The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

THK WAY tVW mmw ou>. A broken toy; > tack thai held away A warning child-heart from air hour of A Christmas that no (BrtetaiM idol* brooch] A tangled lesson, full <ot UH|M thon^fct; . » • k i* A homesick boy; A twuior gown vhenlolthec rise ; A glimpse of Is?'-, Fold over soM, And hangs the picture, like a bouAM The world, »11 action and rvality-- « So we grow old. < A wedding, and a tender wife's caress; A nrattling babe the parent'* life to W A uOUi-:- of joys and car«« in p«W; A divarv watohirR with a heavy heart; . And death's di< »d angel knocking at the fraflU And hoi»> and couraga bidding Borrow wait Or.lose her hold: A new made grave, and then a brave return To where the fires of life triumphant bui*-- • So we grow old. » A fortune And a gen'roua meed of f.une, Or direful ruin and a tarnished name, A slipping off of week and month and year. Vaster and faster as the close draw* near;' A grief of day, and with to-morrow's light, g" A pleasure mat isanworuin iuc ruUfa night jf| From lead to gold: •, A chilling winter of unchanging storm; #» , A spring replete with dawns and sunsets «s|H 1 - T; 80 we grow old. Old to onrwlvss, bnt children yet to Wm the strange cities of eternity. rant for my arrest say iKomw on that ground at "ft A BAT IN l'EXTICOATH. m- 41 fs& "I couldn't think of such a thing." " But you must. My happiness de­ pends on it Here, put on the thing­ umbobs, the what's his namo," And my friend Bob Styles held up be­ fore my hesitant gaae a suit of female apparel. His idea was that I should personate his lady-love for one day to prevent any­ body from suspecting the truth, name­ ly, that she had joined him in a runaway marriage party--until it should be too late for interference ; that is, until the minister should have tied a knot between them, that nothing but a special grant of «3vq Legislature could untie- This scheme was not actually so ab­ surd as it appeared at first sight. Mag­ gie Lee was a tall, queenly woman, with «i almost masculine air, and at that time I had a very slight form--almost effeminate, so that in fact there was really but little difference in that point Then I had light hair, tolerably long, and a fresh complexion. Part my hair in the middle, put a bonnet on my head, and few persons would hare sus­ pected but I was really one of the softer sex. These accessories also gave me quite a decided resemblance to Maggie Lee, especially when, as in this case, the disguise was her own. Then the day chosen for the runaway match was an auspicious one. Maggie's father was to drive her to D-- , a small village near where she lived, and there she was to join a muling party down D river, to the grove three miles below, from which the paity was to return in the evening in the carriage. Our plan was that I should be in wait­ ing in the village, and should go on the boat with the sailing party, while Mag­ gie, after leaving her father, should slip off with Bob across the country. At last I got dressed, and presented myself before Maggie Lee, blushing a great deal, I believe, feeling very much pinched about the waist, and with an un­ comfortable. consciousness that mv shirt * sleeves were too short, or wanting al­ together. Everything finished in the way of toilet, Bob Styles took me into his light wagon, drove me Over to D by a secluded route and left me at the hotel, where the sailing party w to assemble. Several of the pfokniekers were already there, and they greeted my cavalier cor- ' dially (everybody knew 'Bob Styles), asking if he 'WVMM gozng wjith etc. He told them he was not " Pressing business engagement, you know, and all that sort of thing. Duced sorry I can't go though. I just had time to bring Miss Lee over, and now I'm off. Mr. Bimby, this is Miss Lee, Miss With­ er gall, Miss Lee, " and he rattled off a string of brief introductions, which con­ vinced me that few of the company were acqaainted with the young lady whom I •was personating--a very fortunate thing for the preservation of "my disguise. Mr. Bimby, a tall, legal-looking mm, with a hook nose, and eye-glass and finny hair, seemed to be prepossessed with my personelle. and I overheard him whisper io Bob Styles, as he went out: "Nice looking girl, that Mi-- Lee." "Yes," answered Bob, with a mis­ chievous glance at me, "she is a nice f'rl, though a little go ahead sometimes, eep a little lookout on her, will you ?" *• 'IowlJiig lus •v-iss--'*uota bad snatch for you, eld follow; she is rich." " Is she !" said -Mr. Bimby, UB in­ terest deepenig. "Oil my hou»>r," replied Bob. "Forty thousand dollars in her own "81*. Good day! and he was gone. Maggie Lee, artful creature thai she was, had told her father that the sailing party was to assemble at another hotel, Mid thither he had taken her. Having business in D , he left her there, merely saying that he would send a car­ riage for her at 11 o'c'.ock. She, like a dutiful daughter, kissed him good:bye, and before he had gone a hundred rods, took a seat in Bob Styles' light wagon, which had driven up to the back door " °ld Lee's cairiage drove away from the front, and the old story of head­ strong love and prejudiced age was en­ acted over again. As for us, °f the picnic exesnrion, we had a uebgntmi KU to tlta gtove, but somehow I could not enjoy it as much a? I ought to have done. When I walked cm board of the boat, I felt awkward, as if everybody TOI looking at me. I found , as I had suspected, a young ana nwng lawyer, mighty in Blackstone and his own opmiou. He insisted on paying fofc my ticket (the boat was a regular excursion packet) and purchas­ ing enough oranges, poors aud candies to set up a street stand. Four or five times I was on the point of swnarhig at his impudent officiousness, Jnit bit my tongue jnsfc in time to prevent the ex- pot-ur**. But it •*•»« not with l>im thatl *.,U'id my toje the iinr.iest t • play. \'o th'j young ladies weie the OQlt ones to deceive. For instance, here was one among them, a beautiful girl of seventeen, just returned from boarding school, who had not seen Mag­ gie Lee for three years. Of course she • was delighted to see me, when she found out that I was Maggie, which, by the way, did not occur until after we h£d startod. She threw herself into my arms, pulled my veil aside, and kissed me hail' a dozen times in a manner that made my ringers tingle for an hour. It was very nice, but if I. had been in propria prrnona I would have liked it better. As it was, 1 felt as if I were ob­ taining goods under false pretenses, and that Lawyer Bimby might issue a war- A whole knot of crinoline then sur­ rounded me on the upper deck of the boat, to the ntter exclusion and conse­ quent disgust of Mr. Bimby and the other gentleman. I kept very quiet, only speaking monosyllables in a fal­ setto voice ; but the others--Lord bless 1 you I how they gabbled! Under a strict I promise of secrecy the little boarding j school maiden, who had kissed me so affectionately, revealed all her love af­ fairs, and also became unpleasantly con­ fidential about other matters, innocent enough in themselves, but not cus­ tomarily talked of between ladies and gentlemen. I was terribly embarrassed, feat it would not do to give up then. As soon hm my iiiuk should become iuow/i, Bob Styles' trick would also come out, and, v. uews of that kind travels fast in the country, he and his lady love would be te^graphed and followed Ixjforo they c^nld reach Philadelphia, where the knot wvi V) be tied. The river breeze was very fresh where we sat, and I noticed that several of the ladies were glancing uneasily at me. I couldn't divine the reason, until JCSKIC, my little friend from boarding school, laid her face dangerously close to mine an 1 whispered: "My dear Maggie, your dress is blowing dreadful high--• your ankles will be town talk with the gentlemen F' No-v I was conscious of having a very small foot for a man, and had donned a pair of open worked stockings, which came nearly up to my waist; with a pair of gaiters borrowed from the servant girl, in all of which toggery my running gear looked quite feminine and respect­ able; but the idea of the gentlemen talk­ ing about my ankles, and of being cau­ tioned thus by a young girl, who would have been frightened to death if I had told her the same tiling yesterday, was too much for me. J burst into a sort of strangulated laugh, which I could only check by swallowing half of my little filigree lace-edged nandkerchief. The young ladies all looked at me, in appar­ ent astonishment at such a voice, and I wanted to laugh all the more. Fortu­ nately Mr. Bimby came to my rescue at the moment and edged himself in among the crinoline. * " May I sit here ?" he asked, pointing to a low stool near me. " Certainly," I simpered, in my high falsetto. " Ah, thank you," said Bimby, with a lackadaisical air which nauseated me, as coming from one man to another; "you are as kind as you are fascinating!" " You flatter me!" " I ? No, indeed; praise of .you can­ not be flattery, Miss Lee." 44 Oh, sir, really you are a naughty man," I said, in the most feminine tone could command. He cast a languishing glance at me through the black lace veil, and I fairly began to fear for kw feelixigs. We soon arrived at the grove,and found our band engaged beforehand--awaiting us. Of course dancing was the first amusement, and lawyer Bimby led me out for a schottische. It was hard, at first,for me to take the lady's part in my dance, but I soon got accustomed to it. When a waltz was proposed, I resolved to have a little amusement at the expense of th® unfortunate Bimfey, I firskmade him purposely jealous, by danc&jPwith two other young fellows, one of whom I knew, in my own char acter, but who suspected me as Maggie Lee. This young man, who was a great woman-killer, a sort of devil-may-care rascal, who made the ladies run after him, by his alternate wrath of action and coolness of protestation, I selected to play off against my legal admirer. I allowed him to hold me very closely and occa­ sionally looked at nim with a half fas­ cinating expression. When we stopped dancing he led me to my seat, keeping his arm about my waist, and I permitted it Having thus stirred Bimby up to feats of wrathful valor, I asked one of the gentlemen to direct the musicians to play a waltz. Bimby came immedi­ ately. "Ahem--a--Miss Lee, shall I--a, have the honor of--a--trying a waltz with you ?" I cnilcd acquiescence, and we ctfm- nisnced. Now I am an old f^oger at waltzing. I can keep up longer than anjr no;;-professional dancer, male or female, Thorn I ever met. As long as the Gachucha or Schounebrnnnen ring in my ears, I can go on if it is not for a year. Not so Bimbi. He plead want of practice, and acknowledged that he soon got dizzy. "Aha, old boy," thought I, "111 give you a turn, then!" But I only smiled, and said that I should probably get tired first. "Oh yea," he exclaimed, "of course, I can waltz as long as any one lady, but not much more." For the first three minutes my cavalier did well. He went smoothly and even­ ly, but at the expiration of that time be­ gan to grow warm. Five minutes elapsed, and Bimby's breath came hard­ er and harder. Oil we went, however, and I scorned to notice his slackening up at every round, when we passed my seat. After some twenty minutes, the wretched man gasped oat between his steps: "Ah, a-are yo« not get-getting tired, Miss Lee?" * "Oh, no!" I burst fofth ; "Oh, no, I feel as if I could waltz all night" The look of despair that he gave me was terrible. I was bound to see him through, how­ ever, and we kept at it Bimby Stag­ gered, and made wild steps in all direc­ tions. His shirt collar wilted, his eyes protruded, his jaw hung, and altogether I saw he could not hold on mush longer. " Ihis is delightful," I said, conipo- ' sedly," and you, Mr. Bimby, waltz so "Puff--puff--puff--alt puff--yea--oh pufT^ehghtful," gasped ET 7 « ' Don t you think it ought to go faster?" . " Hiu eyes rolled heavenward in an awful agony. - « reared the musicians, I said I aster, if you please," and they played a la whirlwind. Poor Bimby threw his feet about like a fast pacer, and revolved after the man- uor of a teetotum which was nearly run domu At last he staggered a step back wacd, and spinning away from me, pitched headlong into the midst of a small bevy of ladles in the ooroer. I turned around and walked to my seat, and sent the young woman-killer for a glass of water. The miserable lawyer recovered in time to sea me thank his rival for the water. ' I got some idea from this of the fan the ladies find in tormenting us poor limbs of the other sex. At this juncture, and before Bimby had time to apologize for his accident, Jennie came running into the pavilion which served as a ball room. As she came near I perceived that her hand were elutohed tightly in her dress, and I positively shuddered as she whispered to me: „ " Oh, Maggie I oome and help me fix my wurfa--tuey are all coming dowu !" What should I do ? I was in agony. A cold perspiration brake out upon my forehead. I wished myself a thousand miles away, and anathematized Bob Stylos* masquerading project inwardly with fearful maledictions. I said I was tired eut--could not some­ body else go ? No, nothing would do, but I must ac­ company her to the house of & gentleman who owned the grove, and assist her to arrange her clothing. So I went. What if it should be necessary to re­ move part of the raiment ? What if she should tell me to do some sewing ? What, if in the midst of all the embarrassment of being closeted with a beautif ul girl of seventeen in a state of comparative free­ dom from drapery, my real sex and iden­ tity should be discovered by her ! However, I nerved myself up for the task, and went with Jennie to the house designated. An old lady showed us into her chamber, and Jennie let gc her dress. As die did so, a--pardon my blushes--petticoat fell to the floor. She was about to proceed when 1 alarmed her by a sudden and vehement ges- fcare. " Stop!" I cried, frantioally, and for­ getting my falsetto; "stop l don't «n- dress, for God's sake)" . « --- " And why not ?" " Because I am a--can you keep a se­ cret?" # " Why, yes--how frightened yon do look ? Why, what is the matter, Maggie --you--why--oh--oh ! oh ! oh I! V' And she gave three fearful screams. " Hush, no noise, or I am lost," I ex­ claimed, putting my hand over her mouth. "I swear I mean no harm : If I had I would not have stopped you ; don't you see ?" She was all of a tremble, poor little thing; but she saw the force of my argu­ ment. " Oh, sir," she said, " I see you are a man; but what does it all mean ? Why did you dress so ?" I told her the story as brief as possi­ ble, and exacted from her a promiso ol the most secret secrecy. I then went outside of the door, and waited till she had arranged her df««s, when she called me in again. She had heard of me from Maggie and others and wanted to hear all the particulars; so I sat down by her, and had a long talk which ended in a mutual feeling of friendship, and old acquaintanceship, quite wonderful for,people meeting for the first time. Just as we started back to the pavilion I said I must relieve mj mind.of one hurcten _ « "And what is thai?"she figkal. "Those kisses. You thought I was Maggie Lee or you would not have F' ven them. Thej were very sweet, but suppose I must give them back." And I did. She blushed a good deal bnt didn't resist, only when I got through she gianoed up timidly and said: I think yon are real naughty, any­ how." \ When I returned I found lawyer Bimby had quite recovered from his diz­ ziness, and all hands readv for supper, which was served in the ball-room. I sat between Bimby and Jennie, and made love to both of them in turn; to one as Maggie Lee, and to the other as myself. After supper, at which I astonished sev­ eral by eating rather more heartily than young ladies generally do, we had more dancing and I hinted pretty strongly to Mr. Bimby that I should like to try another waltz. Finding it rather dry amusement to .cJanco '7'th my. orm kind, I «oou aban­ doned that pleasure, and persuaded Jen­ nie to stroll off into the moonlight with me. We found the grove a charming place, full of picturesque little comers, and rustic seats, and great gray rocks leaning out over the river. On one of these latter a little bench was plaoed, in a nook sheltered from the wind, and from sight Here we sat in the full flood" of the moonlight, and having just had dinner, I felt wonderfully in need of a cigar. Accordingly, I went to a little stand near the ball-room, and purchased severed at the -wondering women who sold refresh­ ments. Then returning to the seats by the rocks, I gave up all fears for my in­ cognito, and reveled in the pleasure of salitude, the fragrance of my cigar, the moonlight and little Jennie a pres­ ence. How long we sat there heaven only knows. Ws talked and laughed, and sang, and looked in each other's eyes, and told fortunes, and performed all the nonsensical operations common amongst young people just falling in love, and might have remained there until the month of August, in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and eighty-one, for aught I know, had not the carriages been sent to convey us home, and the rest of the company be­ gan to wonder where we were. This wonder begot questions, the questions fears, and the fears a search headed by the valiant Bimby. They called and looked and listened, but our position down in the sheltered nook among the rocks prevented them from hearing us, or we them. At length they hit upon our path, and all came along single file, until they got to the open space above. Then they saw a sight I waa spread out in a free and easy position, my bonnet off, and my h<ur bomewhat towzled up. One foot rested on the ground and the other on a rock, about level with my head (regardless of my ankles this time), and there I sat, puffing away in a very unlady-like style, at a highly flavored Concha. Jennie was sitting close beside me with her head almost on my shoulder, and her waist almost encircled by my arm. Just as the party came along above us, I laughed out in a loud mascu­ line voice. "Just think of poor what's-his-name there--Bimby. Suppose he knew tint he had been making love to a man ?" " Hush!" cried Jennie, "Look 1 there he is--and, oh, my gracious I there is the whole company! Yes, we were fairly caught, It was of no use for me to clap on my bonnet, and assume falsetto again--they had all seen too much for that. Besides, by this time, Bob Styles and Maggie Lee were doubtless one flesh and iay dis­ guise was of no further importance, so I owned up and told the story. Bimby was in a rage. He vowed to kill me, and even squared off, but the rest of the party laughed at him so un­ mercifully and suggested that he should walte it out, that he finally cooled down and slunk away, to take some private conveyance back to D------. Bob Styles and I are living in a large double house together. He often says that he owes his wife to my masquer­ ading, but he don't feel under any obli­ gation to me, for I owe my wife to the same thing. N. B.--My wife's name is Jennie. Sing, 0 Sing I Be cheerfuL Snap your fingers at the decrees of fate. If the sun goes under a cloud, and., you feel that the shadow® are creeping about your threshold, turn on the gas. Let there be light If suspense weighs down upon you, and a feeling of oppression commences to envelop,throw Up the sash and pull off your coat; whistle something that is gay, and if a creditor comes in ask him to sit down. If any one is to be worried over the event, let it be him. Why not ? He ran the risk in trusting you ; he took the chances of his volition. You obtained whatever it was you asked for; yon en­ joyed it when he didn't. Why should you weep over it because you are unable to repay? Let him do the swearing, and when he gets to fuming talk to him cheerfully, and act so that when he shall leave you he will not think you a hard hearted man. That's the way the English­ man did. He owed debts, debtee debts. He had assets, 0, 0, 0. His creditors came in. He seated them,, and in a philosophical but oheerful way he gave them the history of his predicament, and then in a sang froid way he assured them that there wasn't even the shadow of a ghost of a. show of a dividend. He said it in such a way that they couldn't be persuaded to doubt his word. Still, one of them said he might do something. He shrugged his shoulders and asked them to suggest. He was a fine singer. They said to him in an ironical way, "You can give us a song." H© went to the grand piano. He ran his linger playfully over the ivory keys, and throw­ ing his head back he commenced to sing. He sang a charming ballad, "Then You'll Remember Me --sang it so sweetly that the echoes seemed to nestle in the folds of the damask curtain as if they could not go away--so softly that Shylock's heart would liave softened had it been there. How appropriate I Re­ member him! Yes; how could they forget him ? They might have suggested to nipn that other ballad, " How Can I Leave Thee ?" but. then, what was to be gamed by staying ? Bnt they could remember him,. The "Englishman felt better. He. felt that. foey would do m he requested, if he couldn't do as they had requested, Happy thought for him; he could book, though they oouldn't, for they had as much booked against him then as they wanted. Give your creditors a song. There is a ripple in melody which sounds like the tinkling of silver. It's that joy which, though it comes from the world the world cannot take away. Blessed be the cadence of song, the lullaby of heaven, the poetry of the heart, the broken sheaf of sun­ shine where the bitds nestle and plume their wings. Sing h oh Sing 1--Omaha Herald. The Minnesota Centennial Commission Disbands. The Centennial State Board of Com­ missioners who were to see that Minne­ sota was properly represented at Phila­ delphia have closed their career. They overrated the liberality of the State and had laid the ground work for a very fair display of our products at the great ex­ position, and had leased a room where the accumulations could be stored and packed pinions to thoir shipment, but the Legislature having failed to make any appropriations, the house was closed yes­ terday, and its sign taken in, the mem­ bers of the board being only too glad that they have escaped the necessity of footing the bills out of their own pock­ ets for rent, grain sacks, and other arti­ cles which are held as the assets of the thoroughly collapsed and painfully de­ moralized enterprise. --&t, Paul Dis­ patch. Editorial Record. A Texas editor BUXOM up the cares, trials and adversities of his past career as a newspaper man in the following ex­ pressive summary: Been asked to driak 11>8M Drank Requested to retract «• Didnt retract 416 Invited tcf parties, reception* by parties Ash­ ing for puffs.. 3>338 Took tie hint..... J® Didnt take the Mat 8,800 Threatened to be whipped Been whipped.... ® Whipped the other fellow * Didn't oome to time I" Been promised whisky, gin, eto^ If we would go after them M*0 Been after them Been asked what's the newa. 800,000 Told...... ^ 23 Didn't know 800,000 I Jed about it 99,977 Been to church 23 Changed pollUcs. 83 Expect to change still. ........... 60 flaw to charity. B 00 Gave for a terrier dog. 85,000 Cult on band. 100 Supplying England with Food. England depends largely on America for her living. Besides wheat and sorn, great quantities of vegetables, butter and fruit are yearly sent away. We some­ times ship $7,000,000 worth of cheese and lard to England in a single year. New articles of produce are continually added to the list Fresh peaches were tried last summer. The first attempt proved a failure,, but the second did bet­ ter, assuring final success. Now fresh beef is exported with satisfactory results. Three vessels of one line have been sup­ plied with refrigerators, and the meat is found to suffer no deterioration on the voyage. Thus, a new market will be opened for our cattle trade, and the En­ glish people will be supplied at cheaper rates with the substantial food of life. The Vatlve City of Apostle Fanl Devas* tated by Flames. Tarsus, the city of St. Paul, was, on the mght of the 20th of January, the scene of a great fire, which reduced the bazar to ruins, and effected damage to the estimated extent of £150,000. For a city which under the Romans was as renowned for its culture as for it com­ merce, the existing fire-brigade arrange­ ments ceem hardly to be up to the mailt. The fire broke out in a closed shop, the proprietor of which had been absent some days. The $^p con­ tained a quantity of lucifer matches, and also a number of rats; the latter, it is supposed, took to gnawing the former, and hence the conflagration. Unfortunately Tarsus, although it con­ tains about 20,000 inhabitants. Is at this season of the year without any sup­ ply of water. There was an old fountain in the middle of the bazar, but it had been dry for some time, and, as there was a strong breeze blowing, the fire spread rapidly without any effort being made to extinguish it After some little time the Governor appeared on the scene, ac­ companied by the police force and one small firs engine. With praiseworthy energy he at once dispatched two horses to bring som*® water, and, twa loads of this article having having been obtained, the small engine was set to work. The Governor, however, suddenly took it into his head that his first duty was to protect a powder magazine, situated in an isolated spot at some distance from the town, and he therefore hurriad off to the magazine, taking the police with him. With no water, no Governor, and* no police, of course the fire was master of the situation; and so were the thieves who abound in Tarsus, and who reaped a rich harvest by carrying off the goods which were dragged "out of the shops for safety as the fire extended. The town was, in fact, given over to pillage, and but for a sudden change in the wind the larger portion of it would no doubt have been destroyed. By pulling down some wooden sunshades the progress of the flames was at last arrested, and, happily, no lives were lost, but one man in his fright threw lunuteli into a well and met what ought to hav been a watery grave.--Pall Mall GazeU wmmwm. anr BOM. fUDUIOK LOOBO^> You ask a song. :r • |̂ ̂°J y .̂ »n aSumn's erentfale, ' 'fa*! atmo blest boy-poet oamii'fl-- Way, / h*ve song too Wig The Queen's Horses. " John Paul" has been into the foyal stables in London. Besides horses for her own use, the Queen has to keep a mount for equerrysc exons and other exigencies, so she has 160 in all. Most are of the Hanoverian breed, from stock introduced by one of the Georges. But there ar© some finer strains of blood $o be seen--lithe-limb beauties, with arch­ ing neoks and quivering nostrils--show­ ing at least an admixtuae of Arabian. The favorite horse color is bay, with black legs. On state occasions lamp-black and oil are ueei to bring legs that fall short of the standard shade up to a proper tone, so the groom said. In one of the stables the horses on one side were white as milk ; on the other coal black. Here we saw the eight cream-colored steeds which were to draw her Majesty to Parliament on opening day; the harnesses--also im­ ported by the Georges--red leather, the trimmings gold-plated on copper„ The immense state carriage, a legacy of the same reign, was not to go out; the Queen has not driven in it sinoe the royal consort died. And little wonder. Cinderella's pumpkin looked like a coach ; this coaeh looked like a pump­ kin. As a circus wagon it would be a success, and will some day be sold for one. Yet the original cost--as the groom's story goes--was £8,000. A Great Pumping Engine. A late number of the Scientific Amer­ ican has illustrations of a remarkable steam pumping machinery, lately com­ pleted at Hammersmith, Eng., ior the diaiiiage of the Ferrara Marshes, North­ ern Italy. The tract to be drained cov­ ers an area of 200 miles. The machinery is calculated to discharge 456,000 gal­ lons of water per minute, or 656,640,- 000 gallons per day, being about six times the capacity of the Croton Aque­ duct, which is able to deliver 110,000,- 000 of gallons per day. The water de­ livered by these remarkable pumps forms a stienni 103 feet wide and lour feet deep, having a speed of two nailes an hour. One day's delivery would fill a reservoir one mile square to, a depth of three feet nine inches. In view of the completion and successful operation of gigantic and economiofd machinery like this, the drainage of the Zuyder Zee, in Holland, which is about to be commenced, is rendered a comparatively easy task. The Zuyder Zee area to be drained is 759 square miles. Models of this machinery are to be exhibited in the British department of the Centen­ nial exhibition. Snake as Protection Against Frost. The production of artificial clouds of smoke is a common appliance against frost in France and Germany. MOBS, Vinard has recommended a plan which is perfectly successful, and which con­ sists iu carefully mixing gm tar with sawdust and old straw, and piling up frhiM mixture in large heaps in the vine­ yards. The mixture remains inflamma­ ble more than m fortnight, in spite of rain and weather. When required for use smaller heaps are made from the arger ones, about two feet in diameter, and distributed in and around the vine­ yard. if there is little wind, these heaps burn freely for about throe and a half hours, and produce a very dense smoke. The artiflcal cloud which thus enwraps the vines considerably decreases the ra­ diation from the ground, and thus pre­ vents frost, which is greatest toward manning in calm spring nights. The First Cabinet, ScandaL ̂ ̂ Edmund Bandolph, Washington's first Attorney-general aud afterward Jeffer­ son's successor in the State Department, a poor man, fell into money embarrass­ ments, and the French Minister, Mr. Fauchet, wrote home that h© had per­ sonal reasons for believing Randolph was corruptible ; the Secretary of State had signified to him his readiness to be bribed. The letter miscarried, wm printed at London, and Randolph retired protesting his innocence. That was the only cabinet scandal of the money sort until the Floyd-Thompson episade mBu- ohanan's time.--Springfield Republic on Say, shaU I fling r "f* J® k®»uty at her window-pane? I Mnf there Onoe; might I not onee J Or tell me whom to sing. The peer of peers ̂ * * v Lord of the wealth that dnt his tim* 1'? Time to-possess, but iitHh to enjov-- -' He cannot need my team, £ •** The man of mind, Or priest, who darkens what is dear as I cannot sing them, yet I will n«t say Such guides are wholly blind* The orator? He quiet lie* where yon fresh hilleok heevee$ ;̂;t"-t Tware well to sprinkle then those Unrel lecwa He won--bnt never worn, • "'"V? Or shall I, twine A cypress ? Wreath of glory and of gloom-̂ *' J# To much a gallant soldier to his doom Needs fuller voice than mine. MMipi No lay have I, No mnrmnred measure meet for yonr ' : No song of love and death to make you qmS*' Forget that we must die. - ,, .. r Something is wrong-- ' Th® world Is overwise; or, moro's the altar, days are far too busy for a ditty. Yet take It--take ray song. * B Pith and Point. CAN ladies with enameled faces baaaid to belong to polished society f ' A LEASING maxim with almost every politician is always to keep his counte­ nance, and never keep his word. A PERSIAN proverb says: " Thee* ate only two days for whioh to feel anxious. One is the day that is past, the other is the day to oome„" • WHEN you see a fellow-mortal slip into a stairway and rub his back against the old tacks driven into bill-boards, that means buck-wheat It's working out on him. A DOCTOR attending a punster who was very ill apologized for being late one day by saying that he had to stop to see see a man who had fallen down a well. "Did he kiok the bucket, doctor!" groaned the ptuuter. A LONDON paper says that " the Span- ish General,, Moriones, rested his army for » few moments when on the point of attack," The point of ataokisn't gen­ erally considered a good place to rest, even for that brief period. "Do TOU trust anybody nowadays?" asked a beautiful young lady of a jewel­ er, as she toyed with the diamonds in a case before her. " No, ma'am," said the jeweler, "I don't trust anybody with anything; in a lady's case, i shouldn't dare to trust my feelings." THEBE is a female fiercer yet, And wiiRser nor a homiet; A female that don't come dowa'aa stiB As snowflakes falling on the sod, To execute her own free will, As lightning does the will of God, But crashes down with fl-on Jaw; This female ia our mother-in-law. A DANBUBY man has exhibited a pru­ dence whioh is remarkable. Before making an engagement with a young lady, whose steady company he was keeping, he carefully examined her head,, and finding an unusually large deposit of dandruff, has left her. The lady thinks it is dandruff, and w© have no doubt she is right--Banbury Newt. THE Harvard lampoon aims this shaft: Oxford--"I say, where's Har- . vard?" Cambridge--"O--ah--some­ where in the States 1 believe."* Oxford --" Where's Yale ?" Cambridge-- "There you have me, old boy--don't know. Why?" Oxford--"They want us to row at a place oalled Centennial, next summer." Cambridge---"O, indeed Ha, ha!" YESTERDAY was an excellent day for sudden sit-downs. A giant citizen, slow lv propelling himself up Michigan ave nue, went down on the flagstones with a jar and a groan whioh were heard across the street. As he got up, a kind-hearted citizen halted and asked: " Did it hurt you much?" "Not a great deal," re­ plied the embarrassed and infuriated victim, "but if I can get the least shadow of • an excuse to pound some one to death III do it!"--Detroit Free Press. Two SIGNS that spring is at hand were noticed yesterday by an observing citizen. He saw a blue-bird in Cass Park. It was a fine, healthy bird, and as its songs of joy floated ht»vonwur-:l • the citizen clasped his hands and meekly said: "•€ wish I were a better man.' One block further down he saw a hall carpet on a oiothas-Ime. A woman and a club were making that article of com­ merce get up and dust and the woman's face wore s&~ happy smile as she looked up at the clouds and planned to have all the carpets up by Saturday night As the citizen read her thoughts he clasped his hands and remarked . : -1 wMi I had been hanged in Texas!"--Detroit Free Press. Making Short Work of It In the town of Hopkinson, Mass., lived a certain Deacon Small. In his advanced age he had the misfortune to lose the rib of his youth. After doing penance by wearing a weed on his hat a full year, he was recomihended to a cer­ tain Widow Hooper, living in an ad­ joining town. The deacon was soon astride of his old brown mare, and on arriving at the widow's door he discov­ ered her in the act of turning the suds from her wash-tubs. Said the deacon : v "Is this Widow Hooper?"' "Yes, sir,"' was the reply, "Well," continued the deacon, "I am that little bit of an old dried-up Dea­ con Small, and have one question to pro­ pose to you." '•Please propose, sir." "Well, madam," 'said the deaoon, "have you any objection to going to Heaven by way of Hopkinton ?" " None at au, deacon," was the reply. " Come in, deaoon." Suffice it to say they were married the next day. ' Women Murdered in Mew York. Daring the past five yean forty-two women have been murdered by men in New York City. Not one of the mur­ derers has been hanged, and only sic were sentenced to imprisonment for life ; twelve were given sentences of seven years and under in the State Prison, two were sent to the Penetentiarj for ten and thirteen years, respectively, and two re- ceived#entence, one for nine and one lor thirteen months. Seven of the wife murderers committed suicide ; the rest punishment.