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Wednesday July 28, 1999 THE OAKVILLE BEAVER A7 r jT-t a COMMENT H a r d e s t p a r t o f c o t t a g i n g i s p a c k i n g t o g e t t h e r e I'd like to know if there exists anv- jziXu-. I towels and Harrv's lone rone. And nowI'd like to know if there exists any­ one on this earth who knows how to pack for the cottage in less than two days. We always begin the annual trek filled with optimism...this year there will be plenty of room. Only to find our­ selves shouldering more junk on top of more junk, hours after we were sup­ posed to leave. And I always seem to have four bags of leftovers piled in around my feet no matter what. This year, we've got to fit a couple of rafts into the car. Seriously. "Rafts???" yelps my husband, the man in charge of fitting everything into the trunk. I tell him the rafts won't be pumped up or anything, but no matter. The man's eyes widen as we bring out the oars for the two rafts. You have to understand this is a science fellow, a guy who quite happily maps out routes on car trips while I sit and drum my fin­ gers on the dashboard muttering about cars and time and the dearth of North American culture. It makes for an interesting, if some­ what heated car ride, at the best of times. The arts and the science clash and nowhere is it more apparent than a car trip. Hence, the discussion about rafts. "Well, the oars can just slide on in the sides," I say. He maintains a stony silence. We all know from experience what that means: stuffing it in wherever it fits. If it means the poor dog has to straddle a couple of oars, so be it. It shouldn't be like this, you DIANE HART know...with a station wagon, packing the car ought to be a cinch. There are no longer high chairs and strollers and the kids are older. But I swear every year, it grows exponentially: the pile leaning against the trunk of the car just keeps getting higher. And it's not as though we go to a fancy place or anything. Not at all. This is a real cottage, complete with banging screen door, buckets of sand and about a million Daddy Long Legs. This place on Lake Huron is the old style cottage with mismatching furniture, back porch overlooking the lake, bare floors to sweep up the sand, odd bits of dishes and cutlery and the ubiquitous cottage mattress, the one that sags in the middle like the people sleeping on it. But we love it. No telephone, televi­ sion, computer, VCR, or radio. Just us and the lake. You'd think packing would be a snap. It never is, though. We take extra bedding, warm clothes, bags of books and games and markers. Then there's the beach umbrella, the beach toys, the noodles, the volleyball set, beach blan­ kets, water shoes, sun tan lotion and towels and Harry's long rope. And now two rafts. Everyone always wants to take along their own pillow, refusing to take my advice and look at the whole thing as an adventure. Pillows filled with lead are not even close to an "adventure" they say and grab their own pillows off the beds. We need rain wear and stuff to wear if it gets cool at night....rain coats, old shoes, sweat­ shirts, old jeans, massive numbers of socks and those nifty bucket hats to shield us from sun and rain. You'd have thought we were moving away to a dif­ ferent country. But, as I point out to an increasingly fractious crowd, if we're up there cold or wet it isn't pretty. Ignoring the moans, I add some more to the list. Beside the car, the pile is growing and we haven't even begun to pack real needs: food, matches, clean underwear. My husband looks grim. Drew, the master of finding unex­ plained oddities on his bedroom floor, has found more to take....his collection of metal soldiers and more Magic cards he swears he won't lose no matter what. I've heard it all before, but never mind. Who wants to listen to a drudge any­ way...isn't this the holidays? And please, please, leave behind the Horrible Science book that tells me my nails grow even when I'm dead. No thanks. Let's just stuff in the rafts, the dog, the kids and us and get on the road. We need a holiday. P r a c t i c a l j o k e s . . . t h e d a r k s i d e Like me, I'm sure you played your share of pranks when you were younger. Who hasn't overturned an outhouse on Halloween night? (Of course, it never occurred to us that Old Man Mitchener might actually be in there!) Or dropped a live snake beside your older sister as she sat on the lawn trying to be extra cool with her new boyfriend? (It just never occurred to me that he'd be more terrified of snakes than she was!) Or while on vacation in Mexico, put a glass of gin and lemonade on your wife's head and with a loaded pistol attempt the always difficult William Tell trick? (Sorry, that was writer William Burroughs and the prank that instantly ended the life of Joan Vollmer which brings to mind my favourite Lou Grizzard book title Shoot Lower Boys They're Riding Shetland Ponies! Yes, practical jokes are only funny if they don't involve serious jail time. Here's just a few recent practical jokes in which yellow police tape replaced the punch line. The beauty o f Plexiglas. Watch this! A few years ago, a prominent Toronto lawyer thought he'd show some visiting law students how strong his office window was by ramming it hard with his shoulder. The attorney with the firm of Holden, Day, Wilson plunged 24 floors to his death into the courtyard of the T o r o n t o Dominion Bank Tower. You might remember the out­ cry this caused among average Canadians who demanded new regulations in which all lawyers would have to have offices at least 24 storeys high and test their windows regular­ ly- Orange Crush -- the horror flick In the last while, so many guys have been crushed to death trying to steal a free can of pop. I fully expect to see a sequel to The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes starring a gang of evil Coca Cola machines. Look for Bruce Willis in the role of the angry coin return slot. T h e Frankstein frank­ furter Robert Puelo was creating a ruckus in a St. Louis supermar­ ket recently and when a clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog off the snack bar grill, shoved it in WILLIAM THOMAS All The World's A Circus his mouth and walked out without pay­ ing. Found lying on the sidewalk outside, paramedics removed a six-inch wiener from his throat before pronouncing him dead. (You see, there is a reason for the bun. It's an anti-choking device.) The dinky toy tragedy And in an unrelated but similar story, the family of the late Russell Shell of Fitchburg, Massachusetts, have filed a wrongful death lawsuit against The Other Side strip club after Russell died there last summer. The family alleges Shell choked to death on a small plastic penis that has been placed in his drink as a prank by a club employee. The club owner claims the customer died of a seizure. (Either way, it's a poor choice for a stir stick.) Bob, you look like hell and where's my pet fish Freddy In Louisiana Mayou Vista, a man who popped a friend's six-inch tropical fish into his mouth as a joke, died when it got stuck in his throat. Apparently, catch and release doesn't work in reverse. (No wiener, plastic or otherwise was involved in this incident.) I know what you did last bender Last week in London, Ontario, two young men were sentenced to 18 months of house arrest and community-service work after their prank ended in the black hole of death. Drunk, Jason Boil and Daryl Norton removed the grates of a sidewalk ventilation shaft and watched a 62-year-old passerby fall in. Jack Barker died in hospital. Pranks that end up being recorded by white chalk outlines on the sidewalk are never funny. Pranksters beware: It's a very litigious world. r \ T k / ^ | tii i® Ac r 110 Fine S to res in c lu d in g The Bay * Sears « IGA w w w .o ak v illep lace .co m | O A K V I L L E C o u n c i l & S t a n d i n g C o m m i t t e e M e e t i n g s Tuesday, August 3,1999 Community Services Committee 7:30 p.m. - Oakville Room Administrative Services Comm. 7:30 p.m. - Bronte Room Monday, August 9,1999 Council Meeting Council C ham bers 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, August 4,1999 Planning & Development Council Council C ham bers 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, August 10,1999 SPECIAL Council Meeting RE: Development C harges Council Cham bers 7:30 p.m. C o u n cil & C o m m itte e T ouchtone P hone L ine 815-5959 o u r a uw e a r e a s o w i n a r h o i J ce e He m ay be h o t u n d e r th e collar b u t w e 'r e h o t to t ro t . W e 'l l be k i c k i n g o f f o u r S p e c t a c u l a r S u m m e r C l e a r a n c e S a le o n M o n d a y A u g u s t 2 a n d f r o m 1 1 : 0 0 a m u n t i l 2 : 0 0 p m w e ' r e hosting a barb ecue w i th fre e hot dog s a n d sausages. Just b r in g this ad to th e BBQ t e n t outs ide Shopper's Drug M a r t on M o n d a y a n d r e d e e m it f o r a delic ious d o g . In a d d i t i o n t o a l l t h e m arve lo u s savings in o u r stores W a y n e L a m b t h e "Y o -Y o M a n " will be giving dem onstrations in Centre C o urt a t 12.30, 1.30 and 2 .3 0 on M o n d a y . But hurry, th e sale ends o n S u n d a y A u g u s t 8. DEVELOPMENT CHARGES REVIEW COMMITTEE NOTICE OF MEETINGS The Town of Oakville has begun a public review process to prepare a new development charges bylaw which will determine the rates to be collected on new residential and non-residential developments constructed within Oakville. All municipalities in Ontario must pass a new bylaw under the Development Charges Act, 1997 no later than August 31" 1999. The Development Charges Review Committee was established to keep the development community and the public informed of the assumptions, key inputs and policy decisions being made during the preparation of the draft development charges study and to employ public consultation as a way to resolve issues during the process. The dates, times, location and topics of the next meetings of the Development Charges Review Committee and special meetings of Council are: August 3rd from 1:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. at Oakville Municipal Offices (room to be determined and meeting still to be approved by Town Council): Presentation of the final proposed development charges bylaw and final draft background study. August 10" from 7:30 p.m. at Oakville Municipal Offices in Council Chambers: Special meeting of Council to approve development charges bylaw and background study. (Meeting dates, times, location and agenda items may change as required) Please direct your questions and comments to: Michelle Sdguin, Director, Finance & Treasurer Town of Oakville 1225 Trafalgar Road Oakville L6J 5A6 Ph: (905) 845-6601 ext. 3062 Fax: (905)815-2019 e-mail: mseguin@town.oakville.on.ca YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE! Oakville Town Council invites you to volunteer your skills in an advisory capacity to Council. Complete an application form and return it to the Town Clerk's Department by 4:30 p.m., Friday, July 30, 1999. (Extended for one week) R ece ip t o f ap p lica tio n s w ill be acknow ledged a fte r th e ap p o in tm en t process has been com pleted, a t w h ich tim e each c a n d id a te w ill be n o tifie d by m a il. C U R R E N T V A C A N C IE S O N T O W N O F O A K V IL L E A D V IS O R Y C O M M IT T E E S /A U T H O R IT IE S A R E : Bronte District Advisory Committee - O n e Vacancy Interested citizens must reside within the geographical boundaries of the centre line of Burloak Drive, Lake Ontario, the centre line of Third Line and the centre line of the Q.E.W. Meetings are held once a month, when required, on the 3rd Thursday of the month at 7:30 p.m. Credit Valiev Conservation Authority - O n e Vacancy Applicants must have an interest in natural resource management and will represent the municipality (Oakville and Halton Region) on the 12 member board. Meetings are held on the second Friday of the month. Committee of Adjustment - O n e Vacancy Applicants should have flexible time to review properties prior to meeting dates and be familiar with land use and architecture in relation to Zoning By­ laws. The Committee of Adjustment is a statutory, decision-making committee established under the Planning Act to consider minor variance and nonconforming use applications and meets on the 2nd Tuesday of each month at 7:00 p.m. Committee of Adjustment for Consent - O n e Vacancy The Committee of Adjustment for Consent is a decision making committee established under the Planning Act to consider land division applications. The term of this appointment will end on December 31, 2000. The committee meets on a monthly basis, in the evening, as required. Application forms are available from the Clerk's Department at Town Hall, 1225 Trafalgar Road, Oakville, Monday to Friday during regular business hours - 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. F o r fu r th e r in fo rm a tio n p lease co n tact P a t M cP h erso n a t (9 0 S ) 8 4 5 -6 6 0 1 , extension 3136 . 1225 TRAFALGAR ROAD • OAKVILLE, ONTARIO • L6J 5A6 http://www.oakvilleplace.com mailto:mseguin@town.oakville.on.ca COMMENT DIANE HART WILLIAM THOMAS | OAKVILLE