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the HERALD Wednesday September Community News Page SB Family Violence Abusive male will attempt to isolate his victim By palmer Herald Special The abusive male in his rela tionship with a woman often displays extreme jealousy to the extent that he smothers his part ner He wants all of her free time often going into a tantrum if she decides to go shopping or out to spend time with a girlfriend or family Within a short period of time he will have successfully isolated her from her friends and some members of her family At this point the woman involved is like ly to begin to protest because she realizes she needs the support and companionship of others This he will likely view as pushing his buttons and thus the cycle of violence begins The anger will be supressed at first then later it will escalate in to a violent abusive outburst Sure he will apologize and make promises They will live in peace and harmony for a time until the jealousy brings out his insecurity and again he must take control of his mate Some abusers want their part ners to be totally devoted to serv ing them and their needs and believe any action on the part of their partners to continue to have alife of their own is a threat By isolating his victim the abuser is able to mask extreme jealousy because he dominates her time He is placing the responsibility for his quality of life on his victim Women being the they are often feel responsible for the happiness of their families and express guilt for unsatisfactory relationships If she balks at this isolationism the victim is often told she doesnt care about her abuser and doesnt love him or she wouldnt need to see other people If she happens to have male friends he will dig prod and every minute of her day to find out where shes- been and with whom shes spent her time Heaven help her if she leaves out the minutest detail and he finds out because the violence will If an abusers spouse has taken on added responsibilities through a job or community service work he will nag and complain until slje has no choice but to withdraw The independence she demonstrates is overwhelming to her abuser because he sees these other responsibilities as a loss of his control over his partner A victim who has built up her selTconfidence through a new job may decide to take positive ac tion to end the abusive relation ship and indeed the abuser has lost control and his victim is no longer isolated HELP US HELP OURSELVES Hie attempts at isolation are often demonstrated by the couple being noshows at social gatherings or by their consistent refusal of invitations Sometimes they may have company in their own home and the male abuser will be a late arrival or may not arrive at all or may use some lame excuse to get away from the guests Perhaps he will even em- his wife in front of guests in the hope that she will stop try ing to entertain He may do this by criticizing her by publicly fin- Awards to celebrate the arts community Special to the Herald byLoisFraser Arts Alive is pleased to announce the first recognition awards evening for the Halton Hills Arts community on Saturday October To celebrate the Heralds Anniversary the newspaper is cosponsoring five arts awards in conjunction with the Arts Alive committee Herald Publisher Bob Malcolmson approached Arts Alive with a thought to recognize talented and hardworking individuals in the arts community We have the Hockey Heritage Award and numerous sports recognition op portunities but so far the arts com munity has been relatively un noticed said Mr The Arts Alive committee couldnt agree more and the result is a five category award system which will be presented every five years to deserving individuals The first presentation will be on Satur day October 19th at the Cultural Centre the evening of John concert to celebrate the Centres 10th Anniversary The award categories are The Ralph Award for to an in dividual who has volunteered ex tensively in The individual the committee is looking for is well rounded and has con tributed for many years behind the scenes The Kenneth Harrison Award is named after a former Georgetown music teacher and choir leader this award will be given to someone who has worked with Halton Hills youth in persuing endeavours Arts Alive Award for Visual Arts to recognize someone who has displayed excellence in the visual arts area pain- tingsculpturingwoodworking etc Arts Alive Award for Performing Arts the emphasis here is on an In dividual who is an outstanding en tertainer He or she will have achieved excellence in per formance theatre music dance etc Arts Alive Award for Literacy for talent in journalism creative writing or a person who has promoted literacy will qualify for this award These awards will be given every five years The Arts Alive com is confident that recipients will be very qualified since a five year period between awards will ensure that these awards will con tinue to be special in years to come Nomination forms are available at the Herald office Guelph Street or at Shoppers Drug Mart The deadline for is September 15th The awards com mittee made up of four Arts Alive memtr id riicVnts of Halton Herald II on tlu October ding fault with the food her clothing the children or by get ting drunk He sees normal daily activities as being a threat to his territory and his ability to control those around him Any person who in terferes with his time with his victim is put down by multiple in sults Low selfesteem is at the root of his problems The abusive male cant deal with having anyone around he and his partner who could possibly show him to be less informed less intelligent less in teresting than they In order to mask his own insecurities his jealous tirades pass the blame to his victim Feel free to contact Jade by directing letters to her attention at The Herald All cor respondence will remain con fidential Should you wish to speak to Jacie call the Distress Centre at and your call wilt be returned If you are a woman or child in crisis or an 11 abusive male wanting help call the Distress dial 911 Special arrangements for support payments To help family support PAYORS meet their obligations during the current mail service interruption the Support and Custody Enforce ment Program has arranged for support payments to be accepted at any branch of the Royal Bank of Canada Cheques should be enclosed in sealed envelopes addressed to The Royal Bank of Canada Lockbox 180 Wellington Street West Toronto Ontario TRAN SIT On the back of each cheque the CASE NUMBER and the FOLLOW ING must be noted Royal Bank Plaza 200 Bay Street Toronto Tran sit NO Payments may also beto any office of the Support and Custody En forcement Program during regular business hours Support RECIPIENTS wilt be notified by telephone of where and when to pick up payments For further information Brian Harrison Manager Client Services Support and Custody Enforcement Program Ministry of the Attorney General Curat On Over Our Product I 1 Mi SATURDAY fi BARBECUES WEATHER PERMITTING Ralph Ursel Learn to Prepare Income Taxes HR BLOCK- INCOME TAX TRAINING SCHOOL increase your tax Knowledge obtain a new skill convenient times and locations For More Information Call 8737855