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Y Recording the crazed cackling of people of a certain vintage our box at the end of a long laneway puters and cellphones to the control of a country home in the middle of panel in a new car. No idea. No clue. nowhere. So, instead of logically trying to Wait, I thought: that's a little weird, discern how something functions and possibly bordering on creepy, (or, heaven forbid, read a manual), no? we simply start frantically pushing You see, I'm of a vintage wherein buttons, two or three at a time. people start to build up a healthy Well at some point in that frantic, distrust of, well, pretty much everybutton-pushing process, the technolGuest Contributor thing. Wherein they start to see conogy sprang to life. spiracy theories in, well, pretty much needed to get this tiny technology Next thing you knew, we were working before we completely hy- hearing the voice not of a stalker everything. I took the ndings to my wife.; pered ourselves into a frenzy, but.... or blackmailer, but, rather, of an My wife and I are of a vintage where emcee from an event my wife atwho is of the same vintage and who we have no idea how to work... any- tended for work with our daughwas similarly creeped out. We shared our cooked-up con- thing. From TVs, DVD players, com- ter, who's interning at my wife's spiracy theories as disquiet rose in our guts and chills inched up our spines. We were about to be blackmailed. Someone had kidnapped someone we know and had recorded a reSame Reliable Owners Clean Every Visit quest for a handEco-Friendly Cleaning Products some ransom. Colour-Coded Cloths Reduce Cross Contamination Someone EnviroShield® Whole Home Disinfecting Strongest Guarantee In the Industry 289.809.9823 was stalking us. (XXX) XXX-XXXX Someone.... We localurladdressgoeshere.com Oakville.MaidRight.com 7 | Thursday, June 23, 2016 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com ou'll never guess what I found in the mailbox at the end of our laneway last Thursday at 6 a.m. To facilitate, I can tell you that it was not mail. You see, we no longer use that mailbox for mail. A few years ago, after a snowplow played chicken with the poor box-on-a-post for the third time, we gave up and got our mail delivered to a communal, cluster mailbox up the road. Nowadays, our mailbox sits empty -- a rusting reminder of a kinder, more convenient era -- save for an infrequent yer or an occasional courier delivery that gets crammed into it. Then there was last Thursday when I was hauling garbage up the laneway for pickup, and for some odd reason -- it was so early, maybe I was still half asleep -- I opened up that mailbox on a bleary-eyed whim. I imagine at this point it's pretty obvious to everyone what I found: a newfangled recording device, replete with a battery installed, what in olden times would have been called a tape recorder. Minus the tape. Yep. Perfectly normal, I thought: of all the mailboxes in the world, somebody's stuffed a recording device into That's Life Andy Juniper company for the summer. Yeah, someone had dropped the device off in our mailbox because our daughter needed the audio, which, at that point, was no longer the recorded voice of an emcee, but, rather, the voiced-over, ranted recording -- mistrustful musings, paranoid fears and crazed cackling -- of two shaken (not stirred) souls of a certain vintage. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www.facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www.twitter . com/thesportjesters. As a Maid Right owner you have my quality guarantee with every clean. FREE Save $25 off your Schedule 3 cleans, 1st regular service clean and off4th yourfree* 4th get$50 the SM SPECIAL $ * 75 Off CLEAN *Receive the 4th of four cleans at no charge up to $125 Not valid on prior services. *Not valid value. on prior services. Not redeemable for redeemable cash. Applies to cash. new customers only. Not for Applies to new customers only. SPRING CLEANING SPECIAL OFFER: ©2015 Maid Right Franchising LLC. Maid Right and JAN-PRO International are subsidiaries of Premium Franchise Brands LLC. Pools, Spas and Leisure Products Replacement pool lineRs* x x x x x 24' 28' 32' 36' 40' Rect Rect Rect Rect Rect $ $ Hot sUmmeR sale!! 12' 14' 16' 18' 20' 999 1199 $ 1399 $ 1599 $ 1999 Replacement pool heateR* $1,099 fRom 12' x 24' Inground Kidney Shaped Pool $27,999 installed* Vinyl or Fiberglass available 15' Round 18' Round 12' x 20' oval * ABOVE GROUND POOLS $ 1399 1499 $ 2299 $ HOT TUBS fROm $1599* *Limited time offer, No dealers please, Quantities Limited *Restrictions apply check in-store for details, not applicable on prior sales. Products may not be exactly as shown. 905.815.5252 504 IROQUOIS SHORE ROAD, UNIT #1, OAKVILLE, ON L6H 3K4 www.leisureindustries.ca