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lVILLE 1 en Alex Irish’s husband, Craig, came home from work, he didn’t know whether he a By BARB JOY E Oakville Beaver Staff OAKV] V V he didn’t know whether he would see just his own two children sit- ting around the dinner table or three or four more. m I moo“ .fl .qu EWS Friday, Oct. 15, 1993 Helping put Shatteredlives backtogether‘ I 'bpres1993SlnnmScasch1haPcmlfit‘s . IV". :7»: Aouii.‘ That little tale is one of many that proves life can be beautiful with foster children, as Alex Irish lives it She finds these childnen, many of whom come to her laden down with emotional bag- gage, exciting and challenging people. ‘l‘r‘kt‘kt‘kt*‘k*‘k‘k'k‘k*‘k‘ktt‘k'k‘k'k‘k‘k‘kt‘k'kttt‘k‘k‘k That’s the way it used to be in the Irish household. In‘sh enjoyed a house fullofkidsand that’s whyshebecamea foster parent, along with her husband. But he finally put his foot down and said: “No more than two at a time with- out my permission.” CLUNK. WHINE. SQUEAK. RUMBLE. gamma-:2. Through the Halton Children’s Aid Society, Irish has foster-parented more than 30 children over the past three years. Their emotional baggage they brought with them contained horror sto- ries of violence, sexual and physical “You never know at what point in their lives it’s all going to kick in,” she said. “Maybe some day they might even pattern their lives on this experience because often they’ve never known a normal family life.” As long as they stay with her, she lavish- es upon them love, patience and empathy in her open and non-judgmen- tal fashion. When they leave, she feels quite certain that their experience with thistypeoffamilyh'fewillmakesome small dent in the way they live their ...]ust in case it really is We’ll find out what's something which could cause causing all those strange major problems down the little noises coming from road, you should have us , under your hood,and fix check it out. whatever might be wrong. 0 Tune-Ups 0 Brakes 0 Cooling Systems 0 Exhaust - Safety lnspe lion 0 Transmission 0 Tires ° Suspension 0 Oil Change 0 Rentals ”WE’RE DRIVEN TO BE THE BEST” 263 SPEEHS BIL, OAKVILLE 844-8314 No matter what homes they came from, though, they are “problematic children” who may be depressed or in denial about what’s happened to their families. They are often angry and resentful at a system that pulls them fiom their families and puts them in for- eign tem'tory, said Irish. They may have been told that foster homes were “honi- ble places" and are intimidated and “It’s hard to put aside your own morales, but you must hear them because children have to tell some- body,” she said. “The toughest part of foster parenting is to accept the wrongs that happen to these children and work past them to help them.” abuse, abandonment and neglect. Sometimes there stories are so horrific that they upset her. ' Durable, scrubbable - for use in all areas ofyour home - Dries to a beautiful sheen belweeen flat and semi- gloss 0 Excellent adhesion and great hiding power - Applies easily, low odour She is so absorbed in fostering that she became president of the Foster Parent Association in Halton, regional representative for the Foster Parents’ Society of Ontario and works with the Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies. In all, she sits on “10 or 11” different committees. When she greets them at the door, Irish begins to use the skills she has acquired over the years. After getting a Bachelor of Arts in medical ethics, she did assessments and counselling at the Addiction Research Foundation in Toronto. When she decided to foster, she took “probably seven or eight” training sessions through the HCAS over the past three years, as well as attending several foster parenting conferences. ‘We feel grateful for the good life we have and want to give something back,” said Irish. “We are committed to shaiing some of what we have and want the kids to experience some love, compassion and warmth.” PEACH TREE PAINT WALLPAPER They meet a foster mother who wants to give them structure in their ragged lives, who knows how to estab- lish a routine, who treats them as indi- viduals and who wants to share with them some of the good things in life. But they-meet a foster mother who always wanted to foster children; they meet her physician husband who Irish said isn’t quite as “soft” as she is. And they meet her two sons. At 2 1/2, Patrick is an active, curious and talkative adopted child and her seven-yearâ€"old, Markiswillingandreadytosharehis room, his toys, even his clothes, if they come with none of their own. frightened when the door of the Irish household is opened to them. They often meet the new family with hostility or hide their anger behind a solid wall of SAVE 25% ON ALL STENCILS SUPPLIES STENCILS «iv v v v v v 1500 Upper Middle Rd. W. #7 825-8025 PARA PAINT ULTRA EGGSHELL INTERIOR LATEX 8090 272i ir' BEAR BORDERS BOOKS! BOOKS! 3040% Off NEW! NEW! 30-40% TEDDY OFF ' BEAR BOOKS BORDERS BOOKS} 3.78 L Expires Oct. 16th IN STOCK PAPER! GOODBYE T0 BUILDER'S BEIGE! An exciting collection of ' in-stock guaranteed to fire your decorating imagination! NOW IN STOCK! 1994 CALENDARS Victoriana . Scented Room Quantities Limited DON 'T BE DISAPPOINTED! where they want to be." The pain comes from saying good- bye. But Irish said foster children really want to get back to their own parents who hopefully have received enough counselling in the meantime to make their homes better ones for their return- ing children. "I'he whole idea behind foster parenting is reunification with the family,” she said. “We’re just stop mea- sures along the way to patch up some of their problems so they can get back to Her reward comes, not by monetary means(somechildreumneatmorethan the $19 a day foster parents receive, she said) but by the delight a foster child shows when he discovers he has a choice of cereal or another actually has a room of her own. It springs from a bug when she has despaired ofever reaching the child. It is seeded in a Mother’s Day card expressing gratitude for the time spent in the home. And it stems from the satisfaction of seeing children getting their lives together. Tune for herself is snatched at night because she can get by on only four hours of sleep, she said. That’s why you may hear the vacuum cleaner humming atherhomeat3mwhiletheiestof the household is in dwamland. If the children at her door don’t real- ize how keen she is on foster parenting, 1 they soon find out She’s there to liaison «’1 with teachers in each child’s school,‘ , chauffeurs the children to see their friends in other parts 0f Halton, if that’s .._’ where they came from. She tenders ‘ them when they’re sick, cooks their ‘ favorite meals, drives them to their sporting events. 1 1 1 Dun'ng Foster Parent Week -â€" Oct ,, 17th to 23rd â€" Irish will be joining!I three foster parents from other parts of Ontario at Queen’s Park to receive recognition for their work in providing safe, caring, tempomry homes for chil- 40-60% OF M.S.R.