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Page THE WEEKEND OUTLOOK Friday June 1991 A writers story Even during my formative years I knew that some day I would be able to make a living as a writer albeit a meagre living Pshaw you exclaim look that one up Bill Well leave us recon noitre the past and peer into what possibly could have led me to have such demented thoughts I was born in Scotland and the family moved to Canada when I was fiveyearsold My first recollection of this glorious coun try was being unceremoniously dumped into a snowbank in Kirfcland Lake while my mom and dad went about the task of setting up our new residence in the Great White North I didnt mind the snowbank so much except for the fact this dog kept wandering by and waving to me with one of his hind legs I think that was when I wrote my first column in Canada in the snow It had something to do with dogs and mercykilling I fell in love with my Grade One teacher who thought was cute because I used to write her love letters with a Scottish accent She had long red hair and must have been about sevenfeettall Of course I was short at that time and kept bumping into her knees When I found out she had become engaged I was furious and broke up our romance vow ing to become a monk because of her infidelity I wrote her one final note and since I liked french fries explained that I was so heartbroken I was going to become a chipmonk The family niovfcd to Cochrane I was enrolled in Central Public School and my budding writing career really took off It seemed no matter what I did I was constantly in the bad books with school authorities This might have had something to do with the fact that I very rarely opened my own books Back in those days especially in the hinterland school punish ment ranged from standing in the cloakroom which I didnt mind because then I could snag an ear ly lunch to writing lines to get ting the strap The teachers gave up giving me the strap so I was constantly writing lines etc I tried using ditto marks more lines and ended up writing secret messages like cryp- As I See It by CoSn Gibson tographs which I thought only I could decipher No such luck Mr Matthews was good at cryp tographs He also seemed to en joy giving me the strap On to high school where creativity was stressed in writing Colin was absent from school yesterday I would write because the family cat came down with a rare disease that is especially dangerous to Grade boys who pass a sleeping cat on the porch Our cat sleeps on the porch We are attempting to find another place for the cat to sleep My crowning writing venture before I officially entered the field of journalism came at University in my Religious Studies course It was what we termed a bird course taken to fill out first year required credits The course was taught by a minister who had a truly philosophic outlook on life in general and religion in par ticular At the end of the course we had to write an essay explaining what we had learned during the year and what the course meant to us in life My essay was rather short I explained I had learned you dont party the night before when you have an 830 am class and that by giving me a passing mark I could advance to second year and get on with my education Amazingly he gave me a pass ing mark Some advice to budding writers Write what you feel Be honest about your feelings and this will be reflected in your writing Above all however watch out for dogs when you are writing in snowbanks As I see it anyway a Poets PARADISE LOST This is no time for endless fog The dust settles swiftly This Is no time for my country as skin begins to rot Right or Wrong remember The is here now what thai brought and heaven is forgot They ay to each other This is no time for congratula I wonder who was first tions but does It really malter This Is no time to turn your for now weve lost the Earth back Sean Davis This is no time for cir cumstance This Is no time for learned speech YOU WANTED TO BE FREE was standing on the corner Watch in the world go by up It wont come this way again knew that you could see me Out of the corner of your eye But you just kept on walking look the life out of me This is no lime to ignore hate You just shrugged your shoulders you are Self knowledge is a dangerous And said you wanted to be free thing It was the way you walked This is no time to ignore warn And the way you ings That got ahold of me This is no time to turn away When your words were spoken and drink or smoke vials of crack My heart was broken This Is a lime to lake dead aim You wanted to be free and attack Greg Smith This is no time for saluting Acton flags This Is no time for political speech THERE IS NO TIME This is the time for action This Is no time for celebration because the futures within reach This no time for hands This Is the time This Is no time for back Because there Is no time no time for bands Wayne This is no time for optimism Acton Editorial The Halton Hills HERALD Home Newspaper of Halton Hills Established 866 A Division of Canadian Newspaper Company Limited 45 Guelph Street Georgetown Ontario 326 K ROBERT MALCOLMSON Publisher and General Manager 8772201 CLASSIFIED Joan CIRCULATION Maria ACCOUNTING RATES SlnelaCapydnSlixai- all mom month Tha claim copyright on all original nam and by afflptoraaa and in National Advadlalng IS SL W Toronle Ontario or MO Calhcarl Monbaal adtatlltaf agraaa hat a hall naUalordamaaaaariilngoulalamira In amount or actually by thai portion In which la to Iha of Hi or and lhara no liability lor non of any adrartliamant amouni paid for TOASTER THEVUE AIL WRS Tax dollars going to dogs I dont know about you but I had a wonderfully warm and fuz zy feeling when I discovered bow of our tax dollars are be ing spent this year Apparently this is the cost of maintaining Revenue Canada dogs in a luxury doghouse and training facility at Que Good lord The governments harshest critics have been right all along Our tax dollars really ARE go ing to the dogs This is really quite special con that taxation nor mally give us much to feel warm and fuzzy about To tell the truth this is the first time Ive either warm or since the in come tax deadline on April 30 I dont like Co sound like a whiner But Im a freelance writer and the fact is that in come tax is even less fun for freelancers than it is for normal people If youre a freelancer your in come tax contributions are never deducted at source instead you get to pay the whole shot with one cheque at the end of the taxation year This reminds us that the word freelance is derived from the Latin roots mean ing poke in the eye and lance meaning So I get to go through a ritual every April I go downtown to the office of my kid brother the ac countant who does my taxes Mike tells me gently to sit down and brace myself Then he flicks some lint from the sleeve of his suit bums my last cigarette and breaks the news I go home and write my cheque to the government trying brave ly to think I am making my contribution to the national debt This is quickly followed by a more practical thought which is I shall now go stand on a Weirs World by Ian Weir Thornton Newt Service street corner and sell pencils Oh you try to be philosophical about writing large cheques to the government You keep trying even when in the company of friends who are happily cashing their rebate cheques But you lapse occasionally seizing them by the throat and shrieking- Thats my money Still Ive been felling much better ever since I read about those Canada dogs and their hotel Granted Im not quite clear on all of the details For instance Im not sure why Revenue Canada needs dogs in Que in the first place Perhaps this is just a humanitarian gesture based on the belief that Revenue Canada officials NEED dogs since nobody else is likely to befriend them On the other hand if we allow ourselves to indulge our anti- government paranoia for a mo ment we might entertain a much darker and more sinister possibility Perhaps this is part of a scheme to put more teeth in the tax laws Revenue Canada is try ing to find a way to cross mild- mannered accountants with fighting dogs in order to come up with a new breed of Pit Auditor But this seems pretty farfetch ed So lets just console ourselves with the thought in the middle of a recession the government is spending per year to pamper mutts Its the sort of thing that restores your faith considering that the government might other wise be tempted to spend the on four new senators When you stop to think about it it might be an excellent idea for the government to hire a lot more dogs Just consider The countrys falling apart the economy is col lapsing and neither the politi cians nor their highpriced ad visors seem to have a clue what to do In such dire times how much better it might be if the prime minister were able to turn to a truly faithful and resourceful companion and cry Lassie Go get help Write us a letter The Herald wants to hear from you If you have an opi nion you want to express or a comment to make send us a letter or drop by the office Our address is Street Georgetown Ontario L7G All letters must be signed Please include your ad dress and telephone number for verification The Herald reserves the right to edit letters due to space limitations