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̂ OUT OF THE MOUTH flf BAHM " »J., My Utile niece and I--I wM * r"' ' My Plato in my etmj chair ;M - And she whs building ou the floor A pack of cards with wondrous aare. We worked in nilcnce. but alas ! Among the cards » mighty spill, Aad then the little ape exclaimed, , , • •« Well! Such is life! Look, Unde Wall" ' I MTf a start and dropped my book-- ' s lit m " rtuado n I had wad-- ;5 nvmpathftic current thrillod f.iki» lightning through my heart and Mtd. i, I md with curious awe the child, The unconscious sibyl, where she mt. Whose thoughtless tongue could babbit fotftk Strange parable# ol lifcfand fate. Yea, such is life! a Babel house, A common doom hath tumbled all. King, Queen and Knarr, and plain, and trap, A motley crew in motley^fall! We rear nnr bores, no Pharaoh's tomb, Xor bra** could build TO sura a name; But. soon or late, a sad collapse, And great the ruin of the wane. Ah, such is life! Oh, sad, and strange ? That Love and Wisdom so ordain! gome ere the Builder's hand hare yet 0~ve mrd against another lain; Some when the house is tiny still; Some when you're built a little more; . And some when patience hath achieved A second, third, or higher floor. Or should you win the topmost stage, Yet is the strength but tort and p®m-- And here the tiny roice rejoined, " But I can build it up again." Mt height of awe wae reached.; Can Ma behold what rcaoon scans in Ttoi ? • Ah, childhood is dirine, I thought--: \'e«k Litzie, build it up again! --Oernhilt Mapazin*. THE IRISH LEAK. BY CHARLES READK. There is a legend almost as old as Lear, of a father whom his children treated as Goneril and Be­ gan treated Lear; but he suffered and survived, and his heart turned bitter instead of breaking. Of this prose Lear the story is all orer Europe, and, like most old stories, told vilely. To that, however, there hnppenst© be one excep­ tion, and the readers of this collection shall hare the benefit of it. In a certain part of Ireland, a long time ago, lived a wealthy old fanner whose name was Brian Taafe. Win three sons, Guillaum, Sha­ mus, and Garrett worked on the farm. The old man had a great affection for them all, and, finding himself growing unfit for work, he resolved to hand his farm over to them, and sit quiet by the fireside. But, as that was not a thing to be done lightly, he thought he would just put them to the trial. He would take the measure of their affection. Pro­ ceeding in this order he gave them each £100, and quietly watched to see what they did with it. Well, Guillnum and Bhamus put their £100 out at interest, every penny; but when the old man questioned Garrett as to where his £100 was, the young man said : "I spent it, father." " Spent it ?" said the old man, aghast. " Is it the whole £100 V " Sure I thought you told us we might lay it out as we plaised." " Is that a rason ye'd waste the whole of it in a year, ye prodigal ?" cried the old man ; and he trembled at the idea of his substance falling into such hands. • Some months after this he applied the fceeond test He convened his sons, and Itidressed them solemnly : " I am an old fnan, my children ; my hair is white ou my head, and it's time I was giving over trade and making my sowl aisy." The two elder overflowed with sympathy. He then gave the dairy-farm and the lull to Shamus, and the meadows to Guil- laum. Thereupon the two vied with each other in expressions of love and grati- tade. But Garrett said never a word; and this, coupled with his behavior about the £100, so maddened the old man that he gave Garrett's portion, namely, the home and the home farm, to his elder brothers to hold in common. Garrett he disinherited on the spot, and in due form. That is to say, he did not over­ took him nor pass him by, but even as . spiteful testators used to leave the disin­ herited one a shilling, that he might not be able to say he had been inadvertently - omitted, and it was a mistake, old Brian Ttefe solemnly presented young Garrett ' Taafe with a hazel staff and a wmttll bag. Poor Garrett knew very rv/ell what that meant. He shouldered the bag, and went forth into the wide world with a sad heart, but a silent tongue. His dog, Lurcher, was for following himt but he •drove him back with a stone. On the strength of the new arrange­ ment, Guillaum and Sham us married di- doin's; 'tis undher our eyes; for 'twas the likes o' ye two burned Throy, and made the King o' Leinsther rebel against Brian Boru." These shafts of eloquence struck home; the women set up a screaming, and pulled their caps off their heads, which in that part was equivalent to gentle-folks draw­ ing their swords. " Oh, murther! mnrther, was it tor this I married you, Gullaum Taafe ?" " Och, Shamus, will ye sit an' hear me Compared to the likes ? Would I rebel against Brian Boru, Shamus, a'ra gal ?" " D*n't heed him, avot:r*»m," said Shamus ; " he is an ould man." But she would not be pacified. " Oh vo ! vo ! if ever I thought the like 'ud be (mid of me, that I'd rebel against Brian Boru!" As for the other, she prepared to leave the house. " Guillaum," said she, " I'd neverstay a day undher your roof with them as would say I'd burn Throy. Does he for­ get he ever had a mother himself ? Ah ! 'tis a bad apple, that's what it is, that despises the tree it sprung from." All this heated Shamus, so that he told the woman sternly to sit down, for the offender should go; and upon that, to show they were of one mind, Guillaum deliberately opened the door. Lurcher ran out, and the wind and i the rain rushed in. It was a stormy night Then the old man took fright, and humbled himself : "Ah! Shamus, Guillaum, achree, let Fi have it as ye will; I'm sorry for what said, a'ra gal. Don't turn me out on the high-road in mv old days, Guillaum, and I'll engage I'll never open my mouth against one o' ye the longest day I live. Ah ! Shamus, it isn't long I have to stay wid ye, any way. Yer own hair will be as white as mine yet, plaise God! and ye'll be thanking him ye showed respect to mine, this night." But they were all young and of one mind, and they turned him out and barred the door. He crept away, shiv­ ering in the wind and rain, till he got om the lee side of a stone wall, and there he stopped and asked himself whether he could live through the night. Presently something cold and smooth poked against his hand ; it was a large dog that had followed unobserved till he stopped. By a white mark on his breast he saw it was Lurcher, Gar­ rett's dog. " Ah !"'&aid the poor wanderer, " you are not so wise a dog as I thought, to follow me." "When he spoke to the dog, the dog fondled him. Then he burst out sobbing and crying ; " Ah, Lurcher ! Garrett was not wise either; but he would niver have turned me to the door, this bitter night, nor even thee." And so he moaned and lamented. But Lurcher pulled his coat, and by his movement conveyed to him that he should not stay there all night; so them he crept on and knocked at more than one door, but did not obtain admittance, it was so tempestuous. At last he lay down exhausted on some straw in the corner of an outhouse ; but Lurcher lay close to him, and it is probable the warmth of the dog saved his life that night. Next day the wind and rain abated; but this aged man had other ills to fight against besides winter and rough weath­ er. The sense of his son's ingratitude and his own folly drove him almost mad. Sometimes he would curse and thirst for vengeance, sometimes he would shed tears that seemed to scald his withered cheeks. He got into another county and begged from door to door. As for Lurch­ er, he did not beg; he used to disappear, often for an hour at a time, but always returned, and often with a rabbit or even a hare in his mouth. Sometimes the friends exchanged them for a gallon of meal, sometimes they roasted them in the woods; Lurcher was a civilized dog, and did not like them raw. Wandering hither and thither, Brian Taafe came at last within a few miles of his own house; but he soon had cause to wish himself farther off it; for here he met his first downright rebuff, and, cruel to say, he owed it to his hard-hearted sons. One recognized him as the father of that rogue Guillaum Taafe, who had cheated him in the sale of a horse, and another as the father of that thief ".Hi.;- • .;3, who had sold him a "*seas cd cow that had died the week after. So, for the first time since he was driven out of his home, he passed the night supper- less, for houses did not lie close together in that part. Cold, hungry, houseless, and distracted with grief at what he had lucux, wiumujii uuu oumuuB mamea ai- i been and now was, nature gave way at rectly, and brought their wives home, for last ^ tumble to outlast the welry, it was a large house, and room for alL j bitter night> he lost llig jugt But the old farmer was not contented to be quite a cipher, and he kept finding fault with this and that. The young men became more and more impatient of his interference, and their wives fanned the flame with female pertinacity. So that the house was divided, and a very home of discord. This went on getting worse and worse, till at last, one winter after­ noon, Shamus defied his father openly before all the rest, and said: "/I'd lilc« to know what would plaise ye. Maybe ye'd like to turn us all out as ye did Garrett." The old farmer replied, with sudden dignity, "HI did, I'd take no more than I gave." " What good was you giving it?" said Guillaum; " we get no comfort of it while you are in the house." " Do you talk that way to me?" said ttie father, deeply grieved. "If it was poor Garrett I had, he wouldn't use me •o." " Much thanks the poor boy ever got from you," said one of the women, with venomous tongue ; then the other wom­ an, finding she could count en male sup­ port, suggested to her father-in-law to take his stick and pack and follow his be­ loved Garrett. " Sure he'd find him beg­ ging about the countliry." At the women's tongues the wounded parent turned to bay. J " I don't wonder at anything I hear ye say. Ye never yet heard of anything good that a woman could have a hand in --only mischief always. If ye ask who made such a road or built a bridge, or wrote a great history, or did a great a<j- tion, you'll never hear it's a woman done it; but if there is a jewel with swords and guns, or two boys cracking each other's crowns with shillalahs, or a didly secret let out, or a character ruined, or a man brought to the gallows, or mischief made between a father and his own flesli and blood, then I'll engage you'll hear a woman had some call to it. We needn't hme recoorse to histhory to know your fore dawn, and lay motionless on the hard road. The chances were he must die; but just at death's door his luck turned. Lurcher put his feet over him and his chin upon his breast to guard him, as he had often guarded Garrett's coat, and that kept a little warmth in his heart; and at the very dawn of day the door of a farm­ house opened, and the master came out upon his business and saw something un­ usual lying in the road a good way off. So he went toward it and found Brian Taafe in that condition. This farmer was very well-to-do, but he had known trouble, and it had made him charitable. He soon halloed to his men and had the old man taken in; he called his wife, too, and bade her observe that it was a rev­ erend face, though he was all in tatters. They laid him between hot blankets, and, when he came to a bit, gave him warm drink, and at last a good meal. He re- I covered his spirits, and thanked them with a certain dignity. When he was quite comfortable, and not before, they asked his name. "Ah! don't ask me that," said he, piteously. "It's a bad name I have, and it used to be a good one, too. Don't ask me, or maybe you'll put me out, as the others did, for the fault of my two sons. It is hard to be turned from my own door, let alone from other honest men's doors, through the vilyins," said he. So the farmer was kindly, and said, "Never mind your name, fill your bel­ ly." But by and by the mam went out into the yard, and then the wife couldn't re­ strain her curiosity. " Why, good man," said she, " sure you are too decent a man to be ashamed of your name." " I'm too decent not to be ashamed of it," said Brian, "but you are right; an honest man should tell his name though they druv him out of heaven for it. I am Brian Taafe--that was." " Not Brian Taafe, the strong farmer atOorrans?" "Ay, madam; I'm all that's left of him," " Have you a son called Garrett ?" " I had, then." The woman spoke no more to him, but ran screaming to the door: " Here, Tom! Tom! come here!" cried she; "Tom! Tom!" As Lurcher, a very sympathetic dog, flew to the door and yelled and barked fiercely in support of this invocation, the hullabaloo soon brought the farmer running in." "Oh Tom, astliore," cried she, "it's Mr. Taafe, the father of Garrett Taafe himself." " Oh Lord!" cried the farmer, in equal agitation, and stared at him. "My blessing on the day you ever set foot within these doors !" Then he ran to the door and halloed: "Hy, Murphy! Ellen! come here, ye divils !" Lurcher supported the call with great energy. In ran a fine little boy and girl. "Look at this man with all the eyes in your body !" said he. " This is Misther Taafe, father of Garrett Taafe, that, saved us all from ruin and destruc­ tion entirely." He then turned to Mr. Taafe and told him, a little more calmly, " that years ago, every haporth they had was going to be carted for the rent; but Garrett Taafe came by, put his hand in his pocket, took out thirty pounds, and cleared them in a moment. It was a way he had ; we were not the only ones he saved that way, so long as he had it to give." The old man did not hear these last words; his eyes were opened, the iron entered his smil, and he overflowed with grief and penitence. * "Och, murther! murther!" he cried. " My poor boy ! what had I to do at all to go and turn you adrift, as I had done, for no raison in life ?" Then with a pit­ eous, apologetic wail: "I tuck the wrong for the right; that's the way the world is blinded. Och, Garrett, Garrett, what will I do with the thought of it ? An' those two vilyins that I gave it all to and they turned me out i* my ould days, as I done you. No mather ?" and he lell into a sobbing and a trembling that near­ ly killed him for the second time. But the true friends of his son Garrett nursed him through that, and comforted him, so he recovered. But, as he did live, he outlived those tender feelings whose mortal wounds had so nearly killed him. When he recovered this last blow he brooded and brooded, but never shed another tear. One day, seeing him pretty well re­ stored, as he thought, the good former came to him with a fat bag of gold. "Sir," said he, "soon after your son helped us, luck set in our way. Mary, she had a legacy; we had a wonderful crop of flax, ana with that plant 'tis kill or cure ; and then I found lead in the hill, and they pay me a dale o' money for leave to mine there. I'm almost ashamed to take it I tell you all this to show yon I can afford to pay you back that £30, and if you please 111 count it out." "No!" said Mr. Taafe, "ITl not take Garrett's money ; but if you will do me a favor, lend me the whole bag for a week, for at the sight of it I see a way to--> whisper." Then, with bated breath and in strict confidence, he hinted to the farmer a scheme of vengeance. The farmer was not even to tell it to his wife. " For," said old Brian, " the very birds will car­ ry these things about; and sure it is blowing devils I have to deal with, es­ pecially the women." Next day the farmer lent him a good suit and drove him to a quiet corner scarce a hundred yards from his old abode. The old farmer got down and left him. Lurcher walked at his master's heels. It was noon and the sun shining bright. The wife of Shamus Taafe came out to hang up her man's shirt to dry, when, lo! scarce thirty yards from her, she saw an old man seated counting out gold on a broad stone at his feet. At first she thought it must be one of the good people--or fairies--or else she must be dreaming ; but, no ! cocking her head on one side, she saw for certain the pro­ file of Brian Taafe, and he was counting a mass of gold. She ran in and screamed her news rather than spoke it. " Nonsense, woman !" said Shamus, roughly; " it's not in nature." " Then go and see for yourself, man !" said she. Shamus was not the only one to take this advice. They all stole out on tip­ toe, and made a sort erf semi-circle of curiosity. It was no dream ; there were piles and piles of gold glowing in the sun, and old Brian with a horse-pistol across his knees; and even Lurcher seemed to have his eyes steadily fixed on the glittering booty. When they had thoroughly drunk in this most unex­ pected scene, they began to talk in agi­ tated whispers; but even in talking they never looked at each other; their eyes were glued on the gold. Said Guillaum: ".Ye did very wrong, Shamus, to turn out the old father as you done ; see now what we all lost by it. That's a part of the money he laid by, and we'll never see a pennv of it." The wives whispered that it was a foolish thing to say. " Leave it to us," said they, " and we'll have it all, one day." Eretty large, and above all very full and eavy. He was once more king of his own house, and flattered and petted as he never had been since he gave away his estate. To be sure he fed this by mys­ terious hints that he had other lands be­ sides those in that part of the country, and that, indeed, the full extent of his Eossessions would never be known until is will was read ; which will was safely l6cked away in his strong-box--with other things. And so he passed a pleasant time, em­ bittered only by regrets, and very poig­ nant they were, that he could hear noth­ ing of his son Garrett Lurcher also was taken great care of. and became old and lazy. B at shocks that do not kill undermine. Before he reached three-score and ten, Brian Taafe's night-work and troubles told upon him, and he neared his end. He was quite conscious of it, and an­ nounced his own departure, but not in a regretful way. He had become quite a philosopher; and indeed there was a sort of chuckle about the old fellow in speak­ ing of his own death, which his daughter- in-law secretly denounced as unchristian, and, what was worse, unchancy. Whenever he did mention the expect­ ed event, he was sure to say, "And mind, boys, my will is in that chest" " Don't speak of it, father," was the ^Wben he was dying, he called for his sons, and said, im a feeble voice: "I was a strong farmer, and come of honest folk. Ye'll give me a good wakin', boys, an' a gran' funeral." ' They promised this very heartily. " And after the funeral ye'll all come here together, and open the will, the children an' all. All but Garrett I've left him nothing, poor boy, for siire he's not in this world. I'll maybe see him where I'm goin'. " So there was a grand wake, and the virtues of the deceased and his profes­ sional importance were duly howled by an old lady who excelled in this lugu­ brious art. Then the funeral was hur­ ried on, because they were in a hurry to 3>en the chest. The funeral was joined in the church­ yard by a stranger, who muffled his face, and shed the only tears that fell upon that grave. After the funeral he stayed behind all the rest and mourned, but he joined the family at the feast which fol­ lowed ; and, behold, it was Garrett, come a day too late. He was welcomed with exuberant affection, not being down in the will; but they did not ask him to sleep there. They wanted to be alone, and read the will. He begged for some reminiscenoe of his father, and they gave him Lurcher. So he put Lurcher into his gig, and drove away to that good farmer, sure of his welcome, and proving God he might find him alive. Perhaps his brothers would not have let him go so easily had they known he had made a large fortune in America, and was going to buy quite a slioe of the county. On the way he kept talking to Lurcher, and reminding him of certain sports they had enjoyed together, and feats of poach­ ing they had performed. Paor old Lurcher had been pricking his ears all the time, and cudgeling his memorv ae to the tones of the voice that was address­ ing him. Garrett reached the farm, and was received first with stares, then with cries of joy, and was dragged into the house, so to speak. After the first ardor of welcome, he told them he had arrived only just in time to bury his father. "And this old dog," said he, "is all that's left me of him. He was mine first, and, when I left, he took to father. He was always a wise dog." " We know him," said the wife, " he has been here before." And she was going to blurt it all out, but her man said, " Another time," and gave her a look as black as thunder, which wasn't his way at qjl, but he explained to her afterward. "They are friends, those three, over the old man's grave. We should think twice before we stir ill blood betune 'em." So, when he stopped her, she turned it off cleverly enough, and said the dear old dog must have his supper. Supper they gave him, and a new sheep-skin to lie on by the great fire, j So there he lay and seemed to doze. The best bed in the house was laid for Garrett, and when he got np to go to it didn't t! ?.i T,is8 old dog get up, too, with an effort, and move stiffly toward Garrett, and lick his hand ; and then he lav down again all of a piece, as who should say : " I'm very tired of it all." " He knows me now at last," said Garrett, joyfully. " That is his way of saying good-night, I suppose. He was always a wonderful wise dog." In the morning they found Lurcher dead and stiff on the sheep-skin. It was a long good-night he had bid so quietly to the friend of his youth. Garrett shed tears over him and said : " If I had only known what he meant, I'd have sat up with him. But I never could see far. He was a deal wiser for a dog than I shall ever be for a man." Meantime the family party assembled in the bedroom of the deceased. Every trace of . feigned regret had left their faces, and all their eves sparkled with joy and curiosity. Tney went to open the chest. It was locked. They hunted for the key ; first quietly, then fussily, told by Gerald Griffin, who was a man of genius. Of course I claim little merit, but that of setting the jewels. Were I to tell you that is an art, I suppose yon would not believe it.--Harper's Weekly SEARCHI> U FOB THE POLE. Admiral Porter Indorsee the Flan of Capfc. Howgate for Arctic Explorations. Admiral Porter has just written a letter to Capt. Howgate regarding the latter's proposed expedition. In it he says: "In my opinion there is an open- sea for 200 miles toward the pole; that there are mountains, from which are precipitated the icebergs which lately blocked up Robeson's channel, and tnat, had Mark- ham 8 furthest point been cioeeueu by sixty miles, the pack would have been passed and open water peached again. Every few years we must expect just such a pack as Capt. Nares encountered, which will probably last for a year or two, and will then break up. If, at the moment of breaking up, men and boats are in readiness to take advantage of the op­ portunity, a great advance could be made toward the pole. There are no greater hardships to be encountered as high as 83 degrees than have heretofore been surmounted by the intrepid explorers of the Arctic regions, and when one reflects that a party from the Polaris drifted 1,800 miles on a cake of ice, and that an infant and its mother were all that time exposed to the inclemencies of the Arctic regions, we ought to have no doubt about a company of strong, active men, well provided with everything necessary to make life endurable in that desolate re­ gion." The letter continues in substance that the greatest difficulty will be found in keeping up the spirits of the men. To do this the Admiral suggests that each member of the crew selected shall have a knowledge of some useful mechanical trade, and that he be kept oocupied at this when in winter quarters. " In the event of such* an expedition as you pro­ pose," the letter continues, " I see a fine opportunity for utilizing the electric tel­ egraph. Wires oould be laid along the ground or ioe without much danger of their being carried off by the bears or foxes." In conclusion, the Admiral states that he can see no objection to the proposed expedition, and hopes it may suoceed. Glen, drant and Charles O'Craor. The Washington correspondent of a Western journal says : " The President to-day, in conversation, alluded more in detail to the interview between him and Charles O'Conor on Sunday last O'Oonor called on the President with Secretary Fish. The President had been previously notified of the fact that O'Connor desired an interview for the purpose of paying his respects, and to offer an apology for the expressions made in a letter written to a friend many years ago, which, in the heat of the cam­ paign, was exhumed and for the first time published. The language used was that " Grant was a drunken Democrat, picked out of the gutters of Galena by the Republican party for the purpose of ruling the nation." O'Conor told the President that he could remember p.o suoh letter, and would not deny that he had written it if he did. He begged to say that the charge was without founda­ tion ; that he never, of his own knowl­ edge, or from hearsay, had any informa­ tion upon which such an accusation could be based. The President said that he had never seen the letter, and only knew of its existence from newspaper com­ ments, adding that he had too much ex perience in having been personally abused himself as a public afficer to seek to aggravate this unpleasant phase of public life by searching for matters of this sort published against him. The President says to-day that he deemed the explanation ample, and was entirely sat­ isfied." A Woman's Freak. A handsome boy boarded for a year in a Nashville hotel and conducted a sew­ ing-machine agency. He was active and successful in business, and a pet of the women, with whom he was fond of asso­ ciating. His youthfulness insured him more freedom with them than would have been accorded an older beau; but one day he hugged and kissed a chamber­ maid, and was complained of to the land­ lord. At this point in the story the pro­ noun "he" must be changed to "she," for the offender confessed to being a woman in boy's clothes. She said that, being compelled to earn her own living, she learned by experience that her sex was a detriment. So she took to trou­ sers, and in that guise she not only did better in business, but was able to bam­ boozle the women. \ . , The women found ft at last, sewed up in This being agreed to, the women stole j the bed; they cut it out and opened the toward the old man, one on each side. | chest. Lurcher rose and snarled, and old Brian hurried his gold into his ample pockets, and stood on the defensive. " Oh, father! and is it you come back? Oh, the Lord be praised! Oh, the weary day since you left us, and all our good luck wid ye ! " Brian received this and similar speech The first thing they found was a lot of stones. They glared at them, and the color left their faces. What deviltry was this? Presently they found writing on one stone : "Look below." Then there was a reaction, and a loud laugh. " The old i fox was afraid the money and parchments es with fury and reproaches. Then they ' fox wasairaiu uie money humbled themselves and wept cursed I would away% *? tl.iem d?wn* their ill-govorned ^ "Su the men's folly in listening to them ! c}eared out ,a , i They flattered him and cajoled him, and . S•a ^^dSt H^ir 1m.k.^1. J * ' i . They lifted this carefully out, and dis- The Supreme Bench. Thus far twenty-nine men have reached the exalted position of the Supreme bench. Of this number nine are now in office, ten have resigned, and ten died in office. Judge Jay, the first Chief Jus­ tice, resigned to accept a foreign mission; Judges Ellsworth, Blair, Moore, Grier and Nelson resigned bccause they be­ came too infirm to discharge the duties; Judge Story resigned to become Profes­ sor in the Harvard Law School; Judge Curtis went back to his law practice, and Messrs. Wayne and Campbell "went with their States" in 1861. Judge Davis is the first of this illustrious list to go from the bench to the forum. ordered their husbands to come forward and ask the old man's pardon, and not let him ever leave them again. The supple Sons were all penitence and af­ fection directly. Brian at last consent­ ed to stay, but stipulated for a certain chamber with a key to it. " For," said he. "I have got my strong-box to take care of, as well as myself." They pricked up their 8ars directly at mention of the strong-box, and asked where it was. " Oh ! it is not far, but I can't carry it Give me two boys to fetch it." " Oh! Guillaum and Shamus would carry it or anything to oblige a loug-loBt father." s So they went with him to the farmer's cart, and brought in the box, which was They-- -•*.*- covered a good new rope with a running noose, and--the will. • It was headed in large letters finely en­ grossed : . << The last will and testament of Brian Taafe." But the body of the instrument was in the scrawl of the te®tator : " I bequeath all the stones in this box to the hearts that could turn their father and benefactor out on the highway that stormy night. " I bequeath this rope for any father to hang himself with who is fool enough to give his property to bis children be­ fore he dies." This is a prosaic stoiy compared with the Lear of Shakspeare, but it is well in Egg-Shooting Hatch. An "egg-shooting match" came off at the Waterside last Friday between John Kelso and F. K. Grain. The distance was twenty-one yards, and the eggs were sprung from a trap in the same manner as " gyro " pigeons. Kelso Bhot two out of twelve, and Grain ten--the latter, of course, winning the match by "a large majority." This sport is a great im­ provement on the slaughter of live pigeons, and it tries the marksmanship equally well. It is easy to tell when the egg is hit, especially wnen it happens to be a bad one.--Stamford (Conn.) Advo­ cate.. THE points in a Saratoga county love story are that Frank was discarded by Lisa in obedience to the dying injunction of her mother ; that they parted at the gate of the cemetery; that she gradually pined until at the point of death ; that she sent for Frank, but he was on his death-bed with fever; and their bodies were simultaneously carried through the cemetery gate where they had parted. ( O ftOSEBUD GARLAND OF BT KR8. JULIA H. C. DOBS. I? O rosebud garland of girls! whole glad year were May; If winds nang low in the clustering le&ftes, And roses bloomed away; >«•-** Iffrouth were aU that there is of Hfe : If uie years brought nothing of oare add strife. Not even a clond to thf> other blue It were easyj^o eing a song for you. Yet, O my garland of girl* I la there nothing better than May-- The golden glow of harrest-time, Thft rent of the autumn day ? Thi» thought I give you all to keent Who Howeth good seed dhall Hnrely-4feg|r The year grows rich aa it groweth old.* And life's latest eanda are ite sands of gold, PITH AND Poiwrl Thh pensive mule is not usually re­ garded as susceptible to pathetic emo­ tions. And he occasionally drops a mule­ teer. DR. A YER invented a pill and, some sirups, advertised it, and is worth $8,000,000. Ayer you advertising any­ thing ? IN order to become a successful ex­ hibitor at a poultry show, there is no denying that a man requires considerable Cochin. SHOE-DBAIIEB: "I find we have no No. 12 shoes; but here is a pair of large 9s." Customer: " Nines! Do you take me for Cinderiller ?" THIS blue-glass business is nothing new after all. We suppose the glasa- blowers blew glass long before Gen. Pleasonton was bom. "SAT, mister," said a newsboy ito a man with a high shirt collar, yesterday, "how do you manage to spit over tbnf. collar ? Do you use a ladder ?" " WHICHEVER way I turn," said an un­ fortunate hand-organ man, "I find nothing but grinding poverty." Yet he always carries a barrel of notes. And be always feels cranky. If you are sick and broken down, paste a little blue tissue paper over your room windows, and in a little while yon will have changed for the better so much that you will hardly know tissue. A WESTERN paper, in describing an accident recently, says, with much can­ dor: "Dr. Jones was called, and under his prompt and skillful treatment the young man died on Wednesday night." " I HAKE it a point, madam, to study my own mind," said a gentleman to a lady who had exhibited some surprise at an opinion he had expressed. "I didn't suppose you understood the use of a microscope." A IIITTIIB boy was asked the other day if he knew where the wicked finally went to. He answered, " They practice law a spell here and then go to the Leg­ islature 1" It was a painful operation for the boy to sit down for a few days. A LADY reoently asked her servant how the mustard-pot had beoome cracked. The reply, made with all gravity, was that she did not know, but supposed that it must have been that the mustard was so strong that it caused the fracture. "PAPA," said a little boy to his pa­ rent, "are sailors very small men?" " No, my dear; what leads you to sup­ pose that they are so small ?" answered the father. "Because I read, the other day, of a sailor going to sleep on his watch," replied the young idea, smartly. " I HAD nine children to support, and it kept me busy," said Smith to Jones as they met, " but one of the girls got mar­ ried. Now I have " "Eight?" in­ terrupted Jones. "No, ten--counting the son-in-law 1" said Smith, with a sigh which might have been heard afar off. Talmage talked severely to the physi­ cians last Sunday. His text in itself was a crusher, as follows : " And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet until4 his disease was exceeding great; vet in his disease he sought not to the Lord, but to the phv- sicians. And Asa slept with his fath­ ers." " SAY Pat! suppose Satan was to come along now, and see both of us here, which do you suppose he would take--- you or me?" "Oh, faith, yer honor! he'd take me." "How so?" "Well, , sir," said Paddy, "he'd take me now, because he -u ouldn't be sure of me when he came again; but he'd be sure of you at any time, and could afford to wait." A GENTLEMAN surnamed the American Flagg, who is stopping at the Palace Hotel, San Francisco, was the other day the victim of a fearful outrage. It seems this gentleman, who is tall, commonly wears the highest collars ever seen in Frisco. He received & note from a firm of bill-stickers, asking if he did not wish to let. out the backs of those articles for advertising. River and Harbor Appropriations. In the River and Harbor bill the fol­ lowing items appear for the improve­ ment of rivers : Mouth of the Missis­ sippi, $100,000; Mississippi, Missouri and Arkansas, $65,000 ; Mississippi, op­ posite St. Louis, $70,000; De« Moines rapids, Mississippi river, $95,000 ; Upper Mississippi, $30,000 ; Rock Island rapids, Mississippi river, $10,000; Missouri river, about the mouth of the Yellowstone, $10,000; Tennessee river, $200,000; Ohio river, $30,000; St. Mary's river and St. Mary's Falls canal, $100,000; Sag­ inaw river, $30,000 ; Falls of St. An­ thony, $5,000; Great Kanawha river, W. Va., $100,000; Little Kanawha river, W. Va., $5,000. For harbor improvements : Galveston, Tex., $100,000; Savannah, Ga., $95,- 000; Baltimore, $60,000; Oswego, N. Y., $50,000; Boston, $25,0Q0; Erie, Pa., $25,000; break-water, Cleveland, Ohio, $40,000 ; harbor at Toledo, Ohio, $30,000; Chicago, HL, $5,000; Michi­ gan City, I$d.," $35,000; Harbor of Refuge, Lake Huron, Mich., $75,000; Grand Haven, Mich., $20,000 ; Cheboy­ gan, Mich., $15,000; Milwaukee harbor, $20, (WO; miscellaneous dredging, Su­ perior bay, $37,000; ship-channel in Galveston bay, $28,000; examination, surveys and contingencies of rivers and harbors, $15,000 ; examination and sur­ veys at the South Pass of the Mississippi river, $15,000. THE shadow-face of a man haunts a gas-burner in one of the gambling houses of Topeka, Kan., and may be always seen on the globe surrounding the light. The gambling fraternity are somewhat troubled about the strange apparition, which they think is not according to Hoyle.