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Wednesday, July 21, 1999 THE OAKVILLE bkAVfcK A7 G ive u s th is d a y o u r n a tio n a l b ird WILLIAM THOMAS All The World's A Circus Give us this day our national bird Yet again, Canada Day has come and gone and here I sit chronically confused. I swear, I'm as bewildered as members of parliament who can't figure out how they got the whole summer off without ever going to teacher's college. This is the second consecutive year that Prime Minister Jean Chretien has declared Happy Bird Day on July 1st and the second year in a row I have ripped through every Canadian source book I own, only to come up empty. (And why would the prime minister celebrate Happy Bird Day on July 1st which is already a national holiday? Why not later in July. Like the second Friday of the month or even the turd Tuesday?) We do not have a national bird and as prime minister of this country, Jean Chretien should know this. Call me a stickler for detail but I believe any country that celebrates Canada's Bird Day without a national bird is like a nation that aspires to be a military power with helicopters that keep losing their propellers. Sorry, bad example. Other countries have national birds. Australia has the kookaburra and New Zealand has the kiwi. The Cayman Islands' national bird is the parrot which is really neat because they fly onto the shoulders of drunks who then walk into bars and invent dirty jokes. Finland's whooper swan is not on speaking terms with Denmark's mute swan, while Peru's Andean cock-of-the-rock is vying for Mr. Macho World Bird with the Philippines' mon­ key-eating eagle. And, of course, The United States national bird is the red- beaked, homy Arkansas owl which migrates to anywhere in the world to stay away from his mate. All provinces and territories have an officially designed bird. Ontario's used to be the common seagull until Dave Winfield killed it one night at the SkyDome. Then, they had the hummingbird, until it left for a better offer and had a cen- tre-for-the-arts named after it. And now they've settled on a bird that both describes and honours Toronto's tiny imperfect mayor: the common loon. The loon sits on Mel's desk and every time Mel asks his secretary who's on line one, the bird yells "Noooooobody!" Not having a national bird is a grouse, sorry... gross oversight. After all, we have national symbols like the maple leaf and the beaver by which other countries identify us. Right now, the beaver's busy building dams and as usual, the Maple Leafs are rebuilding. We have a national motto -- mari usque ad mari -- which sounds like the seafood special at La Trattoria. We have national sports in lacrosse and hockey and national spoil-sports at Revenue Canada, but we don't have a national bird! We have a national flag, a national anthem, and a royal anthem God Save The Queen From Her Kids, but we don't have a national bird! We have a national coin, some sou­ venir remnants of a national railroad and a national embarrassment -- Royal Canadian Mounted Police writing park­ ing tickets at Pearson Airport -- but we don't have a national bird! We have a national capital, a nation­ al coast guard, and a navy which is now ranked by Janes Fighting Ships below the navy of -- I'm not making this up -- Mexico, which doesn't actually own any boats, but instead puts snipers on all Carnival Cruise ships that enter Mexican waters. But still we have no national bird. We have the Canada Cup, Canada Savings Bonds, and the Canada Com Act which is violated every Friday evening by the Canadian Air Farce but N we don't have a Canadian bird! We have Canada Council, Air Canada, the Canadarm, and Canada Post which when you think about it, could be replaced by our national bird if we went with great snowy carrier pigeons. We have the Canadian Brass, the Canadian Bill of Rights and the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation which we could honour with a national bird as long as it was extinct. We have the National Archives, the National Ballet, the National Bank, and a national disgrace called the National Parole Board, but we do not have a national bird! In Canada, you can get Birdseye frozen dinners, bird's nest soup, a birdie 3 on a par 4, a bird whistle on your fax machines and any number of bird brain ideas if you give a bureaucrat a budget, but we don't have a national bird. And I want one dammit! And I don't care what kind of bird we select. I don't care if we put wings on a weasel and call it the Allan Rock Wren or teach a siren how to fly and call it the Sheila Shrill Warbler. I want a national bird. I don't care if we honour our four big banks and select the beady-eyed vul­ ture. I want a federal feathered friend. We just can't hide our heads in the sand on this issue any longer unless, of course, we're going to go with the big- butted ostrich. (And then Ben Johnson could race it, eh?) Probably the perfect national bird for Canada would be achieved by crossing a loon with a cuckoo. And what would we get? No, not a bird. Probably, just another guy who would keep yelling Happy Bird Day on July 1st in a coun­ try without a national bird. COMMENT Weddings bring out the differences between men and women There's a wedding in the family. My youngest sister, the same one who used to run around the neighbourhood letting all the dogs out of the yards and tossing shoes and newspapers down the sewers, is tying the knot this summer. Talk about exciting. And, my, have we changed. Long gone is the same kid trailing after her three older sisters, a pigtail tied loosely on top of her head, ready to break loose on the neighbourhood with all the other wild kids. No longer is she sending post­ cards from New Zealand and Australia after a care- free see-the-world year-long jaunt. She's now a boss, a Beaches resident, a car owner....and, who'd have believed it, a soon-to-be wife. We are a family, of course, that loves a wed­ ding. The poor guy hadn't even taken the ring out of his pocket and practically the whole family had the gears in motion. Lists upon lists; phone calls for addresses; decisions after decisions. "Well, we don't have much time," said my mother with relish. My mother, who ought to have run a country along with the lives of her daughters, is busy organizing with my sister the multitude of details for what she has express­ ly requested be a low stress simple affair. Just a garden wedding. My sister has repeated those words "just a gar­ den wedding" and, much as these things have a habit of taking on a life of their own, you know it just might happen. When she declared she didn't want a fuss, the rest of the family nodded in uni­ son. Sure, just try it. A simple wedding? Hah. You know weddings...suddenly the under 50 guests turns into well over 100; and the whole thing balloons out of proportion; stress levels zoom. But, three years ago, my mother wanted it sim­ ple when she married Leon and that's exactly what she got: a fascinating ceremony with a Rabbi and a Catholic priest elbow to elbow (for i m DIANE HART my vote, the Rabbi was the more entertaining) and then a lovely garden reception at her friend's home. I swear, the best thing to do about a wedding is eliminate all the details people say are so nec­ essary. Other than the people getting married, what else do you need? Food, music and that's about it. Just ask a man what he thinks about weddings and you'll get the typical response: a shrug. They never fret or worry about silly things like wed­ dings. Date and time, that's what men like to hear. And make sure it doesn't fall on a golf day. In fact, I've come to believe men couldn't care less where they get married or see their friends and family married. I'm serious, you know. I honestly think we could all be standing in a water filtration plant saying our vows and the men wouldn't notice. Except to ask how many litres of water gets pumped from the lake to the plant every day. Guys, I've come to realize, just want to get the thing done. Get married, get on with it. Maybe it stems from the fact if they really thought too much about it they'd be on the next plane to Tunisia or something. I don't know. I like to think it's just because they really don't care about stuff like flowers and place cards. Women, you know, fret about all of that stuff. What to wear, what to say, what to give. Who will sit where; colours of candles; type of cake; as if men care a whit about any of that. Date and time, that's it. Women do tend to take over the organization of weddings and my mother did exactly that three years ago. She organized the whole thing down to the reception/paity held a few months after the marriage and the whole thing was carried off with grace and style. So my sister just might get her wish. A simple garden wedding with absolutely no pomp and ceremony. In fact, she's already found the perfect garden: my mother's and Leon's. They had the foresight (just luck actually) to redesign their garden, now filled with wisteria, enormous urns, a pond, foun­ tain and poolside lighting. Sure beats a water fil­ tration plant, let me tell you. There is, so I've heard through the grapevine of family gossip, apparently a plan for good weather and another for bad weather. All the kids have been invited...no mention (alas) of Harry, our lovable Westie whose habit of chasing his tail at the oddest times has not endeared himself to my family. I think he'd lend a note of charm to the whole affair, but no luck. No wedding photos of my sister holding Harry the dirty dog, sad to say. There will be enough going on the keep idle hands busy: at last count, more than 10 kids have been included in the whole event. I'll be kept busy, no doubt, making sure my own kids don't "nudge" each other into the pool during the cere­ mony, toss rocks from the gardens at each other or topple over one of the huge urns filled with lovely plants just at the exact moment my sister says I do. I've decided, though, at this wedding to think like a man and not fret. Kate is bound to settle on something to wear, Drew will find his good clothes somewhere in that room of his and neither of them is bound to care what their parents look like. We'll all be able to sit back and enjoy what will truly be a lovely day. Short, simple and not on a golf day. The perfect wedding....just ask any man. O A K V I L L E 8 4 5 -6 6 0 1 G> O A K V I L L E NAVIGABLE WATERS PROTECTION ACT R.S.C. 1985, CHAPTER N-22 The Town of O akville hereby gives notice that an application has been made to the Minister of Fisheries and Oceans under the Navigable Waters Protection Act for approval of the plans and site of the work described herein. Under Section 9 of the said Act. The Town of Oakville has deposited with the Minister of Fisheries and Oceans and in the office of the District Registrar of the Land Registry District of Region of Halton at Milton under deposit number G 46 a description of the site and plans of A Pedestrian Bridge over the Sixteen Mile Creek at approximately 250 metres north of Upper Middle Road on Lot 20, Con. I, S.D.S. • Written objections based on the effect of the work on marine navigation should be directed not later than one month from the date of this notice to: Regional Director, Canadian Coast Guard, Department of Fisheries and Oceans, 201 Front Street North, Suite 703, Samia, Ontario, N7T 8B1 C o u n c i l & S t a n d i n g C o m m i t t e e M e e t i n g s Tuesday, August 3,1999 Community Services Committee 7:30 p.m. - Oakville Room Administrative Services Comm. 7:30 p.m. - Bronte Room Monday, August 9,1999 Council Meeting Council Chambers 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, August 4,1999 Planning & Development Council Council Chambers 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, August 10,1999 SPECIAL Council Meeting RE: Development Charges Council Chambers 7:30 p.m. Dated at Oakville, this 19th day of July 1999. THE CORPORATION OF THE TOWN OF OAKVILLE TENDER FOR: Construction of A Pedestrian Bridge at Morrison Creek TENDER NUMBER: T-18-99 SEALED TENDERS on forms provided will be received by the Town Clerk, 1225 Trafalgar Road, Oakville, Ontario, L6J 5A6 until 2:00 p.m., local time on TUESDAY, AUGUST 10,1999 to construct a pedestrian bridge, including excavation, backfill, concrete substructure, prefabricated superstructure and all incidental works necessary for completion of the structure. Plans, specifications and tender forms will be available on or after Friday, July 23, 1999, and may be obtained from the Town of Oakville Purchasing Department, 1225 Trafalgar Road, Oakville, Ontario L6J 5A6; Telephone 905-338-4197. NOTE: A non-refundable administration charge of $25.00 via cash or certified cheque, payable to the Town of Oakville, will be required. Interac direct payment is also available. The Contractor whose tender is accepted shall be required to post a Performance Bond satisfactory to Town Council, equal to 100% of the contract price, and a Labour and Material Bond equal to 50% of the contract price. Alternately, the contractor may provide an irrevocable unconditional letter of credit for 100% of the contract price. An Agreement to Bond or Letter of Intent will be required with the tender submission. A certified cheque, Bank/Trust Co. draft, or bid bond for the amount specified in the tender document MUST accompany each tender. Tenders will be opened publicly at a meeting of the Tender Opening Committee at the Oakville Municipal Building, 1225 Trafalgar Road, Oakville, Ontario on TUESDAY, AUGUST 10, 1999 at 2:30 p.m. local time. The Town of Oakville reserves the right to reject any or all tenders and the highest or lowest as the case may be will not necessarily be accepted. R.J. Coumoyer, C.I.M., P.Mgr. Director, Purchasing and Office Services Tender advertising may be viewed on the O.P.B.A. website, http:/A>axxine. com/opba Council & C ommittee Touchtone P hone Line 8 1 5 - 5 9 5 9 YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE! Oakville Town Council invites you to volunteer your skills in an advisory capacity to Council. Complete an application form and return it to the Town Cleric's Department by 4:30 p.m., Friday, July 23, 1999. Receipt o f applications w ill be acknowledged after the appointment process has been completed, a t which tim e each candidate w ill be notified bv m ail CURRENT VACANCIES ON TOWN OF OAKVILLE ADVISORY COMMITTEES /A UTHORITIES ARE: Bronte District Advisory Committee - One Vacancy Interested citizens must reside within the geographical boundaries of the centre line of Burloak Drive, Lake Ontario, the centre line of Third Line and the centre line of the Q.E.W. Meetings are held once a month, when required, on the 3rd Thursday of the month at 7:30 p.m. Credit Valiev Conservation Authority - One Vacancy Applicants must have an interest in natural resource management and will represent the municipality (Oakville and Halton Region) on the 12 member beard. Meetings are held on the second Friday of the month. Committee of Adjustment - One Vacancy Applicants should have flexible time to review properties prior to meeting dates and be familiar with land use and architecture in relation to Zoning By­ laws. The Committee of Adjustment is a statutory, decision-making committee established under the Planning Act to consider minor variance and nonconforming use applications and meets on the 2nd Tuesday of each month at 7:00 p.m. Committee of Adjustment for Consent - One Vacancy The Committee of Adjustment for Consent is a decision making committee established under the Planning Act to consider land division applications. The term of this appointment will end on December 31, 2000. The committee meets on a monthly basis, in the evening, as required. Application forms are available from the Clerk's Department at Town Hall, 1225 Trafalgar Road, Oakville, Monday to Friday during regular business hoars - 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. For further information please contact Pat McPherson at (90S) 845-6601, extension 3136. 1225 TRAFALGAR R O A D • O A K V ILLE , O N T A R IO • L6J 5A6 COMMENT Weddings bring out the differences between men and women OAKVILLE NAVIGABLE WATERS PROTECTION ACT R.S.C. 1985, CHAPTER N-22 TUESDAY, AUGUST 10,1999