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Bill Smiley It was rather a gloomy end to 1972 with the deaths of scrappy Harry Truman and that fine Canadian Mike Pearson and the eternal shootings among the mad Irish and the earthquake in Nicaragua So lets get on the right foot for the next 12 months with something a little lighter Some columnists are smart enough to keep a file of funny or unusual things that happened during the previous year so that they hove a readymade column just after New Year The only funny or unusual thing around our place is my filing system I Just took a look at it 18 inches high all over my desk picked up my typewriter and moved to the diningroom table Theres nobody here but us crumbs Whereby I decided to pass along some things that I consider amusing with the hope that you will too Theyre not original and are culled from the centuries Heres Stephen Leacock describing an encounter with a pirate ship The two ships were brought side by side They were then lashed tightly together with bag string and binder twine and a gangplank laid between them In a moment the pirates swarmed upon our deck rolling their eyes gnashing their teeth and filing their nails And as he relates the ensuing carnage noticed one gigantic fellow brandishing a knotted towel and striking right and left among our fellows until Captain Bilge rushed at him and struck him flat across the mouth with a banana skin Thats the humor of incongruity Heres of which a master was Harry Graham Try writing some of your own The ice upon our ponds so thin That poor Mamma has fallen in We cannot reach her from the shore Until the surface freezes more Ah me my heart grows weary waiting Besides I want to have some skating Another of his was In the drinking- well Which the plumber built her Aunt Eliza fell We must buy a filter Heres a touch of the ironic And Id like to ask my friend Dr Hackstetter to please The denunciation of the young is a necessary pair of the hygiene of bitter and greatly assists the circulation of their blood How about a couple from Ogden Nash that great humorist in verse This ones entitled Song Of The Open Road I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree Indeed unless the billboards fall Ill never see a tree at all Thats typically American in theme and content but heres a little couplet of his that is symbolic and universal I cant resist one more Ogden Nash and if you havent read him buy a copy This Is called On IceBreaking Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker Then of course theres the epigram a very brief witty observation Its master was Oscar Wilde who came to a bad end in more ways than one But our sample will be ram Belloc Entitled On His Books Isnt that a nice example of the pun as well as saying In two lines something about the monstrous pride of the writer Heres another by Belloc Its called simply Epitaph On My Wife Here lies my wife Here lies she Hallelujah Then there is the limerick Some of the funniest and foulest verses in the language are found in this form But this Is simply or cleverly simple The bottle of perfume that Willie sent Was highly displeasing to Millicent Her thanks were so cold quarrelled Im told Through that silly scent Willie sent The fine art of satire has fallen Into lethargy these days except perhaps among political cartoonists where it Is often merely cruel rather than witty But the Roman satirist Martial wrote a verse that is just as modern as it was years ago The golden hair FabuUa wears Is hers Who can deny it She swears lis hers and true she swears For did see her buy it Many Canadians tend to take life very seriously I hope these samples per cent of which were taken from school texts win help dispel that preoccupaUon So Whether your troubles are kids or parents or old people or unrequited love remember you have only one life And this la 1L Enjoy Far away fields look greener SNOW DRIFTS along fence lines form everchanging abstract shapes as wind whips the fluffy stuff into bigger and bigger mounds These drifts are along parts of exposed to the wind Photo by J Jennings MiniComment The new minister responsible for liquor laws in Ontario said he couldnt recall ever seeing anyone really suf fering from the consumption of alcohol in Europe He was why he wants to relax rules in Ontario Mr Clement must have missed the French government commission study on alcoholism which reported that drinking kills 30000 Frenchmen a year the nations most frequent cause of death and the highest alcoholism rate in the world Much of the confusion about planning over the past few years may be cleaned up when plans for the Halton region are unveiled January in Hamilton It seems likely Burlington will stay with but the burning question now is whether Milton will get its own way regarding a central borough rather than the three borough system favored by the other six municipalities If the four borough system is favored at Queens Park it could also mean the new region could extend into Wellington County possibly encompassing Erin and townships ostensibly to make up for the assessment plums a Miltoncentred borough would pluck from and Esquesing A computer will likely be used to select the best overall route for the proposed 140mile high voltage power line to run across Southern Ontario from Pickering to Nantlcoke the con sultant hired to find a route least damaging to the ecology has said In the meeting with the public concerned over the line Bruce Hewlett also showed slides and models of possible tower designs which could be used along the route but apparently they aroused little enthusiasm We wish Mr Hewlett every success in this venture which will never please everyone but certainly will avoid many of the mistakes the original preferred route encompassed Howlett has said com munications with the people in planning the route is essential and hes doing his damdest to get it Now that Anne MacArthur has officially elected Warden of Halton it might be branded another victory for Womens Liberation by those who can see only a few inches beyond their nose but in reality it is a tribute to a tireless campaigner who has shown an astuteness in political life that many men envy Mrs MacArthur has often seen through the motives of these with We were interested in the poll conducted at Acton high school asking if students would want to continue living in or around Acton after they have finished their education Twentytwo students were polled Twelve said they would leave seven said they would definitely would stay in the area and three would like to go off exploring for a while before returning to settle in the district In spite of the gloomy attitude of a few students we thought those who opted to stay in the town and district was a very high average Most students attending high school when this writer went couldn wait to wipe dust of Acton from their feet figuring those far away fields were certainly greener Many of them left the old home town to discover the greener fields were right at home although sometimes the opportunities were not In many cases they returned much more satisfied with their lot in life The good thing about expressions of opinions like those expressed in the poll is that education opens many doors which were closed to the students of a few years ago They can dream of bigger things and have the option of going ahead with them whereas the students of other decades were limited due to financial and other reasons Certainly a small town such as Acton does not have opportunities for advancement in a career that larger centres have Openings to bigger and better jobs are limited However there are compensating factors which those from larger centres are finding more and more attractive as the migration from city to town arid country indicates Those who pursue an education are going to go where the opportunities exist And what is wrong with that The day is long past when thinking limited a person to a small narrow minded area It is no longer necessary for a rural resident to be enclosed In a little world He has as many opportunities as his city brethren to expand mind and locale thanks to rapid transportation techniques We dont have to be sold on the merits of living in a small town on the periphery of the large cities Actually residents can have the best of both worlds without having to endure the traffic congestion and noise common to most large centres for instance can often travel to the heart of Toronto faster than those living in the confines of Metro This opens up opportunities which never existed a few years ago For those who think these opinions are out in left field we point to the convincing arguments of those who do move to this district from the city that things be left as they are They dont want the small towns and townships to change They recognize the difference between the artificially created environment of the city as compared to the natural less hectic atmosphere of small town and country living No doubt some of the discontented students will change their minds as they tuck years of experience under their belts but we think it is important Ihey have the opportunity to make up their own minds The Acton Free Wednesday January Express annoyance in ballot box selfish interests and unhesitantly spoke her mind on the subject This does not always win you friends but certainly has gained the Voice of the plenty of respect in political circles is quite possible Mrs will be the last warden of as we know it and we know she will do her best to make it a memorable year It is interesting to note that Acton reeve McKenzie has been appointed to roads and administration committees of Halton County Council while the deputy reeve Peter Marks has been appointed to community services and Halton Manor areas in which lie has always shown an interest Esquesing reeve Tom Hill is chairman of the roads com mittee and is also on community services Deputy reeve Coxe is on administration and Manor as well as regional government committees deputy J Watson has been appointed to community services and the Manor The northend of the county has a good representation that certainly allows for ample voice for northern concerns and do doubt they will exercise their authority with fairness to all parts of the county One of Actons beefs about the county government in past years has been the noticeable lack of countycon trolled roads in the area while places such as Georgetown and Milton have had many of their most travelled routes financed by the county Maple Avenue in Georgetown for instance was taken over by the county as a connecting link while Steeles Avenue runs through Milton The closest Acton has come to getting any of the money put into roads as been 25 Sideroad which connects the Guelph Line with 25 Highway an unlikely benefit to many but the only major artery in the area which qualified under the present criteria Council has discussed possible routes but so far has been unsuccessful Perhaps when regional government does arrive some of these inequities will be corrected Obviously there is a lack of suitable places for to run their machines and the problem will increase as the number of machines in operation increases We have heard rumbles about a plan involving a co operative farm venture that would open fields and laneways to snowmobiles at a slight charge and modest profit to fanners It sounds like a good idea It seems that in the political field any stick is good enough to beat the dog In recent months says the St Marys Journal Argus has followed accusation regarding the con flict of interest theme in the province But like overeating overdrinking and oversmoking the extent of the criticism should be kept relevant to the facts applying some measure of common sense The latest member of the provincial House to come under such criticism is the member for Middlesex A Stewart Mlnlstef of Agriculture The JournalArgus says that while it does appear Mr Stewart showed a little poor judgment in seeking grants to help pay for a new silo and a new cattle barn there was nothing even illegal in his seeking either grants A charge of a somewhat similar nature resulted in the loss of another able minister McKeough when he chose to resign his cabinet post The big danger raced by the general public from this political furore raised by conflict of interest charges is that able men may well stay out of the political scene because often the type of man we want running this country is the same type who has his own particular brand of enterprise in a successful manner Overenthusiasm in this type of witchhunting may very well be forestalling this type of mans entrance into politics the Journal- Argus opines We couldnt agree more Lets save criticism and censure for those who deserve it and cease the nitpicking which in the past has turned molehills into mountains for want of something better with which to beat the dog By all means keep eyes open and senses alert for wrongdoers and evidence of bribery in government When these are not available why stoop to petty vendettas The time to hit the Government Is when there is very strong evidence of political skullduggery such as the recent Fidinam case which has not yet been cleared up to anyones satis faction except the coterie at Queens Park Many of the cases which have appeared in recent months are much like the story told by William Lyon Phelps where the captain of a ship entered in his log First mate was drunk today When the mate became sober he with the captain to strike out the record declaring he had never been drunk before and promising it would never happen again But the captain was adamant In this log we always write the exact truth he said The next week the first mate kept the log In it he wrote Captain was sober today Often the truth as we know it does not convey the entire story In this writers judgment the best place to express annoyance with Government is the ballot box Back Issues of The Free Press years ago Taken from the Issueottbe Free Press Thursday January During the opening ceremonies and administration of the oath of office to the new Warden of county council last Tuesday retiring Warden Joseph the warden for 1953 George lie of Esquesing with his gavel Warden Leslie has been a member of county council for the past three years and council for seven years Acton High School annual At Home was staged in Acton public school auditorium Friday About ISO students parents and attended Helping plan the event were student council secretary Arlene Gordon vice president president Fred Gordon and treasurer Kathleen Stanley The fire truck was the only vehicle able to climb treacherous slippery hill on Frederick St when at Sunday the fire siren summoned the brigade to the blaring at the foot of the hill unoccupied was gutted by the flames An amount of upper feather had been stored there have no plans tor rebuilding Canadian arts and crafts were encouraged by Thor Hansen who came from Denmark to Canada years ago when he spoke to the Home and School Association He illustrated his talk with slides of quilt designs and needlepoint and interior decoration he had supervised Dr Henry Gear who gave most of his life to looking after the sick and suffering in Erin district has died He was one of the doctors who practiced the hard way in horse and buggy days and he was always ready and willing any hour of the day or night In some families he served three generations Last week girls and 36 boys went to Guelph to swim Bcrnie won a Cassidy gunbelt and holster from the Milko Company in a draw on their radio show years ago Taken from the of tbe Free Press Thursday January 11 1923 The Free Press recommends the teaching of music in the public schools Music is a great accomplishment a protection against vice and an endtement to virtue Music makes home attractive with an inspiring Intellectual and moral effect A number of farmers wives and daughters gathered at the home of Mrs Bert Davidson last Thursday and organized a United Farmers Women of Ontario Association The matter of punchboards seized from Acton dealers a week or so ago has been referred to tbe AttorneyGenerals depart ment Dealers had gone into the transaction through misinformation The punchboards were confiscated but the stocks of chocolates were surrendered to their owners The operation of these devices is gambling pure and simple and a violation of the Criminal Code W D Robertson Trafalgar is suing the Hydro Commission of the township for for alleged injury to his property by the mutilation of trees on the front of his farm Mr Robertson was visiting in California when the trees were trimmed Robins meadow larks and cranes have THE ACTON FREE PRESS PHONE Business and Editorial Office made their presence known in Halton county during the last few days the larks near Acton the cranes at Georgetown and the robins near It is many a day since Acton received such a shock as that of last Thursday when the news came up from the works of Acton Tunning Company mat Billy James had been instantly killed In order to preserve the dignity of the office members of Hanover council will not smoke during meetings How tunes change In days of old when knights were bold the maids were not years ago Taken from the Issue of the Free Press Thursday January 18JS Since the destructive fire which anni hilated the long established woollen business of Jack Newton and Son about five years ago Lime ho use has been free from fires Yesterday monung however the devouring flames again visited us The store and residence occupied by Brown were totally destroyed The carnival at Saturday night was quite a success There were prizes for the best costumes Rev J Sabine was the recipient of a Tine young horse as a New Years gift from his friends on the Drew circuit Morgan Crewson of Corners is engaged in drilling a rock well His new steam drilling machine is far superior to the old horsepower drill and a good deal less expensive Mr J J has secured the right for the manufacture and sale of a new clothe reel very neat in appearance It will simplify the work of the housewife Dr A S Elliott was appointed Medical Officer of Health for the town for the year at a salary of J 15 The bylaw establishing a Free Library was finally passed by council Council reappointed W R Kenney to tbe board of health Other members are the reeve the clerk Messrs H P Moore and Root Wallace A meeting was held last week Some uneasiness has been felt by parents because of the appearance of scarlet fever in some families Tbe Medical Officer of Health said every precaution is being takenjn the Interests of public safety Complaints of will be dealt with Tuesday Wights was old- fashioned enough for anyone