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**r •Wtf ; _ _ ,,„r n4*i* ^ - im ••>;? nA *?r ' • * -' H-, • •• •» 3JVii . ,»w Vi::* cv-: ornery skin Kf kyar hint old igin. When did ye strike the WB»»g»lat THAPI'KR'S OPIMOX OF AFFAIRS IN TMK "STATES." *4Wb«t? no! it cantbe possible! Wal, darn my 8am Allison back tram the S^ktes Yer lookin jtat An' taU8of nat'ral cussedness M when ye went ,-;,W-lp IkWV. Yes, it's 8*1 n, as eure as shooto'. " Put 'er thar," ve durncd old coon. ^ I beva*t felt so good fur years. Why, xoftn, I'd jist Hev teou^tvVseein'mydadoutbya*; I would, I swartoJoe-- An' ho tnk side an' " crossed the range" more'n forty years ago. se« . It w*r In "II when you left us up the crock: Or war it 72 ? My mcm'ry isnt nigh so quick As 'twar a dozen years ago. I'm gittin old, ye Me; Ain't hsrtl the man I ivar the day we struck the Lar­ amie. Wal what A c bin a doin ? an whar all hev ye bin ? An' what n the name o' goodness ever brought ye back bgin? Blwk Hilte, eh? ©oin' to try yer hand at diggin' arter gold ? I Durned ef I wouldn't f old. foller ye ef I N^U T BO tarnal But I'll liang OB to the. traps, I guess, fur I hevnt long t(T stay Out o' the ground; au' all I need's my grub from dsv to day* Wont hanker arter riches, fwr I blieye it'd be wrong; I'l jirt jog on an' thank the Lord fur leavin'me hvar so lrtng. An' how arc matters in tbe States ? IhearBome tongh old tales .• •• About the goin 'b on back thw; 111 >w » toocked A boom in' off'n my eyes to hear the fblka a com- •is' in An' tellm' of frauds .a' wickedness thet *ud double discount sin. . , How they taaayfactur whisky unbeknown to Uncle Bam, • ' ^ . An' bank cashiers keep skipptn out. Why, pardy, 111 be dam , W . Ef tisn't hard ter swaller all the stories thet we hear. . They even say tne preachers thar are actin mighty queer. . - Especially some high toned ducks, who preach an sing an' shout. Then play right inter Satan's hand as soon as meet- in'* mit, Some on 'em's Christians, thet I know; but then, I am inclined Ter thar's lots o' preachin' now-a-day* thet s all a blind .. . Ter hide the outside skirmishin'; fur I'm a tarnal liar • Ef I dont think with all thet smoke thar's bound ter be some Are. , They tell me. too, thar's murder goin' on Inongm high an' low, An' they alters find the murderers insane an' let 'em go. Penitentiaries don't ketch 'em, an' hangin's most played out. Why, dog my buttons, Sam! it's "null to make the devil shout! Ef things keep on a gittin' worse. at this alarmin' rate, „ They'll stick a notice sayin'" closed " up over Heav­ en's gate; Fnr it'll never pay expenses to run the place, thet's clear. They wouldn't ketch an average of one good saint a year. It me sick. I'm tryin' to think thet it isnt true. Wal, by the jampin' Judas! what are we com- in! to? I tell ye, Sam, I'm glad thet I aint in thet ooutttry now; I'll take these mountains ev'ry time in mine, I will, I vow. Thar's no use tryin' to dodge it, pard; some day tharll come a crash, An' the whole infernal countryH go right plum ter smash. For the, Bora thet rules us all, up thar in Heaven's phiny land, Aint goin' ter stiuid no sich a gome thoutcallin' fur a hand. An' 111 bet my whole last season's "jketch " thet e He^ets iU'the game. Hell fill thet brimstone country up as long as thar's a flame. . Wall, I must be a toddlin' back; I've got my pelts all sold. Aint done so good this year as last, it's been so orful cold Thet I couldnt git ter all my traps ter tend 'em as I'd ought: But then, I wont complain, but thank the Lord fur what I've got. / "Pnt 'er thar " agin, oiu chum, an' I hope ye'll hev good luck / Bat ef she dont pan opt jist right an'ye happen to git stuck. Jist oometo old Jack's cabin, an' yell find a place ter stop cog as ye live. Bye, bye, old pard. No, thankee, not a drop." STEPHEK A. DOUGLAS. Circumstances of Bis Advent Into Illinois --A Scrap of History with which the Pub­ lic Is Not Acquainted. A letter from Meredosia, 111., to tlie Quincy Whig says: Excepting Abra- hata Lincoln, there is not one of that remarkable cluster of public men who nourished about his time in this State and in the nation at large, regarding whom a historical reminiscence could be of more interest than one about Stephen A. Douglas. It is true that his life, after he became a public man, is pretty well known; but that portion of it lying between his arrival in Illinois and his getting a business foothold, so to speak, and down to the point of his first polit­ ical adventures, lias something in it not generally known. Shall I recount a lit­ tle of it to you? Nowhere is th:s period so well known its here, for her s and within 200 yards of where I am now sitting, Douglas first . set foot on Illinois soil. It was in 1833 --aay early in the autumn of that year-- as to the exact date I am not now partic­ ular to inquire. A boat had just arrived from St. Louis, and Mr. Daniel Waldo, then a merchant, now the Postmaster here, had gone to the landing to receive some goods. While thus engaged, a green-looking young man stepped up to him and inquired whether he knew of any place where a teacher was wanted. Mr. Waldo replied that if any place in this glorious domain of the screaming eagle needed a school, it was emphati­ cally Meredosia, and that, if the young man would go up to the store and wait a few minutes, the subject should be properly canvassed aa soon as the goods were disposed of. Stephen A. wan a young'Douglas of good address, and in a few moments made the acquaintance of a clerk in the =store by the name of E. D. Plasteridge, Who had been a student, at Castleton, Vt., and, as Douglas was raised within a short distance from that place, they im­ mediately found interest in each other, and were in busy conversation when Mr. Wa.do returned. But the youths of Meredosia were not hungering and thirsting after knowledge, and, in fact, theur parenta were more absorbed ixi problems of prairie laud, corn and pork than 111 "readm', 'ritin: atd 'rithmetic." Aa a voanH bn x. . . - ^ gei a scnooi. ouch as he wanted. There was then of coqrae, no place for popular education in the State, and if a subscription failed of obtaining enough signatures to war­ rant a teacher in devoting his time to the public hteuieJ, the children were let to run to grasp. This is why so many of them went to seed. Between thg time spent in determin­ ing whether school could be secured And that used up in awaiting develop- • ments in some other direction, about three weeks were consumed here. Dur- thing this time young Douglas employed himself in attending a small grocery for Willis Jones, his board being the only •compensation received. He slept with Planter: dge in Waldo's store. He had nothing in the way of baggage or goods but a little bundle tied up in a yellow ootton handkerchief, and is believed to been money. Abont the end of5 the third week, James Ethel, Esq., of Bethel, happened in Meredosia, and Douglas inquired of him in regard to chances for getting« school. Ethel replied that they wanted one in Bethel, and the young strange* went with him to that place the same day. He began teacning there, and continued about three weeks ; but he was not suited, and abandoned it After getting the school he husked corn for Ethel a lew days, some say as a com­ pensation for the use of a team to carry him to Winchester, where he deter­ mined to try the experiment of f caching again ; others say this work was done to pay his board bill, and it is probable the latter conclusion is the correct one, and that he walked to Winchester, as would appear from the following aneo- dote: r-- On the way to Winchester he came to a farmer's residence--a residence was a shanty then--where a large crowd was gathered for some purpose, he could not discover what, but he made free to in­ quire and learned that they had a public sal© of farm property, that everything was re^dy to proceed ; the auctioneer, was there charged to the totizzle with all the stale jokes of his profession, that the requisite amount of wliisky had been provided for the proper condition of the business, frit that they were "clean done" for lack of somebody "to keep the reckoning," as they called it. That is, there was nobody there who could write, and so they had no clerk. Mr. Douglas indicated that keeping the reckoning wan his strong point, and he was accordingly pressed into the service. The day'8 work being satisfactorily con­ cluded, he received $2 lor his services, and this was the first money he ever earned in Illinois. He went to Winchester, secured a school and taught for about a year, awaiting the time when he could be ad­ mitted to the bar. During this time he was comparatively unknown at Mere­ dosia. The great Tan Buren campaign came now, and the Democracy of Morgan County, then including the present Scott, Cass and Morgan Counties, undertook a thorough organization, and, at their con­ vention in Jacksonville, nominated a full ticket for county officers, State Repre­ sentatives and Senators. Among the nominees were such names as the Hon. Newton Cloud, Richard Walker, Col. William Waterford and Daniel Waldo. The business partners of the latter gen­ tleman were dissatisfied with his going into politics, and he accordingly signi­ fied his intention of declining the nomi­ nation. There then sprung up a number of aspirants tor the vacancy--the nomi­ nation was for Representative--and old Gen. McConnell, W. W. Happy and young Douglas all called on Mr. Waldo, soliciting his resignation in their favor. He was favorably inclined toward Doug­ las, but proposed holding an election on the three names in his district, the one getting ihe largest number of votes to be nominee. About two-thirds of the votes were cast for Douglas, and thus he was pretty fairly started toward the Legislature. Time passed on and the campaign be­ gan to warm up. A political meeting was announced to be held at " Greasy School House," as it was called, a few miles south of Jacksonville, but the' speaker sent word that it was impossible for him to come. The Hon. John Wyatt, well-known in the history of Morgan County, came up to Jackson­ ville expecting to secure Josiah Lamboro to fill the place, but he was out of town, and Douglas was induced to go out and speak rather than disappoint the au­ dience. There is no remembrance of that occasion which would indicate that he showed anything like remarkable powers. At any rate, it was his first po­ litical speech in the State-. Some time thereafter, and during the session of the court at - Jacksonville, the Whigs made a formal opening of the campaign on their part by a speech in the court-room from the brilliant E. D. Baker, then of Carrollton. The Demo­ crats heard the arguments of Baker with dismay, for they had nobody in all the region at* all competent to meet him. The next morning they held a meeting to decide what to do. They discussed the abilities of all their speakers, and finally adjourned till evening without any decision. In the evening a«ain, when name after name had been men­ tioned and rejected, some one proposed Douglas. A committee waited on him as a last resort, and heard hes answer : "If there is no *ne else to do it, I will speak and give him the best I have." The next day, at the adjournment of the court, Mr. Waldo announced that Mr. Douglas would reply that evening, in the court room, to the speech of Mr. Baker. There were several prominent Whigs present, among them Gen, Har­ din, and these and most of the lawyers seemed much amused at the idea of this young fellow's attempting to speak in re­ ply to E. D. Ba^er. However, the court room was crowded in the evening, the speaker was introduced by Mr. Waldo, aud of all the audiences Doug­ las addiessed, he probably never ad­ dressed one tuat was so thoroughly sur­ prised. His speech was triumphantly and enthusiastically received, and from this point his public career began and is generally known. WHEBE TWO NUN DAYS COME TO- UE1HEK. " Well, I never did " " I know you never did, my dear, but you may, one of these days, when our ship comes in and we start on that round of ours. We can't very wel1 start until frhqi metaphorical vessel does arrive; can't go out until she comes in. You see, the sinews of war are also the muscles of peace, and it needs a well-developed financial biceps to enable one to strike out effectively on such a round." " What ou earth are you talking of," said Mrs. Penn, " with such a jnuible of finance and pugilism and maritime affairs? It strike me thatyoavmeta­ phors are slightly mixed." " Well, you said you Bevel " " Yes, I'was going to say that I never heard of where two Sundays came to­ gether." " Exactly. And that is what i was talking of. I was about to explain it to you." - - "* M Do you mean to flBY that there is such a place!" "I do." "And time?" " And time.' " Then I should like to know what becomes of the Seventh Day of the; strict Sabbatarians?" " That is a theological question, my dear. We'll not meddle with it." " But how do they make two Sundays come together?" "Just in that way precisely. They make 'em come together. For instance, on board a naval vessel, say, when the officer in charge of that duty finds by an •observation' that the sun ir, precisely over the line of the ship's meridian (i. e., the point or degree of longitude east or west of Washington or Green wich where she then is), he knows that it is noon of that day (to a landsman; to him it is the beginning of the next day), and he reports accordingly to the proper officer : *Eight bells, sir,' and. receives reply: 'Make it so,* sir,'usually with the agreeable addition, 'and pipe to dinner.' So it is that thte ship's officer, upon occasion, makes two Sundays come together, or, for the matter of that, knocks Sunday out of the\week altogether, according to circumstances." "Knocks it out altogether? Only one Sunday in two weeks ?" " Precisely; He can jump from Sat­ urday to Monday if he will" "Worse and#worse! Well, explain, please*. Let me understand the ' circum­ stances ' under which, these nautical gen­ tlemen so coolly double Sunday or drop it. " Here goes, then : We were talking of that little proposed round of ours." "O, yes! What round?" " Why, round the world. Haven't we been speculating and castle-building on taking one of those through-tickets for the yet-to-be-fashionable tour, with lay­ over coupons for Chicago and San Fran­ cisco and Yokohama and Hong Kong and Calcutta and Bombay and Suez and Brindisi and Paris and London ? Well, it depends on which way we take that ticket, eastward or westward, whether we'lose a day--Sunday it may be as well as any other--or make one on our trip. It is usually on the Pacific Ocean that this gain or loss is made, because, Wash­ ington or Greenwich being the ' given or governing meridian ' from which Ameri­ can or English vessels calculate their longitude, it is only on that ocean that they find the one hundred and eightieth degree, or half-rocnd-the world point, ac which they effect the change." " Yes, I see that by the globe. Here is the one hundred and eightieth degree west or east of Greenwich, right in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Go on with your yarn." " Thanks to common schools and the electric telegraph most landsmen now understand that a difference in longitude makes a difference in the time of day ; that a message going westward arrives at its destination before its apparent hour of starting ; or, as Pat would say, ' it'd rache St. Louis before ye sint it from New York.' Orreries have taught our youngsters that, as the earth turns toward the sun, at the point which is full-faced to that luminary it is high noon, while at one quarter of the earth's circumference toward the vest it is just sunrise. This difference of time is, at the equator, just four minutes for each degree of longitude--eqal to six hours (360 min­ utes) for the ninety degrees, or quarter circumference, above noted. TTiius at St.'Louis, fifteen degrees west of New York, it is sixty minutes earlier than with us, or eleven o'clock when it is twelve heres and a ship circumnavigat­ ing the globe going westwardly thus gams on apparent time (laps over on to the next day) four minutes for each of the 360 degrees of "westing, or twenty- four hours for the entire circuit of the earth. In other words, going west, and keeping her record of days from the day of the week on which she starts, on ar­ riving back at her port on what to her is Monday she finds that it is Tuesday on shore, and she must jump from Monday to Wednesday to set herself right. Mak­ ing the circuit eastwardly, the case is reversed, and arriving from the west it is Tuesday on her log, while to-morrow is Tuesday to her boarding-officer. The ship then doubles Tuesday and squares her record. " But inept seamen correct this seem­ ing error on passing the half-way point; i. e., cm reaching the 180th degree east or west of their governing Eierifchan a day is dropped or repeated, and the ship arrives without being in next week or last week, when she should be in this, landsmen's ignorance of these facts has caused some amusing scenes on steamers on the Pacific. Some twenty years ago the New Orleans, the first passenger steamer that ever crossed the Pacific Ocean, was on her way from San Fran­ cisco to Sydney with a load of gold hunt­ ers, including some Pike County men, whose nautical education was limited. The purser had posted his usual daily bulletin of latitude, longitude and dis­ tance run since the previous noon--al­ ways an interesting episode in the history of a day on a long voyage--dated, we'll say, Monday, the 10th. The next day it stood Wednesday, the 12th, the 180th degree having been passed meanwhile, and the intervening day duly dropped. The apparent blunder caught the eye of the eager readers at once. " 'Hallo, purser, what's this?Youve made a mistake; you've dated this Wednesday.' "4 Yes, sir ; that's all right.' . "'All right? Why, yesterday was Monday; here's your own bulletin up yet.' " 'Yes, sir. That's right, too. " ' Right, too? Where in thunder is Tuesday?' " * Knocked out?' " ' Oh, come, now,' said Pike, on the lookout for sailors' tricks on green hands, 4 that won't do. None of that with us. Who ever heard of knocking a day out of the week?' , " Bets were finally made, to be settled at Sydney; and when the pilot boarded them the papers showed the purser to be right, and that it was the 16th, say, in Australia, w ile Pike was a day behind in his almanac. On the return trip from Sydney to Panama, on reaching the 180th degree, bulletins were posted 'Sunday, the 5 th,' and the next day the same. Here was another fuss; the John Bulls on board were especially disgustei. " ' All 'umbug! Two Sundays! The Captain's a very clever man, no doubt, but tbat won't do, you know. No Yan­ kee tricks on us!' " The Captain insisted, with the inti­ mation that that was the time when his notes fell due, and he was ready to meet them. So, you see, honest Jack has a real time in his mind, and means what he says when he promises to pay his debts if presented 'where two Sundays come together.' " "Well," said Mir. P., " the middle of the Pacific Ocean is a good place to go into liquidation."--Harper's Weekly? Bobbed and mistaken for a Ctbost. The Mechanicsburg (Cumberland County, Pa.) Journal tells a story that seems almost incredible, though it is vouched for as strictly true. Samuel Erb, of East Pennsboro Township, had been to church one night, and as he ap­ proached his house was startled by a commotion in his chicken coop. On in­ vestigating the cause he discovered three men wringing the necks of his poultry. When the thieves Baw him they fled with their plunder, seeking shelter among some bushes^ Mr. Erb, with his dog, pursued them, but a couple of shots from the thieves caused the dog to retreat. A pietol was then presented to his breast by the robbers, who robbed him of his money and his watch, and then compelled him to take off his clothes, stripping him to his shirt and drawers. They then gagged him and tied his hands behind his back, and he was allowed to go home, the thieves taking their departure also. A corre­ spondent of the Journal tells the rest of the story as follows : "The feelingA of Mr. Erb can be easier imagined than de­ scribed, as he walked home through the keen air. But his troubles were not yet over, for at his gate he was met by his dog, which had deserted him. Failing to recognize his master, he kept barking and snapping through the pales at his legs. Mrs. Erb being aroused by the noise, looked out of the window, and seeing his white figure dancing in the moonlight, thought it was a ghost, called her father, who was staying with her at the time, who came armed with the shot­ gun, and opening the door he called off the dog. He thea desired to know the mission of one in so strange an attire. Never was man more willing to speak or more unable than Mr. Samuel Erb. So the only reply was a few nods of the head, accompanied by as many jumps with his feet. Mr. Boozer then brought his weapon to his shoulder, and taking aim at the supposed ghost demanded it to speak immediately or leave the prem­ ises. With this he coupled the promise that a failure to comply would cause him to fire. Mr. Erb was now in a great dilemma. Speak he could not. If he staid he would be shot, and if he went away he would freeze. In fact, he was nearly frozen already. He turned to go, and as he did so, his wife saw his arms were tied on his back. Telling her father this, that gentleman called to him to come back, but kept the gun pointed, saying as long as there was no evidence of hostility there need be no fear. Mr. Erb tremblingly obeyed, and on draw ing near was recognized, taken in and cared for." Ruth flail. The Boston correspondent of the Cleveland Plaindealer writes: "Mr. James Parton's bride is the * Nelly' of Fanny Fern's novel, 'Ruth Hall,' the greatest literary bombshell that ever ex­ ploded in Boston. The book was pub­ lished in 1856, just before its author's marriage to Mr. Parton, and as it con­ tained caricatures of nearly all editors of the weekly papers fh the city, a pain­ fully unflattering portrait of Nathaniel P. WilliG, Lady Blcssington's 4 Yankee Poodle,' and such a likeness of her father- in-law and his wife as a spirited woman would be likely to paint, the outcry against it was loud. Everybody pro­ tested that his feelings were not hurt, and defended everybody else from the ' mali­ cious attacks' made by Mistress Fanny. Columns of leading articles were written, to show that the portraits were libels, and the book was sold by thousands. Looking over it to-day, when the sting has quite departed from it, it seems rather bright but inartistic, and Occa­ sionally spiteful; and it is well known tliat the writer underestimated the kind­ ness of her own and Mr. Eldridge's father. They decided after the death of her husband, who was not all the angel that her fancy painted him, to make her an annual allowance of $600, which in those days was enough to modestly sup­ port her and her two children. She was unsatisfied, and betook herself to litera­ ture to increase her resources, but it is not on record that she ever refused to draw hetr quarterly $150. Beans in a Barrel. The Lowell (Mass.) Courier says: "One day last week a party in a whole­ sale country produce store in this city proposed a guessing match in regard to the number of pea-beans in a barrel of that vegetable. There were several gro­ cers in the fetore and their estimates varied from 40,000 to 4,000,000, all giv­ ing wild guesses. It was ascertained that there are about 566,000 pea-beans in a full barrel; this result being ob­ tained by counting the number of beans in a pound weight, and multiplying that by the number of pounds in the barrel. This of course would give only an ap­ proximate number, as the figures for each pound will very probablv vary slightly, and the stated number of pounds in a barrel may also vary. A gentleman of an advanced mathematical education who happened in the store was asked to guess the number of beans. He reached a result by Measuring one bean, and then figuring how many of the beans could be put in the barrel. He placed the number in the barrel at 2,000 less than the result obtained by the easier method of calculation, and his figures may be even more correct than those bv the loose method." HORACE AKD HENRY. Saved from the State Prison. Speaking of bank officers who allow forgers to escape after they have been detected, a leading Boston merchant and bank president says that many years ago he discovered that a note he held was forged. The forger was well known and respectable. He went to him, and the man begged for mercy, averring that there was only one other forged paper of his in existence--a note for $300. The holder not only "hushed up" his own case, but actually loaned him the $300 to take up the other note. The result was that the man was saved. Some years later he attempted to run for an important electoral position, but the dis­ coverer of the forgeries sent him word that he mustn't--and he didn't.--iSJprwifl'- field Republican. Am Interesting Etory of a Philosopher and • Senator. The editor of the Johnstown (N. Y.) Daily Tribune, who writes whereof he knows, tells the following stnry of two distinguished characters. The writer was an attache- of the Tribune, establish­ ment at the time the incident occurred as related, and tells the story from personal knowledge : Vice-President Wilson and Horace Greeley were alike in many re­ spects, and in no one respect more than their dress. Especially when the for­ mer was overworked was he about as "slouchy" as the "old philosopher" dare be. This incident of the two men has never been in print, we believe, but it is good enough to be put there. In the old Tribune office Horace Greeley occu­ pied a little eight-by-ten office off the main editorial room, with a small desk at which he sat with his nose down on the lid for hours at a time and ground out editorials by the column. That he might not be disturbed by ward politi­ cians and other nuisances,he had stationed on a stool just'outside the door an attend­ ant whose duty it was to hear the appli­ cations of all persons who claimed ad­ mission. In the summer of 1867 there was stationed there a double-breasted, strong-fisted, ignorant Jerseyman by the name of Ben. One afternoon Horace was sitting down with his nose to the desk, as usual, and Ben was stationed on tl^e stool outside the door, in his accustomed place; the editors were at work in the targe room at their desks, and a large, broad-shouldered man made his appear­ ance, looking as if he had just come into the city and had not taken time to wash, or, as Ben thought, had just come out of one of the saloons on Chatham street. He staved up to Greeley's door, passed Ben as if he had a right to goin, but the door was locked, and Ben, being aroused by this time, asked what he wanted. The visitor stated he would like to see Mr. Greeley. " You can't see him!" bawled out Bon. " But my business is important," said the visitor. "That's what you all say, but 50U can't see him." Finally tne visitor induced Ben to g» into Mr. Greeley's cubbyhole and inform him. Ben, opening the door, went up to Mr. Greeley, and in a stentorian voice, while Greeley kept running his pen diagonally across the page, bawled out: " Mr. Greeley, there's an old bummer wants to see you." Greeley, without taking his nose off the paper, in his usual squeak­ ing voioe, cried out: " Keep him out-- keep him out 1" Ben quickly turned to go where the visitor was, and in a bass voice bellowed, "You can't come in!" The visitor insisted, and plead and stated that Ben did not know who he was. Ben said he did, but finally consented to try another time. He again approached the philosopher with the expression, " Mr. Greeley, this old bummer says he must see you !" Again came from the top of the desk the same sentence, re­ peated thousands of times before in the same way, " Keep him out! keep him out!" Ben again went back and in­ formed the visitor there was no other alternative; he could not see Mr. Gree­ ley. The editors were by this time at­ tracted by the conversation, and Amos J. Cummings, who was night editor, being at a desk near by, stepped up to the visitor and politely said : " Senator Wilson, how do you do ? Do you wish to see Mr. Greeley ?" The Senator in­ formed him that he did, and Mr. Cum­ mings opened the door, asked the Sena­ tor to step in, and the two going up to Mr. Greeley, who was yet undisturbed, Mr. Cummings spoke to Mr. Greeley, and stated that Senator Wilson wished to speak to him. " Oh," drawled out the philosopher, "is that you, Henry? Why, Ben told me that it was an old bummer wished to see me!" X: TWO IOVER8. BY OXOBOK ELIOT. m Proposed Redaction of the Army. Mr. Banning, of Ohio, has introduced in Congress a bill to promote the effi­ ciency of the army, to provide for its gradual reduction, and the consolidation of certain of its staff departments. It reduces the number of cavalry regiments to eight, and of infantry regiments to twenty-three, and provides that there shall not be any new enlistments till the number of enlisted men shall be reduced to 20,000 ; that regimental organizations of artillery shall be abolished, and that the artillery shall be hereafter known as the corps of artillery, and uhall consist of five batteries of light artillery and sixty batteries of heavy artillery. It merges the Quartermaster's and Sub­ sistence Departments into one organiza­ tion, to be known as the Department of Supplies. The Medical Department is to consist of one Surgeon-General, with the rank of Brigadier-General; one As­ sistant Surgeon-General, with the rank of Colonel; two Medical Purveyors, with the rank of Lieutenant-Colonel; five Surgeons, with the rank of Lieuten­ ant-Colonel ; forty Surgeons, with the rank of Major, and 125 Assistant Sur­ geons, with the rank of First Lieuten­ ant, mounted, for the first five years, and with the rank of Captain, mounted, after five years' service. The number of Contract Surgeons to be limited to fifty. The office of Medical Storekeeper is abolished. The Paymaster-General is to have the rank of Brigadier-General, and there are to be no new appointments to the grade of Major in the Pay De­ partment until the number of Majors shall have been reduced below twenty, at which number they are to remain fixed. It repeals the law that allows women to accompany troops as laun- •dresses. & . National Republican Convention. The Chicago Tribune says : "Not a little stir lias been created among the members of the Republican National Committee by the discovery that enter­ prising speculators have got a " corner" on the Cincinnati hotel accommodations, and will extort heavy profits from dele­ gates and visitors. In view of this fact the committeemen are earnestly consid­ ering the propriety of reconsidering the vote by which Cincinnati was chosen as the place for holding the convention, and of designating Chicago instead. It is believed that a majority of the com­ mittee is already favorably inclined to this step, and that it is within the prov­ ince of the oommittee to rescind its pre­ vious action., AT Wrexham, England, where Bishop Heber wrote the hymn, "From Green­ land's Icy Mountains/' the printer is still living, it is said, who first put the hymn in type, on the Saturday of its composition, for use the following day. Two lovers by a moes-grown aprng; • *Vh<*y leaned soft cheeks togfetli* r tbsn Mingled the dark and sunny hail. And heard the wooing thrushes 8ingf ^ O budding time! Z? O love's beat pmntli < rwo wedded from the portal stept; ^ This bells made happy carolUngsi#^ The air was soft as fanning wingte v i f Whits petals on the pathway slept, e. O pure eyed bride O tender pride ! ' - Two faces o'er a cradle bent: Two hands above the head were locked • Those pressed each other while Those watched a life that love had sank. , O solemu hour J O hidden power! - • „ Two parents by the evening flre ; The red lights fell about their knees « " On heads that rose by slow degreSt Mfrfrbmiw uie iiiy-Bpire, » ; O patient liWJ . ' O tender strife J The two still sat together there; The red lightR whone about their knees. But all the heads by Blow degrees Had gone aud left that lonely pair. ' o voyage fast f » 1 • O banished past! The ted lights phone upon the floor, And made the space between them wide They drew their chairs up aide by side Their pale cheeks joined, and said, " Once mo G memories! T""" O past tbat Is! ~. s Pith and Point. JL IIITTUC editor is a "we" thing. SOMETIMES gets out of temper-Steel. A WEMJ BRED woman never hears an i impertinent remark. WHEN you bury animosity never mind putting up a tombstone. WHBN a widow with children marries she becomes a pa-taker at the wedding feast. "WHAT is the origin of the word "news?"--the initial letters of thefoui points of the compass. A YOUNG shaver had had several teeth extracted with the assurance that they1 would come again. With an eye to the immediate future little Johnnie inquired, " Will they come Again before we have dinner?" WHBN a young man calls on a girl foi the first time, and when the conversation lags, and the subject of the weather ha£ been torn all to pieces, then it is that the photograph albums step in and fill" up the gap that nothing else in the world could bridge. AT a young ladies' seminary recently] during an examination in history, one ol the not most promising pupils was inter' rogated : " Mary, did Martin Luther dii a natural death?" "No," was there! ply; "he was excommunicated by c' bulL" SENATOR CHRISTIANCY'S bride has le; millions slip through her fingers, anq has long been a young lady of note.- Cincinnati Commercial. Aye, and o title likewise; for the Senator's brid was for many years a countess in th* Treasury Department.--Detroit tri bune. MB. PUNCH, being asked his opinio! of the present ladies' dress, replied: "] highly approve the present fashion, con:1 prehending as it does the highest grace of the two most distinguished models o female beauty--having in front the Venn de Medici, behind tne Venus de He tentot!" THE second night after her first h band died she sat by the open cham window five hours, waiting for the cat; to begin fighting in the back yard. Sai she: "This thing of going to sleep witl, out a quarrel of some kind is so new tl I can't stand it! Let me alone till thi begin, th6n I can doze off gently I' PARTY with cold in his head to pari opposite (referring to open window if railroad car), " Say, wid you shud u| that wi'dow?" Middle-ageid ffemale weeds, who has been talking the lai half-hour, turning around indignant!; " What do you mean, sir ? It is a preti how-de-do when a woman can't open h mouth ! I'll have you to know you car shut me up 1" Sensation. POETIOAIi SOAP. Messrs. Water and OU One day had a broil As down in the glass they were dropping, And would not unite, But continued to fight, Without any prospect of stopping. Mr. Pearlash o'erheard, And, quick as a word, 'j He jumped in the midst of the clashing; I When all three agreed, I And united with speed, j Aad Soap came out ready for washing. i A STRANGER entered a Detroit wi, shop where four or five men were drin, ing, and in a loud voice inquired for t proprietor. That person came forwar and the stranger said: "I'm hard u/ and I want to sell you a recipe. Fort' dollars I'll show you how you can ma a gallon of best Catawba wine out twenty cents' worth of ^ drugs a: whisky." " Would you insult me cried the dealer. 4' I have none but pr wines here! Get out of my place, sir The man got out, but hadn't gone block when a boy came running aff him and said: "Come around to t back door if you want to sell that recipt --Free Press. j p-- - \ ONE of the interesting features of t, Emma mine suit will be the revelatio of the true nature of the bait at wlii the British gudgeons bit. It is stu* that a part of the purchase consisted £538,000 worth of ore in sight at t mine, and as this was counted as much cash in hand, it would reduce i actual price of the mine to £462,000, $2,310,000. The British gudgeon, cla that the mine was guaranteed to e; £800,000, or $4,000,000 a year, and t is a point which Schenck is entitled make, viz.: that any man who belie he can buy a property which will pay mAnt.hR and thermit 1UM)U iu -- » - • ~ _ earn dividends at tli© rate of 170 j cent on the first cost, is such a natm born idiot that he does not deserve have any money. This, pf course not a legal defense, but it is a suffiei* answer to the men who bought t Emma mine, with their eyes open, a now claim to have been swindled. The London World thus describes new device for burying the dead: "1 are placed in a glass box, to the top which is affixed a metal rod. As s; as the earth is filled in, a battery is c nected with the rod, and an elec shock shatters the coffin into a th sand pieces, thus allowing the earth press upon the dear departed, and c« ing him to return to dust even qrdc than in one of Mr. Seymour ttadt wicker baskets."