The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

r* •5 i Y jeST IN FON ^ Long Wait Hw pompous stranger stalked into t)i« o(fi>.« ar<«l demanded to •ti the man.4ger. "I'm sorry, bui he's not nere, replied th« clerk. '.'If there any- thing 1 can do?" "No," snapped the visitor. "1 â- ever deal with underlings. I'll wait until th« i-.-nager returns." *^ery tcU, take a seat," ^aid (be cicrtr, and wen. oi with his work. About on hour Uter the man got inpatient. "How much longer do yo'j think the manager will be?" he de- nanded. "Oh, about a fortnight," was the eaJin reply. "He started his holi- <lays yesterday!" « Not Yet "Will you try seme of my angel cake?" asked the young wife of her husbannd. "No, thank you," was the reply. "Are you afraid it isn't good enough?" she asked. "No; I'm afraid I'm not gooo coongh." "Good enough for what?" "Good enough to become an •ngeL" Prepared Jake was a worthless and im- provident fellow. One day he said to the local grocer: "I got to hare • sack of flour; I'm all out, an' my lamily is starrin' " "All right, Jake," said the (locer. "If you neec a sack oi floor and have no money to buy il yith, we'll srive you a sack. But, ICC here, Jake, there's a circus coming to town in a few days, and if I give you a sack of flour, arc jca sure you won't sell it and take your family to the circus? "Ob, no," said Jake. "I got the circus money saved up already." Just Get Him The Hollywood magnate told an assistant that in his opinio a cer- tain writer was the only man for a firm they had under consideration. The assistant was tactfully doubt- M. "Don't you think perhaps he's a Kttlc too caustic?" he suggested. "I don't care how much he costs," r«arcd the producer. "Get him!" Vengeance New "York's Senator Royal S. G>pcland, who is also a physician, tickles the funny-bones of hit din- â- ci companions with this medical yam: A man who had been bitten by a dog found that his wotmds didn't Ileal and consulted a doctor. The physician alarmed by the appear- ance of the wound, had the don caught and evamined. The dog had rabies. As it was too late to give the man a scrum, the doctor (old him he would have to die of hydrophobia. The poor man bat down at a desk and began writing. Th: ohy- sician sought 'o comfort him. "Perhaps it will not be so bad,' he said. "You needn't make your will now." "I'm not making my will," re- plied the man. "I'm writing out a list of people I'm going to bite." That Should Hold Him A Scot holding an important job in London was always bein£ twit- ted by an English friend about his nationality. By a curious chance the two met on holiday. "Hallo," chaffed the English, mau, "how on earth is your office managing without you?" "Fairly well," answered the Scot, cautiously. "You see, 1 left two Englishmen and four Welshmen in my place." Nothing To Report "VVell, Joan, what's the scandal while I've been away?" "While you've been away there's been no scandal, Freddie!" FUNNY BUSINESS By Hershberger Weak They had couipleted their sales at the cattle market, and were talk- ing about farming. "Better step across home with me and have a glass of cider, as it's so hot," said Farmer No. 1. Farmer .No. 2 went, sampled the cider, and was asked his opinion. ".\h," he said, "how â- uny barrels did ye say ye made?" "Fifty-three!" was the reply. "Now, what do you think of that?" ••Well," said Farmer No. 2. slowly, "it wtre a great pity ye didn't have one more apple left. YcB couUI have then made fifty- lour." The Oldest Profesaion A surgeon, an architect, and a politician were arguing as to whose profession was the oldest. "Eve was made from .^darn's fib," said the surgeon, "and that was a surgical operation."" "Yes,"" agreed the architect, "but pfk>r to that, order was created out •< chaos, and that was an archi- tectural job." "Bat," spoke up the politician proudly, "somebody must have ere, atcd the chaosi " "He's able to sleep IS minotes longer aince he got that street hawker's cocdDnient!" Bomber Commander HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured head of U. S. 20th Bomber Com- mand. Brig.- Gen. I- »»-â- â€" ^ ' _ 11 Fowl 12 Incline 13 Native metal ISCut oft short 17 Bamboolike grass 18 Periods ol geological .- time - IS Dibble 21 Diminutive of Edward 22 Skill 23 Parent 35 Ironers 38 'Whirlwind 30 Sprigs 38 Character- istics 34 Peer Gynt's mother 35 Midday 30 Negative word 37 Envoy 40 Unit of elcctricit'' 43 Manuscript (ab.) 44 Toward 45£arly English <ab.) 46 Senior (ab.) 47 Soak, up 48JIovel 50 Plant part 52 Pause 55 Individual 58 Station (ab.) 59 Czar 60 Companion VERTICAI. 1 Cognizance 2 Wife of Geraint in ArthuriaiT' legend 3 North Caro- lina (ab.) 4 Auricle 6 Woody plants 6 Pays atten- tion to 7 Married 8 Onward 9 Pedal extremity 10 Sea eagle 11 High school <ab.) 14 Electrical unit .XnmiK^r tM I'rrTlMUM l*u«sl» Oii3t.'.3S]:a!3iaii3IM â€" rjgi:^?:-^ -ia£^S[SlElSIEI!3Rl _1 1 I^Jcsii 'iiS. SC ^^B. Hrs-:wEi -HH32;rjtaiIH8!5HaH - â- j^i^ CiHiOIOllâ€" 16 Father 18 Gaelic 20 Peer 22 Arrival (ab.) 23 Sacred song 24 Church parts 26 Slave 27 Sicilian volcano 28 Smells 29 Compound ether 31 Regular (ab.) 33 Compass point 38 Particle 39 Apex 41 Hi.s bombed Japai 42 Equal 47 Obser\-es 49 Direction 50 Therefore 51 Powerful ex- plosive (ab.) 53 Female saint (ab.) 54 Symbol for tantalum 56 Either 57 Part of "bt" VOICE OF THE PRESS Do, Don't Take A Tip One of the best tips these days is don't, in a canoe. â€" Ottawa Citizen. We Could Retaliate Russia has tossed a voting con- troversy into the lap of the Atom- ic Energy Commission. Wouldn't Russia be surprised and hurt if somebody lost patience and tossed Something into Russsla't lap! â€" Brantford Expositor. Preference in Food Persons of a scientific bent may find an especial interest in a newly discovered wood-pulp food, but as a conservative layman, our prefer- ence is still for a plank with a steak on top. â€" Boston Herald. Be Careful Saving money for a rainy day ia all right, tayj a contemporary, a* long as you don't get soaked later en. â€" St. Thomas Times-Journal. Ia That The Reason? Women, it seemr are more fas- cinated by horrors than men, which may account for their mar- rying some of them. â€" Quebec Chronicle-Telegraph. A Cynical Note. A marriage expert says that men like lo marry girls "whose knowledge is less than theirs." This undoubtedly explains why a lot of men are bachelors. â€" Kingston Whig-Standard. Dangerous Money A Mid-West professor predicts that the monetary system of the future will be based on uranium. But think of the disaster to the neighborhood when a dollar ia split. â€" Xew York Sun. But You Can Try The right of free speech doesn't carry with it a guarantee that someone won't punch you in the nose for indiscreetly exercising that right. â€" Kitchener Record. Wise Swinmiera One of the greatest of American swimmers, Johnny Weismuller would never trust himself to deep water for any distance, expert as he was, without boat accompani- i.ient. Amateur swimmers court death daily in Ontario, with brava- do often, and in defiance of all rules of safety and caution. The resultant toll in fataltties tells the tragic story. â€" St. Catherines Standard. Good Intentions? Police arrested a woman for trying to jump into tlic Chicago river when she couldn't find meat for her husband. Cops shouldn't act so fast; she may hare been trying to get him a fish. â€" Ottawa Citizen. A Flag Suggestion One of the difficulties foreseen if we decide to have a Maple Leaf on our flag is that of choosing one from our seventeen varieties of maple. Why not solve the whole matter by putting a sap backet on the flag, the sap to do honor to the taxpayer and the bucket to symbol- iae the Government? â€" Peterborough Examiner. Too Good To Last When this country was discov- ered, the Indians were running af- fairs with no debt, no taxes, no strikes and no coupons, and the women were doing all tlje work. The while man sure put his foot m things, trying to improve on a system like that. â€" Ottawa Citizen. You'U Find 'Em The Census Bureau reports 3,- 000,000 women have disappeared from the labor market since war's end. The bureau admits it doesn't know where they went. That's easy. Look in those nylon lines. â€"Pittsburgh Press. Too Easily Orce more we're finding out that the easiest thing to grow ia the garden is tired. â€" ^.Guelph Mercury. HUSBANDS ALWAYS APPROVE your coffee when it's Maxwell House. They simply love it be- caiue "Radiant-Roasting'* brings out all the extra goodness in this superb blend of finer ^soffeeaii T»a Will Ba|«7 ttmjimm at The St Begis Botel ruROBTru E*cr7 Haoai vrltk Batk. Skawcr aa^ Tdcakaaa. « Slaslc. S2.sa BP â€" Daakla. S3JM â- Â». f Gaad FikuI. DIbIbb and Daae- tmc IVIsk(l7. Skcrbaara* at Carltaa TcL aA. «ISS HOTEL METBOPOLE All Beautifully Furnished With Running Water Rates: $1.50 ap NIAGARA FALLS OPPOSITE C.N.R. STATION I I iiiiit^i^)Miii^liiiMiiiesii MACDONALD'S Fine Cut Makes a better cigarette THE SPORTING THING 'TIeased to meet ya!" THE SPORTING THING "Why tlidn't you dig up a date for me, too?" POPâ€" Carry On By J. MILLAR WATT FRONT 000%t.\ 0«>EN a A«-wAVs po» ^ ^ 1 r> liu ^ OM. Twey -rwiNK If 5 -TWERC 's SO/y»B \y >v CATCH • N nr J MUTT AND JEFFâ€" AND THE TANK IS FULL OF GASOLINE TOOâ€" OH BOY! By BUD FISHER REG'LAR FELLERS â€" Liquid Refreshment By GENE BYRNES ('' NOW I'M ALU ser'- JE5T LET 'EM CALL /V«.ONC£T MOflt â€" AH : ^ YWO-QUN DUt-i-. AT YOUR. SERVICE, ) / WCM\ ^ SIR.! y I HtT! . V GLU6' ); .^^Tj