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yr HOLD EVERYTHING "I told you those weren't ducks we were following â€" they were P-SSs!" A Substitute Scene, landing stage. Business gentleman, in a hurry, to dock loafer: ''Sec here, my man, do you want to earn a half-a-crown?" Loafer: "Don't I just, sir?" Very well; stand on this spot for half an hour and wave this hand- kerchief as hard as ever you can. My wife is off to America with this steamer, and she'll expect me to stand for that time waving to her. She's a bit short-sighted, and she'll never know tlie difference." A Circus A hard-driving taxi-man ignored a red signal, threatened the traf- fic policeman's knees, missed the street island by an inch, and grazed a bus, all in one dash. The policeman hailed him, then strolled over to the taxi, pulling a big haiulkcrcbief from his pocket en route "Listen, cowboy I" he growled. "On your way back I'll drop this and see if you can pick it up with your tcetli." The Catch The benevolent old man was try- ing to in.stil the spirit of ambition in an obviously unenthusiastic office boy. "My boy," he said, "do you know the secret of success in life?" "No, I don't," the lad replied, frankly. "But I'll bet there's a catch in itâ€" like all the rest of them things. I'll lay you a hundred to eight it's soriiething to do with hard work." THE SPORTING THING "Oh, he goes out an' goes through the motions â€" then we eat eggs!" Good Advice A young girl at the University of Missouri recently wrote her mother, air mail special delivery, as follows: Dear Mother: Please send me money for a new dress immediately. Have had sev- eral dates with Jimmy and have worn each of my dresses once. We have a date tomorrow night and I must have another dress right away. If you don't send the mon- ey, send a new dress. Thanks. RUTH. Her mother answered: Dear Ruth: Get yourself a new boy friend. Persistent MacTavibh was very shy. When he went to his first dinner party he made frant'c efforts to begin a convcrsaion with the lady at his el- bow. "Docs your brother like cheese?" She turned with a smile and re- plied; "I haven't a brother." Dead silence for another spell. Then lie said: "If you had a bro- ther, do you think he'd â€" he'd like cheese?'' Worse To Worse Tlif inii;>ic master of a school hail been lecturing on Mozart, li''. hoven, and other great musicians, when one of the scholars was struck by an original thought. "How is if, sir," he asked, "that musicians arc always so ugly?" Tlie nni-ic niasler Iciokerl eniliar rasscd. The seeker after truth >u(ldenly realized with horror that his ques- tion might l)c taken personally, and he liastiiicd lo make amends. "Of ronr.'^e. sir." he said, tactfully, "I only mean good musicians." LATE STATESMAN HORIZONTAL 1,8 Pictured late South American statesman. 13 Wiring anew. 14 Coronets. 16 On account (abbr.). 17 Believer In an ism. 18 Boon. 19 Employ. 21 Kast Indian shrub. 22 •young dog. 25 Ambary. 26 Long pasture grass. 28 Subduer. 32 Not old. 33 Mend, 34 Egyptian goddess. 35 Distant. 37 Mediterran- ean island. 40 Rodents. 41 Editor (abbr.) 42 Necessity. 44 Heart (Egypt) 45 Electrical Answer to Previous Puizle term. 47 Organ of hearing. 48 Slumber. 82 Tavern. 63 Symbol for ruthenium. 54 Led. 56 Providing food." 59 Movements. 60 Intercalates. VER'nCAL 1 Cause. 2 Exclamation of pain. 3 Two (prefix). 4 Silkworm. 5 Hazards. 6 Powerful explosive (abbr.). 7 Giant king of Bashan. 8 Old Testa- ment (abbr.). 6 !Equip. 10 Sailor. 11 Man's name. 12 European pike perch. 13 Defeat. 15 Heavenly body. 20 Before. 22 Postpaid (abbr.). 23 Slope upward. 24 He was of Argentina tintil June 24, 1942. (pi.). 27 Jugs. 29 Kind of nar- rative poetry. 30 Indian antelope. 31 Yes (Sp.). 35 Parables. 36 Near. 38 Sheltered side. 39 Longs. 40 Headstrong. 43 Narcotic. 46 Cut. 49 Consimie. 60 Dutch city. 51 Dash (slang). 52 John (Gaelic). 65 Symbol for dysprosium. 56 101 (Roman). 57 Railroad (abbr.). 58 That thing. Let Me Out A pretty girl got into a bus that was full of shoppers. Immediately a man got up, but before he could speak the girl -said: "It's very good of you, but I'd ra- ther stand." He raised his hat and began: "Iâ€"" "No, really, 1 mean it." "Butâ€"" "I assure you, it's quite all right." "But," he shouted desperately, "I'm trying to get out." Abbreviated The private had been given the jobs of announcing the guests at a party at the major's house. "Captain Jones, Mrs. Jones and Miss Jones," he called when they arrived. "Shorten your announcements," whispered the sergeant. "Captain Jones and family would have been sufficient." The next arrivals were Lieut. Penny and his family. 'Fourpencel" announced the private. :5\ VOICE OF THE PRESS Our kindly radar signal to the moon was thrown back in jur faces in 2'/i seconds. On a rebulf thai fast, we figure that they don t like us. That is under standab'c, at the moon gets .-.round, and on any clear night can see what go-;s on down here. â€"Ottawa Citiz'^n. Grandma Was Wisa Millions of lives are being saved by penicillin, made from breid mold, so maybe those stale bread poultices Grandma used to swear by weren't so wide of the mark. â€"Windsor St^r. So Long as Th&y Eat I Another trouble is that about ].- ^46.287,430 of the world's two bil- lion don't give a darn who rules them so long as they are well fed. â€" Calgary Albertm. They Get Even A cynic remarks that wives talk twice as much as their husbands; but the men compensate fcy listen- ing to only half of what their wives sry. â€" Fort Erie Times-Review. Preposterous I Suppose the farmer wanted a 41)- hour week and 30 per cent mn-e fci his produce. â€" Quebec Chronicle-Telegraph. 'Right' and Wrong In Ottawa, Hume Wright, nev/ man in the Department of External Aff.;irs, reported to his cousin. Un- der Secretary Hume Wrong. â€"Time. tVt^lUi CHECKED //t a JtYfi/ -or Money Back For quiclc relief from itcliing caused by eczema, athlete's foot, scabies, pimples and otiieritchint conditions, use pure, cooling, medicated, liquid D. D. D. PRESCRIPTION. Greascless and stainless. Soothes, comforts and quickly calms intense itcliing. Don't sufier. A,sk: your dnissist todav for D. D. D. PRESCRIPTION. For Eczemaâ€" Skin Troubles M!il<e up your mind today that you are going to give your slcln a real chance to get weil. Go to any good drug store and get an original bottle of Moone's Emerald Oil â€" It lasts many days because it la highly concentrated. The very first application will give you relief â€" the Itching of Eczema is quicl<ly stopped â€" erup- tions dry up and scale off In a very few days. The same Is true of Itching Toes and Feet. Barber's Itch, Salt Rheum and other slcln troubles. Remember that Moone's Emerald Oil Is a clean, powerful, penetrating: Antiseptic Oil that does not stain or leave a greasy residue. Complete satisfaction or money back. Aids .\ coffee salesman was travelling through the South, and as he wait- ed for a train in a little southern town he chatted will a lazy looking colored man idling on a bench at the station. "Ever drink coffee?" he inquired with an eye to stirring up interest in his line. The colored man allowed he drank a lot of coffee. Pifty cups a day, he answered. "Fifty cups a day! Doesn't it keep you awake?" inquired the astonished coftee salesman. "Well, it helps," ansvvcTed the colored man. An Oversight The officer gazed sternly at thj private who had been brought be- fore him. "Did you call the sergeant a liar?" he demanded. "I did, sir." "And a twister?" "Yes, sir." "And did you go on to describe him as a pop-eyed, knock-kneed, black-blighted stooge?" The private hesitated. Then, with a note of regret in his voice, he replied: "No sir. I forgot that!" Not A Chance A young woman whose beauty is equal to her bluntness in con- versation was visiting a house where other guests were assembled, among them the eldest son of a wealthy manufacturer. The talk turned to matrimonial squabbles. Said the young man: "I hold that the thing for the husband to do is to begin as he in- tends to go on. Suppose the ques- tion was one of smoking. I would at once show my intentions by ligliting a cigar, thus settling the question for ever." "And I," said the young wom.in, "would at once knock if out of your mouth.'' "Do you know," riijoined tlie young man, thoughtfully, "I don't think you would be there." FAMILIES APPRECIATE the grand, satisfying flavor of Maxwell House Coffee. They love the fragrant goodness of the choice Latin-American coffees that distinguish this su- premely fine and delicious blend. HhtAikt tktKf Never neglect haad coldsl They can cause aiuch suf- fering. A little Va;-tro-nol up each nostril works fast right where trouble Is to re- lieve sneezy, stuffy- distress of head colds. Soothes ir- ritation, reduce.'3 swelling, makes breathing easier. Try It I Also helps prevent many colds from develop- ing U used In time. Follow Bva^Bs^ directions VKKS ""°'"- VA-n®-!i®L (2£c<^o Me :Be<}tS7m4e <^ T/ce Z)ci^ MUTT AND JEFF â€" A Sort Of Lend Lease On The Awning, I Takes It •y. By BUD FISHER TIRES Heavy Tread Retreads XIOW rillE GU.VRANTEK $9.95 600x16 S 7.10 440.4.'>n/^l, 4no/zo $ T.eO 470-300/10, 47.-.-SOO/20 « 0.6O na.'i/ia .%.-.o/ie. ivio/ir S12.75 02»-6.'>0/l«. eOO-8.'HI/20 $14.80 Truck aOx.-V S ply, 6.10 /'iO 92S.0O :t2se-70O/20 10 ply $.t0.00 34x7-730/:i0 Vi ply Other SUea ot Bquiilly l.ow I'rirea We Ship Everywhere. Order At Once. BUtrite Tire Sales 279 Queen E. Toronto Ontario REG'LAR FELLERSâ€" Going Up! By GENE BYRNES POP â€" Every Little Bit Counts By J. MILLAR WATT » I S My BRAIN THIS TIME VOU CAM T SEE HIM JUST FOTR At:y LiTrte TRIPLE / )v TJ-- «'.;i l.'.-."tU'. lap.) â- *