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I believe it was distinguished Canadian philosopher Red Green who once said: "If the women don't nd you handsome, they should at least nd you handy." Well, when I consider the degree to which I'm not handy, I have to assume that the women must nd me handsome. A clone-y of Clooney, if you will. Seriously. How unhandy am I? You could say I've earned the nickname Unhandy Andy. And, if you ever had the misfortune to witness my feats of astounding unhandy-ness, you would fully understand why the funniest standing joke in our house contains the punch line: "Maybe dad should get his toolbox." Over time, as I mismanaged, messed-up, bungled and botched assorted handyman jobs -- apparently If you want something done right, don't do it yourself That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor 11 | Thursday, April 3, 2014 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com putting in harm's way various family members who failed to remove themselves from the vicinity of my pervasive futility, and once nearly drilling a hole in my own head -- I came around to making a motto for myself: If you want something done right, don't do it yourself. Consequently, in recent years I've aligned myself with people who actually, well, know what they're doing. For instance, I know a fab fatherson painting team that has never painted itself into a corner (as I once did) and has never booted blue paint across white carpet (an event that lives in infamy in family lore). Further, I wisely befriended a man who is an absolute wiz with woodwork; hence our daughter's awesome Irish dance stage in the basement. During a renovation, wherein my wife was radically redoing our family room -- from country to contemporary -- I realized just how invaluable handymen are, and two characteristics they must prodigiously possess: aptitude and attitude. At the time, we had a rustic brickand-mortar replace that didn't at all match the new modern motif that had sprung from my wife's imagination. So, we hired AH (alleged handyman) and put him in charge of ripping out the old replace, brick by brick, and installing the funky new one. About every seventh brick he would come to me with an increasingly hangdog expression and expound upon a new problem he'd uncovered. Always a problem, never a solution. At one point I had to remind him that we'd hired him to do the job, and that if I had any clue how to do it, I'd probably have done it myself (my motto notwithstanding). Well, by 3 p.m., it was evident the poor man was in way over his head, and his poor soul was crushed. I paid him for his effort and told him we'd try to soldier on without him. A few days later, we found a father- son handyman team that had overowing aptitude, incredible attitude, and all sorts of outside-the-box solutions to problems they made disappear. Poof. It was like magicians had arrived. Affordable, ultra-ef cient magicians. My dreams had come true. About every six months, we invite them back to repair, restore and rejuvenate our home, from rooftop to cellar. Leaving me the time I need to just be handsome. At this rate, by George, I'll soon be some kind of Clooney. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www.facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www.twitter .com/ thesportjesters. Grand Opening April 25th & 26th Come and check us out SAVE THE DATE! Like us on Facebook to receive $1 Off https://www.facebook.com/ OakvilleTacoDelMar TO SCHOOL! A Rotherglen education offers positive, safe and friendly learning environments that inspire and promote intellectual curiosity, creativity and academic excellence in our students.This is achieved through the integration of an exceptional curriculum including the arts, athletics, community service and leadership opportunities. LOVE COMING OUR STUDENTS North American Franchise with 180+ stores. Now serving all of Oakville. Check us out! TO BOOK A CALL TODAY 905-845-TACO wa al W Roy 1-620 Ford Dr. Oakville i Dr. or For d nds Give your child a Rotherglen education. Oakville Primary Campus Montessori: Ages 3-5 to Grade 1 2045 Sixth Line, Oakville, ON 905-338-3528 TOUR Applications for 2014/2015 are now being accepted. PERSONAL (8226) ll R d. Oakville Elementary Campus Grade 1 to 8 2050 Neyagawa Blvd, Oakville, ON 905-849-1897 Dr. www.rotherglen.com Co rn