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Halton Hills This Week, Wednesday, September 16, 1992, Page 7 OP ED “Op Ed” — old time newspaper term meaning the page opposite the editorial page. This page has traditionally been held open for opinion pieces, letters, and comment from various sources. Family Violence Abandonment: being left all alone By Jacie B. Palmer Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about abandonment. To me that ~ means being left, being all alone and not having anyone to support you when you need support. Being abandoned can be physical or emo- tional and usually involves feelings of guilt, a sense of loss and a hope- less feelifig. Ihave come to grips with the fact that I’ve always been alone. I’ve always felt abandoned. Even when I physically lived with other people I never felt they loved me or that I could depend on them to be there for me. I felt they needed me and that their needs had to come before my own. I drowned myself in other have someone to a: found awak unable to ask. Help just wasn’t a part of my vocabu- lary. That’s the reality for lots of people but many never take the time to assess their backgrounds in depth. I’m glad I have. Even as a child I felt abandoned emotionally. My mother never loved me and, although I always felt my father cared, he was an aus- tere domineering man. Both parents only seemed to care about what others thought and were never there for me. Finally when we were becoming friends and I felt hope- ful, my father up and aon thus abandoning me. That, compounded with the deaths of some iter tela- tionships left me devastated, yet I just kept on trucking and left all that grief buried in the back of my mind to resurface many years later. Hence my soul searching today. I'd been wondering. if it is worse to be alone within a relationship or to simply be alone. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d rather be alone- alone. For many years I lived with a man I did not wish to be with. I stayed for all the usual reasons — security, the kids, fear of change, fear of my future, fear of survival, concern for making the right deci- sion and fear about what others would think. I realize now it was an attempt at not allowing that aban- donment to resurface — yet I was abandoned anyhow. I feel regret. I regret those lost years because I could have had many happier and more productive years doing other things. I regret that I lost those years for him, too. He would have been happier somewhere anywhere else. I can’t change the past — but I can change the present and the future. Today I try to spend my time wisely with quality people who are fundamentally my equals and with whom I have many com- mon interests. One afternoon last Spring a friend and I went to Niagara Falls where we shared great conversation and a great lunch. She wanted us to go to a movie that evening but all I wanted to do was to go home. I needed to be alone. It was time for me to have my space. I’m not sure she understood. Often people assume that because one chooses to be alone they are withdrawing when it may simply be a “time-out” — a respite from the world. A fun- damental need! Sometimes people need to be alone to meditate. I’ve found that it is just those times when I feel like tunning hither and yon that I should be sitting quietly and listen- ing to the thoughts in my mind. I like to believe I’m talking to God and that he is listening to my every word and responding. It’s comfort- ing because it reminds me that I’m not really alone — that He is with Creativity has been running ram- pant at my home. I’m always so obsessed when I start these tasks. I can’t wait to see the finished prod- uct, whether it be the painting and wallpapering, the knitting or the refinishing. The creativity is a ource of warmth that fills my soul with joy and gives me a time to meditate on thoughts, problems and circumstances. It allows me time to grow and examine a on wants and desires. It is time Sometimes I think a eae too much time alone but now I quickly realize that when I need people they somehow appear or I call them. When I need space, dates get miraculously canceled. As I finish each day I ponder on the events which have passed and note what I have learned about me. I know that I don’t want to spend the rest of my years in an emotion- ally abandoned state so I’m taking stock of what I need to-do to be capable of developing a deep and intimate relationship with other human beings. I have built up rela- tionships with half a dozen friends with whom I share an intimacy. at amazes me is that each friend is so unique and special and suc- cessful in her own chosen areas of expertise. They are diverse individ- uals who share the need to grow and develop as human beings. I treasure them because they have allowed me to be their loyal and trusted friend and confidant. Oh, we don’t agree on many things and we're all at different stages as we march through life. And, I’m cer- tain that if I placed all of us in the same room, at the same time a live- ly and controversial discussion would take place — on everything from world affairs, the economy to parenting techniques. It is these women to whom I must give much credit for my progress as I deal with each new challenge life offers and to whom I look to find what I need to enable me to develop an intimate relationship with a man. I believe that the abandonment will soon be a part of my past. Feel free to contact Jacie in confidence by directing letters to her attention at Halton Hills This Week. All correspondence will remain confidential. Jacie can be reached in person through the Distress Centre at 877-1211. Leave a message and Jacie will get back to you. If you are in cri- sis, call the Distress Centre or 911. Fat consumption By Laurie Burns You’ve probably heard some discussion of the three kinds of fat — saturated, polyunsaturated and monounsaturated. When it comes to heart disease, it is important to be careful about the type of fat you eat — most particularly, limiting the amount of saturated fat soe when your goal is losing it, keep in mind that all fats are calle loaded with calories (there are nine calories in every gram of fat — no matter what the type.) We’ll use a pat of butter to help you visualize the amount if fat in common food items — one pat of butter (1 teaspoon) contains 4 grams of fat and 36 calories. Ina typical week: — By substituting seven 8- ounce glasses of skim milk for seven 8-ounce glasses of whole milk, you will be eliminate the equivalent amount of fat in 13.3 pats of butter. — By substituting 2 cups of air- popped popcorn for two slices of apple pie, you will be eliminating the fat in 9.5 pats of butter. — By substituting two 3-ounce servings of halibut for two 3-ounce servings of pork spare-ribs, you will be eliminating the amount of fat found in 12 pats of butter. Eliminating all fat from your diet is not necessary, but, exchang- ing types of food which have less e in them is highly recommend- “Feel free to contact Laurie Burns at 877-0771. Tree cutting law: The following is an Open letter to Halton Hills Mayor Russ Miller. A copy was sent to Halton Hills This Week for publication. Dear Mayor Miller, The NDP provincial government is proposing a new tree cutting law that must surely represent the final limit to the left wing insanity that has befallen our province. The temptation to scream communism is real but it no longer adequately describes the negative impact these misguided mental midgets are hav- ing on the socio/economic well being of Ontario. Ten years ago my brother felt that if Marx and Lenin, the fathers of modern socialism, were somehow brought back from the purgatory reserved for commu- nists and members of the Ontario NDP, they would look around at the levels of state control over Ontario life and would surely conclude that For Pete's Sake by Roe “DIRECTIONS: WET HAIR, APPLY SHAMPOO, Rinse ere” Ae A REPEAT IF pesirep.” " DIRECTIONS : WET HAIR, APPLY SHAMPOO..." APPLE Auto Glass 354 Guelph St., Unit 27, Georgetown, Ont. (416) 873-1655 per week + Have your own diapers? do those too! left wing insanity they were in heaven. I would con- tend that if they were resurrected in the province today, they would swear they were in an over regulat- ed, over taxed, over controlled bureaucratic hell that would stag- nate, constipate and totally smother economic activity. I strongly urge you to oppose this law and to promote some degree of protection respecting the rights of private land ownership in this province. I believe I speak for many businessmen and private citizens who are fed up to the eye balls with paying more and more taxes to more and more governments in ‘der to hire more and more staff to tell us what to do, how to do it, when to do it, where to do it and ultimately why we can’t do it. We have long gone past the point of providing adequate protection to members of our society and are now attempting to reduce life to the point where we abide by an endless list of government “how to” laws that control every aspect of our existence. This tree cutting law is a classic example of the type of gov- ernment over indulgence that pro- vides little, if any, real benefit to society, substantially increases the cost of government and directly dis- courages productive private sector investment. 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