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Tuesday December 21, 1999 THE OAKVILLE BEAVER A7 COMMENT T h e g r e a t t r e e t r e k a jo u r n e y t o r e m e m b e r Oh ho you say. So there's nothing quite like that warm holiday family feel ing about cutting down your own Christmas tree. That may very well be. With other families. But it is difficult, no impossible, to conjure up any bit of family warmth when the kids are pummeling each other in the back seat in that pre-holiday bug-your-sibling kind of mood, the dog is barking madly, his dirty paws scratch ing at the window, the mud is caking the sides of the car, my pants, my boots, my hair and we have locked ourselves out of the car. It's astonishing, really, just how inept reasonably intelligent people can be when it comes to doing anything remotely practical. Just a few days ago, we were faced with nothing more than a moth and we were befuddled. Stopped in our tracks, to be sure. There we were, frantically trying to whoosh a belea guered moth out our sliding back door after dinner, whirring about with a cloth, trying to get it away from the lamp. My spouse got the blasted lamp halfway out the door, waving it about, cursing the poor moth. My daughter watches for a few min utes, for amusement, and then asks us why we don't simply turn off the lamp. Oh. The moth flies away, freed from the light. We look at each other, feeling foolish...again. Not wishing to look foolish again in front of our pre-teen, we had prepared for this tree-cutting family D IA N E H AR T bonding escapade. I even got a map of the tree farm which of course I left behind. But what the heck; I had good intentions. And we got the tree of our dreams from the mud bath forest. We might have been knee deep in mud, freezing to the core but we got a tenfoot tall tree and it only cost $11. That's what I kept telling myself: it's only $11. Ten feet tall, $11. It was like a mantra lugging the tree through the mud to the car only to find we had left the side door, the driver's side, wide open. That's right - wide open....what does my spouse say? "Hope the cell's okay." Not: Oh my heavens, look at that, what if someone steals the car, the papers inside, the valuables of which there are none. No. Hope the cell's all right. He calmly shuts the door and we begin the process of tying our tree - the best one we've ever picked - to the roof. For any other family this would have been a cinch. We, of course, didn't bring any rope. Lots of string, but no rope. "Oh well," say I cheerily, "at least I didn't bring Christmas ribbon." My spouse grunts. He is distinctly unamused about the fact we will be strapping a ten-foot, $11 tree to the roof of the car with nothing more than twine. I grab one side, he the other. The kids are weary of the adult's enormously boring escapades and begin to tussle once again in the back seat. Harry looks despondent beside them as only a muddy, tired dog can. I wave to him and shout, with gritted teeth, to keep it down in the back. Are we having fun yet? Other cars go by, their trees bundled in plastic tarps on sturdy roof racks. But we are almost there. "I can't believe we are using twine to do this," my spouse says through blue lips. His knees are caked with mud...he's under the car grumbling about North American cars and how they never have handy things like hooks. We have tied the tree about 15 times through the car doors, while the kids wrestle and refuse to roll down their windows any more: "It's cold you know," they say, now in the midst of an argument about the correct words to the song. Says Kate: "Well, it's Philippa's favourite song...she ought to know." Retorts Drew: "You can just tell her she's singing the wrong words, then." And on it goes while I continue to gaze at other cars whose drivers and passengers point at ours. They must, I say out loud, wonder how we can be so creative. Another grunt from the rear of the car. At last we are ready. The kids have found books in the back, Harry has given up and the tree is finally stable on the car. "Okay," says my spouse, "let's make it back in time for the hockey practice." Only one problem: we can't get in the car. We've tied it through our doors so tightly with twine, we can't get back in. The kids hoot with laugh ter. We look at each other blankly. We've done it again. "The only thing to do is to get you to get in my side and then move over. We'll have to cut our way in." Really. We are climbing Mt. Everest is that it. I'm telling you, give a man a Swiss army knife and some twine and he becomes dangerous. Never mind. I begin to trek mud on the driver's side making myself really popular with the driver and make my way over to my seat, under batches of twine hanging through the door win dow. Looks solid, says my spouse glanc ing up at the front. At least the trunk of the tree is facing the front. We were set; our ten-foot tree was strapped to the roof, we were in the car and all we had to do was get through the mud to the front gate and pay. We made our way carefully, all the while hoping the tree wouldn't fly away in the breeze, but by the time we reached the front gate all was well. There were a few smiles as the gate keepers saw our bright red blanket on the roof, but at least it was solid. "That's $11." a woman brightly said through the window. "Eleven dollars," I repeated, what a deal. The kids were mortified. As we slowly began to make our way, she stops and reaches onto the roof. "You might want your gloves inside the car," she says with a laugh. My spouse takes the gloves sheepish ly. But then she says that's not the worst thing to do: last year a guy actu ally drove away with the saw on his roof. Imagine that. Driving away with your saw on your roof. Problem is: it sounds all too familiar. Q ) O A K V IL L E TOWN OF OAKVILLE CLASS ENVIRONMENTAL ASSESSMENT 84 5-66 01 Christmas story has happy ending Long ago in the town of Bethlehem, One immediate thought was to put Judaea, Joseph and Mary rejoiced in the The Wise Man's crown on the head of birth of the newborn Baby Jesus, safe the shepherd and re-unite the trio that and warm in the stable of the inn. way. Last week in the city of St. There were a number of problems Catharines, Joseph and Mary sat motion with that plan. First, Canada being a less beside an empty cradle mourning the highly unionized country, I don't think All The Worid's loss of the newborn Baby Jesus from a the parks department could deal with all nativity scene on the lawn of city hall. A Circus the grievances from other shepherds Long ago, a great light appeared and and stable boys being passed over for the angel Gabriel said: "Do not be call 911 immediately. They fear Tammy such a promotion. Faye may have drastically altered her afraid, I bring you joyful news." And, secondly, if the shepherd Last week with spotlights, flood facial features by not wearing makeup. becomes a Wise Man, who's minding And this situation could get a lot the flock? lights and street lights illuminating the downtown manger, a park's manager worse before it gets better. I, for one, do The old adage that in time of crisis a not look forward to turning on the tele family pulls together and the bond of named Bob was crying foul. Long ago in an open stable, the Baby vision set and watching the Baby Jesus blood is strengthened, certainly proved Jesus slept soundly in a bed of hay. Last in a Crimestoppers episode. Police true in this case. Parks officials have week, a half a block from the police sta guarantee that all the calls they receive announced that Joseph and Mary will tion, Baby Jesus fastened to a cradle remain anonymous. Sure, until He lis now be welded together, forever. was kidnapped in the middle of the tens in on the line. And as we rush through this I don't mean to meddle in police Christmas in a blur of seasonal materi night. And a voice said: "Man, crime sure work, but if I were the detective on the alism toward a new millennium that has gotten worse in the last 2030 years!" case, I'd be taking a hard look at any promises to be as leaderless as the last, The Jesus thieves, like all thieves, body named Herod. the headline this story conjures up is Scrambling to reset the nativity joyless and unfortunately prophetic: probably started out committing petty crimes like pilfering from the church scene, city officials got a quote to "Jesus goes missing. Whereabouts of collection plate and gradually working replace the two stolen replicas. Baby The Wise Man unknown. " their way up to more serious offences. Jesus cost $65 and The Wise Man $300, One day, you're dragging a drunken which I found divinely unfair This must Editor's note: William's concluding pro ceramic dwarf from your neighbour's be some Wise Man, the kind that put jection for the new millennium may not be lawn to a pool party and the next day, you onto amazon.com when it was trad all that dismal. Jesus was later found in you're involved in die abduction of the ing at $12 a share. But no, apparently, some nearby bushes. The search contin it's all a matter of size. Son of God. ues for The Wise Man. Long ago in Jerusalem, Jesus was arrested in the garden of Gethsemane. Last UNBELIEVABLE week, the Baby Jesus was kid napped in St. Catharines, also called the "Garden 6 billion gifts in under 24 hours Santa and his deer deliver C i t y . " Coincidence? Yes. But only until Oliver Stone gets REALLY UNBELIEVABLE: hold of this story. But there's no denying the obvi ous. It's not much of a Christmas nativity scene without the Baby Our Ericsson KF 788 · The world's sm allest dual-band digital phone Jesus. The cradle rob DIGITAL PCS is only · Vibrating alert bers also stole one of The Three Wise · Active flip Men but not the one bearing the · 200 alphanumeric memory locations gift of gold. Apparently, · 40 num ber caller log money was not the motive. · Caller I.D., e-mail, paging, data ocpcde Park officials · Speed dials 99 num bers believe it would have taken at least two people an hour to dislodge P lu s with $50 mail-in rebate * the pinned and cemented Wise Man which had evening A weekend bonus minufes/month** been set in place with a crane. Police are look ing for two extremely muscu lar religious wingnuts on a Going wireless on Canada's biggest digital network has never been so unbelievable. very strange shop ping spree. Police have asked anyone who may have walked or driven by city hall on the V . evening of Mon., Applies as $50 credit on future Cantel AT&T monthly bill. One year plans starting at $45 per m o n th ^ e ^ a c tiv a tlo n ^ n l^ O ffe Dec. 6th, and / af Dec. 31,1999. **1,000 evening and weekend bonus minutes apply for 12 months. Long distance, roaming and applicable taxes are extra noticed Jim and System access/lnitiation Fees may apply.*Rogers Cantel Inc.TMAT&T Corp. Used under License Tammy Faye Bakker wielding a 3 1 0 5 D undas St. W . 3 0 2 7 Speers Rd. O a k v ille T o w n C en tre (west of Winston Churchill) jackhammer and a 842 -4 2 80 8 15- 1755 820-0000 wheelbarrow to V LAKE ONTARIO SHORELINE REHABILITATION FOR DINGLE PARK AND ADJACENT MUNICIPAL LANDS NOTICE OF COMPLETION f t * ' * * * * * * * * * * * * W IL L IA M TH O M A S In accordance with the Class Environmental Assessment for Municipal Water and Wastewater Projects the rehabilitation of the Dingle Park shoreline and the adjacent municipal lands is being planned under a Schedule `B' process. The Town of Oakville is proposing to reconstruct the shoreline of Lake Ontario across Dingle Park (from Allan Street to Dunn Street). The completed study recommends the project to considered under two separate construction phases. The first stage of work will cover the shoreline lands between Reynolds Street and Dunn Street. It will involve rebuilding of two different shoreline treatments. The most westerly section of Dingle Park is presently protected with a deteriorated concrete rubble bank that will be rebuilt with an armour stone wall. The existing shingle beach across this section will essentially remain intact. The east section of Dingle Park (Trafalgar Road to Reynolds Street) would see the existing concrete seawall protected with a combination of armour stone and large rip-rap. Revetment structures will be constructed where the wall has completely deteriorated and collapsed. The second stage of work will involve rebuilding of the armour stone shoreline between Reynolds and Allan Street. This would also include the extension of the park pathway along the shore and connecting to the municipal road allowance at Allan Street. Funding for this work will be included in future Capital Budgets as dictated by need for shoreline protection at this site. Interested persons may provide written comments to the municipality on the proposal within 30 calendar days from the date of this Notice. Comments should be directed to Erik Zutis at the Department of Public Works. If concerns regarding this project cannot be resolved in discussion with the municipality, a person/party may request that the Minister of Environment and Energy "bumpup" the project to an individual environmental assessment. "Bump-up" requests must be received by the Minister at the address below within 30 calendar days of this Notice. A copy of the "bump-up" request shall also be sent to the Director of Public Works. If there is no "bump-up" request received by January 22,2000, the rehabilitation of the Lake Ontario shoreline at Dingle Park will proceed to design and construction as presented in the study report. Hon. T. P. Clement, Minister of Environment 135 St. Clair Avenue, 15th Floor, Toronto, Ontario M4V 1P5 The project file is available for review at the following location, (Mon-Fri : 8:30 am - 4:30 pm). Town of Oakville Department of Public Works 2274 Trafalgar Road Oakville, Ontario For additional information contact Erik Zutis, C.E.T., Engineering Design Technologist Department of Public Works email: ezutis@town.oakville.on.ca Fax:(905)338-4159 Tel (905) 845-6601 ext. 3312 This notice issued December 21, 1999 Mr. R.G. Green, P.Eng., Director of Public Works 1000 CAf'TEL jA r & r 1225 T R A F A L G A R R O A D · O A K V IL L E , O N T A R IO · L6J 5A 6