the HERALD Community Mews Wednesday November 27 1991 Family Violence Parental abuse can take many forms ByJAClEB PALMER Herald Special Today I went to visit my other in the hospital When I asked her how she was she replied Not so good I ve just realized I ve made a big mistake I don understand how I could have been so stupid For her this is the day she died How dreadful it must be for her to finally realr that the per son on whom she has showered love for the last years has une quivocal shafted her and in a systematic and calculated way The that mothers and sons share is special but when that love be abusive the mothers are left devastated ve watched her be phsically emo tionally and economically And ves I The first time I remember brother abusing mother he was He hit her across the back recall feeling shocked How could he do I remember no disciplinary action being taken and suppose he belieed from that point forward that it is to abuse mothers Within a few I left home lather died while m brother was in university As my mother wore the same old clothes worked and struggled to put him through unnersiH he demanded expensne clothes and was without doubt the best dress ed man on campus he came home weekends but often all hell would break loose be drunk or high on drugs and mother get out of bed at all hours of the night to make him his peanut butter and sand w iches She alw s HELP US HELP OURSELVES this time to a woman of his own kind hey worked together to ob tain her last dollar Now they want her out of the small living quarters she has in the home that once belonged to her She has always kept her feel ings to herself She has maintained such restraint But now I see the rage in her eves as she knows she has totally lost control of her life he reihzation of the monster her son has been all these vears is crushing 1 have reassured her that I have a lawer and am attempting to help her Trying to force m brother to hire a housekeeper and make some small alterations to her living quarters is no easy task especially when you realize his wife has previously refused to have the on mother s win dows painted while the painter was doing the rest of the exterior I ve told mom that if I can t buy her home from my brother I will purchase one in which we can all live With several small and live boys it won easy for any of us but we 11 make it work I told years ago I d be the one look after her in her senior years I to tell her she d be abandoned by her beloved son Now she knows I spoke the truth Like most abusers my brother is charming to the extreme Not surprisingly I became involved in an abusive relationship for a short period of time The man not only physically resembled my brother but also had many similar character traits During the time I was involved with my abusive partner he eased over from his moms pockets Abuse is insidious free contact Jacie by directing letters to tier attention at the Herald Ml correspondence will rtinjin Should you wish to to licit the Distrtss Centre at 1211 and you 1U be returned If are a woman or child in crisis or an abusive male wanting help call the Distress Centre or dial She had built her life around him because of the loneliness she ex penenced after dad s death She was afraid to refuse him an thing the car mone clothing par ties whatever After ersit he tra elled and eentualK got married Mother set him up in business and son had lost most of her life savings His phvsical abuse was that time becoming more o ert One ee recounted with horror an occasion when he raged through the building ing his wife He finally broke down a door to get at her She divorcedhim Shewassmart Of course son returned to mother and over the next few took the rest of her life sa ings and now has her home in his name he has remarried but Treatment centre proposed Local resident Beerly has successfully spearheaded a move to establish a treatment centre for families affected by violence to be located in Hills A first meeting of key com munity leaders in the Region was held at Georgetown and District Memorial Hospital on Nov In attendance were Paul Ben Executive Director Halton Sexual Abuse Program Cliff Burns Director of Education Separate School Board Noel Duignan North Graeme Chair man of the Board Georgetown and District Memorial Hospital Alex McKee Beverly Russell Miller Mayor Town of Hills John Oliver Ex Director Georgetown and District Memorial Hospital and Garth Turner MP North Regional Chairman Peter Regional Police Chief James Harding and Director of Education Bob Williams were unable to attend this meeting but were in support of effectively dealing with family violence Mrs said there are some information processing centres and treatment clinics for specific disfunction like sexual abuse drug and alcohol misuse and they are needed But what is really required is a treatment centre for the whole family because where there is violence and abuse in the family everyone gets affected to cope they have to adopt new behaviours which creates more disfunction those affected become overly dependent on our health care system She went on to say it s simply too much for our socie ty to deal with let alone pay for At the meeting it was agreed that a working committee would be formed to lay some of the ap propriate groundwork The hospital our federal and representatives Region and the public and separate school boards will contribute people MATTRESS SALE SAT NOV 30 ONLY 10 am5 pm SOME EXAMPLES Simmons Single Mattress Set Double Orthopedic Set Simmons Double Mattress Set Queen Ortho Deluxe Set 25 Year Warranty Double Set Clearance Queen Set Serta Queen Set Single Orthopedic Set Sealy Posturpedic Med Firm Double Perfect Sleeper Double Set Sealy Queen Set Elegance Sealy Comfort Firm Queen Set Sealy Orthopedic Double Set Orthopedic King Set 20 Year Warranty Reg 431 Reg 599 Reg 556 Reg 699 Reg 299 Reg 349 Reg 822 Reg 64 Reg 1400 Reg 1172 50 Reg 906 Reg 1067 Reg 596 Reg 1299 ONLY159 only169 only199 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