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Waiter: “Boss, I can’t jess recomf mend de rice puddin’. today. " Guest: “What’ a the matter with it ”’ ‘Mrs. Sweetly was at church with her little daughter Margaret, aged 6, and was Vainly endeavofing to find a suitable seat.. She walked up one aisle and down another; all to no pur- pose. An ohliging sidesman came forward to offer his services. Little Margaret, who was used to shopping, caught sight of him first. Turning to her mother she exclaimed in an audi- ble whispe r: "It’s all right, rhumrhy, here’ a the shopwalker.” ‘ VContagious: "So you can’t help stealing?" asked the magistrate kind- ly. “No. your worship; an impulse comes over me that I can't resist.” f‘Too bad, too bad! An impulse to send you to prison for six months is getting hold of me. There! It’ s got hold. Six monthe: can’t resist. Im- pulse is 1 wonderful 1M" . Mrs. Jinks! “jolm’s old college friend tried to ”make me believe he was a bdéhel’o'i‘l' ‘ When he held the baby he almost dropped it” Mrs. Brown: "Theh how in the world did yéfia find out that he was not a Inch: elbr?”g Mrs. Jinks: “Because when tlr’ebaby started to cry he mechanical- ly startéd. to walk the floor." 7 , A married couple were known among their friends to live on bad terms with each other. One day the wife, Mrs. Brown, while entertaining a frien‘gi at tea rang the bell, “Mary,” she said to the‘naid‘ who answered her sinmons, “is that Mr. Brown dow9sflits? I thought I heard him just now.” “‘No’m,” M‘.aty answered. "Th-at m the figs what was growl: in!“ II '{ Guest: “Waitet. bring me some rice pudding.” ' Roan: "Noi, a, you mlly um! spetk to pap: t y.” Mu: “Cet; tainly. darling. He's got a “We, I sumac?” Young Bflhgvoom: “Mn. 1 think 1 [hodd M to uh your little brother with in to Mt; F311;" Bride: “How kind of you. Harry." You; Bridegroom: “Yes. I should like to push him over them.” A young man in: being enmioed Kfiy 1 life inwronce oflieiol u to his family record. Among othet ques- tion: the following was aired: “Of what did your grandfather die?” The applicant hesitated a few moments and then unaltered out: “I’mâ€"I’m not sure. but +think he died in in~ fancy.” The Man witlmhe Umbrella: “Great heavens, man. do I find you after ell these years reduced to playing a cor- net for a‘ living?" The Men with (he Comet: “I’m not doing it for a living, but my wife don’t let me phctice in the house, so I have to come out. side." ‘ ‘ .Waiter: A“Nufi"m’;‘ 'cept “dar nofie." “Now. ‘11 Brief; “6‘ Bnezy' ain't ~ A damn in the no“ of Scot- A Story Witha floral. A writer in Fashion and Sport of a recent week tells the following story: A man' who is a frequent inhabitant of the workhouse in the district inter- cepted a well-known liberal-hearted magistrate with the question. “Will you give me half a crown. Mr. ?" “No,” replied the gentleman, who thought he knew the beggar too well, but noticing the man's hungry look he said, “I will give you a hall-a-crown dinner instead." They adjourned to a refreshment house and theyroprietor was ordered to give the man the feast. No sooner had the donor left than the man said to the proprietor: 'I say, I’ll sell you back that dinner.” In- spired perhaps by the man’s appear- ance and thinking that the money would do most good, he agreed. Next ,morning the magistrate took his seat upon the bench and the fellow hejnd treated so liberally was brought be- fore him, charged with being "drunk and disorderly." ‘After the case had been proved the justice reprimanded the min severely for-g § into such a condition. "Where; you get the tune/y?" he asked “ Why, you gave it to me. ” “I gave. you a half-akrodvn dinner,” said the magistrate. But the prisoner, not at all daunted; vand’ in spite of the nunish‘ment which might follow. coolly replied, “Yes, but I sold it for two shillings. land was riding elm the mdouie its and bed on e ebak (which he wore when the elements without eeened to wage war and dhpute thett claim to tnpenority) oi utter en entreordinery nuke end [utterlyâ€"cape upon ape. like the «network: in a reg- ular foitification. so that when the rain had got possession of one fold it had a (full one to encounter. The winds were trying their full power to tm hie teibr’e herricade‘into ridi- cule and were nailing the shoulder turrets in an directions. when an Eng- lish gentlemen came up, mounted on a very spirited horse, which had never been trained to such rights and took alarm. and almost threw his rider. "Why, man,” said John Bull. “thnl cloak of yours would frighten the devil.” ",Neel” rephed the minieter. “that’ 3 just my trade.” Certainly Not the flan. Walpole mentions that a pamphlet called "The Snake'in the Grass,” be- ing reported (probably in joke) to be written by Lord Wâ€"â€"--â€" P., a gentle- man abused In it sent him a challenge. Lord W. professed his innocence and that he was not the author, ,but the gentleman would not be satisfied without a denial under his hand. Lord W. took a pen-and began: “This is to scratiiy that the buk called the Snakâ€"â€"â€"" “Oh, my lord," said the person. “I am satisfied-your lordship has already convinced me ydu did not write the book." NOTICI I! 33333! _G!VIN 1'0 ALL P3380“ mus-no. m the CityCotnofl d thCifiyo! Bigh- vood huh. um am 0 Ian-Mm. Mn! nul- vuu' simply” is coco um I- . ponto- _o! w An- III-.1: (In (My of nigh-a4. Luke Gunny. much. tho «diam for ‘50 um bungee ll. amok“ the City Clerk of and My. ad that tho aid on; hull; 3|»le to the Conny Court of but. Donny. sun at Illinois. torn We“ 0! the on“ o! aid improvement acceding to flu benefits. und III mat therefor but" been m Ind roamed to aid Goon. (Docket. No. 36) the finnl hosting thcnon ill] be held on an lflh dny otAka. D. 190?.qu therein” u the bushel. of tho Court will perth nun b. divided into In luminous, baring imam st the an o! In per out (5 5) par an“. When you vunt printing 0! any kind can u the KIWI-1.3m: olfioe. NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN TO ALL PERSONS INTERESTED. Thet the City Council of the City of Highwood heving ordered thet e environ uterel main water supply pipe be constructed in 5 portion of High Street in the City of Highwood. Lake County. Illinois, the ordinance for the name being on file in the ofllee of the City Clerk of eeid City,end the said City heving up. plied to the County Court of Leke County, Stute of Illinois; for an m- ment of the cost of mid improvement according to the benefits, end an an. increment therefor having been nude and returned to said (Court DocketNo. 25) the flue) hearing thereon will be held on the 12th any of August A. 0 1907.01- u soon thereafter as the bust neee of the Court will permit. V Said Ordinance prmides flat. the I'- mate amount. of aid uses-meat stun be divided into five immllmems. bearing interest st. the an of flu per cent (5 95) per unnum. Al! persons damn; any £1. 05500 “on: in aid Court before aid day and my Ippou’ 6n the hearing Old nuke their defence. All persons desiring may file objec- tions in aid Court botan- uid any bad any tp at on the baring sud make their 6 EDMUND L. DES JABDINS. ' The person nppointad by the President of the Bop-d of Imcallmprovcmcnu to mine aid hue-uncut. mud n Bighwood blinds, July 236, A~ 13.1907. ~ Btld «dune. provides am the q- EDIUND L. DES JA-BDINS. The per-on appointed by me President of the Mo! Load I mprovenel M to nuke aid Amt.” Dewd n- Bighwood. Illinois. In" .33. Speck! Men Notice. Special Assessment Notice. PM“ 'SIUESTHOM ICc, Coal, Coke ' Wood and Kindling First Class Sandor Mia and zen ~ - «flmnmsdc to ocdct. M WWW_W““ matad‘lud FIRST 3W AND“ PLACE Albert Larson mun. WC DEALER U NATIONS! M. WOLAK. TAILOR piston-20091 chl Md Telegram Cards A Decided Novelty Lime Ugh}. Flor-1.. may Paul cm; Albina, Rub A large assortmcct of Local Cards nearly 1m dificrent Highland Pad: views. me 2383 ’13) Central Avamc HIGHLAND PARK, ILLINOIS No. 7. St. ’0‘" Avenue ' Tglqlsqu 2454 Genuinely Humorous. mama!) PARK. n.1.. Great Assortmeht. 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