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Machines are usually out to get me They tell me we re into the computer age Heck I haven finished wilh the industrial age yet not until I my vacuum cleancrl Machines have brains They sense when you re not very confident around them They smell fear So a computer positively terrifies me I won even sit at the same desk as the family calculator It knows I don t like it It II perform for any member of the family but me You should see what it does with my numbers Of course I don t trust it and always doublecheck everything It tells me in my head Takes twice as long but that the modern way Knee up Mother Brown Machines ore usually out to get me too but once in a while I develop a lasting relationship with one My first washing machine became a dear friend after I d lcamed to make allowances for his It was a second marriage He been with his first lady for about years but he did try I learned early in our time together not to over balance him If 1 put too much of a load in one side he d start walking stopping only when he reached the end of his electrical lead a little like The Day of the Trlf fids Unfortunately he was stabled In the down stairs bathroom and would vibrate himself across the closed door so I t even get in to calm him down When we started to argue and our relationship was breaking up I found I could gel a reasonable performance out of him if I stood over him waving a screwdriver threateningtocnditall His successor was a dead loss a fancy fellow who wooed me with large promises and pushbuttons He drank far too much and spent most of his time throwing up all over the laundry room floor The third is a quiet machine without much pizazz but it does its job efficiently and on time although I do miss the excitement of battlo I not even sure whether this washer Is male or not it works too well to be anything but female One two ha chacha My cars are the same Either they like me or they don The chap I have now Is a willing fellow with a touch of class I very fond of him which is why I put up with his bouts of hypochondria He had a bad dose of flu recently must be the change in the weather First it was his brakes Then his universal Joints Now his front scat has de veloped a nasty slide Hespendsmoreofhis blocks in our garage lately If he shape up soon we II have to fire him The other night Mack and I were coming home from a dance Mack had to the dance but I insisted on driving home I slid into the front seat with all the grace one can muster lowering oneself from four inch disco heels Into a Mustang body and ended up falling on my back looking at the overhead light Mack had left the seat back after he driven Thats kind of like silting on the toilet when the seat sup Swearing gently I slid the seat forward only to have it plop back to starting position with no resist whatsoever Something Important had fallen off under the seat and I had to drive home doing the Spanish Hustle with the seat between stop signs The only thing keeping me from bumping my chest on the steering wheel was my belt wearing a deep groove in my navel How can you win With this kind of luck I tremble when I think of doing battle with computers How can one ever hope to win equality with an computer who read English Or a Bell computer that eats cheques for breakfast and accuses you of failing to feed him at all Or a car insurance com puler that tells you with utmost authority you are two different people and have vehicles Whoever said it was right this world won end with a bang but a whimper ml The Acton Free Press Wednesday March 21 1979 Foal In a furry sweater This little filly Just born last week found the mid week cold snip a bit hard take so owner Gall dressed her in a ton red The Standard bred filly Is out or racing trotter Abraxas and sired by She is destined for the track in two years but Is concentrating on growing till then The am Uy live on the Third line north of Acton HONDA CIVIC TEST DRIVE ONE AND TAKE A SHOT AT WINNING ONE AVAILABLEIN SPEEDS 5 SPEEDS- AUTOMATICS YOU PASS MORE GAS STATIONS BAZ MOTORS LTD where after service is Sales and Service Georgetown or I Five students from Acton High School are attempting to break the Book of World Ilecords for the longest continual artificial respiration over the next three days The group began the project Tuesday morning at a m and are hoping to finish on Friday at a giving them straight hours of respiration breaking the old record of GO hours The event has been sponsored by Frank Vcterc In Georgetown taking place In the basement of St Joseph church The group includes Nancy Patterson Bit hard Stanley Barb Hogenblrk Ray Mueller and seated High school students attempt Guiness record students from Acton High School have advantage of the March break to attempt lo break a Guiness World Book of Records for the longest continual ficial respiration The students Nancy Patterson Richard Icy Barb Hay Mueller and Gwynlh Glbb decided to take a stab at the record after leafing through the 1977 Guiness book The current record is GO hours while the Acton students are looking to carrying on for Each member of group will apply in minute inter vaU the techniques of artificial respiration to dummy victim The students began the event on Tuesday morn ing it 10 a and are slated to finish on Friday at a Frank Vetere of Georgetown is sponsor the event and supply ing the participants with lunch and dinner The group was to do the event at Vetercs but security reasons have forced the group to use the base ment or St Joseph church for their quest for the record Many different people have volunteered to be witnesses for the group including Hoi ton Hills Aquatics supervisor Glen Campbell and Hal ton Board of Education swim Instructors Lynn Fountain and Doris The group manned with sleeping bags cards and other necessities will be in the basement of the church until Friday doing bit in what they call the longest kiss of life VV iVr SqjSfeqoK cwnc Vie ex a ACT of loW a Hi ACTON HIGH SCHOOL NIGHT SCHOOL COURSES Beginning WEDNESDAY APRIL 1979 Disco for Beginners Gourmet Cooking 3 Painting and I II Sewing with Stretch Fabrics 5 Typing Beginning 8rushup Yoga at Robert Little School 5 weeks 7 309 30 5 weeks Sweeks 309 30 weeks 7 weeks 7 309 30 weeks 7 309 30 1200 will be held on tho f rst night of classes start at You may P by ma img your and with cheque to ADULT EDUCATION BOARD OF EDUCATION Guelph Lino of Education Bill Herd ES Lavender Chairman Board of Education Director It aint Continued from Page her around the block a couple of times headed for home and drove right through the back of the barn that was to serve as a garage and he blamed my mother Another time I saw him cut his finger when the knife slipped as he was carving a roast He didn say a word Just flung some blood on the tablecloth turned purple sowed the edge of the carving knife on the side of the plate and ruined both Another time I saw him break his big toe By design not by accident He had had five blowouts in ten miles Thai was in the days when your tube blew out you had to jack up the car take off the wheel extract lube from tire patch the tube and go through the whole process in reverse After the fourth time the air pump hand operated refused to function He calmly stood back looked the whole operation over and tried to kick the entire Auld hosts ICG talk A warm up meeting between provincial government officials local politicians and the Interested Citizens Group ICG concerning a controversial Ontario Hydro corridor is slated for this afternoon at Toronto Ontario Energy Minister James Aula is hosting the meeting which is seen by the ICG as a stepping stone to Premier William Davis Hills Mayor Peter and lawyers representing the town and the region plus ICG members are ex to attend On the wheel rim tire tube and air pump over the nearest fence He collapsed with a groan and my mother who was an excellent engineer and as is my wife had to wait for the next motorist to help out while my Day lay in the back scat muttering through his teeth words that I have since learned are palliative to such a situation Soitoin t my fault Its the genes WEIGHT WATCHERS MEASURES UP every But then gel be successful wo control program Our del Plan or Mod cite mothodandOm on classroom price Try WEIGHT WATCHERS The Authority ACTON St Albans Parish Ho I Street GEORGETOWN St Georges Anglican Church Street Tuos 30 YWCA Spoodvale East Moo 30 MILTON Holy Rosary Perish Ha I Martin Street Tues g 30a and p Chalmers Un tod Chu Hall bock entrance Quoboc Snoot Thuts 1pm 7 30 m Weight Watchers Head Office Turner Volley Rood 7 30pm Wod 7 12 noon FOR MEETING INFORMATION CALL 14168269200 WW w other side several ministry advisors may attend with the deputy minister of energy ICG spokesman John Minns said he expects the minister will lake under advisement what the hydro corridor group presents Later on the minister is likely to make recommendations to the premier con corning further steps Vehicles collide A car driven by Pat Gibson Mill Street was In collision last Wednesday with a parked car owned by David Elliott Mill Street police said The mishap occurred in front of Elliott s resident at Mill St W Estimated damages were to vehicle to Gibson NONDRINKERS INSURANCE RATES New Postal Rates Effective April 1st First Class letters Greeting cards Outside Canada Outalde Canada andtheUS McGregor INSURANCE AGENCIES LIMITED Acton Mod leal Building S3 Mill SI 8631121 other rate changes please check with your local Post Office Canada Post linking 23 million Canadians SURPRISE YOURSELF In most cases filling out your own income tax return is easier than you may think it s largely a matter of simple arithmetic You don have to pay someone to do something you can do yourself Just follow the six basic steps In the Guide you received with your income tax return Don forget to attach all the proper receipts and double check your return before mailing it It s that easy So go ahead Surprise yourself You can doit i Canada