The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

the HERALD Wednesday October Community Family Violence Alcohol is just an excuse for abusive male By PALMER Herald Special The man describes himself with these words When Im drunk I am more interesting I can be around people more The alcohol makes me feel more im portant and what I have to say is important to those around me These words are typical of a man with low selfesteem This man drinks because he cant deal with his problems He drinks to build his selfconfidence because as a sober individual he is too in secure to socialize He may believe himself to be boring unless hes had a few drinks Even when under the influence of alcohol he may appear restless and abruptly leave a social gathering when the conversation is not one in which hes com fortable This man may appear to be aloof sometimes unap proachable or even a little ar rogant to those around him He is considered to be superficial by acquaintances Since they have few indepth conversations with the abuser they cannot recognize the characteristics he demonstrates to be symptoms of a much deeper problem In the life of he and his family there is a secret The family tries hard to deny it but it is there This man is a batterer Abused as a child he has learn ed his stock and trade well He is an artist at psychological mind games and when they dont work he controls those around him by grabbing them and physically abusing them After each physically violent encounter he is remorseful To justify the abuse he recounts tales of abuse which date back to his childhood His family listens to all the disappointments of his life over and over again His wife knows whats happen ing is not right but she cares very deeply and at the same time feels much pity for him After each in cident he and makes promises and she remains hopeful her life will change for the better He promises her the world and it looks very inviting This is stereotypical of an abusive relationship and an abusive male Here we have a man who has low selfesteem Perhaps this man has been unable to hold together positive relationships has few friends or is in a deadend job He may have many dreams which he now knows will never be realized He is a failure in his own eyes In any case his parents in abusing him eroded his self- confidence to the point where he no longer believes in himself and his ability to make something of his life to succeed He shies away from any challenges rare ly makes or keeps commitments and will often avoid contact with coworkers He is afraid his secret will be found out To mask his insecurities he HELP US HELP OURSELVES becomes a tyrant in his own home He belittles his wife by tell ing her she is no good Ac cording to him she doesnt keep house properly doesnt cook well doesnt know how to shop or dress Nothing she can do will please him He discourages every initiative she takes to improve their life together Over a period of time her confidence has become eroded and she starts to believe his belittling statements Rather than admit he needs help he drinks That masks his fears lack of selfconfidence and his insecurities Child abuse still a national problem By TERESA PITMAN Hal ton CAS Child abuse has received con siderable attention over the past few years and yet it continues to be a serious national problem It Is important that children know they have the right not to be abus ed and that we report abuse when we are aware of it But preventing abuse before it hap pens is even more important How can you prevent child abuse If you are a parent Learn as much as you can about normal child development and how to deal with different behaviours through reading or joining a parents group or paren ting class Being a parent is a tough job Look for support from family oiher parents professionals in your community Dont be afraid to ask for help when you need it When you feel yourself los ing it and we all do sometimes take a deep breath count to ten and walk away from the situation if you can This may be a good time to call a friend or supportive family member Or call Parental Stress at 8447234 Be cautious when choosing babysitters for your child Ask for references and be sure to check them out Listen to what your child tells you after spen ding time with the babysitter Help your child to develop selfconfidence by treating him with respect and consideration Let him know you are willing to listen to what he has to say without criticizing or judging him Then if he does experience abuse he will be more likely to tell you If you are concerned about the children in our community Look for ways to support the parents around you Even a positive comment made in pass ing can help a mother who is hav ing a rough day If you can be available to talk or to help out in practical ways that can make a big difference to parents under stress Consider volunteering with the Halton Childrens Aid Socie ty They have a variety of pro grams run by volunteers that work to reduce child abuse Call Corrie Galloway at or 8782375 for information about how you can help Give financial support to organizations which help children and families such as The Childrens and Youth Foun dation of your local ParentChild Centre Parental Stress Services United Way and other programs Be aware that our children are our future When a child is abus ed the effects can be far- reaching The steps we take to prevent child abuse today will mean a brighter future not just for the child we protect but for all of us Passive Reducing Salon OCT SPECIAL J Cl kta 8734907 116GuelphSI Roar Georgetown FREE DAY PASS Drop cmphMiOMi div Pin On iKlllktl STREET CRANFIELD CHIROPRACTIC CLINIC WEVE MOVED As Of October 1st 1991 Our New Address Is Guelph St IMorval Ontario Corner of Hwy 7 Winston Churchill Blvd 8774288 This man needs help The pro blem is most male abusers see others as the problem Just as this man passes the blame to his wife he blames coworkers for undermining him with super visors He blames friends for not being true friends when they disappoint him He blames his wife for difficulties leading to the dissolution of their relationship He blames his children for creating problems Those that dont remain faithful In their friendship are put down repeatedly during conversations and contact is shunned He denies all responsibility for his actions Will this man ever change Thats difficult to say Years of drinking make that habit a hard one to lick Drinking often in creases the intensity and fre quency of the abuse Years of abuse as a child and years of be ing an abusive adult are not easi ly washed away This man needs to be found out He needs to be held accountable for his actions Only then will he be forced to recognize his pro blem and responsibility for it Counselling can over the long term stop his learned abusive behavior Confidence building courses skills upgrading or job retrain ing may help Family counselling with his partner may help to en sure this relationship survives But it will take long term counselling with committed part ners to ensure success They can succeed Peel free to contact Jade by directing letters to her attention at The Herald All cor respondence will remain con fidential Should you wish to speak to call the Distress Centre at and your call will be returned If you are a woman or child In crisis or an abusive male wanting help call the Distress Centre or dial 911 Maker Gallery If 232 Guelph Street Royal Bank Plaza Georgetown 8776332 PRESENTING THE ART OF PIERRE FRANCIS Needlework t Stretching 1 Until SALE OF FRAMED PRINTS AND POSTERS MEMBER Or PROFESSIONAL PICTURE FRAMERS ASSOCIATION GOOD NEWS Thats what the Halton Hills Herald has been delivering to you since 1 We are celebrating our 1 25th year ANNlVERSARY Over the years the Herald has proven to be your community newspaper by providing you with all the news sports lifestyles and entertainment of the community Dedicated to Halton Hills the Herald is operated by local people who care about the community and what is delivered to your door We are committed to be the voice of the community and must prove it to you every week Your comments are welcome to let us know how we are doing 45 GUELPH ST GEORGETOWN L7G3Z6 8772201 MB