody hen millions of people thai pre what they want He enough about it and you anything jogging shoes Greatest is Willie Even George Bush That why I been so struck by brilliant that have be In hatched recently by the clever folks in the coffin business On the face of it would seem pretty darned difficult to orchestrate an to the category of impractical items you nonetheless wont A coffin Is undeniably something you need sooner or later It also you want even less than root surgery Hut s didn deter a company down in Virginia from unveiling a lev months back a new and exciting line designer coffins The company is offering as hi on con consumers the choice of the black and gold model the wood and metal Hancock the white Abigail or the Jefferson in twotone blue And inside the caskets a company spokesman was quoted as saying we axe using designer fabrics from soft cottons to satin and the tradl liotial velvet At first quite frankly I remained a hit skeptical about the whale notion The twotone Jefferson be proud to be caught dead in about our exclusive long term plan gradually the of the thing to dawn on me These folks are tapping a lucrative mar kit ninth no one else has tried to Ihe dead Yuppie wlo wants his last gesture to a lilting summation of his life Someone whose has dinly buome more disposable in and who not alas in the market for any moreracquetball sdg ported that an in lirpr ng businessman in London has taken aim at the other end of the coffin market Shopkeeper Steve is mar wail for it a doit yourself coffin kit The kit costs about U S says Mr Nicholson so that customers will save a fortune as the price of coffins continues to go up And best of all the Coffin can be used as a table or cocktail cabinet until it s needed for its Again 1 was just a bit skeptical when I first read about this amaung en ire pre I scheme These things may indeed make handy tables but it kind of hard lo picture the family gathering happily round the coffin for Sunday dinner And using one as a cocktail cabinet might Involve a certain unpleasant symbolism By all means Fred go right ahead and pour yourself a 12lh drink of scotch The bottles right there in the coffin There s also a psychological barrier hat might hinder the sale of coffin kits A coffin really something like lo buy for yourself and also falls short of being the ideal gift for someone Put it this way the wife might mis lerpret the gesture if you gave her one for your anniversary Alllhcsome IhatllOOprice-tagisap- And assembling a your self kit can often be an enjoyable pro ject for the whole family I finished mowing the stupid lawn Dad I II clean up the stupid The real McQueen By Dick Kleiner Dear Dick I have wondered or years about Steve McQueen I almost married a young man who was in the Army at the time who looked to Steve McQueen His name was Johnny Scrogglns We both lived In Arizona in the Are they by some chance the same What was Steve McQueen real name and where was he brought up L Okmulgee Okla DearMLW Sorry to have to bunt that pretty bubble but the late actor was born Terrene Steven McQueen In Beech Grove Ind and raised in In polls and Slater Mo No gins he Dear Dick Can you tell me If the woman who played the part of Angel In the mini series Windmill of the Gods was the same actress who was In the short lived but funny series Open All Night a few years ago Alpena Mich Dear LKH Yes same actress Her name is Susan Tyrrell and she always good for a fine performance rage later Can I help you assemble your coffin now 1 Gosh What il bolls down la a lemma for the consumer two com different but equally appealing lines of coffins to choose from Part of me wants lo save a fortune by ordering that kit and acquiring a lovely planter in the process But an other part of me wants to rush straight out and buy the white Abigail 1 been dreaming of On Ihe other hand I may just sit back and wait for the dentist to persuade me that what I really want is root canal surgery luuu4 i i wheres my THE YELLOW SUBMARINE STREET GEORGETOWN