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A6 THE OAKVILLE BEAVER Saturday December 25, 1999 T h e O akville B eaver Ian Oliver Publisher Neil Oliver Associate Publisher Norman Alexander Editor Kelly Montague, Advertising D irector Martin Doherty Circulation D irector * Teri Casas Office M anager Mark Dills Production M anager Riziero Vertolli Director o fPhotography Metroland Printing. Pubfcrtng & Distributing Lid., includes: A*ax/Pickering News Advertiser. Afcton HerakyCourier. Bame Advance. BanyS Bay This Week. Bolton Enterprise. Brampton GuanJan. Burfngton Post. Bcrington Shoppng News. City Parent, CoingwoocWtosaga Connection. East York KArror. Erin Advocata'Country Routes. Etobicoke Guardan. Ramborou^i Post. Georgetown hdependent/Acton Free Press, Huonia Business Tmes, Kingston This Week. Lindsay This Week. Markham Ecnomist & Sun. M*dland/Penetanguishine Mirror. Milton Canadian Champion. Milton Shopping News. Wsdssauga Business Tm es. Mssissauga News. Napanee G o d a Newmarkei/Atrora Era-Banner. Northumberland Nows. North York Mrror. Oakvie Beaver. Oakute Shopping News, ddtimers Hockey News. Cnia Today. OshawaWitty/Oarington Port Perry The Week, Ove n Sound Tribune. Peterborough This Week. Picton County Guide. Richmond Hdinhomh*A/aughan Liberal, Scarborough Mirror, Stouftvme^Uxbridge Trtxne. Forever Vbung. City of Mark Guarden OPINION 467 Speers Rd.. Oakville O n t L6K3S4 (905) 8 45 -3 82 4 Fax: 3 37-5567 Classified Advertising: 8 45 -2 80 9 Circulation: 8 45 -9 74 2 E d it o r ia ls P a s s th e sh iv Ah, Corrections Canada, aka The Correction Service of Canada, strikes again. No, that's not the ministry that cor rects errors, it's the federal ministry that The entire concept of a thinks the nation's penitentiaries should penal system is that if 1 have the razor wire removed from their .. . I walls and fences. VTM commit a cnme I And why, you might ask has this against society, you willW view been forwarded? Because it makes with some time ^ | the correction facilities look like con£ centration camps. 'tw This was one of the recommendations made in a Correctional Service report. The same docum ent has also recom mended the removal of firearms from prison guards and permitting inmates to make their own meals and have keys to their own cells. How bizarre, how bizarre. Now correct us if we're wrong, but we're under the impression that the purpose of jails, prisons or other `correctional facilities' is to keep inmates inside. The entire concept of a penal system is that if you commit a crime against society, you will pay with some time in the pokey. Sure, they may try to rehabilitate you and for some, that works. But the bottom line is that many prisoners would like to escape. Gee, what a surprising concept. And stripping the guards of guns is great for the pencil-pushers in Ottawa but we wonder how at easy they'd be performing their same jobs within a prison where the only armed personnel are likely to be the prison population. Shiv anyone? As for the key and cooking ideas? Let's just ring that up to the bureaucrats having a bad day. Letters to the Editor The Oakville Beaver welcomes your comments. All letters must be typed, signed and include the writer's address and phone number. Send to: Letters to the Editor, The Oakville Beaver 467 Speers Rd., Oakville, Ont. L6K 3S4 H e 's c o n f i d e n t a b o u t h i s f i n a l a n s w e r As an alien from a planet in a far-off solar system, I'm required to report back to my Planet Master, Begis Philbin, on a regular basis about all the in n u m e ra b le and peculiar com ings and goings o f Earthlings. The PM wants to know everything about human society, fads and trends, and any informa tion that might provide insight into what makes Earthlings tick, and tock. Begis has a sense o f hum our that's absolutely out of this world. H e's wild about M onty Python, which he religiously watches on the II (Intergalactic Internet), and he thinks Ontario Prem ier Mike Harris is one of the funniest men alive, in any galaxy. Harris' recent spin on overcrowded and virtually paraly zed em erg en cy h o sp ital wards caused the PM to shoot a hot beverage through his nose and nearly wet his "ET Phone Home" pajamas. Anyway, to earn brownie points, I pad my reports with funny little news stories. T here w as th e sto ry o u t o f Britain in which a parrot named T hen, there are sto ries that probably should not be considered funny in this politically correct day and age, but are... The Argentine woman who was granted a divorce on the grounds that her husband is a lazy pig. ("He doesn't even both er when the toilet gets blocked and floods the dining ro o m ." ) The 8,000 third- and sixth-graders in New York City who were sent to m an d ato ry sum m er school on account of a scoring error on spring reading exam s. The U.S. State Department discovery, via over head photographs, that President Saddam Hussein of Iraq has built a m ulti-m illion dollar amusement park (Saddam World?). I tell my PM that these stories prove that the old adage is true; truth is stronger than fiction. He says the stories confirm that Earth is the wackiest planet in the solar system. I tell you, though, my jo b recently became increasingly diffi cult when my PM demanded I pro vide a summary of the year 1999. It would be easier to summarize the last m illennium (p estilen ce, plagues, wars, famines -- regular wrath of God stuff), or even the last century (TV, The Beatles, colour TV -- end of story). But 1999? Honestly, how does one explain the likes o f Viagra and, heaven help us, P okem on? I tried , o f course, but Begis was not satisfied. He demanded I tell him the one single thing that defined the year. How would the year be rem em bered? I've got it! 1999 was the year that brought Regis Philbin (appar ently no relation to Begis) into the hom es o f som e 30-m illion-odd television viewers for about 30-odd nights over two TV ratings sweeps periods as he asked the question Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? "That's the defining moment of a year?" Begis asked. "A goofy game show? You'd better be sure of your answer because if you get it wrong, you'll be disciplined. Are you confident?" I thought for a moment, then I took my stand... "I 'm co n fid en t, B egis. A nd that's my final answer." L etter o f th e W eek Downtown businesses need retailing lesson As a retail store owner in downtown Oakville, I am very disappointed with the number of stores that did not operate extended hours during the holiday season. As I write this on the evening o f Wed. Dec. 22nd, a scant two days before Christmas, there are far too many stores with their doors locked. A side from the fact th a t m o st sh o p s depend on Christmas sales to the extent that financial success or fail ure is at stake, one would think that the competition pre sented by malls, internet and catalogue companies would dictate that store owners go the distance to ensure the visi bility and availability of their products. Today, with both adults contributing to the family income in many households, the so-called `off hours' are the only ones available to ship, wither for groceries or Christmas presents. Downtown Oakville has many pros perous and interesting shops, quality m en's and ladies' clothiers and some terrific restaurants. I know from com ments people have made in my store, that local residents enjoy the familiarity and convenience of shopping down town and that visitors appreciate the efforts o f the Town and BIA to keep our business section looking attractive and thriving. Not too many other communities of this size have strolling carollers and horse-drawn wagon rides for the enjoym ent and interest o f its patrons. W hile in many respects, it is a privilege to shop downtown, in EVERY respect, it is a privilege to be a shop owner in this commu nity. At the very least, is it asking too much for retailers to be open in the evenings two weeks prior to Christmas? I think that it is high time for more downtown retailers to be more accessible, be more appreciative, and Be Open! M urray Fam com be Percy stole the show at a children's play in which he was performing, when he stunned the cast and audi ence alike by letting fly a foul string of expletives. In mid-produc tion. Apparently, instead of shriek ing "piece o f eight," the naught bird screeched "piss off mate." Then, there was the tale of the new and novel busking acts that have sprung up in Japan, as a result of the country's recessed economy -- the fla tte re r and the hum an punching bag, for instance. The flatterer charges $1.50 to flatter passersby ("What a lovely couple you m ak e!"), w hile the hum an punching bag is earning up to $700 per night the hard way. By letting people knock him silly. MPP not sold on idea of golf course at Bronte Creek Park Re: Bronte Creek Provincial Park and the Royal Canadian Golf Association First of all, I would like to thank all those people who have e-mailed, phoned and written letters regarding the possible relocation by tljp Royal Canadian G olf A ssociation at Bronte Creek Provincial Park. For the record, I am a big supporter of Bronte Creek Park. I believe it is well m anaged, has good recreational and cultural programs, and remains an integral part of our community. Under no circumstances would the govern ment sell Bronte Creek Provincial Park or any part of it. Any proposal to lease a portion of Bronte Creek Park, with respect to the magni tude of the RCGA's, would be subject to all environm ental assessm ents and scrutinized through public consultations. The proposed developm ent at the park, as reported in the media, is also erroneous. Keeping the Bell Canadian Open in Halton will lead to more hotels and other facilities, but not at Bronte Creek Park. I am n o t conv in ced th at B ronte C reek Provincial Park is the best location for the RCGA. I am convinced that if we don't put these items on the table for public discussion, Halton is at risk of losing these developments to other regions, or worse, to other provinces. As Ontario's Tourism Minister, it is my job to encourage partnerships in developing sound proposals for positive economic growth. The last two governments looked at propos als to develop the park. These reviews led to the expansion of the pool facilities and other attractions on-site. There are approximately 870 acres on the southw est side o f Bronte Creek, where you and I enjoy hiking, skating, swimming, and the countless cultural attrac tions. There are also 850 acres on the east side of the creek, north o f the Region o f Halton headquarters. This acreage is reclaimed farm land that has never been developed for park purposes, since it is divided by Bronte Creek. Ontario Parks is currently in the process of developing a fee-paying campground on the northeast portion of the park that will further enhance the revenue stream for the park pro grams. At this time, I must publicly acknowledge and applaud the efforts of the Oakville Town Council and Mayor Ann Mulvale, for showing the initiative to investigate, in good faith, tourism development in our region. Attempting to keep a solid and upstanding com m unity partner like the RCGA in Halton (not necessar ily at Bronte Creek Park) should be understood for its full value. C a m Jackson , M P P Burlington Murron' s Cabinetree The millennium is the message Ahhhh, a new millennium. What does the future hold for us? Hey there! You! Yes, you with your head in the sand! Wake up! It's almost here, you can't hide forever. Just listen. You can almost hear it... Soon, the personal jets will be buzzing our heads, as we tty to get to work while holding our breath. Our precious Chevies gone the way of the dodo. The children already show the beginnings of small nodules at the base of their skulls, obviously, in readiness for perma nent connections to the web. Some even exhibit minuscule signs of a sixth digit on each hand, an adaptation for faster key boarding, no doubt. T heir psychic abilities are growing stronger too. Now they seem to have eyes in backs of their heads! We live in fear o f their growing genius. They greet the coming epoch with great anticipation, their eyes glowing brighter each day. They answer the game show questions with 15 letter words that we can't even begin to guess the meaning of. Instead of swinging on a tire swing in the backyard, they tie huge elastic cords around their ankles and swan dive off 200foot scaffolds toward concrete mattresses. Soon, we will live in fear of our freedom, as they watch us for any tiny hint of ineptitude or tardiness, eagerly anticipating the incarceration of our entire generation in nursing home clus ters joined by never-ending mazes, and their ultimate control of the world. Their vigilance far surpassing theirs, knowing that any lapse of attention may be responsible for the destruction of the universe. Yes, be afraid, be very afraid! Come to think of it, you may have the right idea after all. If we don't see it, maybe it won't come! Anybody want to join us in the sandbox? Lori Perkins Pud PUD/ LOOKAT Y o u r R o o N i/ it 's. IT'S-