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r tub gcoroetown herald wednesday jan xix li page 4 the cottage inn for good things joint all trough the day breakfast coffee break torch dinner or me evening snack do come in and lotus serve you main st s tr 7p004 glei taxi 3 cabs 3 radio equipped reliable drivers tr 72432 concrete gravel building sand road gravel fill and top soil stone work tom haines olen wllllame tr m3u ftut billgarbutt sugar and spice canadas top winter tire tinstone town i country firtstom towi atcdutry tim km m en hr dtpodiui wnttf lin dctp list week i bad i make a speech at a banquet now for a politician or a preacher a tycoon or a teacher or even a plain or dinary bee esser theres nothing more pleasant that to be invited to address a gathering its second nature to them ttooy take to it like a pig takes to swill but for hundred of thousands of simple inhibited canadians like me if s about simpte swim- mink lake superior in your long underwear when we stand up rubbery legged hands sweating white as death and face all those people looking at us expectantly its no- jhing short of a case for the spca our minds o as blank as suddenlydrawn window blind our tongues cleave to the roofs of our bonedry mouths s tight y as ever cleopatra clove to mark antony our adams apples be come even as pomegranates our little shea of notes over which we laboured so hard flutters like a brides bouquet it wouldn t be so bad if people who mvited you to be guest speak er gave you a topic but they won t do it they re too polite when they ask ou to volunteer for the torture or the seven deaths they say winy any thing arau im sure that any thing you give us will be worth while which is very unfair for us who become moronic when confronted by an audience if somebody ask ed me to give an address on the roman empire or the lost cities of the amazon or the ancient chaldees id be prepared to do tome research and make a stab at a speech supported by notes car rying heads sutvheeds shrunken heads and dry little jokes that fit ted in here and there nothing to it but i went into this one cold 1 was slaving away at my speech however and had worked out ra ther a neat turn of phrase or two when it suddenly struck me with the stifling pain of 8 blow in the throat that j bad no jokes now as everybody knows an af ter dinner speaker without jokes is about as much use as a wagon wheel without spokes he may have natural eloquence a go topic a fine appearance and commanding ma but with- i out ofces confronted by 200 peo- 1 pie who have just stuffed them- 1 selves wtthturkey in a warm hall he simply cant get through he might as well be talking to at couple of hundred seals who have fust cleaned up a ton of fish and the coward who knows this however poor a speaker he is is always welcome as a speak er because he has a collection of hoarystories all he has to do to make avronderful impression is tell the audience how delighted he is to be there and tell a joke mention vaguely the purpose of the gathering if he knows it and relate an anecdote thank hie la dies at some length for the splcn did dinner and regale his listen ers with a funny story tell those present they are the salt of the earth and it is an honour to be among them and wind upwith a final joke they ii go home claim ing that he was the best speaker ihcv d heard in a coon s age as i am a coward it produced a special terror in me when i reel iied that i didnt know a sin gle funny story when i was young rip of a bachelor i had quite a fund of mem but when i got married i discovered that women at least the one i got have no sense of humour w hen we were first married i d come home with some real rib- splitlers and try to share them with her but by the tune t was finished trying to explain them i d be roaring and she d be crying so i gave up the very last time i tried it was a couple of years ago heard this story and thought it id knock even the old girt you all know it the two keen golfers on the ninth tee ready to drive when the funeral cortege come along the road bor dering the golf club one golfer took off his cap and stood with bowed head until the procession had passed his friend asked the reason for the reverent gesture least i could do he said when he ed clouted the bait- t was married to her for over thirty years the tears were running down my cheeks as i told this one to irmy wife she looked al me as though i needed a shave then ask ed rather crossly why wasnt he at the funeral since then i haven t even bothered to listen to jokes so to cut a long story short id to make my speech without any lokes and boy it was dead in fact it was as dead as the wife of the englishman you know two englishmen met in their club s to hear vou er and rods smoothly utiettjr oa town 4 country tires vtube or tubeless v white sidewalls or allblack evasable at harley motors buried your wife old chap said replied the other- had to old boy dead you know mrs sam walker again heads st georges wa mrs sam walker was reelected as president of the womans aux iliary of sl georges anglican church when the ladies met on january 7th reviewing last years work mrs walker reported srveisuccessf ul year with all bbligatl6ns met and several projects successfully un dertaken she thanked members for their cooperation and asked the same for the new executive rev kenneth richardson reilerj ated her remarks as he took the chair for the election of officers he outlined some of the work plan ned for the months ahead and he- said he hoped for a happy and sue cessful year officers who will serve with mrs walker include mr keq neth richardson honorary presid ent mrs ernest simson 1st vice president mrs c sargent rccor ding secretary mrs william chap lin treasurer mrs simson little helpers secretary mrs thomas warncs extra cent a day mrs charles chapman united thankof fering mrs clare francis living message mrs thomas parry dor cas mrs ed pries envelopes mrs a barnett sewing convener mrs barnctt and mrs walker social conveners mrs walllcijaaked mrs ron ed- hockey referees father lawn bowling executive wellknown in ontario as a lawn bowler willhunf patterson 84 died in brampton the week be fore obristmas he was honorary president of the municipal lawn bowling association and a past president of the humberside as sociauon a native of orono mr pattr son was employed in toronto for 55 years with gordon mackay ltd he moved to brampton after his re tircmentjen years ago last july mr patterson and his wife the former cora wood celebrated their golden wedding anniversary and a family reception was held at the farm home of mr and mrs c f pat patterson near norval he leaves his wife a daughter mrs b k sell of copple cliff a son elwood in toronto and son c f pat who is refferee inchief for the ontario hockey associa tion he also leaves two sisters mrs a d cook and miss eva pat lerson of orono funeral service and burial took place in brampton more snow monday brought more snow to georgetown district following a mild spell which removed most of the winters accumulation it has been a real canadian winter wards to come forward and aaid it was with deep regret the ladies had received hex resignation as treasurer owing to ill health shi presented mrs edwards with a gold crois from the a ladies for her fine work in past years and wished for her the very best of health mrs edwards thanked the ladies and saidwshe had enjoy ed the work very much another accident at water st intersection damage estimated at close to 700 resulted from a two car col lision at the intersection of water st and no 7 highway involving ars driven bv mrs joseph plaum 26 hewon cresc and frank d ferguson 122 prince charles dr neither driver was injured mrs plaum was proceeding noth on ater street and was making a left turn onfo the high way at the time the ferguson ar was east bound on the high way and suffered the brunt of the damage about 400 worth da mage to the pleturn car was estim ated at 250 the accident was reported to police at about 12 05 p m and m vestigated by cst ted scott burial here friday burlial will take place in green wood cemetery on friday of mrs winona freure wife of a former town resident warner freure who died m detroit on monday notice to creditors in the estate of the late david allan uarber deceased all persons having claims against the estate of david allan barber late of the town of georgetown in the county of ha ton construe uon worker who died on or about the 4th day of october a d 1958 sre hereby notified to send in to the undersigned administratrix of the said estate on or before the 30th of january 1959 full particu lars af their claims after which date the estate will be distributed having regard only to the claims of which the adminstratrix shall then have notice dated at georgetown ontario this 30th day of december ard 1958 davina barber admintstrat rix by her solicitor if e manderton 61 mill street georgetown onl 1u heat your home for less s 20 phone us about tb t hytest 303 fuel 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