The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Pge WEEKEND OUTLOOK April 1991 Editorial The Loony Award Apparently I have a devoted My Devoted Readership Club held Its regular weekly meeting the other day in the usual location an available telephone booth and after a longetUhanusual session lasting almost three minutes came up with what I feel is a brilliant idea It was suggested that I search around for worthy recipients who would receive a weekly Loony Award Any individual op group would be eligible for the weekly award to be presented at some yet-to-be- determineadate The first winner of the Loony Award is none other than Federal Minister Otto Jelinek the former figure skater who along with other members of the federal Progressive Conser vative Party is skating on very thin ice Mr directed Revenue Canada to fork over to pay for special goldcolored pins which are to be distributed to the approximately 8000 federal government employees who helped on the controversial Goods and Services Tax scheme The pins cost about each have been embossed with a maple leaf emblem and the nota tion 1991 In a note aecoimwinyinp pin Jehnek writes Your part in this accomplishment is sincerely appreciated Please wear this commemorative pin with pride and my personal thanks It really is comforting to know that our federal revenue minister Is putting Canadian taxpayers money to good use This is the yoyo who came up with the to en courage crossborder Chopping in British Columbia In presenting Mr Jelinek with the firstever Loony Award we suggest hat those who receive the pins wear them where the sun never shines Nominations for the Loony Award will be accepted from the general public l being that Maybe Im paranoid but it f anyone with a white background is increasingly being shunted aside from mainstream And is in a supposedly prides itself a cultural mosaic I am Scottish by birth and Canadian by choice and proud of my heritage as everyone should be people of British extraction helped found Canada Our parliamentary system as well as our Judicial system are based on the British model We are asked to respect people from other countrys cultures as well as their beliefs and tradi tions yet why cant we ask the same in return If we do we are termed bigots or racists or rednecks and relegated to a closet along with other unworthy anachronisms Hold the phone someone has their wires crossed somewhere I am neither a bigot a racist nor a male chauvinist but it ticks me off when one of those lines is tossed out Just because you disagree with someones point of view of things I dont care if a person is black yellow pink or green but by the same token an idiot is an idiot no matter what their color or place of origin And I will voice this opi nion when and if the need arises The United States has become such a great country because its citizens are Americans first regardless of their heritage It is the great melting pot The same cannot be said of Canada unfortunately because the multicultural monster has run amuck Do unto others as you would have them do unto you so the saying goes All well and good To borrow freely from the cliche Dont throw the baby out with the bathwater The baby is Canada and the bathwater represents new im migrants Dont throw out either the baby or the bathwater But always remember people of British extraction helped make the bathtub and its tough taking a bath without some sort of foun dation As I see it anyway Poets Corner COCOON OR CRV8ALIS There was a time I did fear change And was stack on the spot I mean lnncb wan at twelve Dinner six on the dot What I may have thought back then From the heart though it seemed Would make me now shrink Though as a finale redeemed No matter bow different I may have felt In the past I feel we are progressing Even with shadows being cast shall always feel lonely Choke back many a tear With all of my memories Those I hold very dear No matter bow strange Some may seem to me now We are as a trysails Keep changing somehow This Is our evolution To me anyway That we goon changing so Day after day Lois A Richardson Georgetown IN THANKS I really cant remember much that day When ice and slosh made our van go astray But God has spared my life anew And also blessed the children too Yon have no name nor face tome But you were there as helpful as can be I thank yon all for what youve done Now we again enjoy life In the sun HIGHFLYERS Over the fields and factories they soar Testing their wings at heavens Circling round and round again Above the beads of working men The fact that theyre Hying An accident of birth The inevitable tragedy will fall to earth By JB Acton The Hills HERALD Home Newspaper of Halton Hills Established 1 A Division of Canadian Newspaper Company Limited Street Georgetown Ontario L7G 3Z6 K ROBERT MALCOLMSON Publisher and General Manager 8772201 COUMOBSON Mtiugloo Sport Editor CLASSIFIED Joan Mi null CmCVLATION StwflMll ACCOUNTING lna SATES I 00 all I WOO ma AdWthlng adwtfMt grata thai not tor alar bayonet amount In by thai portion if Mentha Ninja Turtles coin This is kind of the way I felt when I discovered that Canada may become the first nation in the world to issue an anniversary coin being the image of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Let us pause briefly to weigh our response This will probably be something along the lines of boy Or possibly dude It seems the Royal Canadian Mint has decided to honor the anniversary of Confedera tion in by striking a new quarter for each of the pro vinces and two territories plus one special loonie And in order to come up with the appropriate designs the mint held a nationwide contest which resulted in entries Thinking up an appropriate design for a specialissue loonie is an interesting enough exercise in itself After all you want to come up with a design that truly says something about the state of the nation Perhaps the mint could issue a special loonie in honor of the GST a loonie which would of course be stamped with cents On the other hand the mint might like to honor the most pro minent of our current crop of a man who can surely be hailed as the mother of all Fathers of Confederation by offering a specialissue Mulroney loonie This coin would bear the prime ministers smiling visage and be guaranteed to get stuck in dnnk machines As it happens unfortunately the contest is already closed You and I can no longer make Weirs World by lan Weir Ttttffltfn News seivfcs There are times when the mind just doesnt know where to start boggling first tions Still the Canadian Press recently circulated a story helpfully listing some of the more interesting entries And the one that really caught my eye wsa the one Ive already mentioned Jill of Prince Edward Island wants a coin commemorating the Turtles Well At this point lets start by hoping that Jill Jolley is a beam ing eightyearold with pigtails and rosy cheeks If shes actually a 42yearold systems analyst we dont want to know Let us look on the bright side There are worse things surely than having the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the national coin Just try for instance to im agine a Teenage Mutant Ninja Beaver Still lets get to the fundamen tal point at issue here The point is this what is it with those stupid turtles anyway Oh I know Im probably too old to be able to understand the Younger Generation anymore Im 34 and out of touch Its sad really to wake up one morning and realize that youve been reviling MC Hammer and exalting the Beatles with the same passion with which your father used to revile the Beatles and exalt the Andrews Sisters Its nightmarish when you think about it In 30 years Lawrence grandson may have his own TV show And his house band will undoubtedly be theRoIlingStones Still you discover that the se cond Turtles movie is now out You discover they have their own record album You read in the paper that theirs is now the mostwatched cartoon in the history of TV And you say to yourself whats wrong with kids these days Dont they have better things to do Or to put it another way why arent they watching Bugs Bun ny Its a terrible thing to discover that the classics of your youth are being shunned by a shallow new generation You start to lose faith You start to conjure pathetic fantasies about the final episode in the Turtles cartoon series in which True Justice will be done Yosemite Sam will materialize in the sewer advis ing our heroes that they are shell- bearin varmints and offering to blast em to tarnation In fact But wait This is turning into a tirade Shame on me Hey I welcome the issuance of a brand new Ninja Turtles Weve got to make an effort to keep up with the times after all So tell me whos your favorite New Kid on the Block