The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

6 OakvrtJe Beaver Weekend Sunday November 21, 1999 T he O akville B eaver Ian Oliver Publisher Neil Oliver, Associate Publisher Norman Alexander Editor Kelly Montague, Advertising Director Martin Doherty Circulation Director Ten Casas OfficeManager Mark Dills Production Manager Riziero Vertolli Photography Director M etroland P rin tn g , P u b fcftn g & D c trib u tn g L td ., includes: A jax/P ckering N ews Advertiser. A ls to n H erakj/C ouner, Bam e Advance. B arry's Bay This W eek B o to n E nterprise. B ram pton G uarden, B urlington P ost. B urington S hoppng News. O ty Parent. C o in g w o o d M ksa g a C onnecto n . East Msrk M inor, Erin A d vo ca ta C o cn try R outes. E tobicoke G uaiden. Flam borough P ost. G e o ig e ta vn Independent/A cton Free Press. H urone B usiness Tm es, K in g sto n T h is W eek. Lindsay T his W eek. M arkham E cn o m ist & S un. M id la n d /P e n e ta n g u ish in e M irro r. M ilto n C a n a d ia n C ha m p io n . M ilto n S h o p p in g N ew s. M ississa u g a B u sin e ss T im e s. M ississa u g a N ew s. N apanee G uide. N ew m arket/A urora Era-Banner. N orthum berland News, N o rth Y ork M inor. O a kvile Beaver. O a kvile S hopping N ew s. CXdtm ers H ockey N ew s. O rife Today. O sh a w a A V h itb y/C ^in g to n P o rt Perry -The W eek. O w en S ound Tribune. P eterborough T his W eek. P ieto n C ounty G u id e . R ich m o n d H il/T h o m h ill/V a u g h a n L ib e ra l. S ca rb o ro u g h M irro r. S touffviertJxbndge Tribune, Foreirer M xing. C ity o f York GuartSan RECOGNIZED FOR EXCELLENCE BY: THE OAKVILLE BEAVER IS PROUD OFFICIAL MEDIA SPONSOR FOR: Momr Mina 467 Speers Rd., Oakville O n t L6K 3S4 (905) 845-3824 Fax: 337-5567 5 K i tr sssr Editorials O uch ! There is one date in the year thaf all provincial governments hate. That's when the provincial auditor makes his yearly report to the Legislature on government spending. Now if you're a Tory MPP and believe that your boss, Premier Mike Harris, has been doing a great job; there should be nothing to But the m ost disturbing fear. finding was that paym ents Wrong. The report is rife with accounting problems to families owed by delin and inefficiencies. In many ways, political parties quent fathers have almost could win a lot of votes if they used the previous doubled in three years at a government's auditor report as a basis for their tim e when restructuring was to have dealt own platform. Too simple a concept? Sometimes simple is good. with the problem. Anyway, many of the cost-savings touted by Harris simply haven't materialized and in some cases, the reverse has happened. Top on the list is the $3.9 billion in hospital restructuring costs that are double what was estimated. Following that is another major policy failure, the decision to privatize highway maintenance. It's costing taxpayers more, than it had when Ministry of Transport personnel did the work. But the most disturbing finding was that payments to families owed by delin quent fathers have almost doubled in three years at a time when restructuring was to have dealt with the problem. The total owed? How about $1.2 billion. And this, at a time when changes made by the Tories themselves makes it easier to enforce court rulings. Things like revoking or suspending driving licences of parents who don't pay up. The province has disputed some of Erik Peters' numbers but it's clear the Ontario Cabinet has a lot more work to do on behalf of taxpayers. T V P r e s i d e n t m i g h t b e b e s t c h o ic e The marathon to determine who will be the next President of the U nited States is in full stride. A fav o u rite has been d eterm in ed , le g itim a te c o n te n d e rs have em erged, som e p retenders have fallen by the wayside, and a few re a l o d d b a lls have e n te re d the event. All good fun, and extraordi narily entertaining, until you con sider that one of these madcap jokesters is going to end up running the world's lone remaining superpower. Political pundits are predicting that Texas Governor George Bush, the progeny of a former President (no, not J.F.K. 1), will replace Bill Clinton. The Republican presiden tial front-runner has built-up wide spread support and a war chest the size of which only grotesquely rich people like outfielder Sean Green can fathom. Further, within his own party, Bush is running virtually unencumbered by opposition; erst w hile opponent Elizabeth Dole dropped out of the race citing a lack of funds, and former Vice-President Dan Quayle quit so that he could spend more time on his potatoe farm in Idahoe. Mr. Bush's detractors respectful ly submit that George is a pompous windbag wholly lacking what his daddy used to call "that vision thing." It goes without saying that George ain't the sharpest tack in the box. Recently hit with a pop quiz on foreign affairs by a Boston tele vision reporter, he seem ed only to light that he had once crammed a little w hite pow der up his own snoot, he fell back on the old: `My personal life is my personal life.' Which it is. Although, if he were playing by his own rules, his per sonal life would belong to some guy named Bubba in Cell Block C. F ro n t-ru n n ers for the D em ocratic nom ination include current Vice-President A1 Gore and former New York Knick-turnedsenator Bill Bradley. Gore's hopes are being under mined by four facts: he's terminally boring; he's forever linked to some guy named Clinton; he hired trendy feminist Naomi "Alpha Male" Wolf to help guide his campaign, and his wife's name is Tipper. As in "Come on, Al, win one for the Tipper!" Although on the upside, Bradley's campaign is fighting for respect. To that end, he's surrounded himself with some of the brightest political minds on the planet, like Michael Jordan, Patrick Ew ing and John McEnroe. A lso in the race fo r the oval office are c a n d id a te s from the Reform Party, formed in the 1990s by comedian Dana Carvey and talkshow host Larry King. With Carvey needing someone new to parody and King needing a ratings boost, they created Reform Party leader Ross Perot, a com ical character who went about squawking "Larry, here's the deal," .and calling every one a "crackeijack." Currently in the Reform camp are the likes of Patrick Buchanan, leader of the ridiculous right, and Donald Trump, the rich socialite who says that if elected President, he would increase his own tax bill by at least $725-m illion. Right. Makes me wish mumbling Warren Beatty had gotten his act together and entered the race. Personally, in my mind, there is no need for this long and expensive race to find the next P resident. America already has a fun, folksy, erudite and insightful leader. I'm re fe rrin g to M artin S heen, o f course. P resident o f the U nited States. Every week on the NBC-TV show The West Wing. Considering the options, it's a reality I can live with. 25% . I took the sam e quiz and although my knowledge of foreign affairs doesn't stretch far beyond the fling M adonna had with that Moroccan stable boy; I beat Bush hands down. Then there's the whole cocaine question. Governor Bush, you see, decided that first-time cocaine users should be sentenced to 1,000 years in prison. Naturally, when it came Plld By Steve Nease