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Eptember 28, 1994 By SHELLY SANDERS GREER ipecial to the Beaver hen Madeleine Buhlau‘s parents were robbed while they were sleepâ€" ing in their home about year ago, she realized violence and crime could affect anyone, anywhere. er parents felt violated and worried about what would have happened if they ad woken up and surprised the robber. This personal runâ€"in with violence shook Buhlau and when, a couple of months ago, she and a few other memâ€" bers of the Oakville Baha‘i Faith were discussing possible ideas for a panel sesâ€" sion, she mentioned violence as a topic. This idea became a reality on Sunday afternoon at the Central Library auditoâ€" rium where four speakers addressed a small group of people about violence, its effects on the family, and the resources available to help victims cope. We felt it was time to bring awareâ€" ness to how violence affects us all," said Buhlau, host for the session. "Because of the fear of violence, we lock the doors of our car, and the doors of our +house when we go for a walk. We don‘t «walk at night after dark...because of the threat that‘s out there." "Remember, when you were a child and had a bandâ€"aid for a sore," began Stella Perkins, a volunteer for 20 years with the Oakville Distress Centre (forâ€" merly Crisis Centre) and the first panel member on the program. "You could wear the bandâ€"aid for a little while, but eventually your mother told you to take it off and let air in to help it heal. In sociâ€" ety, when people hurt, it‘s okay to bandâ€" aid it for awhile, but eventually, you have to let it heal." Perkins went on to explain that although the 70 volunteers with the Distress Centre are not professionals, they are highly trained, like people, are nonâ€"judgmental, and are exceptionally good listeners. ‘"Speakers like me are a dime a dozen," she said modestly, "but listeners are very rare...we do not give advice, we simply listen." The bulk of the calls to the Centre are from loneliness, what Perkins calls society‘s sickness today. Other problems come from the breakdown of marriages, wife and child abuse, and some people «are suicidal. "When I first came to Oakyville many years ago," said Perkins, "the biggest crime was having your milk money stolen from the front porch. This is a permissive society we live in today â€" and it‘s up to us to do something about it The hardâ€"line policy for domestic assaults was the focus of Halton Regional Police Sergeant Peter Hodgson‘s talk. As the person in charge of the Crimes Against Persons Team, he is responsible for investigating assaults and child abuse claims. Healing mission at St. Simon‘s THE OAKVILLE BEAVER Panelists at Sunday‘s workshop on violence, sponsored by the Baha‘is of Oakville, are from left: Sgt. Peter Hodgson of the Halton Regional Police; Sue Ellen Slater of Halton Women‘s Place; Joanne Dye, volunâ€" teer; and Stella Perkins of the Oakville Distress Centre. "We have a very strict policy for domestic assault," said Hodgson. ""If an officer has reason to believe an offence has been committed, he or she can lay a charge. So if we receive a call that a wife is being assaulted, there is no option. We lay a charge. And once a charge is laid, it cannot be withdrawn. Only a crown attorney can withdraw a charge." According to Hodgson, in 1993 in Oakville, there were 120 reported domestic assaults, and charges were laid in 114 of these cases. Oakville is fairly consistent with other regions in the area and the numbers over the last few years have been very constant. Hodgson also reminded people to consider the vast number of assaults not reported to police. "‘This is a very significant problem in the community," he said. For women and children in need of a place to stay, away from an abuser, Halton Women‘s Place, with a shelter in _ Milton and another in Burlington, offers a safe haven. Sue Ellen Slater â€" a comâ€" munity outreach worker from Halton Women‘s Place â€" discussed the facilities and what they offered, and distinguished the different forms of abuse. "‘There are 14 beds in Milton and 20 in Burlington, but there are times we have to turn women away or double up," she began. "Our facilities have sepâ€" arate bedrooms, shared bathrooms, common areas, large kitchen areas, and counselling rooms. There is also a highâ€" ly sensitive security system to give the women maximum protection." "It‘s very hard for society to recogâ€" nize that abuse happens â€" I still hear people say it doesn‘t happen in Halton. But one in seven women are abused in our community." Physical abuse, as described by Slater, involves hitting, pummeling, and Canon Mark Pearson of New Hampshire, president of the Institute for Christian Renewal, and a Warden of The Order of St. Luke the Physician, will be the keynote speaker at a Christian Healing Mission at St. Simon‘s Anglican Church, Trafalgar Road, this Friday and Saturday. Canon Pearson will speak Friday, Sept. 30th between 6 and 9 p.m.; and again on Saturday, Oct. 1st, between 8:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. He will present four teachings. Registration is $20 single and $35 per couple, call registrar Janice Harris at 905â€" 257â€"0084. There will be no child care. Canon Pearson will also speak at both Sunday services, 8:30 and 10:30 a.m. Choose from Fabutous SmIM' +100% Porvestep souns + CHALUS PRINTS + BROADcioty . BRUSHED PLaigs ©100% woot surting > 100% woor cagpg PRiNTS + POLYEsTERwoor DOUsLEXNIT CREPE + CORDuROY Priyrs . PLAIN vetyey Pl4sâ€" SPECIAL BLQ PATTERNS Aropy ,..}'f{"z’z’;’a SPEND $50 ON REG. 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Sexual abuse, which can occur even within a marriage, means the abuser doesn‘t listen when the victim says no. The final abuse described by Slater is financial, where the victim has no money and no access to money. If she is a stayâ€"atâ€"home mother, the abuser does not recognize that this is work and that she deserves a realistic budget. ""Most women who are abused leave their abusers five times before they leave for good," explained Slater. ‘"We give women support and let them make their own decisions. 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Matching fabric/accessories not included. Store books only ULTIMATE VALU PAINTER‘S CHOICE® ENVIRONMENTAL CARE lolence affects whole society, ot just its victims â€" panelists counselling services. Most of the women we see blame themselves."" Joanne Dye â€" an active volunteer in many children‘s agencies â€" spoke last about the impact of violence on chilâ€" dren. "Children who see wife abuse believe it is acceptable to hit women; that men are powerful and women are weak," she said. "It diminishes a child‘s sense of self worth." "Signs of abuse in the home can be found in children as early as preâ€"school age," continued Dye. "Young children may have physical complaints, excesâ€" sive separation anxiety, sleep disturâ€" bances, and selfâ€"destructive behavior. Older children may be constantly. seekâ€" ing approval, and they may have temper tantrums. Adolescents may seek instant gratification with drugs and sex... We need to give kids solutions and options... They need to understand that anger and frustration are normal, but violence is not okay. If violence is a learned behavâ€" ior, it can be unlearned." "A lot of things are being done for things that are already happening," comâ€" mented Laila Eiriksson, a concerned parent. "But what are we doing to preâ€" vent the violence?" "There is work being done in high schools to raise selfâ€"esteem," answered Perkins. "It‘s not enough, but we‘re tryâ€" ing to convey to kids that it‘s not their fault." ‘"We‘ve neglected our responsibiliâ€" ties to kids as role models," said Brian Eiriksson. "They‘re interested in sports heroes like Michael Jordan. But heroes like him are too shallow, without subâ€" stance, without the things we want our kids to be." 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