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www.insideHALTON.com | OAKVILLE BEAVER | Thursday, March 5, 2015 | 6 Surviving PTSD -- Fred Smith builds hope from trauma by Stacey Newman Special to the Beaver Spotlight "Connected to your Community" H real. A survivor of alcoholism, drug addiction and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Smith has returned to the frontline as both advocate and activist for veterans struggling with mental health and substance abuse issues. For the past 10 years, through his organization Veterans Helping Veterans, Smith has worked with more than 3,000 people -- most of them veterans -- in dire need of intervention in their lives. "When I sleep at night, I still dream about dead bodies," says Smith, clad in uniform and sitting on the sofa at his modest Milton home -- the rst real home he's had since living on the streets across Canada for close to 25 years. The walls in his residence are covered with military memorabilia, frame next to frame lled with paintings, posters, and photographs of his relatives, his heroes, and himself with other Armed Forces personnel. Nearby is Smith's scrapbook, which he has lled with journal entries, photos and clippings -- reminders of the distance he has travelled on his journey to health. In his pocket is his Royal Canadian Regiment commemorative coin, its full circumference marked by handmade notches, each symbolizing a year of sobriety. Raised in a military family Smith was raised in a military family in Nova Scotia. He wanted to do noble things in his life and chose to be a soldier like his father, uncles and his four brothers. He joined the Army Cadets, then the 1st Battalion, The Royal Canadian Regiment. At age 24, Corporal Frederick Smith was recruited to serve as a United Nations peacekeeper in the disputed territory between Syria and Israel. Part of the United Nations Disengagement Observer Force in the Golan Heights in 1979 through 1980, Smith says he saw things during his deployment in the Middle East that he still can't talk about. The bodies he sees in his dreams were piled near the Syrian border at Al Quinatra. The streets in Syria were especially dangerous. "I saw people killed. When I was in Damascus at night, alone on the street, I was like a young alton resident and army veteran Fred Smith has fought many battles in his life, in war zones both gurative and The breaking point He says the breaking point was in 2006, the day one of his sons committed suicide. Smith drove himself to Joseph Brant Hospital in Burlington. He was wracked with pain, with the memories of his mistakes, his shame, and the notion that he was a loser. Smith says he was seen by a psychiatrist, who recognized that he was signi cantly injured due to the violence he witnessed and the stress he endured in the Golan. It was the rst time the stigma was removed, the mental illness named. He was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Over the next two years, Smith started learning to live one day at a time. He sought support at Guelph's Homewood Health Centre where he connected with a team of healthcare professionals. Veteran and PTSD survivor Fred Smith, who now calls Milton home, stands at the Victoria Park Cenotaph near Milton's Town Hall. | photo by Stacey Newman ­ special to the Beaver child. I would whistle in the dark to feel less afraid." He can't help but think about the innocent people in war zones, especially children. Smith says the distress he felt while deployed in the Golan intensi ed with every terrifying experience and, like many soldiers, he self-medicated using readily-available and inexpensive alcohol to salve his pain. His trauma became acute, and he was urgently repatriated to his unit in 1980 and sent home to counselling and probation at CFB Gagetown. He felt broken and confused He says he was broken, felt confused and he was drinking. After he learned he wouldn't be reposted, he was so despondent he told his superiors to get him out of the military. Smith had been lled with pride when he joined the army, interested in being an exceptional soldier, yet three months after leaving the military at age 27, he was homeless. He says he moved repeatedly across Canada over the course of the next 25 years, never managing to go more than ve days without drinking and never managing to maintain relationships or his health. He turned to mitigating the nightmares, the memories and the suffering with hard drugs. He When I sleep at night, I still dream about dead bodies. Fred Smith Veteran had marriages, children, and failed relationships. He was in and out of 11 treatment centres. Never was mental illness recognized, he says. At one point, while in recovery, Smith was sponsoring 17 inmates in two correctional facilities located in Saskatchewan. Somehow through it all, Smith set out to help others, and managed to maintain some distant connections with his children. His own mental and physical health continued to decline. Smith says he lived on the streets of Vancouver, Halifax and Toronto. Then he found himself living in and out of men's shelters and support groups in Oakville and Hamilton. Tragedy found him a number of times. His brother died, then his father died and Smith says he attempted suicide. "I tried to kill myself three times. I couldn't live and I couldn't die." Helping other veterans There he says he began his work helping other veterans with mental health, alcohol, and addiction issues in a meaningful and effective manner. The support and camaraderie was instant, and in turn, Smith had a moment of clarity, as he calls it -- a sense of hope, purpose and worth. He made a deal with his God, repeating the phrase, "I'll help you if you help me." It was a eeting moment, a imsy reed he grabbed onto. The fear, shame and stigma seemed to melt away. He would be freed by helping others to nd their way in what can be a terrifying world for veterans facing mental health diagnoses, dealing with PTSD, homelessness, addiction and alcohol-related issues. Smith founded Veterans Helping Veterans. He funded his work with the money he received from his own disability claims. He has kept his promises to himself over the last decade. Each day is punctuated by an imperative routine that includes an af rmation, self-checks, a support meeting or appointment and tness training. Smith is mandated to reach out to at least one veteran every single day. He believes his work to be simple; he directly connects veterans to resources available to them, resources. he says. veterans are largely unaware they're entitled to -- no bureaucracy , very little politics, no judgment. If a veteran needs help, he or she needs simply to contact Fred to get the ball rolling. How does he nd veterans in need? Legwork, lots and lots of legwork. see Smith on p.7 NEIL OLIVER Vice­President and Group Publisher DAVID HARVEY Regional General Manager JILL DAVIS Halton Region Editor in Chief Volume 53 | Number 18 447 Speers Road, Oakville ON (905) 845-3824 Oakville Beaver is a member of the Ontario Press Council. The council is located at 80 Gould St., Suite 206, Toronto, Ont., M5B 2M7. Phone (416) 340-1981. Advertising is accepted on the condition that, in the event of a typographical error, that portion of advertising space occupied by the erroneous item, together with a reasonable allowance for signature, will not be charged for, but the balance of the advertisement will be paid for at the applicable rate. The publisher reserves the right to categorize advertisements or decline. Editorial and advertising content of the Oakville Beaver is protected by copyright. Unauthorized use is prohibited. 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