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the HERALD Community News Wednesday December 1991 Family Violence Verbal abuse has devastating effect on victim ByJAClEB PALMER Herald Special This story is typical of a man who abuses his partner verbally again and again Often the psychological abuse can be difficult for a woman to handle The physical scars will eventually disappear but what an abuser does t his vie Urn s mind lasts a lifetime The victim tells her story this way He started out blaming me for our problems It was always my fault He told me I was sick He told me I was the one respon sible for our difficulties Bj time he started telling me was crazy I was too afraid to ask anyone for help I was afraid of him and afraid he was right about me Finally I began to talk about the abuse to others It t easy but just admitting what was happening helped Then I got counselling He still believes everything was my fault and that I was crazy It is easy to view this woman s situation atid say that it could never happen to you Yet this curs in many abusive relation ships If anyone listens to abusive statements and put downs over and over again it is only a matter of time before those beliefs are internalized by the victim Telling his victim she is crazy or sick is a ploy an abuser uses to raise himself above his victim He refuses to make decisions about his own life perhaps he lost control years ago and doesn know how to regain control The victim may want to confront her abuser and insist he recognize his responsibility In order to reaitirm his belief in himself he must put her down If only he can convince his victim she is sick she won t ask to address the real problems of their life together The problem is abusive behavior which he refuses to recognize and change The victim is usually isolated from family and friends move on average every three vears Many families live great distances apart How have we compensated for developing and maintaining close relationships What kind of alter support systems have we developed as a substitute family An abused woman wants her pro blem kept secret She fears discovery She is afraid of her partner She is afraid to change her life Any form of change is difficult Fear of the unknown is scary for mentally well adjusted individuals or a victim of fami violence who is at best emo tionally unstable change is a nearly impossible challenge to face Hence it is difficult for her to open up to friends she tears her partner is fight and that she is crazy How would the few friends she has feel if they discovered thaf Some ensis will arrive and the victim will make a decision to seek help How bad will the emo tional scars be Will she have to go it on her own Will she survive within the relationship Community support and understanding can help this vic tim If you see a woman you believe could be in crisis because of an abusive relationship you must step forward to help her If you notice a change in a woman s behavior you must make that ex tra effort to find out what is wrong Symptoms of abuse in elude isolation depression and chronic complaints Our community has a responsibility to stamp out abuse of all types All our children suffer when they are affected by abuse Your children and mine cannot grow up to be emotionally healthy adults if they have abusive adults for role models As they play together your children will suf fer from the affects of indirect abuse It is in the long term in terest of our community to en sure women are safe in their own homes in order that they may nurture and foster a positive en vironment for their families Feel free to contact by directing letters to her attention at the Herald All correspondence will remain confidential Should you wish to speak to Jade call the Distress Centre at 877 1211 and your call will be returned If you are a woman or child In crisis or an abusive male wanting help call the Distress Centre or dial The next best thing to seeing Santa is Georgetown and Acton students in Kindergarten and Grade have a chance to talk to Santa Claus by phone this year As they have for the past six years the Town of Hills and the Georgetown Optimists are arranging to have Santa call all Kindergarten and Grade students in Georgetown in Acton who hand in forms to theirschool Calls from Santa will be made Dec 16 and 18 between 5 and 8 It s a goodwill program that helps kids feel good about them selves said Debbie Miethig the Supervisor of Community Programs for the Town who s the event The program involves the tran of permission forms from the school to parents and back to the school Interested parents can write down specific information Santa might want to talk about with the child when they send the form back to school where Ms will pick them up Often parents request that Santa praise their child for some good thing he or she has done Sometimes we have a parent write the form that their child has done a really good job cleaning up his or her room and Santa can this child a pat on the back for doing such a good job said Ms There are also parents who ex press that their child is going through a bad time due to a divorce or another type of emotional upheaval in the family We get sad cases where parents ask Santa to help their child realize that even though his parents are divorced and he s living in a new house Santa will still be able to find him she said Last year Santa reached over 600 children said Optimist John Crispin who s chairing the event for the Optimists Ho said the club whose theme is Friend to Youth was eager to have the chance to participate the program because it helps children If any parents haven t received forms to reserve a call from Santa they can call Debbie at the Civic Centre 2600 to arrange for their child to be included Due to the number of children Halton Hills only students in Km dergarten and Grade 1 will receive calls from Santa Claus Local church was host to White Gift Service By BETTY SOJKA Herald Special Last Sunday was a big day at the village church Reverend Joe Smiley conducted the White Gift Service which was combined with the Sunday School concert As the Sunday School teachers read aloud scriptures the children acted out the nativity Ballinafad News story From the youngest of age 2 dressed as a sheep to the older children dressed as angels camels donkeys and shepherds the story of J unfolded As part of the Annual White Gift Service adults donated funds to the Mission and Service Fund while the children brought canned goods for the local food bank Breaking only for lunch the Christmas program continued with a skit titled Down The Road To Bethlehem carol singing and a visit from Santa Each child received a gift as well as an apple and a candy cane Parents were given gifts handmade by their children in Sunday School It was close to 3 in the afternoon before the activities came to an end Next Sunday the Junior Choir will be presenting a musical The Great Late Potentate a man who was late for everything The group will be at St An for the 9 am service and then at United at 11 30 a m On Dec the Christmas Service will be held and a Christmas Eve Service is scheduled Dec 24 starting at 9 pm The Achievement Night was held Monday Dec 2 at the Acton Legion with the Ac tonDublin Club being the host club Members enjoyed Heather Mcintosh the Ontario Dairy Princess as guest speaker Each club had to have an ex hibit which was commented on by Dairy Princess Lisa Murray Ballinafad exhibit was chosen overall The group had made a holstein cow out of wire and paper mache then painted appropriately A hospital surgical glove filled with milk made the a work ing subject Posters were hung outlining milk cheese etc and farm pictures Hi there Santa Seven year old Brown of Hills tells Santa exactly what she wants for Christmas Saturday morning during his visit to Georgetown s Union Gas Herald Photo The Reserve Rewarding parttime employment Build on your civilian career while you earn extra money working part time in the Militia Canada s army reserve Live this uniquely rewarding experience Work with interesting people on selected evenings and weekends Enjoy varied employment and travel opportunities Join the Reserve now For mora information canted The Lome Scots Pec n and Ha on Keg men eel Geo own On a L7GIV4 416JB77