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Now I have pink undies I know I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive. I do things in a certain way, every time, in the same order, putting things back-- you know the drill. The Sidekick, on the other hand, isn't quite... well, let's just say she has her own way of doing things. And they are rarely the same way twice. Now that's okay. Life is full of little adventures when you approach tasks that way. But once in a while it can be stressful. Now I'm not for a moment saying I'm right and she's wrong-- all I'm saying is we simply take two different routes to get to the same destination. And doing laundry is one of those little tasks where we tend to differ. I take all the baskets of dirty laundry down to the washing machine, and sort out the blacks, colours and whites as I load the machine. She sorts them all upstairs in the bedroom, then hauls them down, one `category' at a time. I think my way is less labour intensive, but it doesn't really matter, so long as the job gets done. But this week, we had an issue. You see, part of my laundry ritual involves checking EVERY pocket in the clothing that is going into that washing machine. I even turn my own clothes inside out-- every little pocket, even that stupid little change pocket that you can't even get two fingers in, on my jeans. No pocket goes unsearched. Now The Sidekick does check pockets-- so she says-- but I kinda wonder if she checks her own as stringently as mine. Monday, she started work late, so she decided to run a couple loads of laundry. I spoke to her on the phone and she said, "Can you do a load or two after you get home?" Naturally I agreed, and when I got home later in the day, I loaded up the washing machine and set it in motion. I then opened the dryer, to unload it in preparation of the load running in the washer beside it. It was full of whites-- dress shirts, T-shirts, and, naturally, lots of underwear. I put my arms in the dryer and pulled out the dry clothes in one big 7 Independent & Free Press, Thursday, May 20, 2010 Ted Brown bundle, into the waiting laundry basket. I noticed a metal rattling sound as I pulled them out, so I looked in the dryer. It was a lipstick container. An empty lipstick container. I wondered where the lipstick part was. After a cursory look at the whites, I discovered where it was-- all over the whites. My good dress shirt, a couple white T-shirts-- and we won't even talk about my tighty-whities. Suffice to say, they looked like I'd had a very uncomfortable surgery while wearing them. The Sidekick was adamant she'd checked all the pockets, but the lipstick had to be in the pocket of a previous load. You see, I don't wear lipstick, and The Sidekick doesn't have a lipstick pocket in any of her underwear. Well, at least none that I'm aware of. And the previous load of laundry had been colours, so, like Sherlock, I deduced that The Sidekick must have left the lipstick in her pants pocket. (Jolly good Watson!) Funny thing, that load didn't appear to have picked up any trace on those clothes. It must have stayed in the washer, and came out with the whites, then melted in the dryer. Regardless, there's nothing left to do but try to get the reddish-pink stains out of the good clothes, or toss any items which were on their last legs. (Farewell favourite Stanfield's with the blue and gold stripe on the waistband, sob, sob.) Two things have resulted here. One, we WILL check every pocket in the laundry, without fail. And two, I just might think about switching to black undies just in case. --Ted Brown can be reached at tbrown@independentfreepress.com "Finally! A Bra that offers comfort and support without underwires!" 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