The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Bill Smiley I Most of the major disasters of life I can with a certain equanimity Its the little things In life the almost dally Irritants that keep me In such a flaming rage that I can almost hear my greatuncle Mountain Jack Thomson the wildest- tempered man In the entire Ottawa Valley about SO years ago whisper Thats my boy One of the old stock Give em hell I have ridden or flown into the valley of death and come out with nothing twitching except my sphincter muscles 1 have landed an aircraft with a fused bomb dangling from one wing climbed out to face the fire truck and the ambulance and managed a quiet Youre making a lot of noise with those sirens chaps Hard on the nerves you know before fainting When I was shot down and crashed In a plowed field In Holland my first thought was Dammit wont be able to keep that date with tonight was In Antwerp several hundred miles away A logical and calm conclusion When I was beaten up for an attempted escape I didnt rail against anyone including the beaters I lay there quietly In the boxcar hands and feet wired together licked my wounds and said to myself Serves you right you nit for trying to be a hero You werent cut out When our train rode through the German night and right Into a major bombing raid on Leipzig I looked down on my grovelling screaming praying callingformother fellow prisoners and thought coolly There but for the grace of God and the fact that I cant get out of this luggage rack where I was resting would be l Sedate poised Paralyzed That was In wartime of course and a man had to keep a stiff upper not to mention nether lip But life since has brought tho same sort of thing Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned somebody said Oh yes it hath Try this Tell your wife youll be homo for dinner at six Arrive home at 3 a with a couple of cronies youve invited for a late snack she wont mind Come on whatre you scared of your wife A woman scorned compared to a woman waiting is like a Boy Scout troop compared to a panic r division Well all agree then that Ive faced the worst without flinching without becoming hysterical with fear or rage What I cant cope with fa the dally degradations The Insults to intelligence The utter stupidity of bureaucrats and the malicious heckling of inanimate objects Im afraid I lose every vestige sangfroid poise reason Item As though It knew exactly what I was writing about my lypewrittcr Just broke a ribbon And I Just broke my typewriter After using the name of the Lord the typewriter company and various other deities in vain I beat the thing with my bare hands All I got was ink up to my wrists and a laconic snide remark from my wife in tho next room that shed already had her hair curled thank you Item Theyre cutting down the trees Tho stupid bureaucrats May they roast in eternal flames And why are they cutting down tho trees So they con widen tho roads for more stinking rotten cars Item They moaning tho mindless bureaucracy renumbering alt the addresses In town Wo were and now were or or something I dont even know where I live any more Of all the flaming ridiculous useless idiotic moronic expensive Steady old Man Remember the blood pressure A little Blarney Acton Free Wednesday March OUR READERS WRITE mm i i i New crop of gardeners abhors spraying about crop rotation companion planting Dear Sir While it is still time for armchair gardening may I remark on the Utile paragraphs you inserted last summer about Est control a good idea but all was of the 1 them dead really dead variety cannon balls for sparrows There is a new crop of gardeners quite a few of whom prefer to stay away from poison sprays To them It would be of Interest what the oldtime farmer knew In our garden we grow vegetables without chemicals of any kind and for several seasons havent had a potato bug by simply planting beans next to tho potato patch There are no bean beetles cither Dont ask me why but beetles and beans repel each others pest This holds true for beets and onions these simple and prac tical plantings I have tried and vouch for their success others I am experiencing with Matter of Tact it is my centennial project to dig up a groat deal of the oldtimers largely unused wisdom and put it to work again could do with some help getting more information Mr Musclius Editors NoteThe Free Press would bo Interested as well If anyone has some useful information dont hesitate to write or phone with some of the tips and we will publish the findings Are we prepared to reduce garbage Acton Free Press Dear Sir Judging by last weeks March Acton Free Press the garbage subject Is getting a lot of attention It good to know that people arc concerned about their community and the environment But I wonder how far consumers or all of us are prepared to go to reduce the amount of garbage our society produces not just Torontos At the meeting In Stewarttown It was suggested by more than one citizen that packaging made a large contribution to the waste disposal problem Let us start treating causes Instead of effects Until we all cut down on luxury living a little and stop shopping carelessly not buying things plastic garbage bags and disposable cups etc we are all part of the problem I am opposed to dumping and I am opposed to disposable cups etc which were used at the aforementioned public meeting loots not criticize Toronto too much for Its garbage until we give up our own big cars and our big garbage cans Yours truly Hlcn Hanson Nerval Ontario Two hoys teach us all a lesson The Editor Dear Sir I must tell you about two little boys who tapped at my door recently I am not sure whether they are or Acton boys but that doesnt matter They were nice boys Hello I said Lo Wanta buy a choelate bar I dunno How much are they Fifty cents They must be big ones Yeah see and he held one up for my approval Are you selling these bars to make money Not for us for the church What Christian Reform Oh then you ore Dutch Can you speak Well I would learn it An extra language besides your Canadian language often comes in handy take your bur and since the boys were so polite themselves I added Thanks for calling Here were two boys learning to serve at nine years of age Would that all Canadian children learned to serve in some way The thought of serving or helping others would remain wilh them all their lives and would be a cog In the wheel of our worlds betterment Yours truly Millicent Evil in Ireland stumbling block lIimehouse Dear Editor Commenting on the events of the past three years nonsense carried on in Northern Ireland that no one has profited from it doesnt speak too well for Prime Minister Heaths White Paper From past experience I would venture to say it will be Just another act in the play and will remain a onesided business showing no fab- play or regard for the native Catholic unable to defend himself against the dement thai has always existed in Britain and Ulster All the reports we listen to daily are proBritish a concocting of the evil desire and rascality that cannot be fathomed It has been going on for centuries bounding the native Catholics and keeping Ulster in a state of tyranny and unrest Godfearing and dignified Protestants throughout Ireland have the desire to live and let live and would settle for peace and goodwill like the Catholics if it was possible I have worked with them and they were as keen to have me practice my religion as a Catholic as I was myself This Is why I am quite aware of the evil clement that has always existed and is responsible for Irelands need for a White Paper that cannot do better thcr compromise with just and equal rights for the legitimate Irish A few are the stumbling block to peace and harmony for all Yours sincerely George Graham About the Blarney stone Annually on the eve of St Patricks Day Mrs Catherine Graham of RR 1 writes fondly of her land year gives some background the Blarney Stone reputed to have been kissed by many of those who can talk smoothly about any subject The of MarchIts a day By Catherine Graham Wo have all heard of Blarney and tho Blarney Stone and many of tho people who visit Ireland have visited Blarney If one has the gift of tho gab they usually asked Did you kiss the Blarney Stone To be honest most of us do not need to stone Wo aro not lacking in that qualification Blarney Castle as it today Is the third to be erected on the original site The first In the 10th century was made of wood This Inter replaced by a stone structure It was demolished and in 1440 the third was built by McCarthy King or Munstcr To get to the castle grounds you cross two bridges The old castle or what Is left of It stands 120 feet high Some of Its dungeons can also be seen at ground level There is also an underground tunnel which leads to Blarney In days gone by these tunnels were used as escape routes from Invading armies When Cromwells armies besieged Blarney and captured it they expected to find Spanish gold Jewellery and a golden suit of armour hereditary possessions of tho McCarthys but all they found was an old man The garrison had left by the underground tunnel laden with tho treasures There are many legends told why the Blarney Stone became so popular one of these being that as McCarthy was walking beside the River Martin ha saw a woman drowning and saved her She was no ordinary creature but a witch and as a reward Tor saving her life she told him of a stone of eloquence in return for a kiss The stone itself is a block of limestone Tour feet one inch long by one foot one Inch wide and nine Inches deep There Is a chip out of the centre caused by a cannon ball from one of Cromwells cannons It Is built Into battlements feet from the top When you arc about to kiss tho stono you to empty your pockets of all valuables lie flat on your back grasp two upright Iron born have your feet held by a strong and reliuble person and Inch your body through the opening It is quite a feat In of the Blarney demesne two other facts about It are worth mentioning Welfare recipients called select group Hock Close garden and the ancient trees that grow there This garden was used by the Druids In times as a place of worship It is curious mixture of stones massive boulders and tolmen and bears a great resemblance to tho Druid Stone monuments to be found in other parts of Europe The Milesians came to Ireland about the year 1300 C from the sunny land of Spain The Druids were their priests Woman held an Important place In the Milesian culture They were oven Druids this will please womens lib These people worshipped the sun moon stars planets forests rivers ana mountains They were very close to nature Just as the Indian here were It would seem there was a groat In the culture of primitive peoples regardless whore on earth they lived The Mllesean culture lasted until the coming of St Patrick Tho trees found hero yew Ibex silver fir redwoods lime spruce cedar of and raro tulip tree Some of these trees from TOO to years old ilioy were described In famous poem The groves of Wo visited daughter and Blarney In I was surprised at tho number of people there and he different languages they spoke many Europcnas I will finish with this little rhyme by Father Mahoncy 1B33 There la a stone thot whoever kisses Hydro commissioners agreed some people on welfare were a select group who often had more advantages than those who worked for wages At a meeting Thursday they commented on the minutes of meeting between the director of Family and Social Services and representatives of Hydro and gas utilities aimed at preventing cutoff of power and gas to families on welfare All welfare in the county is administered at the Milton of fices and vicechairman Ted Tyler said it was difficult to get a true picture of how much went into welfare since families often received so much a month plus other benefits such as deposits for turning on utilities Sometimes he said it was left up to the town to absorb costs Mayor Us agreed noting If he or anyone else did not pay their bill they got cut off but welfare recipients were a select group They get increased tires to In Tho Credit Valley Conservation Authority received approval grant per cent of the total cost of Its conservation services program for The purpose of this program is to provide funds for reforestation planting on private land Including site surveys machine planting of trees nursery stock and private tree planting sub sidies in areas within the jurisdiction of the Authority Robert Baker Authority Forest Technician reports that 126000 trees will be planted by Authority staff during the planting period In April and land will be supplied for Boy Scouts to plant an additional 3500 seedlings allotments but utilities still dont got puld In some cases ho saw this as necessary since the first requisites were food shelter wlilch consumed most of allotment but ho felt there abuses are not being corrected 1 remember one incident where welfare recipients could not pay their hydro bill because they hud payments on a cor and TV recalled Tyler It Is damn ridiculous DRUGS or JESUS WHICH HAS THE FUTURE BRETHREN OF MESSIAH Box ACTON ONTARIO LET ma TAKE ON YOUR TAX MONSTER THIS YEAR AND i Gentlemen farmers o srAj Salesmen Si Individuals New tax laws will affect everyone this year such as capital gains exemptions etc So relax and make sure you get maximum deductions by using our erience and up to date knowledge will handle all your tax needs confidentially We service personal business farm and corporation tax returns efficiently and accurately Businessmen do you need a bookkeeping system that is easily serviced Discuss your needs with us fissapflTE TftH hours TuesThurs 95 Fridays 99 Saturdays 94 ADDRESS 5Wesleyan St Georgetown Ont Broadway Orangeville Ont OAKVILLE SENIOR CITIZENS RESIDENCE Application are now being accepted from residents In the arts for single residential accommodation In Senior Cltlieni Residence M Lakuhore Rd W Oak- villa The residential rooms art furnished and equipped with private washroom Nursing and short term medical Is available and arc provided in dining room In the social recreation centre This centre Includes a tuck shop lounge a library recreational facilities and for administration end social services for the resident Further Information and application forms may be obtained from Mr Ken McMillan Administrator or by phoning the Senior at gets you really UP A must tor early weekday mornings is a cheery optimistic outlook That s why Canada s largest radio audience Ihmks that CFHBs Wally Croutor is has the happiest way of getting you really UP tor the day His observations on happenings and the world at large plus the music he plays all go together to make your mornings seem worthwhile At appropriate intervals throughout his show is joined by Bob Bill Stophenson Jack Dennett and Torben Wittrup with authentic news sports and weather Highflying Henry Shannon pops in his reports from the CFRB Twin Comanche to keep you informed of the latest traffic conditions To get really UP and gang listen to am to 10 am