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the GERALD Home of Halton Hills THE WEDNESDAY APRIL A Division of Canadian Newspapers Company Limited Mam SI South Georgetown Ontario WILLIAM EVDOKIMOFF BILL JOHNSTON Editor PHONE 8772201 Second Mall Regit tired Number Study a waste A bloody great waste of money The announcement last week that Judy has been hired by provincial taxpayers to study violence in the media tends to make our blood boil for no other reason than it really is none of the provinces The outcome of the entire study is already predictable After financing Miss Indepth study for a reasonable amount of time at a very sizable cost a report will be issued The report will no doubt provide a moment of glory for Miss as it will predictably admit that the media does by fact have a sizable effect upon impressionable young minds At that point the entire study and its findings will come to an abrupt end for the Ontario commission will have no power whatsoever to enforce or carry out any actions which it might consider necessary to combat the social problems That power very plainly lies with the federally appointed Canadian RadioTelevision Commission which rules with a very light hand we might add over communications in Canada If the CRTC deems the study important enough to warrant further examination that examination will take the form of a further study If we need an example to point to in making these statements it would be the Royal Commission on Certain Sectors of the Building Industry a very informative study of the prac tices of the construction trade in Ontario It made great reading but had very little overall effect upon the industry Violence through the media and its effects upon society was a very commendable windmill for the province to tilt with It has no doubt made some concerned parents and media critics extremely pleased and in this year of a probable provincial election that in itself could be an important concern However could it not have been done at a much lower price Or could not that money be somehow passed along to the federal government to out a much wider and more relevant study A study that would have some purpose to it beyond just taking place Communications gap Councillor Pat touched upon a fairly serious problem at a recent meeting of town council Haltons communications gap For Instance how does a Halton Hills citizen experiencing problems with his water sewage system get a works crew out to handle the problem Whose responsibility is it How do you get in touch with them With a great deal of difficulty thats how With regional government has come a proliferation of departments and commissions To cut through that maze an ordinary citizen not used to handling such problems but never theless requiring immediate solutions needs help Somehow information dealing with areas of responsibility of various departments be they municipal or regional where they are located and how they can be contacted must be made available to all residents of the region A brochure included with the tax bills would reach a large per centage of Halton Hills residents but not The remainder might be in formed that they are available at a central location probably percent of the public receiving such information may never use it But in consideration of other 10 percent it would be a worthwhile project for either the town or the region to think about Viewpoint Wives and pies Gerry Its time again for potpourri a regular featurooflhEscdumnwherewe look at some of the unusual the ribtickling the sad and the downright peculiar things that seem to keep on happening Id wonderful wacky world around us It teems while Henry Schaber of Ed monton was slicing a loaf of bread something He sliced outs ring valued at Hes trying hard to find the owner Im trying hard to the bakery Staying with the gem department Chris Brower of the Bear Pizza Parlour found a bag of genu left by a gem company courier valued at Chris who is turned them In to the manager Thla by the way happened down In Barley Idaho and probably could only have happened down In Burley Who says honesty Isnt alive and well One of my all time favorite has turned up In New York and la quickly weeping North America The name of the New York operation is PieKill Unlimited For a mere you can hire out a contract on anyone and sometime somewhere somehow someone wilt get hit with a cream choice of course PleKUTa The client contacts PieKill by mall and they send out an agent to arrange the details of the hit PleKlll has successfully completed contracts since June of last year To that I can only add Its better than bullets and I dont think a hit by lemon meringue would ever stand up in court Heres ode to keep you smiling Away across the sea In Kings Lynn England Alexander Mitchell laughed so bard and so long at his favorite TV show that after minutes he died Heres the kicker his wife is fending her thanks to the creators of the program Im writing to thank them for making Alexs last minutes so happy Now thats funny Heres a hot flash off the news wire from Israel where they are training pigeons to spy on the Arabs This Is for real They are the birds then showing them movies of airports and gun emplacements and natural objects When the plrd pecks at the correct object he gets fed I can personally guarantee that spring Is not all those birds are going to do on the Arabs minds of the world Las t year was our laat chance to bring the great Harry Houdinl back from beyond the grave For those of you who may not have beard the great waa able to escape anything be even felt he could escape the bondage of death A US psychologist Robert says he the answer to all of fantastic escapes He believes he learned autonomic control the ability to control all of the various body functions for Instance the rate of heart beat died BO years ago and according to Dr swallowed the keys then vomited them back at will Well Harrys not around to prove or disprove the theory but I wonder If Dr Omsteln has ever seen the size of some of the trunk keys used Recently I came across on article that claims that how you name your pets reveals hidden feelings When it comes to hidden feelings any article would no longer surprise me even one on how clipping your toe nails reveals deepseated emotional problems Meanwhile back to the pets According to Dr Boris Levonson another top psychologist people who choose names like King Duke Prince etc are saying that they are as good as anyone else If you name your pet altera famous person like Lincoln or Tanan someone should tell Dr Levenson only lived in a book It means you are welladjusted and you dont care what people think of you Secretly aggressive people choose names such as Savage or Killer pretty secretive huh Well folks my menagerie baa a Stormy a Mr a Max and a Charlie whose formal names were Maximilian and Cbarlemange and a Troubles the latest cat a oldie a Earn and two fish who are no longer with us but supplied an early morning snack for one of maybe two of the above Regarding my hidden feelings your guess Is as good as mine Down In Toronto a newly formed Toronto Wages for Housework Committee will hold its first rally at city hall on May at noon The committee contends that women ore House Workers and should be payed for the work that they do I dont dispute that women workathomeortbeneedtoglvestatustothe role which by the way usually coincides with money What I want to know Is who Is going to pay salary The government Is In over Its head already mind you we could cut out some of the committees studying committees to form committees That might save a dollar or two To end my potpourri I give you my favorite Doug cartoon who by the way Ithlnklsoneofthebcstcartoonlsts going Ho has an adoption agency presenting some white and black and possibly Indian children with this caption Perhaps we could get you adopted If you fibbed and said you came from Vietnam Here Here For sale Johnstons Folly Youve no doubt seen the ads Road Calls You They all have the same theme the same product and they all come out at the same time of year The message is Buy a Motor cycle The truth is Think twice before you do it For most of you motor cycling will probably be just what the Who cares So you think youve got problems Just listen In on this conversation between two men on a commuter train First Man I dont know whats wrong with me lately I Just dont seem to be In terested In anything Man Two Who cares Man One I have this terrible feeling that nothing Is permanent Man Two I get the same feeling but It never lasts Man One Im so depressed all the time Man Two Why dont you go see a psychiatrist Man One I am a psychiatrist Man Two Oh Man One I havent really been right since my wife left me laat year Its tough to lose your wife Man Two Tough Its nearly Impossible Man One Youre married Any kids Man Two Hey I got two of the greatest kids in the world- Man One Youre fortunate Man Two and seven others Not to mention my wifes uncle Frank who lives with us Oh what a miserable character All he keeps telling me Is what a failure I am what a bad provider Ive been hearing that from him for 19 years Man One Why dont you Just tell him to leave Man Two I cant Its his house Man One Well at least youve got a family I have no one My wife Just left me Man Two You said your wife left you last year Man One I remarried Man Two Congratulations Man One Thank you I Just cant seem to hang onto a wife People seem to take an instantaneous dislike to me Conductor Wcstcott G rovers Falls Man One Grovers Falls Its so depressing Man Two Whats so depressing Man One Im on the wrong train Man Two You think thats depressing Im on the right one From the Addiction Research Foun dation of Ontarios quarterly Addictions that In turn borrowed it from a skit titled Feeling Good ads claim a freewheeling funfilled sport For some of us however it can mean disaster Take it from an expert a real- live owner of a Hustler better know to my friends as Johnsons Folly Thats right that quiet unassuming good looking chap whose picture appears somewhere in the midst of this column hopefully in a fittingly prominent place is a BIKERf Hard to believe isnt it I find it hard to believe too As a matter of fact I find It so hard Im trying to become an exbiker It started two years ago just about this time of year A friend of mine and I were sitting around talking one Friday afternoon when he mentioned that he owned a bike With very little prompting from me my friend began to give a pitch on the joys of biking that would nave put the original Mr Suzuki to shame A couple of hours later I for reasons I still cant explain found myself signing a sales slip for a bike which the salesman proudly pointed out had front disc brakes turn signals an extralarge tank a ram air cooling system and six gears He had to point them out because I barely knew where the front tires on the monster were The truth was I had never been on a motorcyle in my life Thus began two years of driving disasters which eventually involved the Satans Choice the Port Hope Volunteer Fire Department and a girl named Pam It would really make a great movie a comedy of course They could call It Menace of the Road or How to scare yourself to death in five easy lessons There was the time I had been out for a leisurely Sunday afternoon drive freezing to death dodging monstrous June bugs I was approaching town when I saw In my rearvfew mirror each the local chapter of The Choice approaching For those of you who arent aware of such thinas The Choice Is a motorcycle gang Well up they cruised Not wanting to do anything foolish I decided I had better cruise along with them Its harder to hit a moving target after all Thus we roared through town The Gang and I Of course it looked a little ridiculous this one person in a red a white helmet and a green bike right in the midst of a gang of guys all decked out in black leathers black helmets with crossbones on the back and black bikes However at least I sounded all right That I managed to do by constantly clearing my throat Happy birthday breathalizer From The Files of the Herald YEARS AGO Constable Arnold Vanclief Is now one of the police officers in Ontario qualified to operate the new The 14pound Instrument measures the blood- alcohol level of drivers suspected of being Impaired Mrs Dora Sutherland was elected president of the Local Council of Women Other elected officials include Flora Ruth Jones Zetta Hayes and Anne Sargent Road residents presented a petition outlining the conditions of the roadway after years of promises of action All members of the street signed the petition In hopes of having the street finally curbed and paved Harold Bennet a veteran with IS yean of service will the Georgetown Volunteer Fire Department baa retired BUI Weir will replore Harold Jfo wants to relax and tending hit small herd of cattle and driving a school bus all in addition to his regular Job YEARS AGO John a provincial magistrate and Georgetown resident has added his voice to those In favor of the erection of traffic lights at John and Mill Streets Since an accident last month which killed a Georgetown boy con cern for the safety at the Intersection has Increased Over 150 Georgetown District High School students will take port in Showcase 63 at the high school Students skits and poems will be presented In addition to student directed material Ivan Long will direct the school band as part of the evenings en tertainment The Georgetown Midget the Georgetown went all the way to win the A Minor Ontario Championships Fire trucks were victory wagons for the teams the wholo town waa Informed of the win for Georgetown IS YEARS AGO Rev Morgan McFarlane will become minister of Tabernacle United Church In BellevUleatthecndof June Rev McFarlane boa been minister here for six years Miss Judy McCumber flew to Calgary for an Easter holiday at the home of Mr and Mrs A B producing a rather loud roar Then there was McMahon She was to say the least attractive I had again Pulling into my parking spot I saw sitting across the street Here as Snoopy would say is the world famous bike rider coming in after a day on the roads I cruised to a smooth halt Shut the bike off and put my left foot down to rest the bike while nonchalantly taking off gloves and helmet Un fortunately my left foot somewhere along the way had fallen asleep Bill bike and ego all took a bad fall Then to top it all off I couldnt get the 360pound bike off my leg I wonder If Knievel had this problem I guess the top story that would go into the movie would be the time I out- thrilled Knievel while nearly killing half the Port Hope Volunteer Fire Department I kept my bike in the bottom garage of the plant I was working In in Port Hope One Saturday night couple of kids decided to set fire to the plant I was at the scene of the fire for about two hours before I suddenly realized that my bike was still inside Two thoughts raced through my mind First was the picture of that flaming building somewhere in the midst of which was my bike The other picture was that of the equally red and brilliant face of my bank manager when I told him I lost bike in a fire I decided I had better get it out So with a fireman leading the way with a hose I picked my way into the basement Wasting little time to get the thins started I kicked her into action I hit the accelerator at the same time I hit the wrong gear And away we went Friends of mine tell me it was quite a sight Out of a cloud of smoke I came flying going about mph I might have made quite a name for myself if it bad not been for a fire truck parked directly in my way In a quick decision between hitting the fire truck or hitting the ground to hit the ground End of act The capper In this story of em barrassment after embarrassment came the next time I saw my friend who had talked me into getting the bike I asked him if he wanted to take a tour the next weekend To which he replied Afraid not I sold my bike last month Speaking of selling