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Vlllugo 125 Wutt. in Rd MUN Plan a)teille 25 THE OAKVILLE BEAVER Phone 549-5364 642-2205 339-272 M7-700 BIO-7736 8M 338.082t 338-102 512-5‘02 336-3583 047-9633 Mb Mt “2-6220 60-7333 044-0726 3154424 0417014 942-3793 338 BM 6000 6890 $393 -”‘0 6606 866 experts kn Even our arches! nationalists find their ears a-tingle to distant drums. We were told last week our big pension funds, like teachers' federations' and other super-heated Canada Firsters', now hold record pogies of foreign investments. Ah, free trade! It's coming. Everybody knows THAT. Despite Jean Chretien’s show-off maple leaf rattling in Washington. And super- patriot Maude Barlow's re-cycled But don't, my friends, take my word on re-jigging your money affairs on your own. Not even with the euphoric promise of a free trade-borne universal investment boom. Consult your resident anti-Yank paranoia. A happy hour for us seniors with our fixed income supplements crying to be juiced up. Even our archest nationalists find their ears a-tingJe to distant How does free trade affect pensions? Ask your banker ruo nu "JUL?! ' $.am _ avglayr - 1225 TRAFALGAR RD na c7j,)js,,.t,.t /,,,eii?i'ii)jiiiii,ia/,-i',i:i,', P081711 3H1!!! a2.'%gr,tilgr1J2tggg WampoleVltamlnE d think time and hard hould guarantee us oldsters 1235 TRAFALGAR RD El 'rtgtl"tttugttllttggttrb'u accr-Cir5iFthifFiE Tylenol discretionary skills to place our money where it counts most and risks least. I'll make a confession. I'm an exception, relic of a long line of frustrated money tutors. I refer, for example, to Gordon Pape, current high priest of money matters. When he worked for me at Financial Times, I felt obliged to cloak my disability in his chosen art. Oh, Gordon, would that I had picked your brains for insider clues! Prof. Hewetson, the noted eco- nomics learned, had his go in my freshman year. Sadly, his custom of showing up for morning lectures in distracting dishabille, fly at half- mast, up-staged Adam Smith and nomics learned, had his go In my All of the above explains why, freshman year. Sadly, his custom of on the threshold of free trade's showing up for morning lectures in golden age for our golden years, distracting dishahille, tly at half- I've SOS'd my banker lady. Think mast, up-staged Adam Smith and about it. Signature Fund Raiser The St. John Ambulance will hold its first ever fundraiser since begin- ning operations in Oakville back in 1957. it's First Signature Fund Raiser at SportDomes on Dec. mm. The aim Iitpriorscope n "e 1 845-0800 'eu?fEijtt.,t Maalox Ms PJMUPBIIIDI‘I I cfs ~] TlrtparTttm A I mm mm Humpty Dumpty Ma Paoet was m; lt will. I ikTist Viva The event is being co-sponsored by the Oakville Beaver. Tickets are, available at the Beaver, 467 Speers Rd., SportDomes at 1113 North Service Rd., and at the St. Johs" Ambulance. For more information", ticket reservations or to make donaE tions to the door prizes and silent aucé tion, call the St. John Ambulance at 844-4844. c.', The Oakville St. John Ambulance. is interested in launching the Dog Therapy program in Oakville, an program co-ordinators Doreen Brock and Jim Newell will be 5 SponDomes, along with some dogs. : Special feature for the evening will be demonstration and explana- tion of the St. John Ambulance Therapy Dogs. This new program, which aims to become national, trains dogs and their owners to visit the lonely and sick to develop a bond of friendship. The Therapy dogs pro: gram began last year in Peterborough with six dogs and eight people: Therapy Dogs are trained and pul through a 'Canine Good Citizenship Test,' and owners are asked if thet are comfortable with visiting the sick (and dealing with the circumstances related to the illness) before dog and owner are accepted into the program.", Marx. No chance for academic sobriety amidst the giggles. Next came Manhattan's celebrat- ed American Management Association. With high hopes, Ford dispatched me to their high-faluting seminar "Financial Management for Non-Financial Managers." . On my third day of charts and in- speak, I aborted to Lexington Avenue's Pink Poodle whose piano player did "Blue Moon" with Keynsian artistry. t “ McMaster’s after-hours MBA course was my last chance stop on the high road to money comprehep- sion. The prof blind-sided me with his first assignment. Do a dissertation, he command- ed, on Ford's current shareholder reports. Who'd just researched and written the damned things? Yours truly. A boring semester loomed, stampeding me back to the streets. "We hope our first fundraiser will be successful and become an annual" event," said John Burkus, chairman of the St. John Ambulance board of directors. is to raise $4,000 from the sale of 350 tickets at $25 each, allowing people to sample SportDomes' facilities (bat- ting cages, driving range and minia- ture golf), enjoy a buffet dinner, and place bids for unusual auction items. The First Signature Fund Raiser, from 6 p.m. to midnight, will feature, door prizes and a silent auction, both for such items as a Sony ghetto- blaster, restaurant gift certificates, engraved stationary, four hours of business consulting, clothing, sports memorabilia, and free income tax ser- vices. C "We're looking for donations, mostly of an unusual nature - the more unusual the better, for our silent auction, so people can have some- thing instead of us just asking for their money," said Burkus. "We're looking for off-the-wall stuff." ' Dec. 1,1993