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I would like to thank all of those readers who have written to me comparing my views and opinions on recent current events to mature barnyard runoff and ending their letters with "P.S. Is your mother still living with you?" It wasn‘t what you would call an amicable parting of the ways. It took nearly two pounds of Polyfilla just to cover up the gouges she made in the door jambs with her nails as I dragged her out to the taxi. As a matter of fact, my mother is not presently living with me. She moved out after we had what could only be called "a difference of opinâ€" 5 » 10N . We‘re no different than any other closeâ€"knit, loving family in which strongâ€"minded individuals speak their minds and sometimes suffer the consequences later. As is often the case, this was one of those silly little incidents in which she wanted desperately to liveâ€" in my house and I had a differâ€"â€" ent opinion. But seriously, it was just a temâ€" porary arrangement until I got her into a beautiful and centrallyâ€"locatâ€" ed condominium in nearby Welland. She‘s settled right in and thoroughly enjoying the place. I just hope when the owners of the condo return from Florida that they don‘t get all upset and press charges when they find her there. SPECIAL DAY So I‘m planning a special day for my Mom; a perfect Mother‘s Day gift to thank her for everything she‘s done for me over the years. And speaking of Mother‘s Day... I sincerely hope this is one day when the politicians don‘t hog all the attention as they do almost every other day. I keep hearing people referring to "that mother Mulroney" and "that mother Mazankowski" and gee whiz, these are the last people I think we should be sending flowers and candy. So my mother, Margaret McLean, the mighty Mick from County Cork will be 80...whoops!...I almost broke my promise to never again mention her age in my column. Let‘s just say she‘s a healthy senior citizen who dropped a packet of letters out of her trunk when I was moving her, which verify the fact that as a young woman she dated William the Conqueror. Finding those letters see me free as a man. Since I was old enough to read, I was haunted by the name I saw on my own birth certificate: William "The Food Taster" Thomas. Apparently, it was just a little palace joke between Mom and Bill. So I think it‘s time we had a perâ€" fect day together, Marg and me. As she likes to tell her friends the last time I brought great joy to her life was September 6, 1969 â€" the day I packed up and went away to univerâ€" sity. So my Mom‘s perfect day begins when I sleep in ‘till 10:30 a.m. â€" read all the morning paper with perked coffee and toast with peanut butter â€" then after a walk on the beach, I arrive at Fort Erie Racetrack in plenty of time to bet the double and I leave after the sevâ€" I have such fond memories of the times we spent together when I was a kid. Long walks along the canal bank with my Mom encouraging me to run faster up along the steep parts where the footing was really danâ€" gerous. She was always putting turâ€" pentine in the ginger ale bottle to try and trick me. And the time she let me lick all the icing off the egg beaters on my birthday and my sisâ€" ter Gail had to run in from outside to turn the mix master off. FOND MEMORIES practise before the Buffalo Bisons game and the guy selling the beefâ€" onâ€"weck makes a mistake and serves me two, but forgets to charge me and...Sorry. That was my perfect day, wasn‘t it. Maybe for Mother‘s Day I‘ll do everything I just mentioned and let her tag along for the ride. Plus, I‘ll give that extra beefâ€"onâ€"weck. No, eh? Okay. So for my Mom‘s Perfect Day, I show up at the condominium with flowers and a box of Turtles P\ {a GLEN OAKS MEMORIAL GARDENS Mississauga/Oakville For Your Complete Car Care * Tuneups e Oil Changes e Brakes * Front End Work May 257â€"1100 is for the Living and Preâ€"P zs(th Makergg it Happen! "Planning our cemetery ements ahead of time made so much sense. For our own peace of mind we made all the important decisions in advance, together, and at our own convenient time, And we selected a monthly payment plan that suited our budget." "Preâ€"planning fiemvided us with the benefit of knowing that the cost of services we selecte will never be subject to inflation. We eliminated the chance of overspending and reduced the burden on our family members." * Tires * Exhaust or the Living and Preâ€"Planning and after hollering the little signal we work out â€" "It‘s me! It‘s me. And I gotta go pee!" â€" she‘ll push the piano away from the door and let me in. I‘ll also bring her that damn Wonder Word puzzle, otherwise she‘ll send me home and make me rummage through the blue box of newspapers until I find it. BOWLING _ Then I‘ll take her bowling. Yes bowling. Not only is it my Mom‘s favorite sport, now that she has a touch of arthritis in her throwing arm, I think it‘ll be the first time I can manage to beat her without cheating. Then we‘ll go for a few cold beers. She‘ll sing Danny Boy and make me get down on one knee. We‘ll order two fish chips, but we‘ll have to take them back to her place to eat them. As my Mom says, 263 Speers Rd. Oakville when you don‘t have keys to any of the locks, you can‘t stay out too long. Happy Mother‘s Day Marg. I am A Moving Experience! CHILDREN‘S CLOTHING â€" INFANT TO SIZE 14 347 Lakeshore Rd. East, Oakville, Ont. * ALL SPRING SUMMER FASHIONS 3 Days Only... é May 6, 7 8 @» * Excluded are underwear, socks, bathing suits sleepwear LOOKIN®‘ GREAT PLAYING!‘ GREAT! Thurs. 9:30 a.m. â€"7:00 p.m. Fri. 9:30 a.m. â€" 9:00 p.m. Sat. 9:30 a.m.â€" 5:30 p.m. Celebrate Spring what I am today because of you and + all our yesterdays. (And believe me, 'é’_ she‘s only slightly less embarrassed about this development than I am). _z