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â€" >â-  « * : Thrif.v 'lliomas was railitr tlintty. Oa a visil t« :lic United States he de- cided to s< '<! a lelc(irain to his host. On inquiring at tlic Uubt utticc he was to (lie cliargc, but that the sender's name would be (re-. "That'-- splendid." he replied. "I'm a Red Indian and my name i "Cannacumtliemorn Tam." His Reason "Why didn't you marry?" in- quired tlic young man of the old bachelor. "Well, you see," replied the bach- tlor, "when I was quite young 1 resolved that I wouldn't ni»irry un- til I found tlie ideal woman. .M'ter many years 1 found her." ••And tben;';^^ ^^. J.^^. ,t. • "She was looking for the ideal mail," replied the bachelor, sadly. Just Like TThat Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in op- posite directions, yet always pun- ishing anyone who comes between them: THE SPORTING THING "Never mind Johnston â€" they'll do that at the mill!" To His Adva.itaRe Two strangers in a first class compartmen. were in a friendly conversation. The viadows had been closed by previous occupants., and the desultory t;.lk had drifted to the subject of ventilation. "I make it," said one, "an invari- able practice to advise people to «leep with their bedroom windows open all the year round." "Ho, ho!" laughed the other. "It is easy to see your profession." "Indeed, and what do .ou think h is?" "It is fairly obvious," came the reply in lofty tones, 'that you're a doctor." Not at :'.h," returted the first, very confidentially. "To tell you the truth, I'mâ€" a burglar 1" L,eamed His Lesson The memory expert had been giving his turn in the village hall. The audience had not been enthusi- astic, and the questions asked at the end of tlie show really infuri- ated the nian. When one dear old lady came up and asked hiin to what he attri- buted his remarkable memory, he thought it .was tini" to call it a day. "Well, madam," he explained, without a smile, when 1 was in the Air Force. 1 once had to make a parachute jump from a height never before attempted, lust as 1 jumped from the 'plane, the pilot leaned over tlie side and yelled: 'Hi. you've forgotten your parachute!' Believe it or not, tnadani, that taught me a lesson, and I've never forgotten anytliing since." In the Cart "What's this 1 hear, HiKlitlieu- tentant? I'm told you were so drunk last night you pushed a wheelbarrow through .the .iwtive quarter, is that the way to keep up our prestige with these people?" "You ought to know. sir. You were in the barrow." Timt Wasted "This theory ot governing child ten by -appealing to their reas i isn't all it's made out to be." said â-  worried school- tearnei recently "A younysler "lecds a little spanking "Uce m a while. "One ol mv little liuys had skip- ped his classis. deceiveil his moth cr, been loui.d nut, and cau.sej much uiihappiiicss a' luund. I took him aside, ai.d uc hau u heart-to- cart talk Johiiiiy sal still, lookii o at me intently. "I thought I was making greai headway. 1 never ..aw a child who seemed so absorbed, even fascin- ated, by my line or argument. But you ca.i never tell. Just as I had reached the clinia.x in my appe.il to his better "elf a lighi ol di«cov ery broke over Johnny's lace. "Pleas*, teacher." 'c said oager ly, "it's your lower jaw that moves, isn't it?" Hard Luck Allci 'ryMij, m vain lo get a house, Brown set out one morning with a find-a-hoi e-or-dio look on his tace. He w ludcred al.out all day without being successful, till at last his steps led him to the ri\er. ".•Ml!" he said. i;i utter despair, "how temp Mig it looks!" , Suddenly tie heard a splasli, and looking round, he saw l-is friend Green struggling in the water. Without attempting .o save him, lie rusl cd off to the local house agent "ijuick." he gaspi-l. "I'recn has lallcn 111 the rivci. Can 1 have his house?" "Sorry, sir." said the house agent. "1 I'lready lei it to the ma i wIk) pushed him in." Changed "By Jove," said a stranger at a dance, "what a long and lanky girl that is over there!" "Hush," his host whispered. "She used to be long and lanky â€" but nowadays she's tall and stately. She's just inherited a million." NOVELIST HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured writer, 12 Upholstery gimp. 13 Seine. 14 Woody plants. 16 Hastened. 17 Sedate. 19 Seasoning. 20 Insurance (abbr.). 21 Trades. 23 Lady Literate in Arts (abbr.). 24 Giant king of Bashan. 25 Numerous. 26 Ooze. 28 Either. 29 Suffer. 31 Permit. 33 Exists. 34 Electrical term. 36 Order of Merit (abbr.). 37 Symbol for erbium. 38 Make slower. 40 Landed Ans'wer to Previous Puzzle TeIr property. 43 Palm lily. 44 Street (abbr). 45 Alleged force. 46 Compass point 48 Hail! 50 Daybreak (comb. form). 52 Paid notices. 53 Peel. 55 Daze. 56 Nullify. 58 Shop. 59 Cringe. 60 Her is now Mrs. Montagu Barstow. VERTICAL 1 Conveys. 2 'War god. 3 Disencumber, 4 Bone. 5 'Vestibule. 6 Chair. 7 Pig pens. 8 Right (abbr.). 51 Upon, body. 17 Sandpapering machine. 18 Sleeping visions. 21 Rumanian coin. Wl 22 Selections (abbr.). 25 Ship's spars. 27 Supplicate. 30 Cravat. 32 Swedish weight. 35 South Dakota (abbr.). 36 Whirlwind. 38 Opponents. 39 Consumed. 41 Spinning toy. 42 Undergo. 43 Narrow fillet of cotton. 47 Slave. 49 Ireland. 9 Creditors (abbr.) 10 Ardor. 11 Color. 12 "Buckeye State." 15 Heavenly -52 Small particle. 54 Dutch city. 55 Station (abbr.). 57 Babylonian deity. 58 Tin (symbol). J ' 2 3 4. S 6 7 8 9 lO n 1 a '0: 13 i 14 IS It, M 17 la ^ r^^ 19 10 X\ ^1. i3 24 i 2S M Z(, 27 18 29 30 » m i 31 3Z r L 33 34- 35 W 3fc IP 37 r 38 33 8 4-0 41 4-? 43 4-V R f ^ 4-S m 46 47 48 ^3 SO 51 ^^^ ^^1 51 S3 Sf 55 Sfe S7 W ^ *^' / i sa n 53 i m « 60 14 r VOICE OF THE PRESS Troth Conies Out Str.,nge as it may seem, truth occasionally pops out at Nazis tes- tify at Nuernberg. For instance, i! c admission that the annihila- tion of Coventry was deliberately pk.nned, after all these years ot claims that the bombing resulted from tlie planes getting lost trying tc rind another target. â€" Windsor Star. Faith in Humanity In all my travels over the world 1 have never lost hope for the hu- man race because in the lowest slums of the big cities and the hovels of the blighted lands there's always someone bravely strug- gling to make a tiower grow. â€" Detroit Free Press. Something to Laugh At Commenting on international affairs, a London newspaper sug- gests that the greatest need of the world today is a revival of laugh- ter. This opinion seems to be shared by the designers of the new spring bonnets. â€"Toronto Saturday Night. Situation Worsens Fewer men are now applying for farm work than at any time during the war. In Canada's most essen- tial industry the labor situation has worsened. â€" Farmers' Advocate. ' Hot Stuff .\mong tlie hottest news is the story from New York that the pepper shortage in the United States may last for years. â€" Stratford Beacon-Herald. Classy Robbers Some bandits show more class than otliers. Down in ilissouri, a bank was robbed of $7,000, the robber going away in the bank president's car. â€" St. Thomas Times-journal. Reekie . •Occident statistics reveal that home i.s the most dangerous of all places. But with a reckless un- concern for their own safety, peo- ple still persist in hunting houses. â€" Peterborough E.xaminer. , S ^king Secret Rome newspaper charges Sov- ii . Russi '. with running an exten- sive spy service in Italy with the cooperation of Yugoslavia. Evi- dently they seek the secret of wliy Musso didn't topple from that bal- cony soon r. â€" Windsor Star. His Annual Fit With <pring styles in tlie offing father is due to have his annual fit. ^Chatham News. Aim to Please "Do you serve prunes?" the guest asked the waiter. "Ma'am,' he said, "'we serve anybody What'll you haver" â€"Ottawa Citizen. Reminiscent A Japa.iese volcano, now in eruption, can be heard twenty miles away, doubtless reminding the natives of Tojo in his better days. â€" Edmonton Journal. Why? We turned out ships in time oi V r easily but it is impossible lo build houses the same way amid the distractions of peace. â€" Brandon Sun. Upside Down Bound to Get You There's no use. If you make out your income tax return wrong, you are in the hands of the law; if you make it out right, you are in the hands of tlie receiver. â€" Farmers' Advocate. The Stalin Way A man like Stalin, we under- stand, is so used to getting his own way that he writes his diary three weeks in advance. â€" Windsor Star. Mass Production Three hundred typists are need- ed in Britain to speed divorces. .'\nglophobes will say the Briii:i'i were always slow on mass produc- tion. â€" Hamilton Spectator. Or More! Harnessing tl-.e atomic bomb will be like putting the saddle on a hundred million bucking bron- chos. â€" St. Tliomas Times-Journal. Pan lit Nehru, potential Indian Prime Minister, stands on his head every morning before breakfast. We feel like doing the same when trying to understand the Indian problem. â€" Hamilton Spectato.r Inslantine fAST relief/ /O TABLETS ^r> All. '• ONLY ^^^ DBUG&rn: GREEN CROSS MICKONIZID' 50% DDT POW.DeH CONCENTRATE for BARN and LIVESTOCK SPRAY Adual-purposeDDT Pow- der Mixed with water one pound makes one gallon of Barn Spray OR five gallons of Livestock Spray in their most effec- tive form Convenient, economical and no fire hazard V2 lb.. 2 lb. cans 'Rti'ii IrademarH ASK YOUS DEALER FOR 5l4 "^aujW THE SPORTING THING !-T-ro "His mother was frightened by a bulldozer!" MUTT AND JEFF â€" Even at that, it's a good thing the ration book held out. By BUD FISHER REG'LAR FELLERSâ€" A Worth-while Hardship By GENE BYRNES POPâ€" Tire Trench, Colonel; Not Pop! By BUD FISHER â- '^^^ THIS SAP i/<\X^-<. ANP TDRisJS OP ' -w*- V / A6AIN AT THE ^Vr^^ SIR! e=L nf^Ifknd ty Th« Htll Byndkalc l»c)| - 1