The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Wednesday, August 25, 1999 H owto reach your teenager By S cott M acArthur SPECIAL TO THE BEAVER If parents of teenagers want their children to talk to them, they have to first talk with them. That's the advice Dr. David Elkind, a well known author and professor of Child Study at Tufts University in Massachusetts, gave to a workshop at Appleby College Tuesday morning. He encouraged parents to take interest in their chil­ dren's actions, but suggested that the process should be a two-way street. "Teens are happier to share the events of their lives if parents share some aspects as well," said Elkind. "What ends up happening more often than not is teens will feel as though their parents want them to share every­ thing, but seem unwilling to share anything about them­ selves. At this point teens close up and are not as open." Elkind was the keynote speaker at a day-long Residential Life Workshop at Appleby College. The workshop drew student and adult representatives form 20 residential schools. Elkind, who has shared his ideas about raising chil­ dren on such shows as The Today Show, CBS Morning News and 20/20, spent over an hour discussing the dif­ ferences between children and adolescents and the way they view the world. He explained specific dif­ ferences in the learning processes between young children and teenagers. Children follow a set of rules that are easily under­ stood and very rarely stray from what they know. "Children deal with only one or two variables in their thought process," said Elkind. "It's like the Chutes & Ladders game. Children spin and move their token according to the amount the spinner lands on. It's a sim­ ple rule and they follow it." Adolescents, around the age of 12 or 13, begin to learn through more formal operations and experience feelings with which they were previously unfamiliar. "Adolescents begin to work with a multiple of vari­ ables in their decision mak­ ing," said Elkind. "They dis­ cover new possibilities and begin to dream of worlds that might be. However, they still do not have the means of working out ways to deal with their choices like adults do." Teenagers also begin to appreciate history and the events that have led up to the present day because they can grasp the length of a year or a century in their minds. This idea also ties into the ever-present sibling rivalry problems of homes with THE OAKVILLE BEAVER B5 UPDATE Dr. David Elkind speaking at more than one child. "Very often, parents will tell the older sibling to lay off the younger one by say­ ing, 'in five years you two are going to be best friends,'" said Elkind. "This doesn't work for young children, because they can't compre­ hend the length of a year or five years and what that means. So when a parent tells them that, it has little to no effect." With adolescence comes the realization that not everyone around you is thinking the same thing. "The reason children are so horrible about keeping secrets is the fact that they assume you are thinking the same thing they are," said Elkind. "Teenagers gain the realization that this is not the case, so when parents ask the questions 'where did you go?' and 'what did you do?' the replies are more than likely going to be 'out' and 'nothing.'" Elkind said that entrance into junior high school changes perspective greatly, and each individual child believes that the rest of the students are an audience while he or she is the actor. "There becomes a great conflict surrounding chil­ dren believing they are the centre of attention," said Elkind. "Severe self-con­ sciousness sets in and differ­ ent things happen. "If a child feels rejected they will begin to fantasize about their own demise," added Elkind. "The attitude, 'you'll miss me when I'm gone' sets in and they begin to think of how people would react if they no longer were around." The height of self-con­ sciousness sets in around the ages of 13 and 14, and Elkind illustrated his point with a simple example. "If a young child or adult spills something on their shirt, they'll either leave it until they can get changed or not worry about it," said Elkind. "But image is an issue as a young teen, so they'll go stand in the comer of the school yard and try to cover it up or pour water on it to try and get it out." Elkind expressed concern about the current state of schools, but felt that they were nothing more than a reflection of today's society. "Schools have become less civil, but it's not the fault of adolescents," said Elkind. "They are a reflection of society and that's the direc­ tion that society seems to be Blood donor clinic today Give blood before Labour Day. A single donation can help save the lives of four people. Each unit of donated blood is separated into four compo­ nents: plasma, red cells, platelets and cryoprecipitate. Blood is particularly needed because of the greater chance for serious car accidents over the Labour Day weekend. All blood types are needed, especially Type O. A blood donor clinic will be held on today (Wednesday), at the Croatian Parish Hall, 2110 Trafalgar Rd. N., from 12:30 to 7:30 p.m. Healthy individuals aged 17 to 71 can give blood every 56 days, although first time donors must be 60 years or younger. Photo by Barrie Erskine Appleby College Tuesday morning. taking." With technology being prominent in today's world and the Internet easily accessible, youth have access to a wealth of information that children only 10 years ago didn't. As a result, children no longer view their teachers as having a great deal more knowledge than themselves. "Also, teachers have sacrificed a better life for the love of teaching," said Elkind. "Kids sometimes see what their parents have done and then look at their teachers and wonder, 'why haven't they done more?"' Elkind also believes that the drastic change in parents' viewpoints has forced the school system to change dra­ matically. "Years ago, if a student had to be punished the parents supported the school because they were the authori­ ty," said Elkind. "Now, many adminis­ trators end up visiting with the family lawyer after an attempt at punishment. Parents stick up for their kids and are willing to take legal action as soon as it seems like there is an opportunity to do so." Elkind encouraged more open rela­ tionships between parents and children and urged that parents be there for their kids. This, he feels, would help avoid such instances as the Columbine High murders this past April. (Continued from page B4) p.m., Oakville Golf Club, 1154 Sixth Line. Vacation planning with Linda Pimak, soloist Chantelle Kerr, and speaker Beverleigh Broughton, 'Gift of a New Beginning.' Reservations. $13.50, must be honored or used by a friend, cancellations essential. Call Barb, 849-0281; Helen, 844-7736 or Cecile, 827-5934. Free Half Hour to Health lecture, Children's Health Concerns - Natural Ways to Grow Up Healthy, 6:45 p.m. Limited to 10 people, call 827-2444. Unemployed? Career change? Free workshops presented by Halton Dufferin Skills Evaluation Centre, 9 a.m. to noon, for Completing a Return to Work Action Plan and Researching and Selecting Appropriate Training, at Glen Abbey Executive Suites, 1155 North Service Rd. W„ Ste. 11. Call 1-800-610- 7668. Unemployed? Career change? Free workshops presented by Halton Dufferin Skills Evaluation Centre, 9 a.m. to noon, for Completing a Return to Work Action Plan and Researching and Selecting Appropriate Training, at Glen Abbey Executive Suites, 1155 North Service Rd. W„ Ste. 11. Call 1-800-610- 7668. Ballroom, Latin, Line Dance classes for beginners, 7:30 to 9 p.m. Learn Rhumba, Mombo, Cha-Cha, waltz and more. No partner required. Cost: $5. Call 845-8189. Adult Learning Centre, 2350 Trafalgar Rd., offers Literacy and Basic Skills classes Tuesdays 7 to 9 p.m. for people with special needs who can benefit from 1:10 teacher-student ratio. Free course. Call Cindy Puklicz, Community Living Oakville, 844-0146. TOPS - Take Off Pounds Sensibly meets Tuesdays, 7 p.m., at Walton Memorial United Church, 2489 Lakeshore Rd. at Bronte Road. Call Isobelle, 827-3399; or Sandra, 847-7463. Parent Support Group, every Tuesday, 7:30 p.m., Pinelands Presbyterian Church, 5270 New St., Burlington. Non-denominational support with trained leaders for parents of teens in trouble at home, school, and the law, abusive or taking drugs. Member of Association of Parent Support Groups in Ontario - APSGO. Call 1-800-488-5666. C o m p l e t e S t o c k : o f Q u a l i t y M a t t r e s s e s D iscon tin u ed M odels & Ends o f L ines A ll In -Stock M atch in g Sets L O W E S T P R I C E S E V E R ! s q t t s g IN T E R IO R S w h 217 Lakeshore Rd. E. 844-3530 DOWNTOWN OAKVILLE SINCE 1953 NOTE SUMMER HOURS: Tues.-Thurs. 9:30 a.m. - 6 p.m ., Friday 9:30 a.m. - 9 p.m ., Saturday 9:30 a.m. - 5 p.m . Q0 al wanted someone who was rich?5 **We connected immediately*" With COGECO@Home you can experience all the exciting m ulti-m edia of the Internet, including rich graphics, vibrant sound and streaming video. And there's more. C0GEC0@Home also has an incredibly easy-to-use custom browser that arranges inform ation into categories so surfing and find ing what you want is a cinch. And at up to 100 times faster than conventional dial-up service, C0GEC0@Home has a wealth of speed too. Everything about it is rich, except the price. Plus, right now you can save $100 on installation. Go further. Go faster. G o... pcoG i: CQ @ Home. Call877-8-A TH O M Ew w w . cogeco. ca/home •For basic cable subscribers t49.95/month tor non-subscribers. Full installation charge lor laptop computers. By Scott MacArthur Call