The Oakville Beaver, Wednesday M ay 28, 2003 - <3 Parent worries about intellectually disabled child Every mother spends her life filled with joy and fear concern ing her child. As the child grows toward adulthood, the mother changes her fears and begins to relax, albeit just a bit. But there is a distinct difference when the child is bom with special needs especially an intellectual disabil ity. The child remains forever trapped somewhere between childhood and adulthood. Although there are many adult expectations: to take care o f one self: to work: to have a social life; to be independent; these are accomplished only with support from an organization like Community Living. As my child grew toward adulthood. I was thankful for the caring and support that Annie received through the day pro gram. It offered her a safe place to go to work and to learn to relate to others on an adult level. But it also taught her that she had rights and responsibilities and could make decisions for herself. Many of these decisions were not what I would have wanted for her to experience. If the truth be known. I would have liked to wrap her in a cloak of safety and cocoon her from all problems in the world. And so she learned to ven ture into the world, and I learned to hold my breath. She set out one morning to catch the Town bus all by herself to attend the workshop. When the support worker called about 10 am. to inquire where Annie was, my heart stopped dead in its tracks. She had left the security o f our home before 8 a.m. to take the bus to the GO sta tion and then to transfer to the Speers Road bus. It was a jour ney she had made - with support many times before. Where was she. what had happened? And then she phoned. It seems she had mixed up the bus numbers and ended up (she thinks) in Burlington. TTie bus driver recognized she was con fused and carefully questioned her to see where she was sup posed to be. He then drove her to the workshop and made sure she was in the right place and safe. As with all parents of the intellectually disabled. I worry constantly. What if she gets so confused, she cannot remember her name and phone number. What if no-one asks her if she is lost. She may not realize she is lost, only that the bus didn't take her to the correct place. What if she meets up with someone who exploits her vulnerability? What if? What if? A constant stream o f worry enfolds me. W hile in many ways it was much easier years ago when the social rubric stated that all indi viduals with an intellectual dis ability should be treated like chil dren and receive custodial care. Whether that was in an institution or carefully sheltered and nestled into their parents' homes forever, things have changed now that we espouse sup portive care. Supportive care allows for the individual to receive supports that recognize their potential and their interests. Supportive care involves assist ing and not doing. Supportive care involves the recognition of the adult status and the actuality of the special needs. And for the individual it is a good thing. But as the parent, I worry. I want her always to be faced with people who love and care for her and who assume the mission of protecting her when she is alone. I want her accepted for exactly who she is even when she knocks on your door to see what you are serving for dinner because she doesn't like what I am serving (Thanks neighbours for both feeding her and sending her home.) And our journey of discovery continues. Three months ago she moved into her own apart ment. She is now responsible to cook and clean. She receives help and assistance to pay bill!; and to manage her money. It hasn't been easy. Some weeks I have over 100 phone calls and others none. I am not sure which is worse. But when I go to see her every Sunday, she proud ly makes me coffee and microwaves popcorn as a treat. She shows me that she has done her own laundry and washed all of the dishes herself. Her roommate has (apparently) done absolutely nothing for the past week but the roommate tells her parents that Annie has done nothing. So the adjust ment continues - an adjustment for two disabled women to find their level of capacity for coping and caring for them selves, and for the parents to find a level o f coping with the fears for their adult child who is attempting to manage. As a community we need to extend our hearts and support for these coura geous young people who are venturing out on their own. They are not as well suited for the coriiplexities and demands of daily life that someone who is more intellectually able. But they are manag ing with the support of Community Living. And once again they are Living Life and they are Living Proof that Community Living works. Now if only I could stop worrying. Notice of L iquor Licence Application Ontario The following establishment has applied to the Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario for a liquor licence under the L iquor Licence Act: A pplication for Additional Facilities Niblick Pub (The) 1011 Upper Middle Road Building E Oakville (outdoor area) Any resident of the municipality may make a written submission as to whether the issuance of the licence is in the public interest having regard to the needs and wishes of the residents. Submissions must be received no later than Ju n e 28, 2003. Please include your name, address and telephone number. If a petition is submitted to the Commission, please identify the designated contact person. Note: The AGCO gives the applicant copies of any objections. Submissions to be sent to: Licensing and R egistration D epartm ent Alcohol and G am ing Commission of O ntario 20 D undas St. W., 7" Floor T oronto. ON MSG 2N6 Fax: 416-326-5555 K-mail: licensing@ agco.on.ca 1 WEEK ONLY - MAY 26-JUNE 1 Entire In-Store Stock! BUTTERICK PATTERNS Individually priced. ONLY 2.99 EA. Offer valid May 26-June 1,2003 Not valid with any other discount offers. There's No Place like Home Register your cat. ca t indoors, c a t safe. IOAKVILLE « D IS T R IC T HUMANE SOCIETY OPEN SUNDAYS 12-5 140 Rebecca St. OAKVILLE 844-7728J Call to find out about your Free Gift. Mfcrochip Clinic May 25th and the "There's No Place Like Home" colouring contest. 905-845-1551 Executive "The Care, Service, Atmosphere And Support Are Terrific" SPECIAL FEATURE Written by Bill Dodge decision MBA Program Designed for the Working Professional · · · · AACSB Accreditation New 33 credit hour graduate program Year round evening and Saturday programs Across from Queenston-Lewiston Bridge Mary Clou' ii a relative newcomer to The Queen j Avenue Retirement Residence, having moved in February of this year. Her experience thus fa r has been nothing but positive, ,4s a long term resident of Oakville, she was delighted in her ability to remain in Oakville and actually move less than a block a m y from her daughter, and two grandchildren. She also has two sons, one in Richmond Hill and the other in Vancouver. For the past nine years, Mary had lived in a condominium independent!), but when mobility issues began to hamper her every day life, she realized she had to mow into a facility that offered an increased level of care. She is honest in admitting it was psychologically challenging to give up all of her independence and the ownership of her own home, however, the benefits fa r outweighed the difficulties. `When you reach a point when you find your disabilities affect your activities like shopping this is the ideal place, "The cm , sennce, atmosphere and support are terrific, ' noles Mary. As an active attendant of St. John s United Church and a member of the women's group, Mary heard from a number of individuals who all had positive experiences unth The Queen s Avenue Retirement Residence. Her husband had been a Presbyterian Minister and an educator. Earlier in life, Mary had travelled through the United States with her family and settled in Toronto. Her lifestyle has enabled her to develop an appreciation for contact with people and it is one of the highlights of living at Queen s Avenue that she is able to develop fellowship with others. There are regular activities scheduled, including exercise programs every morning in which 25-30 people take part. Meals are scheduled and regular dining groups are organized, "You don 'I have lo be confined, ' noted Mary. She enjoys the freedom that she has to make her own breakfast in her suite, as she likes to eat early, and then to join others and socialize while they eat. 7 go down and chit chat lo get out of my apartment, ' she says. Bus trips are organized so you can gel out to local shopping and for those with mobility issues it still gives them their independence. The staff, including those in the dining room, housekeeping, and all the regular caregivers, are there if you need them. "You can 'Iplease everyone but they bend m<er backmrds to meet your needs. Sicola is the best person that you could choose to run the facility, she is always there when you need her, * stated Mary as she shared her appreciation of Queens Kvemie. 'For the most part for everyone there is an acceptance and settling in. They are happy unth their lifestyle at Queen's Avenue. ' The Queens Avenue Retirement Residence 1056 Queens Avenue, Oakville (905) 815-0862 Niagara Un iv e r s ity A wor l d - c l a s s e d u c a t i o n Office of Admissions, 852 Bailo Mall, PO Box 2011, Niagara University, NY 14109 www.niagara.edu/mba *800-462-2111 · 716-286-8051