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Sunday October 3, 1999 Oakville Beaver Weekend 13 Put good head on your shoulders I know what you're thinking. You're thinking with this veritable explosion of medical technology in the last decade -- where's my payoff? The kid next door has a brand new kidney; the lawyer you thought was heartless is operating on a pacemaker, but you're still burning the warts off your feet with car battery acid. W here's my you All The World's payoff, ask? A Circus You thought about his while staring in the mirror this morning, not at all pleased with what you saw. Your face is pale, your crow's feet will soon need shoes, your chin has a twin, your nasal hair is on Miracle Grow and if you were coming through Customs at Pearson Airport, the bags under your eyes would probably get searched. Good news! No problem. Simple solution. Two words: head transplant. Dr. Robert J. White, a neurosurgeon at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, has just revealed his plans to per form the world's first human head trans plant. Warning: Should you be in the mar ket for a brand new noggin', you may want to shop around. Personally, I'd be a little leery about being decapitated at a "reserve" university. Dr. White who has performed more than 10,000 brain operations on humans has limited his offer to very rich people who can afford the $ 1.9-million price tag. (Actually, you'll need more than $ 1.9-million. You'll want to build a little extra into your new wardrobe budget. I mean the chances of your new head fit ting your old hats are pretty slim.) White's 20 years of experimental research work on dogs and monkey's has resulted in full head transplants in which "the animals survived for more than a week with no impairment of men tal faculties before they were put down for humane reasons. The animals mental faculties may have remained intact but Dr. White shows all the classic brain disorder symptoms of believing he's Boris Karloff. I'm guessing the OR at Case U. is known as The House of Frankenstein and I'm wondering how comfortable Dr. White is in the role of Bride of Frankenstein. Also, the doctor's defini tion of "humane" could use a little work. It's believed quadriplegics like actor Christopher Reeve, who has apparently shown interest in Dr. White's research, could defy premature death with a new body of fresh organs. My best guess is that Bill Gates will be the first head transplant recipient. He's one of the few people on the planet who could fork out $ 1.9-million for a better head of hair. For sure, it'll be a guy. A man could decide on a new head as easily as he buys underwear. "It's clean; it's the right size; okay, I'll take it." But a woman?!? "Oh, I don't know honey, the nose turns up at the end; the cheek bones aren't high enough, and the ears aren't quite right. Maybe, I'll just look around some more." WILLIAM THOMAS All inquiries, if any, on the `odds of winning' are to be made to the licensee, prior to the purchase of the ticket/s. Win this NEW 2000 BMW Z3 Roadster Value: $52,785 G r e a t p r i z e s like the S p e c t a c u l a r D r e a m H o m e , all-inclusive v a c a t i o n s to Tahiti, Jamaica, Mexico, a $32,000 d i a m o n d r i n g and M O R E ! T ic k e t s j u s t $ 4 0 e a c h o r 3 f o r $ 1 0 0 . Investing in Community When you play, we all win! AD proceeds benefit the Community Foundation of OakviUe, making grants this year to the OakviUe-Trafalgar Memorial Hospital Charitable Corp. and the Oakville YMCA. G e t y o u r tic k e ts n o w ! C A L L 1 8 8 8 5 3 5 -7 7 7 7 8 to 8 weekdays and 9 to 3 Saturdays. Have your VISA or MasterCard ready! Early Bird Draw: 6 pm November 12, 1999 at Budds' BMW. Final Draws 7 pm December 3, 1999 at Glen Abbey Mattamy Sales Pavilion, Oakville. RUSH ORDER FO R M 3 Easy Ways to get your tickets to WIN! M A IL Please rush me: ( ___ ) set(s) of 3 tickets for $100 per set = $ ( ___ ) individual tickets) for Name Apt. City METHOD OF PAYMENT cheque (enclosed) Q money order (enclosed) VISA MasterCard Prov. Postal Code this order form to: Great Dream Home Lottery, P.O. Box 84026,1235 Trafalgar Rd,, Oakville, ON L6H3J0 FAX this order form to: 905 845-1395 $40 per ticket = $ CALL toll-free 1 8 8 8 5 3 5 -7 7 7 7 L _ J T or locally 905 845-2010 Card # / / / / Expiry date TOTAL $ Cardholder's Name Signature________ C lB C .A .L ansing Q fW rfQ Th eOr v il l eB e a v e r OB 01 licence · P990974