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-Editorial- A gem in the sludge The mysterious wondrous and even wacky workings of Canada Post have in turn amazed amused and even enraged me to the point I have often gazed long ingly albeit quickly and with a sidestep at pigeons as a faster and more efficient means of delivering the mail Junk mail arrives not in drib bles but in waves while the che que you have desperately needed for days somehow gets lost in the system You want to keep in touch with farflung relatives and are over joyed when a letter arrives postmarked Australia and behold the letter is from a longlost relative scrambl ing to make a living in the Australian outback who claims he has finally located his dingbat which went missing some years previous You are happy to read that your relative has recovered his livestock But reading further you discover the gentleman was In fact referring to his wife who had run off with a Tongan Prince while your relative was tending his sheep Then it hits you You dont have any relations in Australia You then check the front of the envelope and discover that the letter in question was not meant for you and is dated somewhere around the turn of the century Occasionally however I must admit a gem is found hidden in the usual sludge that seems to taken up permanent residence in your mailbox and such was the case for me the other day Now before I get assailed by a chorus of the new improved version of 0 Canada or someone starts running our steamed Prime Minister up the proverbial flagpole I will admit the pam phlet I received came from the Exited of America It was called Snooze News and published by the Better Sleep Council As noted in the pam phlet the Better Sleep Council is a nonprofit educational organization supported by the bedding industry Firmly I trust Tidbits inside actually revealed it to be the Old Farmers Almanac of the Snoreset You know that pesky tag you find on the mattress that seems to suggest dismemberment or worse if it is removed Well relax the warning is not meant for the consumer But dont necessarily run home and rip it off The tag identifies the manufac turer helpful if you are making a As I Seeif by Coin Gibson warranty claim It is usually dated again this would help with a warranty claim but it also ob viously tells you how old the mat tress is Experts suggest 810 yean is the maximum lifetime of a mattress There is even a test for in somniacs try it out Do you take nearly an hour to fall asleep Normal sleepers take 30 minutes or so to fall asleep Do you waken frequently dur ing the night You may be sleep ing shallowly failing to go through the normal stages of deep restful nonRapid Eye Movement sleep Do you feel tired groggy in the morning as though you never rested Do you often feel excessively sleepy during the day The pamphlet notes that if you answered yes to any of these questions and the symptom has persisted for longer than three weeks you may have a sleep pro blem that requires medical atten tion The pamphlet is chockfull of other bits of information in cluding problems with snoring to nap or not to nap and the dangers of sleep deficit As I made note of earlier in this ramble the pamphlet came from the United States and most of the information is geared towards Americans However at the back of the pamphlet is a Canadian address Better Sleep Council PO Box Downsview Ontario M3H The pamphlet I received stated that people could receive free a 2opage booklet The Sleep Bet ter Live Better Guide Also those who request this booklet during the month of May will receive a bonus a reprint of Ways to Put Yourself to Sleep from the book How to Sleep Like a Baby by Dianne Hales Im not endorsing or suggesting anything but anything free usually is worth checking into As I see it anyway Poets Corner This poem was written for my nephew who served in the Per They sit by the radar sian Gulf on HMCS Terra Nova Our love Is there with them This is an exert from the Truro News for Tim But Theres No Place Doris Bouley Georgetown By Scott Nelson Dedicated to Tim THERES NO PLACE Truro NS Terra Nova Per LIKE HOME sian Gulf Theres snow on the ground Theres a chill In the air THE TRUTH The lights are all noshing I have a feeling friend of mine But were not all here That you have thoughts inside your head Our men and women And you dont want to say the Were sent overseas words To protect our dear country So youre showing me instead From Husseins crazy Yes friend of mine I have a schemes feeling Theres something you want to We think cf them often In the tension and heat But youre hoping you wont We pray God to watch have to oer them Cause you hope Ill turn away Till again we can meet I think youre hoping Ill lose in terest The stockings are hung And will cease to call one night By the chimney with care Be honest with me friend of In hope that our seamen mine Will be safe over there And tell me Am I right Brooke Acton Cheering for geriatric athletes Ive recently come to profound and unsettling realization about the ageing process Forget about those claims that a man truly knows hes growing old when he starts getting fed up with those whining juveniles on thirtysomething or when he grows indignant at media images that stereotype bald people Nope You know youre REAL LY over the hill when you discover youve started rooting hysterically for geriatric athletes It goes without saying that be ing a sports fan isnt nearly as much fun when youre over 30 As a kid you idolized those Glorious Men who performed ma jestic feats on Hockey Night in Canada As you grow older you suddenly realize half those Glorious Men are A man in his cant idolize 18yearolds He should not be rooting rapturously as they swoop down the ice He should be tipping them generously for park ing his car Its even worse when the HNIC announcers begin delivering one of their periodic odes to one of the Ancient Warriors who remains in the game a grizzled veteran older than lime itself compen sating for longfaded skills through wisdom and guile You find yourself nodding gravely marvelling at the fact that a man can keep playing hockey with one foot in the grave And then you find yourself realiz ing hang on This guys five years younger than I am Somehow theres not much joy in exclaiming Harold Snepps does awfully well for a guy whos almost my age To enjoy sports properly youve got to remain a kid This was brought home to me a couple of weeks ago when The Love of My Life and I went to an NHL Weirs World by Ian Weir News Service t game Best of all shed managed to wangle us a couple of invitations to the post- game reception Naturally I wore my Maple Leafs jersey to the reception There across the room stood Norman Hero of My Youth I gazed at I glanced at The Love of My Life Youre go ing to make a fool of yourself arent you she sighed I nodded happily and trotted over Hi Norm I said And Norm actually spoke to me He said Hows It going Emboldened by this I posed a blazingly insightful hockey ques tion Say Norm I said how do you figure would have done in the old sixteam NHL Norm shrugged and said Pret ty well I guess I was too overcome to continue the conversation But a few nights later while the guys and I were discussing the Quebec Issue at the pub I saw my chance Speaking of said casually tells me he would have done pretty well even in the sixteam league There was a sudden hush jaws dropped all around the table Youve met Normie someone final ly asked awestruck I nodded basking in the glow of having become a Somebody In any case all of this explains my ambivalent response to the most notable sporting phenomenon of the past five years the advent of the geriatric hero On the one hand theres something vaguely pathetic about it all But on the other hand Theres now the Seniors Tour of golf featuring wait for it MEN IN THEIR FIFTIES This spring theres been Jim Palmer an exathlete who incredibly continued modelling underwear well into his forties attempting a comeback at age 46 And just a few weeks George Foreman fat bald and will actually fight for the heavyweight boxing champion ship of the world A Foreman victory is probably too much to hope for After all the guys eight years older than I am Since hes that old we cant even be sure the nurses will wake him in time for the fight But oh the sheer joy of having older heroes to root for Go for it Aged Gentlemen Br ing on the anabolic prunes Write us a letter The Herald wants to hear from you If you have an opinion you want to express or a comment to make send us a letter or drop by the office Our address is 45 Guelph Street Georgetown On tario L7G3Z6 All letters must be signed Please include your address and telephone number for verifica tion The Herald reserves the right to edit letters due to space limita tions