Illinois News Index

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 6 Dec 1876, p. 6

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AJIINQ CAKAMtilA k " A OCKBBTOKE ID^L. Hor voice VM soft and low, * And she anBweied with a Muile, "Them are flfteeu cents a quarter In thf right hand pile." Her voice was soft and low, And the wor.is -iropped fromhermoutn AP twaciies dr >i> from Irecs - la the soft, P'.vot South. A curl crept down her back- It va« black, with ep-ry tip, A"<i its hue was rath'-r dullish, LHc the shrouds of a ship; A curl crept down her baokj And in either generous ear; Swung an ample hoop of jet Like a big chandelier. Vi'leta in a pan of milk Were her great azure eyejv* ,, Her mouth a shapely blot The richest carmine dyee; YCJctr. is ^ of ™ilk * * With a piqnant nose beneath. And smiles that broke in ripples On her fine white teeth. I worship at thy Bhrine, . Priestess sweet of sugar rites: " Half a T ound ? Yes, them is aloe, And we're sellin' of 'em sights.". " I worship at thy shrine " Once again I f-ighed ana Mid: Thirty cents, sir-- nothin' else ?" With'a toes of her head. Forth she pat a red, red hand For the proceeds of the sale, f. And I glanced to see the pink flush Of ber small, rosy nail. Forth she put a red, red hand. But a wart loomed on its back, And beneath each rosy nail Was a deep line of black. Then her voice seemed coarse and load, And her curl was tarrier yet; . Her eyes were pale and fleshy; . Her teeth a dentist"? pet. Then her voioe seemed coarse and losd, And I fled from this new Jael Who ha-1 tilled toy budding love With (gr) ammtf and nail I THE JAWS OF DEATH. BY AN BHGIIISH ARMY OFFIGRB. Bneliapore is a quaint, isolated little place, situated in that portion of Iter Britannic Majesty's Eastern dominions known as Bengal proper. It is garri­ soned by a solitary regiment of irregular cavalry, possessing also a civil surgeon, a collector or junior magistrate, and a missionary. Being quite out of the beaten track, it is naturally the quintes­ sence of dullness and the abode of the foul find ennui. Three years in this be­ nighted spot are almost equivalent to sojourning for the same period on a desert isle, and any regiment under such a ban is always cordially commiserated^ To this unblessed region it was my- bad fortune to return after two years' furlough. Myleave had been spent in the very heart of civilization, partly on the Continent, and partly in our own tight little island. The contrast between the life I had led and that in prospect nearly drove me to despair. There was but one faint gleam of hope. My friend Jack carrington, an enthusiastic sportsman, wrote that it was a splendid shooting country. Jack, who was the laziest beggar alive, would never have troubled himself to put pen to paper but for tbat potent lever which rarely fails to move men's minds--to wit, self-inteiest. He wanted a rifle and a supply of ammunition, which he asked me to buy and bring out. I did as requested, taking care to stock myself pretty completely at the sagie time. We never talk of winter in the plains of India, but luckily it was the middle of the cold weather when I arrived, so my journey was pleasantly cooL The last eighty miles were traversed in a doolie--palanquin. I reached the outskirts of Buchapore at about 5a.il. My first impressions of the place were decidedly favorable. Instead of an arid waste, with nothing ta break its blank monotony save here and th. re a stunted tree or sickly briar, and occasionally the white-washed grava of an ancient Mussulo\pn, with perchance at long intervals a tope--plantation of mango treee, I found myself jogging steadily along the banks of a wide river, the crystal waters of which, especially inviting to one weary and travel-stained, .tempted me to bathe ia their cool ^depths. The pearly,heavens welcomed the ris­ ing sun with a faint blush. A soft blue haze in the far distance presently re- < 3olved itself into a range of low hills. Trees frill of bud »Jid blossom were • planted at regular intervals by the way- vside, affording pleasant shade, and scent­ ing the air with their »w«etuess. Amongst them in abundance was the ba- bool--acacia--the fragrant flowers of which resemble a tiny ball of golden moss, and are so faithfully and untiring­ ly copied by the jewelers of famous Delhi. The path was carpeted with thick, soft turf, and from amidst its rich green peeped timidly myriads of small wild flowers. " Come," said I, " give a dog a bad name and hang him. Buchapore is be­ lied. At all events I shall find some pretty bits for my sketch-beok. Hi !" --to the doolie bearers--" how far are we from the station now?" " About tbree miles," was the re sponse--of course in the vernacular. In about another half hour I was land­ ed at the door of our mess, where I met with a cordial greeting from my old brothers in arms. Travelers by the ancient and honor­ able method of palanquin dak--post-- are obliged to content themselves with as little baggage as possible. What they do |take is packed in boxes of various shapes and sizes, which are placed in wooden frames to avoid breakage, and called pitarahs. These are slung one to each end of a long pole, and carried across a man's shoulders, alter the fashion of milk-pails, and called bhanghy. Bound to these restrictions, I was forced to leave my heavy baggage at the nearest line of rail, to be forward­ ed by bullcck-cart. Now Indian bullocks--albeit very use­ ful animals in their way--will not for any consideration whatever perform more than a stated distance per day. They may be tempted with the choicest food, beaten and tricked, but, lean or fat, they will not budge when once they have performed their usual task. Know­ ing tins, Jack and I anxiously counted the days which must elapse before the arrival of our much-coveted shooting material •'If our blessed guns were only here," oaid Jack, ruefully, "we might have gone after a tiger that killed one of our unfortunate grass-cutters the other day. Bad scran to him ! I dare say we shaH get him some day, but unhappily we shall never know it." At last mv luggage made its appear- anoe, unharmed. Jack praised my of weapons, and was enraptured with a brace of Derringers which I pre­ sented to him. These little pistols are small enough to Blip with ease into an ordinary coat-pocket, although they carry a full-sized cartridge, and are deadly at anvthing like close quarters. Jack and t were like two children over our new toys, and could scarcely per- fiiioHn A^KjoJypa fA thorn dOTVDs mTlfiD Jess trust them out of sight. They werw exhibited at mess, and duly admired. Every one was eager to try them ; and so highly were they appreciated that the outgoing mail took home orders _ for a pair from each officer of the regiment. We now set to work in earnest to find a tiger, which in that neighborhood was a matter of small difficulty. Word was soon brought that a huge beast, sup­ posed to be the identical brute that had killed our poor grass-cutter could be heard of in a ravine. The intelligence rejoiced our hearts. At the time of which I write the irregu­ lar cavalry were allowed to do irregular things occasionally, and our fellows at that period thought it expedient to keep a hunting elephant. Old Luchme-- such was its name--was instantly ordered to prepare for action; and, having ar­ ranged everything with the foresight of old stagers, and ordered a hapless goat to be tied out as a decoy, we retired to rest one evening fully confident of meet­ ing our deadly foe in a few hours. We started about 2:30 a. m., intend­ ing to reach oar rendezvous with hia royal highness a little before daybreak, and force him to atone for bis depreda­ tions as he went down to drink after gorging on the luckless goat. We each pocketed one small pistol, handing its fellow to the friends who accompanied us. They were our commanding offioer, Col. Meredith, and--don't be shocked-- his daughter. Miss Meredith had not long arrived in the country. Our regiment was to spend only one more year at BncKapore, dur­ ing which time the young lady was to have remained in England, but the aunt with whom she lived died suddenly, and scarcely knowing what else to do, Col. Meredith decided to have his daughtei out to India immediately. Buchapore was not rich in feminine society. Beside Miss Meredith, we had only tne ponderous civil surgeon's chat­ tering "better half"--an abominable woman, whose magpie tongue did more mischief in a day than she or anybody else could undo in a twelvemonth--and Mrs. Vane, our popular Adjutant's fas­ cinating little wife, on whom naturally devolved the care of Miss Meredith when she needed a chaperon. A very sweet and charming little per­ son was* Miss Nellie Meredith ; but de­ termined withal. Selfish she was not; dauntless and impulsive she as certainly was; with that firm belief in her own power of overcoming difficulties which arises either from constant success or from inexperience. The girl had set her heart on seeing a tiger-hunt before she left Buchapore, and in a weak moment the Colonel promised that her wish should be gratified. Although Jack and 1 meant work, we could not well object to Miss Meredith's company. The Colonel was a dashing soldier, still in his prime, and deserved­ ly popular. Besides being an old shik­ aree of established repute, his advice was most acceptable ; and we felt sure that he would run no unnecessary risks while his daughter was with him. Well armed, with a trusty elephant, we feared no danger; moreover, there was but one lady, and she--men are but mor­ tals--was very pretty. Such a sweet, saucy, naive face! The delicate features and large almond- shaped eyes seemed capable of every variety of expression. Her dark- brown hair, tied carelessly back with dainty ribbons, rippled in thick waves below a waist round and supple as Hebe's own. Her feet and hands were of the smallest; her voice was of the sweetest. Still, the girl's principal charm lay in her simple, unaffected manner, and the small opinion which, in spite of her waywardness, she entertained of herself and her abilities. Bright, sparkling, full of fire and nai­ vete, she was not coquettish, although an ordinary observer might have mis­ judged her in this respect. Nellie Mer­ edith had no petty meannesses. Hers was a frank, noble nature, containing promise of great thiugs to come. We all liked the girl, and took pleasure in her society, as men do in that of a clever, pretty girl, who can make herself agreeable, neither falling violently in love herself, nor expecting every man she meets to fall in love with her, as is an unfortunate weakness with some girls of the period. Carrington, however, was " hard hit," and, under the circum­ stances, I did not object to Miss Mere­ dith's society. We should have preferred making up af larger party, but, as there was only one elephant, this was impos­ sible. Mrs. Vane was thus prevented joining us, which she would otherwise gladly have done. It was broad moonlight when we start­ ed, and, to the mind of a simple English girl freshly arrived in the country, there must have been something strangely weird and romantic in the scene. The elephant marched majestically through the thick jungle of waving feather-grass from eight to ten feet high. Heavily she tramped it down before her, picking her way daintily for so huge a creature, in obedience to the whispered commands of the mahout. We were all well wrapped up, for the air was keen and chilly, but our faces were distinctly visible in the pale, cold light. Talking was forbidden; and, to do our lady-hunter justice, she might have been born dumb, so strictly mute was she. At a quarter to 5 we arrived at the ravine, and found the goat miss­ ing, but no sign of the tiger. There were, however, spots of fresh blood along a rough path down the side of the ravine, where evidently the animal had recently passed, carrying his prey with him, One of our native beaters, who from long training understood the customary maneuvers of such animals, crept down the path, and presently returned to say that a tiger and tigress were both in the .cave, apparently breakfasting on the goat's carcass. We immediately settled our plan of operations, and ordered the shikaree to fire his piece into the cave, to apprise the royal pair of our approach. Car­ rington and I hastily climbed a couple of large trees overlooking each side of the ravine. Colonel and Miss Meredith, on Luchme, were safely posted out of harm's way, where they could command a good view of the animal's movements, and where also the Colonel's rifle might tell with good effect should Jack and I fail to give either of the bruted its quietus. It was now broad daylight, although the sun had not yet risen. This was fortunate, as we could see much better, and there was less chance of our prey eBOapiug. Bang! bang! went the shikaree's piece into the cave, and immediately out sprang a royal Bengal tiger into the cen­ ter of the ravine. A right royal beast was he, nothing but princely blood ran in his veins. A true king of the forest he looked, as he stood there lashing his sides with his tail, with a roar like thunder, his eyes flashing rage and defiance, his head turned eagerly from side to side in search of his enemies. He measured, at least, twelve feet from nose to tail, and was beautifully marked. The shikaree fired from a large tree, and was completely hidden in the midst of its thick foliage. We had agreed that Carrington should fire first; so, after a few seconds spent in sincere admiration of our enemy, bang went Jack's rifle. The tiger staggered, gave one bound into the air, and with a hideous yell fell mortally wounded. At this instant the tigress appeared. I aimed at her, but, my trigger catching in a branch, the shot failed. Carring­ ton hastily let fly his second barrel, but, being in tod great a hurry, and possibly rather excited, he also missed, and the tigress bounded up the side of the ra­ vine ; meanwhile, I had put my second shot into the tiger, who now lay lifeless. The tigress fled straight toward the jungle, passing old Luchme unawares, then turned suddenly, perhaps to meet her mate, and, facing the plucky old elephant, charged straight at her. Luchme gave a squeal, and brandished her trunk ii the air, but never offered to turn tail. So rapid were the tigress' movements that, although Col. Meredith was thor­ oughly prepared, and a capital shot, he could fire only one barrel before the huge beast leaped on to Luchme's hind­ quarters. The shock threw his rifle to the ground. Seeing what was likely to happen, Jack and I descended from our perches with lightning speed, and hastened to the rescue. I have had plenty of tiger shooting, but never again has such a strange sight greeted my eyes as met them then. The howdan, unused for some time, was slightly white-ant eaten, and at a des­ perate assault from the frantic tigress partially gave way. Nellie Meredith was slipping slowly but, as it seemed, inevitably into the tiger's jaws. Col. Meredith's shot had taken effect in the animal's shoulder, and the monster, un­ able to spring, crouched ready to re­ ceive her victim. Not only had the wood-work of the howdah broken, but the whole affair was turning round, and, although Col. Meredith sought for his pistol, he could not get at ic. Nellie's hand dropped in an endeavor to catch hold of the howdah, which only helped to drag the ponderous machine round. Lower and lower still slippod the girl. In another moment she would have been seized by her merciless foe, but that grand old Luchme, watching^ her opportunity, wound her trunk round Nellie's supple waist, and lifted her into comparative safety beside the mahout. At the same instant bang went Carring- ton'a rifle, and "ping" sounded the Colonel's derringer, whilst the tigress rolled over on her back, biting the dust in her death agony. Col. Meredith's shot entered the brain, passing through the right eye--Jack's went straight to the heart. As soon as he felt himself on firm ground, the Colonel turned to clasp his daughter in his arms. " I am quite safe, thank heaven, papa, dear," were her first words. "But how foolish I was to drop the pistol!" Brave little thing, she never fainted I And, although her face was white, neither hand nor voice trembled. But when we reached home the poor child said her head ached, and went to her room suffering from an attack of nerw ous fcer which kept her in bed a fort­ night. This happened many years ago ; and, though we have long left Buchapore^ Col. Meredith still commands the regi­ ment. I am supposed to be a con­ firmed old bachelor, but need I add that my dearest friends are Captain and Mrs. Carrington ? The Chinese Way. Matrimonial infelieity in Chinese so­ ciety is as fitful and abnormal as Ham­ let's passion for Ophelia. Years ago a Chinaman was separated from his wife during the Taiping rebellion. The lady, hearing no tidings of her husband, and being in reduced circumstances, married again. The first husband reappeared in Nanking, and opened negotiations with his successor. A compromise was finally suggested, and in consideration of the sum of $50 in hand paid the first hus­ band finally agreed to sign a quit-claim deed and to find another wife. Ten years went by, and the second husband became the father of two children--a girl of 9 years, and a bright little fellow three years younger. On Sept. 6 the first husband met this little boy near the south gate of the city, and in a transport of jealousy and rage enticed him to an obscure place, cut off his head, and threw the body into the canal. ELECTING THE PRESIDENT. A Primer of the Electoral College. [From the Springfield Republican.] A reader asks us to explain all about the Electoral College--a heroic request in view of the popular weariness of the whole subject. But there is a large class ai every Presidential election to whom it must be a new thing to vote or to take an interest in the vote, and for such the subject is always new, and a proper theme for instruction. When the constitution of the United States was framed, the faith in the capa­ city of the common people to decide upon their destinies was much less strong than it is now. Hence, in the election of President, the fathers sought to place the choice in the hands of a body of men who should themselves be the chosen, so that the President should be the picked of the picked. For the same reason, the choice of Senators was devolved not directly upon the people but upon the Legislatures of the several States. In the Presidential election, the constitution therefore provided a body of electors, of whom each State should choose a» many as it had members of Congress and Senators. Every State has two Senators, and adding to them the number of its representatives gives the number of electors to which it is entitled. Massachusetts, therefore, has 13. How these electors should be chosen, or " appointed," to use he constitutional word, is left to^the Legislature thereof, and if the Massachusetts Legislature were to authorize the Governor to ap­ point them, or should proceed to elect then/ itself, there would be no objection under the Federal constitution. In fact, in many States the Legislatures have elected the electors, though only Colorado did so this year. The original idea was, first, to provide an interme­ diate electing body--a buffer between the direct will of the people and the highest office--and, second, to magnify the sovereignty of the States as taking part in their individual Capacities in the election. It is necessary to a clear un­ derstanding of the subject to say here that, as a matter of history, the eleotors did not meet these anticipations. From the first there was a strong tendency to regard them as so many ciphers, merely representing the will of the people who chose them ; they have been compelled to give up all pretensions to a deliber­ ate and free choice, and are simply set up to vote as the people have distinctly voted. On the second point, State boundaries seem to have vanished also, and the people never do a more decided­ ly national act than when they elect the President. Now, then, the ̂ electors, having been chosen in each State in November on a general ticket, to represent the whole State, and, according as the whole State has gone for one party or the other, meet in each State and ballot fbr Presi­ dent and Vice President, one of whom must not be a resident of that State. That is, if both of one party were resi­ dents of one State, the vote of that State could not be cast for those candi­ dates. This voting is fixed on the same day in all the States by Federal law, and will take place, this year, Dec. 6. Lists of the votes are made out and transmitted to the President of the Sen­ ate at Washington, who opens them in the presence of both houses of Con­ gress on the second Wednesday of Feb­ ruary. The votes shall then be counted, and those two having majorities of the Electoral College (as the electors all together are called),are chosen President and Vice President. As there are 293 members of Congress and 76 Senators, the Electoral College numbers 309, a majority of which would be 186. Hence, Tilden or Hayes must receive, to be elected, at least 185 votes. If two men are thus chosen, they are inaugurated, according to law, on the 4th of March following. If no one re­ ceives a majority for President, the House of ^Representatives immediately proceeds to elect one, from the three highest candidates. Each State has one vote. If no one receives a majority for Vice President, the Senate must imme­ diately ballot for that officer, two-thirds being present and a majority deciding. If the House should not chocsc a Presi dent by March 4, the Vice President chosen shall act as President. And if neither should be chosen, the President pro tem. of the Senate would act as President and order a new election. This last procedure is a matter of fed­ eral law and not of the constitution. It is proposed to do away with the whole system of the electoral college and sustitute for it an election by a direct popular vote, and this seems to be the tendency of opinion and of des­ tiny. has sold at $600 an acre. The canal was opened with great rejoicing on 1st of November, and it is expected to restore the declining oommeroe of Amsterdam. or 1*. Child Crammed Into a Hollow Log. A negro girl was indicted by the Grand Jury of Bibb county for making an as­ sault upon a negro child. The girl was about 12 years of age, as proven by the testimony, though in appearance she was barely more than 9. It seems that she took the child into a wood near where she lived, in Howard district, and beat and pounded it with stones. She then threw it into a branch for the purpose of drowning it. Finding the water not deep enough to accomplish that purpose, she took the child to a hollow log, and, cramming it in as far as she could, left it there. Some gentlemen passing some time after, hearing moans coming from the direction of the log, relieved the child from its perilous position, though it was almost in a dying condition. The jury brought in a verdict of guilty, and the girl was sentenced to six months' confinement in the county jail.--Macon (Oa.) Telegra-ph. ̂ Scarlet Fever. The Lancet calls attention to the im­ portance, as a safeguard to the pubHc health, of securing the eariy detection of cases of scarlet fever, it being of in­ calculable consequence not only to the patient, but also to the community, in order that timely measures may be taken for preventing the spread of the disease. The Lancet says that the throat symp­ toms are th«i most trustworthy for the purpose of diagnosis in the initial stage of scarlet fever ; the soft part of the pal­ ate is extensively reddened, and not merely the tonsils, as is the case in the first instance in ordinary sore throat. When this condition is met with, accom­ panied by a very hot skin and a very quick pulse, attended or preceded by sickness, with a thickly furred tongue, red borders, and prominent papillae, a case of scarlet fever may fce prepared for. In most cases, adds this journal, sickness occurs within some twenty four hours after the commencement of the attack--indeed, it ia well known to all observers that, in the large proportion of cases, sickness occurs within twenty- one or eighteen hours. A Great Achievement. Holland has just achieved a new con­ quest of the sea--having dammed up the Zuyder Zee from flowing into the Y, on which Amsterdam is situated, cut a new canal from Amsterdam straight to the coast and carved out a new harbor at the outer entrance to the canal. This work has been in process since 1863, under the best English and Dutch engi­ neers, an English firm taking the con­ tract at $12,500,000. The new canal is short and saves a distance around of 100 miles, but the engineering difficulties were very great. Over 12,500 acres of laud has been incidentally made, which The Crime of a French Cadet. Saint Cyr is the West Point of France, and the honor of its cadets is dear to every soldier and civilian in the country. It is, therefore, with nothing less than a feeling of pain that society hears of the convocation of a court-martial-for the trial of a " Saint Cyrien " for theft. A few nights ago a cadet, who may be des­ ignated as B., tossing haplessly on his bed, saw a figure in white passing by him (it should be observed that the pupils of the military college sleep to­ gether in a large dormitory), and cried out, "Who's that?" "It is I," said a voioe, which he recognized as that of X. "What are you doing?" X. informed his comrade, and the latter, merely tak­ ing advantage of the situation to make a joke, thought no more of the matter. Next morning a cadet missed his purse, containing l,000f. 20c. Who had taken it ? It was soon discovered that the thief must have been one of the pupils, and yet there was no one who could be fairly suspected. It was then that 3?. called to mind his nocturnal interview with X., though he shrank from the idea of ut­ tering his thoughts alou.d. Still he men­ tioned the circumstances to an intimate friend or two, and one of these present­ ly suggested that every cadet should submit to be searched. The proposal was agreed to. X. never moved a mus­ cle while his comrades were thrusting their hands into his pockets. Nothing was found on him but 25 francs, to which his title could not be disputed. It was now 11 o'clock in the morning. At 2 o'clock the promotion list was to be published, and it was known that X. would appear among the number of Sub-Lieutenants. Once a commissioned officer and he would have been safe from further inquiries. He was playing a desperate game for the coveted epaulette or a pair of handcuffs. Still his every movement was jealously watched. In a few minutes he was observed to be pac­ ing uneasily between the dormitory and the court-yard, as though he were watch­ ing for an opportunity of being alone. B., whose suspicions were far from be­ ing laid at rest, demanded another gen­ eral search, each cadet to strip. X. smiled when it came to his turn, and continued to smile while the lining of his coat was conscientiously croea-ex- amined. Nothing was found, and now popular opinion veered round to his side. He stood honorably acquitted in the eyes of his comrades. It was half- past 1. In another half-hour he would be a French officer. An old chum of his came forward and heartily shook him by the hand. " Now it's over," he said, " I don't mind telling you, old fellow, that you were suspected;" and he explained why. X. made no answer. His gaze was fixed almost stonily on a young cadet who had just stretched out his hand toward a packet of Maryland cigarettes, which had been turned out of X.'s pocket. Then B., who had never ceased to watch him, darted forward and snatched the packet himself, tore the paper from a cigarette and found it contained, instead of tobacco, a 1,000 franc note, neatly rolled up. Every one stood confounded. " Dress !" said one of his comrades sternly to X., who was now observed, while taking up his socks, to make a rapid, almost imperceptible movement. Four cadets sprang on him and seized the socks. One of them con­ tained 4 sous, which the unhappy youth had had the courage to hold concealed in his left hand during the two previous investigations, Of course they exactly made up the l,000f. 20c contained in the missing purse. X. was left for a few minutes quite alone. Then several of his messmates returned. One bore a loaded Chassepot, another a six-shooter, also loaded; a third a vial containing poison, a fourth a short cord, evidently capable of sustaining a considerable weight. Then one of the seniors said : "We shall leave you alone once more. Do your duty ! Your suicide shall be attri­ buted to a disappointment in love or whatever you like, If yon wish it we will take a letter from you to the Gen­ eral." X. merely replied, "IH be damned if I do!" His last ch&iica was gone. The Gen­ eral was immediately informed of* the circumstance and the offender arrested. What makes the whole business inex­ pressibly sad is that the culprit is the son of a brave old Major, now on half- pay, who had both his arms carried away by a cannon ball while charging at the head of his battalion before Sebasto- pol. There seems every reason to sus­ pect that this is another case of klepto- maria. On examining the trunks of the pris­ oner there were found concealed in them books belonging to the Public Library and stamped with its seaL During the two years of his residence X. is supposed to have stolen about $1,200 in money from his comrades. We may smile if we will at the idea of the thoughtful consid­ eration displayed by those boys in provid­ ing their comrade with so varied an as­ sortment of the means of self-destruction, but it recalls an incident in the life of another soldier, in which no comic ele­ ment was blended with the tragic. A famous Prussian General, affectionately called " Papa " by the whole army, once had a son who disgraced his name. The fathei first " paid him out " of the sorape so w*ll that the world would scarcely have heard of the affair. But the father was not satisfied. He called the son into his room and pointed to a pistol that lay on the table. " There is but one course before you," he said. The young man, who had not yet fallen to the lowest depth, took up the pistol and blew out his brains. His father never mentioned his name again. CHICAGO Tribune: " Snails lie furled" for "sails lie furled," in a piece of poetry printed in the Tribune of yester- dav, was an error of the compositor. So' was the sentence: " We . . . even dare to say that l^p [Mr. Gladstone] is lositg his mind." The word "we should have been printed "they." EXTRAORDINARY TRIUMPH of science. This new principle, new way, to euro Cough and Consumption. !>*• J- H- McLean's Cough and Lung Healing Globules. As rapidly as the Globule dissolves in the mouth, a healing gas in formed and inhaled, which cures Throat and Lung diseases. Trial Boxes 25 ots. by mail. Dr J. H. McLean, 314 Chestnut, St. Louis. THE ABSURDITY •Y JOHN FACT* It is all very well for the poets to tell By way of their song and adorning. Of milkmaids who rouge to manipulate < At five o'clock in the morning ; And of many young mowers who bundls otot doors-- The charm of their Btraw-beds scorning-- Before break of day, to soake love and hay, At five o'clock in tiie morning. But between me and you, it is all untrue Believe not a word they utter: To no milkmaid alive, does the finger at Sw Bring beaux--or even bring butter. ; The poor sleepy cows, if told to arouse, Would do BO, perhaps, in a horn-ing; But the aweet cosntry girls, who would nhn their curls, At five o'clock in the morning. It may not be wrong for the in the Or the moon--if anxious to settle, To kneel in wet grans, and pop, but a£asl What if ha popped down on a nettle? For how con Id be Bee what was under Us knee, If in spite of my friendly warning He went out of bed, and his house and head. At five o'clock in the morning. It is all very well Buch stories to tell, But if I was a maid all forlorn-ing, And a lover should drop, iu the clover to pop, At five o'clock in the morning; If I liktd him, you see. I'd say, " Please call at three." If not i'd turn on him with scorning, " Dont come up here, you flat, with oonimdmuns like that, At five o'clock in the morning." Pith and Point. THE boy who is early to bed doeeci't generally take early to ryes WHAT is the difference between forms and ceremonies? We sit upon one and stand upon the other. Two LADIES were discussing a third, who is, of course, ^bsent. " She is really charming," says one, "and, above all, she has such an air of intelligence." " Yes," answers the other; " but there are no words to that air." MRS. HYNES read that a wash-bowl of water sprinkled with meal would catch all the mice, and she tried it. fiynes came home from a procession at 2 o'clock and took a wash. Said he, " Tilden Endricks 1 Maria, I've got 'em agin." THE New York Evening Mail in­ quires : " Why do the majority of brides at the chancel-rail squeak out the re­ sponse ' I will' like a timid mouse? Why don't they speak right out in meetin' like a man ? They do--eventually, if not sooner. A BRIDGEPORT, Ct., woman, hearing a great deal about "preserving autumn leaves," concluded to put up a few jars of them. She told a neighbor yesterday that she didn't think they would ever be fit to eat, and she might just as well have thrown her sugar away! SCENE in elocution (student trying to render long sentence which contains the following : "And half the other half, crying that hell was clutching at their hearts, fled," etc.)--" Professor, I can't go through that entire sentence at one breath." Professor--"Go tQ 'hell,' then." Student wilts. A GENTLEMAN recently had occasion to consult his hatter, but was utterly una­ ble to find in the store the precise article that he needed. "Come to-morrow," said the hatter, finally ; "I know to a 't' what you want. You want a tran­ quil hat, with moderate and not unseem­ ly gayety in the brim. I'll fix it for you to-morrow, sure." " JAKE," said the blushing damsel to a lover that her father had forbidden the house, "I don't care if your feet are big ; I love you just as much." " Wall, Sally, I don t mind so much about the size of my own feet, but I wish your dad's were a little smaller; I should feel more confident, you know, about stay­ ing." A BBIGHT-ETED blonde young man bought a front seat every night, and spent $6 on bouquets to throw to her when she made her entrance, and now he's taking to wandering out in the country, simply because he discovered that the man who sat next to him was her son, and that she sold the bouquets back to the flower woman. THET were two peanut venders, and when they met they set their baskets 'down and shook hands silently. Then one said : " Ows the trade, Bill, wid yer now ?" " Hawful," the dried-up old man replied. '4 Yer see the Eastern question and the pivotal business ia Tjoniaiana is cl ashing us down. I tells you I fear ime market. i» » aF» so I laid in a otock for the winter. I've invested 40 cents as a speeerlation, and if we don't have war in Turkey I'm a u ruined man."--New Orleans Bulletin. AN ASTRONOMICAL. BUJJ OF PARK. BOUP. Verichim (o' nights), served with the Little Dipper FISH. Star Fish--Sun Fish. SNTREKS. Northern Lights. t, BOAHT. Aries, the Ram, Butter Saaoe. BOILED. Meateors. A 8IPKIUAI, DISH. Haehteroida. VEGETABLES. Capricorn. / GAME. The Great Bear. RELISH. Oreen Cheese, from the Moo WINKS. Punch in a Milky Way, drunk from Smoked Glasses TKA. From a Bat-urn. His Honor and BJjah. "It's awful--awful!" sighed Bijah as he ranged the big Japan spittoons in battle-line across the room. " There I went and bet $2.13 on 'lection, and here it's tied up in the stakeholder's hands for goodness knows how long. I want a new box of collars, and my board bill is piling right up." One of the prisoners overheard the old man growling around and called out: " Never mind, uncle, you can hangup your stocking pretty soon." " Yes, hang up my stocking," sneered Bijah--"hang up my stocking and get a Sunday school card, three harness buckles, a candytcat and four old her­ rings in, it. You keep away from that door and don't 8ass me, for I feel like a Numidian lion creeping through a Mississippi cane brake to catch a colored State Senator. His Honor came in, took in the situa­ tion, and consolingly said: "Nevermind, Bijah. Be good until court is over and you may go over to the tree Press office and read all the Asso­ ciated Press bulletins they have put out for a week." The janitor's feelings underwent a change at once, and as the crowd began to file in he went around singing •• Another such a 'lection time I never hope to see ; And Mary had a little lamb, As white as it could be." / --Detroit Free Presn. /

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