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6- The Oakville Beaver Weekend, Saturday September 20, 2008 www.oakvillebeaver.com The Oakville Beaver 467 Speers Rd., Oakville Ont. L6K 3S4 (905) 845-3824 Fax: 337-5567 Classified Advertising: 905-632-4440 Circulation: 845-9742 The Oakville Beaver is a member of the Ontario Press Council. The council is located at 80 Gould St., Suite 206, Toronto, Ont., M5B 2M7. Phone (416) 340-1981. Advertising is accepted on the condition that, in the event of a typographical error, that portion of advertising space occupied by the erroneous item, together with a reasonable allowance for signature, will not be charged for, but the balance of the advertisement will be paid for at the applicable rate.The publisher reserves the right to categorize advertisements or decline. Editorial and advertising content of the Oakville Beaver is protected by copyright. Unauthorized use is prohibited. Commentary Guest Columnist NEIL OLIVER Vice President and Group Publisher DAVID HARVEY General Manager JILL DAVIS Editor in Chief ROD JERRED Managing Editor DANIEL BAIRD Advertising Director RIZIERO VERTOLLI Photography Director SANDY PARE Business Manager Metroland Media Group Ltd. includes: Ajax/Pickering News Advertiser, Alliston Herald/Courier, Arthur Enterprise News, Barrie Advance, Caledon Enterprise, Brampton Guardian, Burlington Post, Burlington Shopping News, City Parent, Collingwood/Wasaga Connection, East York Mirror, Erin Advocate/Country Routes, Etobicoke Guardian, Flamborough Review, Georgetown Independent/Acton Free Press, Harriston Review, Huronia Business Times, Lindsay This Week, Markham Economist & Sun, Midland/Penetanguishine Mirror, Milton MARK DILLS Director of Production MANUEL GARCIA Production Manager CHARLENE HALL Director of Distribution ALEXANDRIA ANCHOR Circ. Manager WEBSITE oakvillebeaver.com The Oakville Beaver is a division of Use 211 and 311 to simply busy days Gary Carr, Halton Region Chair Gary Carr simplify your tasks? When you need information about community services or access to the services provided by government partners in Halton, dial 211 or 311 to eliminate the time you previously spent searching through the blue pages. The 211 three-digit number is an information and referral service. The Halton Region staff members who answer the phone will help you find information related to all of the community, health and social services available to you in Halton Region, no matter who provides those services. You can dial 211 to get information related to finding a family doctor, options for child care within the region, inquiries about employment insurance or job training programs, and much, much more. The 211 service is available 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year. Halton Region staff answers 211 calls using a comprehensive database of services and programs, which is professionally maintained by Information Oakville and other Halton Information providers. The 211 service is also available online at www.211halton.ca 311 is a direct access line to the government partners in Halton. By dialing this three-digit telephone number from within Halton, you can request a service or receive general information from regional and local governments, Halton Regional Police, the Halton District School Board and the Halton Catholic District School Board. You can use 311 to contact the Town of Oakville to sign up for swimming lessons or ask about library hours. Or you can dial 311 to contact Halton Region to find out about water restrictions or garbage pickup. 311 will also connect you to the Halton Regional Police Service for non-emergency calls, such as hiring a police officer for special events. You don't need to know which organization is responsible for a particular service -- one call does it all. The Halton Region customer service representatives will route the calls to the right people at any of the partner agencies for quick and seamless service. The 311 service is available during business hours, but calls of an urgent nature such as sewer backups or flooding will be handled immediately. Please remember that 211 and 311 are for non-emergency calls only. Always call 911 in the event of a fire, police or medical emergency. Non-emergency calls to 911 are a serious problem because they could delay response to a real emergency call. The 211 and 311 telephone numbers have given us an opportunity to further enhance single-window access to the services that residents need. Remember that you can call 211 or 311 in any language and your call will be answered by helpful, reliable people who are there to help you. If you have questions about 211 or 311 just call either number or visit Halton Region's website www.halton.ca. IAN OLIVER President Media Group Ltd. Canadian Champion, Milton Shopping News, Mississauga Business Times, Mississauga News, Napanee Guide, Newmarket/Aurora EraBanner, Northumberland News, North York Mirror, Oakville Beaver, Oakville Shopping News, Oldtimers Hockey News, Orillia Today, Oshawa/Whitby/Clarington Port Perry This Week, Owen Sound Tribune, Palmerston Observer, Peterborough This Week, Picton County Guide, Richmond Hill/Thornhill/Vaughan Liberal, Scarborough Mirror, Stouffville/Uxbridge Tribune, Forever Young, City of York Guardian RECOGNIZED FOR EXCELLENCE BY: Ontario Community Newspapers Association Canadian Community Newspapers Association Suburban Newspapers of America A s always, fall is a very busy time of the year for Halton residents. Why not take advantage of Halton Region's new three-digit telephone lines to THE OAKVILLE BEAVER IS PROUD OFFICIAL MEDIA SPONSOR FOR: United Way of Oakville TV AUCTION The table's set and he's serving up heaping helpings of defeat S o I asked my wife (actually, I believe I taunted her): Are you a cigar? Cause you're about to get smoked. Are you the Titanic? Cause you're going down. Are you a drum? Cause you're about to be beaten soundly. And then (not very maturely, I must admit), I insulted her mother. But, then, there isn't anything mature about trash-talking. According to the world's foremost source on virtually everything -- I'm referring to Wikipedia, not my know-it-all-uncle Willard -- "trash-talk is a form of boast or insult commonly heard in competitive situations (such as sports events) and often used to intimidate the opposition." And trash-talking, as it has evolved from the early days of Mohammad Ali humorously riffing on other boxers ("I'm gong beat this guy so bad, he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on") to today's yappy athletes talking serious smack, often includes insults aimed at an opponent's mother. You may well be wondering, what was I doing trash-talking my beloved, the mother of my children, and what was I doing insulting her mother? It's a matter of personal history, the sport of ping-pong, and two apparently highly competitive people. First, the history. In high school when I was dating the girl who would become the woman who would become my wife, we Andy Juniper had a summer free of commitments, so we went looking for things to do. We found ping-pong in the form of an awesome table in my basement. We began to play. She thought she was better than me. I knew I was better than her. And then -- here's where our competitive natures reared up -- we decided to have a summer-long tournament to determine a true champion. We thought big: the first per- son to win 500 games. The first half of the first game in our first-to-500 tourney was friendly enough, but then things deteriorated: from friendly to spirited to heated to all-out war. In time, nerves were frayed, blood was spilled, fun was forgotten, and we nearly split a dozen times over contested points. Now, I like to say nobody won the tournament, while my wife is inclined to note by the time we truncated the tourney -- a mercy killing, some 400 games into the affair -- she had a commanding lead. Periodically over the years, my wife and I have unwittingly found ourselves in a room with a ping-pong table -- in a hotel games room, or a friend's rec-room -- much to the chagrin of anyone who happened to be around us. In such instances, our rather intense rivalry is instantly reborn. And after a few games it's always obvious to me that (a) I'm the superior player (b) for the sake of our relationship, we'd be better off retiring our racquets. Which was all well and good until last weekend when our eldest showed up at our house with, well, a ping-pong table. His friend's family is moving and their new home has no room for such extraneous paraphernalia, so he brought the orphaned table to our place. I could see the gleam in my wife's eyes as we set up the table. I could smell the competitive fires being stoked in her soul. I watched the wicked grin spreading across her lips as she picked up a paddle and I heard pure evil in her voice as she challenged me to a game. Kissing my marriage goodbye, I accepted her challenge. I picked up a paddle, looked her in the eye and advised: Hey, hon, go grab a big, fat spoon and come taste defeat. Andy Juniper can be visited at his Web site, www.strangledeggs.com, or contacted at ajuniper@strangledeggs.com.