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« t « â-  i > ^ ^ « 4 « « 4 4 4 4 4 * 4 •« <« <« 4 I JDST IN FUN Lros Tears Please She was complaining to h« dair>man about the quality ul his milk. "Short o' grass feed, mum: siiuri c' grass lent at this time ol the year," said the milkman, "liiess you, them cows oi mine are iii^t as torry as I am. 1 often stan<is and watches 'em crying because they feel somehow as their milk don': do 'em credit. Vou don't believt me?" "Oh, yes, I believe you." said the woman, coldly, "but 1 wish in future you'd see they don't let all the tears go into my bottle." 'Very Considerate The elderly spinsters were look- ing after two evacuee children. Later a third arrived, an indepen- dent little Londoner, aged IL On his first evening he was al- lowed to sit up with his hostesses after the ihildren had gone to bed. Polite boredom set in. At about a quarter to 10 the lad could bear it no longer. "Well," he said brightly, "if you* two would like to pop out for a quick one, I'll keep my eye on the kids upstairs." THE SPORTING THING "No, you tell me your score â€" I gave n:ine first last time!" A Good Thing "I want." said the hou.-e-huiiter. "a small house in an isolated pos- ition dt leasl live miles from any oti;er house " "I see," said the bouse agent, xviiii ,in understanding smile, "vi 11 want to practise tlie simpU life." ".Vo." ai.swcred the houscluin- ter;"l warn to practise the trom- bone." shortened Life _."lf vou get up earlier in the morning than your nciijliliour," S3 the town phi'osopber, '"and Hork harder and scheme more an-l stay up later planning how to make more money than your ne!.i;hbour, and burn the midnight cil planning how to get ahead oi him while he is snoo/ing nut onlv will you leave more inoncv when yu die than he will, but you will do it a darn siglit sooner." Which? The conceite<l young man was tvcn more boring than usual. "It's a fact," he said witli pride, "th.1t people often take me tor a member of the Guards." His pretty companion was not impressed. "Really? she drawled. '"Fire- railway â€" mud â€" or black? THE SPORTING THING -can't seem to recall the name, but the face is familiar!" Aid Needed A bishop attended a banquet anU a clutus: waiter dropped a plate ot hot ioup in his lap. The clergv- man glanced around with a look ot agony aiid cxclaiiued: "Will some layman please say »omething appropriate." Cruel It was oi;v oi those very small cars and it li.id run out of gaso- line. Knowing the nearest garage was threo miles away, the motor- ist stood beside the road and sig- nalled for I.elp. A large and magnificeni cat stopped, and out stepped a man in a fur-Iincd coat. "Could you spar- me a drop ol gas?" asked the stranded one. "I've run right out." 4li^he e.xpensively dres.sed man «yed the tiny vehicle and said curtly • "It's not gas you want. It's a new H«-' LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Nsher ''But I do pay some attention to your lectures on economy . . . don't tell me you haven't noticed how skimpy yoiur limches have been lately. rrrviiinn Puz/Ie Novelist HORIZON T.^L 1 Pictured author, 13 Age 14 Architeclural units 15 Be indebted 16 Biblical pronoun 17 Individual 18 Australian bird 20 North Dakota (ab.) 21 High card 22 Health resort 24 By 26 Vegetable 29 Partners 32 Equals . 34 Negative 35 Aluminur.i (symbol) 36 Transmits 39 South Paci.".c island 43 Exclamation of laughter 44 Lyric poem 45 Barricade 48 Head cover aig 50 Rhode Island (ab.) 52 Female deer 54 Vat 55 Father 57 Vase 59 Sharpshooter 62 Possesses 63 She has writ- ten one of tJie VER'nCAL ! Lock opener 2 Exist 3 Tantalum (synibol) 4 Path 5 Before 6 East Cer.trnl (ab.) 7 New Hs v.p- shire (a'o. ) 8 Tiny 9 Ideologies 10 Therefore 11 Have 12 Bright color 17 Ocean (ab.) 19 Upward 21 Skill 23 Mimic 24 Afternoon (ab.) 25 Each (ab.) 27 Erbium (symbol) 28 Like 30 Finish 31 Distress signal 32 Strike lightly 33 Yale 36 South Amer- ica (ab.) 37 E.xclamation 38 Grab 40 Cleaning device 41 Hypothetical force 42 Musical note 46 Paid notice 47 Flov.er 48 Wavy hair 49 Bachelor cf Arts (ab.i 50 Go swiftly 51 Anger 53 Abstract be:r., 54 Golf device 55 Standard cl value 56 Donkey 58 Northwest fab.) 60 That one 61 Postscript (ab.) 62 Him 31 7S~]^ 1^8 -â- â- -;*' â- n- i*> 17 18 Another KiKer Toronto's principal coroner ad- vises men v.ho are over 50 to avoid fatigue. Tlie trouble is t!iat if you devote yourself to avoidinsj fatigue, which is 'lad for you. it is quite likely that you will make the ac- quaintance of boredom, which will kill you just as fast. â€" Peterborouah E.xaminer Self-Control First A United States senator comes close to the truth when he claims that what we must control is not the atomic bomb, nur the scientist who makes it. but the ability to make war. In short, we must con- trol ourselves. â€" Chatham News. Many Succeed The Woolworth heiress, denying she w^ould marry a fourth time, said "you can't go on being a fool for- ever." However, one can always try, and it's astonishing how many people succeed. â€" Ottawa JoumaL Please Pass the Egg* Among the numerous schemes for easing the meat shortage, there's a recipe out for "mock sausage" made of cereal. But in face of the wi'.eat shortage it would obviously have to be a "mock cereal" made of sawdust, which in view of the lumber shortage would have to be a "mock sawdust" made of hevvins knows what. We shall pass up the sausage and eat eggs! â€" Otrawa Citizen. Long. Long Ago Then tliere were the good old days when housewives had a bag of sugar in the attic, a barrel of apples in the cellar and a bi« crock of butter in the ice-box. O. mrm ories! . . Stratford Beacon- Herald Up But Not On Asphalt roofing has gone but not on new housing. â€" Quel>ec Chronicle-Telegraph up Professor at Large Absent-minded professors are the subject of a good many jokes. Be- lieve it or not, some time ago, a professor of an Ontario university could not find his train ticket for the condjctor. He was told he would have lo buy another ticket. His distress was terrific, because he Had to find his original ticket to know where he was going. â€" St. Catharines Standard. Hid It In The Store In a v. innipeg groceteria a woman shopper baited at the cash- ier's counter with a package ol shortening atop her basket. The cashier clerk stared for a moment, then said: "Madam, where did you get that? We had shortening yes- terday, but 't was sold 'n a few minutes.' "I know.'' said the s;:opper tri- umphantly. '"I was here yesterday too. but 1 didn't have enough money. So I hid the shortening in the store until today!'' â€" Maclean's Magazine SUBURBAN HEIGHTS By GLUYAS WILLIAMS '«'5J~ A KfiNiTE Fall 5£ffi[D over MRa.PERLEfi BlRfriPAY TAW WHEN SHElHNOKfD MKe.-T^Ll-'MERTcR TviE BOCK £m V.'HICH,l"f 5EEN3,MK6 FllMF-K HAD 1<ElTiV£P ; A:f CHKl'oI'MAe TROM NRb. fiKKsSBV V-WO MAP WCKl 1MEM li^E \ tL MMER BEfcRE M f^E BRir^t TARtV M fHE UFFEffS ' ! JIMttMd n YU •»â-  Crwintt. IM.> POP -Went to Pep's Head By J. MILLAR WATT iVe JUST SeSN -THH NEV«' I=AI-L WATS V Tt« »*1T BTLiWM^ 1Mb) pic vcu HAVta A 1 m ^\r MUTT AND JEFFâ€" Oh Well, You Might As WeU Sit Down and Wait a While By BUD FISHER WHATSTHISJ GIRL'S NAME I YOU'RE / BRAG(31N(3j ABOUT'I PROVE 111 \ Dcv> COME ON!/ THE Wri6R£ STREET DOES SHE) ON THE LiVE?r'>2!i:\ CORNER! .rt wWmTontke' CORNER?', CORNER I UP THIS I STREET,') SAY, we \/ PASSED A y D02EN CORNERS \ WHERE IS '^ HER PLACE) DOWN \ AROUND ' THE ; CORNER I DOWN ' THE I STREET,' j WELL, WHERE ' CN "i . -, •<ER,BuTwt lg IjP / CANT (30 ANY FURTHER TILL TOMORROW! WE'RE AT THE W END OF THIS S STRIP.' r- Most Are Happy U'e would do well to bear in mind that for every war bride wlio is dissatisfied with life in this new country there may be scores who are very well pleased to be here and w'lo intend to remain. Unfortunate- ly it is of the discontented th»i w« hear the most. â€" Urockville Recorder and Times. FAST RELIEF HEADACHES OHIY *«*'â-  OIUGSTOMS Sweet and cool in any Pipe CANADA'S STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO SAY BILL ->HOW COME YOU DONY SEiMTOBEDOING MUCH FENCING LATELY ?| I've been using I OSMOSE . MY j POSTS AT^E NOW I LASTING 3T0 5 I TIMES LONGER./ j 'O. -r^ hMp, i ^ SPECIAL FENCE FOST MIXTURE It'j true â€" 60=^; to 90=3 of the time and money spent on fencing con be scved by using "Osmose Special Fence Post Mixture". Treot the grouno line only and make the whole post lost 3 fo 5 times longer tor 3c to 4c per post. Any kind ol post â€" Pine -^ Spru- ce â€" Poplar â€" Willow or Cedar can be effectively treated with this well-known preservative mix- ture. Over 2,000,000 power and telephone poles and the milHons^.of formers' fence posts treoted with "Osmose" prove these facts "Osmose "really does a |ob, even on green wood. Youf dealer can supply you OSMOSFWbdin»tES!ERVING COMPANY OF CANADA LTD. 1465 Yonge Street Toronto