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xt i The IFP - Halton Hills | Thursday, November 25, 2021 | theifp.ca OPINION CAN | PURSUE MY CAREER, OR SHOULD | GIVE IT UP FOR MY FAMILY? ASK ELLIE ELLIE TESHER Column I'm happily mar- ried to my adorable wife for 11 years. We have two sons, ages six and an ‘engineer, and and it's been frustrating for me. I feel that I can do much better, but I haven't been able to land that dream job. However, my wife works in health care and sh arns well. Despite the fact that her current role isn't exactly what she expected - ie., working in genetics - it pays the bills so we're able to have a middle-class life- style. Recently, I received an exciting job offer in the United Kingdom. I'd like to accept. My wife could easi- ly find a job in London, but she's not keen about mov- ing there. Yet she'd give me her blessing and let me embark on this adventure by my- self for the time being, if this is what I need to feel more appreciated. I don't want to leave my family, but feel torn. The is- TRUSTED LOCAL NEWS ACROSS ONTARIO: * Cambridge * Durham * Guelph * Halton Ba EYuliiveyi) * Kawartha * Muskoka * Niagara * Ottawa Valley * Peel * Simcoe County ‘Toronto * York Region OFFER ENDS JANUARY 31, 2022. VISIT communitynews.pressreader.com TODAY! sue's causing mee strain in our relation: I'm nearly 50. Should I pursue my dreams or just accept that it's too late and I need to concentrate on my family's needs? My Dreams or My Fami- by? You've made y case for foolinet that this is your one big chance to progress in your career of choice. Your wife has given you the green light to go away for the job on your own. Yet there's "strain" on your relationship. And you say this is what you need to “feel more appreciated." With two small children and her job on which you've both been depend- ing for middle-class com- forts, how is she going to manage if you's The likely answer: More babysitting and/or house- keeper costs, and a lot of re- sponsibilities for just one parent. To me, it sounds li a setup for more than dis- e coming between you. If the job offer were for a limited period of time, e answer would be far easier, especially if you could use the experience to attract a similarly position in your field goon hom But that's not something that you can count on. Unfortunately, it's more likely that you settle in overseas, and your wife has to give up her job and travel to join you with the | dren, if you wish to keep your family intact. For that reason, I sug- gest a maximum of a six- month trial on your part. the job, rent enough space for the family to vis- it, and encourage your wife to take a one-month vacation to visit you with the children and see whether and how your family adapt: Q: My partner and I are re: with shi custody of our five-year- old. But how do we handle the first Christmas? I don't want to attend her family's annual Christmas party because she hasn't told her parents we're splitting up, but her drama-queen sister's sure to announce it and causea luge reaction. Will our child el that Christmas e don't do what we've always done a 3 ‘AD Different Christmas A: Create new Christ- mas routines both apart and together. Example: Plan a small get-together for yourselves and child, and another family with similar-age children. Then get outside, to a Christmas venue or a park, so that the holiday has var- ied events. Once you've both settled separately and stay agreeable, your child will adapt. ELLIE’S TIP Moving far from a lov- ing wife and small children for a “dream job," has mar- ital risks. Set a six-month "trial" period. Ellie Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toron- to. Send your relationship questions via email: ellie@thestar.ca. convenient website. A NEW WAY TO STAY ° * metroland CONNECTED TO YOUR COMMUNITY! Check out our new all access Community News ePaper subscription. Get full access to all our weekly community newspapers online, from one We've got you covered Our local journalists report on the things that are important to you and your neighbours; whether it’s local politics, schools, businesses or upcoming community events—if you're thinking about it, chances are we're writing about it. Enjoy access to trusted local news and information from over 10 regions throughout Ontario, plus get access to weekly digital flyers from save.ca. Take advantage of this limited-time introductory offer 99° FOR A YEAR! *f *Your credit card will one-year fixed term, your || Metroland ‘entre by calling 1-833-440-7474 or by email at