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'&M. STORlF Gomf Write QUAD H v „ 5%« vr- w Xt a r n' ., ' t * *» i7 THE. MeHENRY PLAINDKALER, 1*11. by McClure Newspapar Sy»4lc«t«.) Bowser!" was Mr. Bowser who sjloke, and h a deep, barn voice as made the tremble on its legs. rg. Bowser looked up Inquiringly. "A great mystery bangs over tills »use. That mystery Is also full of iception. 1 want It solved, right vay. I want to know what has been mig on in my own house." "State your case," replied Mrs. Bows', but In tones that showed she was >rnnwhat frightened. "You ran in to see Mrs. Green a few inutes last evening. While you were bsent I picked up a magazine off the iano. I am not much of a reader of ijch things, as y«?u know, because leir contents are mostly gash. I just ; anted to look at the pictures to while way the time. On opening a magalue 1 found a letter. It had been pened. It was addressed to 'Miss ear, Carew,' at our street and number, nd pulling forth the letter, I found it ;as from the editor of the magazine, le had accepted a story and sent a heck for $30 in payment. Do you aiow any young lady named Jean Jarew?" "Why--why, I was going to tell you \ 11 about it," said Mrs. Bowser. "The j dltor of the magazine said he wanted tories. I thought that I could write >ne to suit him, and so I sat down and • lashed off one. I did not wish to send • ny own name as authoress, and so I J ook Jean Carew. You see, he accepted my story and sent me a check, rod t was going to ask you to get it cashed for me. Is there any great mys- :ery about that?" "Mrs. Bowser, let us look into this thing. In the first place, you wrote this story without saying anything to Die about it. In the next place, you took another person'i name, and thereby deceived the editor and the public. In the next place, I have read your story, and it is the most nonsensical thing I ever read. It Is all mush and gush. The editor must have gone crazy to accept such a story. You have swindled him out of $30 and you should Bend the check riglf$back!" "Why, Mr. Bowser, you talk very •trange!" exclaimed Mrs. Bowser, editor of the magazine is supto know what is good and what Md. He thought this story of mine good enough to publish, and was worth tiie check he "sent me. I don't praise it orach myself, but I don't think you ought to condemn it as you do. Mrs. Green and two other ladies read it, and it brought tears to their eyes." "Bosh--nonsense! A woman would Shed tears over most anything. Your story had a hundred faults. There is no plot and jo strength. You did as well as you could, but I am not going to have it known that the wlfte of ftamuel Bowser is writing such gush for publication. It shows a weak brain, on your part, and laxity on mine. People will ask why I don't forhftl you. Hereafter all the stories old grandma, whose only son sent her there, to be off his hands. Your heroine's heart is touched. She takes •;.g ni<j out snd puts her is tne cottage, and tells her that for the rest of her life she need do nothing but sit in a rocking chair and ,«&t fried eggs three times a day." "And what Is your plot?" "Why, a girl, in digging a ditch, finds a box of gold. She has heard that the l'awnee tribe of Indian^ are without a preacher. They have no Thursday night prayer meetings. They are simply sloshing around. She buys a thousand dollars'worth of« Bibles and hymu hooks, and she hires a team and driver, and she drives to the headquarters of the Pawnee tribe. The chief of the tribe is a gentleman named "Kicking Horse." He is willing to accept the Bibles and hymn books, but hp is also willing to accept the fair hand of our heroine. He makes tl<is known to her. He cannot have her hand. It is promised to a pawnbroker's assistant in Boston, and she Reporter Was Discharged Because Ha Had Faith In Practicability ^ Edison's Eiactrie Lamp. ft Is a Combination Structure for Horse and Dairy Herd, ' MOOEmr CARRlER equipment 4 ' Pram* In Construction, Set on Solid Concrete Foundation--New Con- -.yanfagjPM Cut Out MaP£ j£ai<$£ 7 ./y\ Drudgery#- v By WfLLIAM A. RADF»«tf.k J Mr. William A. Radford will answer questions and give advice FF.SE OF COST on all subject*, pertaining to the subject of building work on the farm, for the readers of this paper. On account of his wide experience as Editor, Author and Manufacturer, he is. without doubt, the highest authority on all these subjects. Address all Inquiries to William A. Radford. No. 1827 Prairie avenue, Chicago, (11., and only Inclose two-cent stamp for reply. We are all more or less familiar with the "old red barn" which until recently was as well known along the country side as the little red school house. But with the march of progmm Present Vogue of Emblem*, It Can |« Pi*ved, Is More Than MOB V.iiu • CndL Little REFINED ANXIETKI*. Ing and are built next.to the feed room wMch opens Into that part of the barn in which the herd ts honsed. V At this end of the building the horse stalls are located. There are stalls for ten horftes with a harness room at one side. These stalls face a central feeding alley down which •he feed carrier can be moved along an overhead track. All work of carting feed In wheelbarrows has been eliminated by this overhead equipment and as a consequence much of the drudgery which has made work about the barn so distasteful Is removed. A similar overhead carrier track- is Installed over the litter alleys in the rear of the horse stalls for carrying away the litter to the manure pit. The barn is frame in construction, set on a solid concrete foundation. The entire floor Is concrete with cork brick on the stall floors. Plenty of good slued windows along the lower floor provide the sunshine and ventilation that Is so Important In housing animals.' It not only keeps them healthy but stimulates production by keeping them active and alert. Active animals are workers and are cootented and as the familiar saying goes "contented cows produce plenty of fine quality tnllk." Passing down the malu alley of the horse barn we And a door opening into the dairy section. Here two, rows of stalls have been built facing in. Again 4>lia you ever hear of tfce^TW#^ York newspaper reporter who lost his Job, only a few years ago, because he wrote an article for his paper about Edison's demonstration of his first electric lamp? The publisher said be had no place on his paper for a darned fool who would believe you could spirit electricity through a wire that bad no hole in It, and fired th« reporter unceremoniously. The speaker was a grizzled old ele trical engineer, who has attained the age when he is inclined to look back on things as they were and to attempt to understand the forces that have brought about the marvelous changes he has witnessed within his lifetime. <TYou know," he continued, "as I look back upOn the development of electrical engineering, it seems to me that advertising has had more to do with it than any other factor. Ele<> trical companies are willing to go almost any length In the development of new conveniences because they ••bo you notice what an increase there has been in the wearing of emblem and fraternity pins, these days 7' naked Jones. ' "I suppose yon think that la just an up-to-date fad, don't you?** returned his friend of antiquarian bent "Well, let me tell you, it is not. Watch charms were Invented at least fire thousand years before watches, and fraternity badges equally long ago. "The very same symbols which the 'Joiners' are wearing in their lapels and on their folds today are survivals of forms which were in popular use for the same purpose when Nebuchadnezzjar was a kid in school. You see, it Was like this: In the days when kings could seldom write their own names and their subjects attributed every natural phenomenon to one of their multifarious gods or devils, there were always a few, at least, who knew aome of the truth. Glimmerings of a true science were have learned not only about electric- ! *>ft8^nnlnK t0 dawn on mankind, but hu •Walk to That Tree!" la a girl who never goes back on her word. Old Kicking Horse gets mad, and he gives her an hour to think it over. In the morning, if she does not marry him, he will roast her a beautiful brown at the stake. Isn't that a mighty good plot, so far?" "It's very thrilling," answered Mrs. Bowser,/"but go on." "When night comes," continued Mr. Bowser, "Old K. H. goes to the maiden's tent and demands that she either roast or marry. If you were writing this story, you would have about a barrel of tears at this point, and your poor maiden would faint away and remain unconscious for about three weeks. See how I do it. Quicker than lightning she drawe two automatics from her pocket and points them at the naked breast of old K. H. and, in tones which cannot be mistaken for love tones, she says: •"You are standing on the verge of" the grave! You gt>' Turn your face to the west and walk right off! About three miles away Is a tree. Walk to that tree. I shall be close behind you all the way, and If you do not keep your arms above your head I will fire 18 bullets into the back of your neck. Teli your people not to attempt to rescue yen. Now, get along with you !'n "Isn't that natural, Mrs. Bowser?" "Very much so," she assented. "We now turn to the pawnbroker's assistant Not hearing from the girl by postal card, he gets anxious and fretful. He hi:es a flying machine and jroes West in search of her. He arrives in the Pawnee country just as she Is walking old K. H. across the plains. The machine comes to a stop beside her. He smiles and extends his hnnds. She jumps in beside him, and before old K. H. knows anything about it they are five miles away and speeding for Boston, where they don't lose ten minutes in getting married. It Is such stories as this, Mrs. Bowser, that will redound to the credit of our house. I go to write it I Do not come into the library on any excuse whatever. I will finish this story so I can mail it In the morning. You may go upstairs now." Mrs. Bowser went upstairs, laughing to herself all the way, and Mr. Bowser sought the library. He opened a fresh bottle of ink and got down about 200 sheets of paper. At midnight, not having heard from him, Mrs. Bowser softly descended the stairs, and softly opened the .library door, f Mr. Bowser sat In the chair asleep. He had simply written: By thunder! What ails my brain tonight!" r Mrs. Bowser gave him a shake and he followed her upstairs to bed. He was asleep in abrfut three minutes, but the old story gripped him and he called out: "Do your worst, you savage monster! Never will I marry a Kicking Horse! Never, never, never!" : i "Jacob's Well." " This well is near Nablus, Syria. It is claimed that It was hewn in the rock by" Jacob. A church built over the ity, but have also learned what is more important--how to tell the people about their products, through advertising. / "Suppose I have an idea for a new kind of electric lamp. I could afford to spend nearly any amount in perfecting it, because, within a {ew weeks after It is ready for the market I can, through advertising, get it on the shelves of thousands of merchants, and I can have millions of people asking for it by name," MEANT TO HOLD PRISONERS ress the little red school house soon lost its prestige and is now replaced by the more modern and efficient consolidated or district school. It was inevitable that the antiquated barn should follow down the road to oblivion. ' It has been one of the responsible factors in driving the boy from the farm to the city. For it meant untold hours of drudgery with little recompense. It Involved haphazard methods, insanitary conditions and poor stock. Better farm buildings have been the natural outgrowth of the present century of efficiency and sanitation. The old barn could not' survive. Better buildings meant' healthier, more contented stock and increased production. Increased production i£ the forerunner of greater profits and greater profits mean more comforts of life for the fanner and his family. That Is why barns such as that shown are being built on farms whether they are large or small. If large enough a barn Is built for the dairy herd alone. And It Is well worth the outlay. Rut if the farm Is not large enough or does not have a large enough herd to'require a special barn "Finds a Box of Gold.1* written, from this bouse will be written by me. Any checks coming in will be placed in my hands." "Well, if you can write a story, why don't you write one?" was asked. "Why don't I? I am going to write ne. in the next two hou.-s, and the eck for it will be at least $200. There will be strength and vitalit) all through it and it will all be true to human nature. You probably spent three months getting your plot, while my plot has jumped Into my brain in less than three minutes. Look at what you call the plot of your story! A girt gets a legacy. Instead of opening a department store or going into toe Ice business, die pays a visit to I well was destroyed during the period the poorhouse. There she meets an 1 of theXrusades. the carrier track over the feeding alleys and the litter alleys relieves tlie help of the heavy work of carting litter from the barn and feed to the animals. These cow stalls are of the latest type, set In concrete. There are Individual drinking cups In front o% each stall providing the cows with a constant supply of clean fresh water, one of the most important factors In good milk production. The stanchions are humane, yet firm and sanitary. At the far end of the barn are box stalls. This barn design represents one of tbe most efficient types of combination barns for tlie average farm. Additional ventilation is provided byt special ro^f ventilators and protection against fire by lightning Is assured by the lightning rods which line the roof. When we stop to think that of farm fires are caused by lightning It is very important that proper and adequate protection should be installed on all of the buildings. Needless to say If more barns of this type were found on the farms today there would be less agitation about keeping the boys there. In the final analysis drudgery and miserable con- ON 8u[>|»± KM ueiuaoiiod eseuma Chanoes on Hit Charges Getting.:../.,. v;. Away From Him.^ < , "The late Willard Straight" saftf a Cornell professor, "often used to tell a story which typified, he said, China and the Chinese. "Straight, in his official capacity In China, once had occasion to hand over to a.Chinese policeman nine Chinese delinquents. This happened in a small, inland village, and Straight that night walked round to the policeman's quarters to see how his prisoners were getting along. * "He foiund them holding hands in a ring--or so, at least it seemed--and dancing round and round a tall flagstaff, like children playing ringaround- a-rosy. Straight drew nearer, and saw that the men were not really holding hands, but were handcuffed wrist to wrist. "The policeman then came cut and stirred them up with a long pole, whereupon they danced a little faster. The policeman explained to Straight that there was no village jail, and so he had adopted this flagstaff method of detaining his prisoners. " 'But why,' said Straight, 'do yon keep them dancing all the time? " That,' said the policeman, 'is to prevent them from climbing up the flagstaff and escaping.' "Straight tried to explain that nine men, handcuffed together, could scarcely climb up a flagstaff simultaneously, but the policeman thought it was best to be on the safe side, and his nine prisoners danced their weary dance round the flagstaff all night long." lt4=CT --LFFFtftrAttirfbOXSOTALU j, iwmmf aanaBaacai DOX i IT ALU UTTtR ALLLY noon PLAM Buying and Selling Without Mon<y. The difficulties In conducting trades without money are Illustrated in the following, reported by the United States Trades commission at Riga: According to current news from Soviet Russia, the Council of the People's Commissariat has established arbitrary exchange values for certain commodities, with one pood (36 pounds) of rye grain taken as the basis. It Is stated that this move has been made necessary' by the relntroduction of freedom in private trade. From these arbitrary commodity exchange values, as established in June, It appears that one pound of rye grain is fixed as the equivalent of 12 poods of salt, 25 poods of petroleum, 12 packages of matches, 3 metal palls, 4 iron spades or 6 arshlns (l arshin equals 28-lnches) of calico. Fiancee Urged. Him IK View of\Well-Known Facta Girl , Wanted Lover to Drop the te»U. mental 8tuff. "Darling," he asked, as he drew his fiancee closer to him, "am I the only man you have ever loved?" "Wiilmiu," she replied, somewhat Ctly. "before we go any further, I #*>uld like to ask you a few questions, pfou are, no doubt, fully aware that father is a millionaire something e ten times over, aren't you?" Y-yes.M ""You understand, no doubt, that ten he dies all of hip vast fortune 1 be left to meT* "Y -yes." "You know that I have $125,000,000 cash In my name at the bank?" **Y-yea." And own $2^00,000 worth of prop- :y?" V'V-V". ;"Y-yey» •TbsJt Buy dlamoTidr are trisurod to of 9129,000 doll art?" "My hoi motorcars are worth $75,i "Y-yes." , , . "Then, for goodness' safe*, sense! What difference would It make to you if 1 had been kissed by a thousand men before I met you?"--Lee. dOQ Answers. * £ i combination barn is often built to boose cattle and horses. Such a building Is this. It is a beautiful structure and one that should Inspire any farmer. It does not require a vivid Imagination to see the sturdy sleek animals housed In this building. This Is called a combination horse and dairy barn, provision having been made for the housing of horses ^nd cows. It Is a long building, 124 feeC 'by 88 feet In width. The gambrel tfoof allows plenty of room above the stall* for a spacious, unobstructed bay mow. Note the two large hollow tile silos on the side. They are large enough to hold a good supply of silage for the winter feedditions have been largely responsible for this mennctng exodus each yeai which threatens to devitalize the most Important industry of the nation. Better^ buildings and modern equipment are barriers that will stem thetide. Alarlc's Pillage of Rome. On August 24, 410, Alaric, at the head of the Goths, entered Rome at midnight, allowing pillaging for six days, but giving orders to his sohiiers to be sparing of bloodshed, respect the honor of woijien and not to burn the buildings dedicated to religiop. A part of the city was destroyed with many ancient works of art. Lucky Philadelphia*. • , ~. • f As the luckiest man, honors go to Nicholas Murphy of Philadelphia. Murphy walked Into a moving train between Boothwyn and Ogden streets, on the Baltimore and Ohio railroad. The locomotive cylinder tapped him upon the shoulder and Murphy described a loop, alighting on his feet. Then he sank to the ground. When a foreman of a gang of laborers rushed to where he was, "Murphy sprang to his feet and ran away, thinking he would be arrested for trespassing up- 'on the railrpad. He had escaped Injury, and the worst damage done was to the temper of the conductor oV the flyer, which was delated ten uilautas, DATE FROM TIME OF TIMOUR Zlngarro Tribe of Gypsies Were Then Looked Upon as "Hoboee" and Fled to Italy. Gypsies originated in India, and the history of their forefathers can be traced back to the tlqtfe of Tlmour, a Mongol conqueror, who laid waste tbe district of southern Asia. At that time they were known as the Zlngarro tribe, and because of their noverty and lack of any lands, live stock or Jewels, they were generally held to^be the "hoboes" of the nation, and were scorned by other tribes. They fled in bands before the onward rush of Tlmour, and early In the Fifteenth century appeared in Italy, while a score of years later there were some 14,000 roaming the olive hills of that none too hospitable nation. In 1506 they appeared In England, and England was ready for them. Back in 1482 Spain had banished tbem, following a long series of thefts knowledge in the polrce-circles of don. ' Henry VIII followed the Spanish exumple and exiled them, and Queen Elizabeth also made strict laws governing what should be done when • band appeared. In time this law became forgotten and a few of the wanderers camc back. To this day they have resisted all efforts to civilize them completely, have Intermarried almost WnxiOui. £xccpti6n, and hiivc retained their wandering ways. While their language reflects the country in which the individual happens to be born and lives In, theht speech retains many of the ancient Indian words. It is estimated that there are nearly 700,000 gypsies now in Europe, and •cores of thousands iu Brazil and United States.--London Tit-Blta. Coal From Spitsbergen. - A few months ago the first Holland Contingent of engineers and coal miners embarked for Spitzbergen to work the extensive coal properties recently acquired by a group of wellknown Holland commercial men. The first cargo of Spitzbergen coal arrived at Rotterdam, August 11, direct from the mines of the Netherlands-Spltzbergen company. Notwithstanding the high freight rates, it has been shown that Spitzbergen coal can be laid down In Holland nt a price lower than that paid for English or German coal. Easy access to the coal beds and economical working of the mines make these cheaper delhterles to Holland possible. Enormous amounts of coal are available. : manlty was too close to barbarism for such a thing as a law of nature to be understood. When it was perceived that certain laws did exist they were set down to the will and desire of one or another divinity, and when taught to a selected few were hedged about with all sorts of obligations not to reveal the secrets of the gods to the 'profane*--a word which originally meant 'outside the temple.',Architecture, geometry, arithmetic, music, astronomy, the alphabet and the decimal system were onoe called 'mysteries,' and the process*of solemnly scaring the prospective student nearly if not quite to death as a warning to silence before letting hlin in on the secrets was the preliminary to all education, •nd each order has Its symbol, or pin.** PIGS AS FORM OF CURRENCY Centuries Ago the Animals Were Gen, •rally Accepted in England In Payment of Rent. Quaint though they seem, the rents, customs and services paid to the prince of Wales at Launceston were once common enough all over England, and it would be easy to show many parallels for Lancashire and Cheshire. In the Fourteenth century in Cheshire rent In kind was often paid ih sparrowhawks, barbed arrowheads, pepper, gloves and especially in pigs. Arrowheads would be useful, but a large rent roll of the other things might be inconvenient They were, therefore, sold, and the relative values are interesting. The sparrowhawks were worth about 25 cents, the gloves t^o cents a pair and the pepper about 20 cents a pound. Pigs, of course, vary In size and weight and must have given rise to controversies between bailiffs and tenants. Some approach to a standard size was doubtless obtained, and the pigs are usually described as "reasonable" or "customary" pigs. Even so, the price the bailiff obtained varied greatly, some selling for 35 cents each and some for 90 cents. Pigs were paid not only by poor tenants for their tiny holdings, but, also by families as rich, and powerful as the Grosvenors.--Manchester Guardian. Great Memorizes Wonderful powers of memorizing facts are possessed by a Yorkshire (England) laborer, who has mentally stored away 81,000 items of general and petty crimes, and this was common [ information. .. * Machine Measures Golf Drlil!^^ Golf enthusiasts bent upon developing An ability to make long drives can measure their progress by means of a machine which has been Invented to record accurately the length of drives.^ The machine consists of a steel pole on the top of which Is a dial to the mechanism of which Is attached a cord. The golf ball Is attached to the end of this cord. When the player strike** the baii the force of the drive is recorded on the dial and the length of the drive, had the ball not been held by the cord, can be determined.--Pittsburgh Dispatch. ; Find Fine .Kaolin Deposit* As a result of Investigations concerning tbe extent of the kaolin deposits In Puolanka, Finland, that have been made tl\is summer, it has been found that thei^are actually at least 10,000 tons of it there and an estimated probability of 'more than 500,. rtons. Kaolin has also been found four different places in Pihlajavaara. The deposits are four to Six meters deep, reports Consul Leslie A. Davis from Helsingfors, but in some cases the stratification is over ten meters deep. It has been noticed that the deeper deposits supply the better kaolin. According to German experts, the Finnish deposits of kaolin, whidk is the clay used in the making of fine chlnaware, are of excellent quality. The material is clearer and better than that found elsewhere in Europe, and the china made from It Is entlre- ^ vhlte. • Manifold Uaea of Silk. T- -v Slik Is one of the most used materials In modern merchandise, as a member of a big city firm has discovered. He finds it in from 30 to 35 different departments In his own establishment. It is in departments of women's and children's gowns, In men's, women's and children's underwear, in the hosiery departments, men's and women's neckwear, handkerchiefs, In the umbrella department* In upholstery, In fancy goods, and even among the notions, where spool silk is sold. Classified in this way, silk comes to rank more as a generally useful article than the luxury It !• supposed to be. Patrol Wagon Oe Luxe. . A Bolivian city is having bultf 'Tn the United States a police patrol automobile with three compartments, one aft office for the chief of police, one for the driver and the third for prison* erg. I* Expert Opinion. '*»JC woman never takes any stock In this lifelong devotion business." "What say?" "After a man has been devoted for twenty yeax* he's merely as probation," Competition. 0 A young man from sunny Italy was testifying in the Cross county (Arkansas) circuit court in a case in which he was plaintiff, and, true to his race, was very -excited and talking as fast as his knowledge of the English language would permit. Looking down at the stenographer, he noticed for the first time that his testimony was being reduced to wrlt- Ing (the reporter was trying his best to keep up), and thereupon began to talk faster than ever, until finally he burst forth at the reporter: "Dou'i writ-a so fas* i I cas'ta ksap with you." The WOrat Vet. "There! There! What has Ferdinand been doing now?" "Oh! mother, I'll never forgive him. Last night he °put a. moase in his change pocket and I nearly died of fright when I touched it, and-|M|Mvar woke .up to comfort me." 1 Affection Vanished. •Tour boy Josh Is fond of music." "He used to be," said Farmer Corn* tossel. "But since he joined the village jazz band he seems to bare kprt all respect for it1 1 • \r "Yon say firearms have been barred from Crimson Gulch," \ - / s • "Yes," replied Caetn* " 5,*^ make us nervous." \ • ^*' * - * "The boys didn't use ' to be' afraid •; VJ £? ^4* of a few bullets." '•«, %? "They're not afraid of bullets; but /"* X , every time a gun was fired everybody C V went Into a panic, thlnkln' mebbe one of his tires had exploded.' 'Quite Likely. . stenographers In the American building were watch- ' - Ing the crowd of men In the street gazing at the baseball score board. - Sa!d one: I wish they would send >T„ 'h more heat up here, for I feel chilly. - 7 ii "No wonder," the other quickly piled. "The low temperature Is due C , * ,' to the many 'fans' arou^fl,"--Pa|*l- ^ s V more American. _ Its Brutal Sidef "Do you regard prize fighting as ^ brutal?" • ^ "I certainly do," said Mr. Gadspur.;; ^ ? ;^s 4'On what grounds?" SiB; - "Personal grounds. The last time I \ -,*Y v '<*' attended a big fight I was shoved this way and that, elbowed, stepped on p* and bruised from head to foot." J >- '*44.+. - % i •" A Candid View. ; **#r have been return^ ^ ^ distinguished position many' times." "I have," replied Senator Sorghum. "Your constituents felt they couldnt do netter." _ { '***< "I won't say that. They were afraid ^ '1 1 * they might do worse." i,*T > Jc : Recognizing the inevitable.-1.. "You seem to have your own way * <* about various Important matters." "Irtry to cultivate that Impress!on," r c:*;7,' A" yxl r e j o i n e d S e n a t o r S o r g h u m . " W h e n I 1 % , * Y see which way things are hound to go, ^ I regard it as prudent to assume that -! It's exactly the way ,of which J am in favor." Temperamental Consideration. "Would you marry a man for money?" "No," replied Miss Cayenne. *Td prefer a husband in boderate dream* stances to one who is In a pefpetual flurry about his Income tax." . - „* £ 'x 'ifftl HIS STATUES "What are De Brake's relations •ivlth hie wife's people?" 7 "Entirely imaginary. They dont recognize him as a relation kt all." In the Conservatory. "You are ao awkward!" laughed Nan, '"You'd never learn to flirt a fan.'? "I daresay you are right," said "But watch me: 1 -can fan a flirt.T'-H sgvJb*,- - • 5 '•mm- Tfi*i A Difficult Question, "Does It annoy yon when my dangb-1 ter practices her vocal lessons^" "Do you want me to be tell the truth?" In Chicago. yt ,"i* fit Flubdub a marrying manl** 'v' - "No, he's only made a couple of ventures In that direction. Been married twice, I believe."--Louisville Courier-; Journal. ' l>» V7:v;' V 'The Better Wayt'r-V^..">.. - "Now that I have graduated I feat that I can fight the world." "You've got the wrong idea, young man. Don't fight It. Stand In with It* Once Removed. "I thought I told you thut I wouldn't rent this apartment to you If yon had any children?" "These are my grandchil At the Sign of the Flivver. North--Something ought to be dooa' to prevent pedestrians cutting corners, West--Uh-hub. When did you buy M.' a car?--Judge, f ,3 :f<•" f Fish Day. Miss Super--What, accept yon? Tim very Idea! You poor fish I Mr. Sappe--I kinda thought ftp might today. Today's Friday. Following Instructiona. The Boss--Funny, they're all gooSL Did you post that notice to die eaployees, "You have work to do bti% so be at it"? The Typist--Yes, sir; but I must have left out tbe apace between "V aa4 7«L" : * Fair Warning. Doctor--Take a long wat will give you a fine appetite. Patient--Better try again, tf I get a fine appetite, heaven knows when HI be able to pay your bllL doctor. Wanted to Know. First Actor I say, Jim, our tnannysp la looking for some one to play tha fool. .*• Second Actor--Oh, ha Is, is hef Wlat's his' idea--to sack you or to keep two of 'em?--Boston Transcript. Her First Thought. He--This paper says that Newtoa'a theory of gravitation has been proved false. She--Oh, dear! I wonder if poor Sir Isaac will have his title take* fw*y frqpi him.--Boston Transcrlpc